I think it's important to be able to reach out and ask for advice/help on a topic that the OP may know nothing about...there's been anonymity and I don't think there's anything wrong with what's been discussed. I find it interesting how many people are already suggesting that the teen goes to PFLAG meetings and stuff before he's even said he's gay! maybe he's curious, bi, just bored or trying to figure himself out--he IS 15 after all. example: I have a cousin who, at 16, came out and said she was a lesbian. Now, 16 years later, she's married to a man and has a kid, and is happy as can be....she was trying to find herself then and as she grew up, she did. Major life decisions can be difficult as teenagers...let's give this teen a chance to figure it out.
talking about safety and responsibility of going on such sites or even acting out any of the things learned online should be the priority.
+1. Personally, as a teen I would be much less disturbed about the fact that the OP is reaching out to an anonymous forum than if the issue were being discussed without the teen's knowledge to say a family friend or someone that he KNOWS and SEES on a regular basis. I don't see anything wrong with reaching out for some advice or a different perspective when all parties involved are anonymous; it may hopefully prove helpful.
I think it's important to be able to reach out and ask for advice/help on a topic that the OP may know nothing about...there's been anonymity and I don't think there's anything wrong with what's been discussed. I find it interesting how many people are already suggesting that the teen goes to PFLAG meetings and stuff before he's even said he's gay! maybe he's curious, bi, just bored or trying to figure himself out--he IS 15 after all. example: I have a cousin who, at 16, came out and said she was a lesbian. Now, 16 years later, she's married to a man and has a kid, and is happy as can be....she was trying to find herself then and as she grew up, she did. Major life decisions can be difficult as teenagers...let's give this teen a chance to figure it out.
talking about safety and responsibility of going on such sites or even acting out any of the things learned online should be the priority.
+1. Personally, as a teen I would be much less disturbed about the fact that the OP is reaching out to an anonymous forum than if the issue were being discussed without the teen's knowledge to say a family friend or someone that he KNOWS and SEES on a regular basis. I don't see anything wrong with reaching out for some advice or a different perspective when all parties involved are anonymous; it may hopefully prove helpful.
I think it's important to be able to reach out and ask for advice/help on a topic that the OP may know nothing about...there's been anonymity and I don't think there's anything wrong with what's been discussed. I find it interesting how many people are already suggesting that the teen goes to PFLAG meetings and stuff before he's even said he's gay! maybe he's curious, bi, just bored or trying to figure himself out--he IS 15 after all. example: I have a cousin who, at 16, came out and said she was a lesbian. Now, 16 years later, she's married to a man and has a kid, and is happy as can be....she was trying to find herself then and as she grew up, she did. Major life decisions can be difficult as teenagers...let's give this teen a chance to figure it out.
talking about safety and responsibility of going on such sites or even acting out any of the things learned online should be the priority.
+1. Personally, as a teen I would be much less disturbed about the fact that the OP is reaching out to an anonymous forum than if the issue were being discussed without the teen's knowledge to say a family friend or someone that he KNOWS and SEES on a regular basis. I don't see anything wrong with reaching out for some advice or a different perspective when all parties involved are anonymous; it may hopefully prove helpful.
the internet is not annyomous we all know that
ways to find each and everyone of us.
The child should not be discussed by anyone private or otherwise,
the child should be protected and included in family problems.
Again it is the principle... teens need to be able to trust above all else.
This I have seen in the many I cared for ... its all about trust.
Parents also have a right and an obligation to seek advice at times in order to deal with a situation in the best way possible for the child.
Of course all for getting advice... privately and hopfully more professional
like a good book or an organization that may provide good parenting tips for the
family problem at hand.
In dealing with the many troubles the teens experienced while under my care,
including this the OP is speaking of, I sought out much information to help them get through.
I educated myself so I could educate them.
yes it is and as I said principle... parents are here to protect and guide not make public
their child's troubles.
It is a matter of trust.
somewhere in Fla an unnamed teenager has done something upsetting to his mother and stepfather. Stepdad , having zero experience in such a situation, asks here what would be the best approach in handling this. No harm, NO foul.
How many here PERSONALLY KNOW g/p? Not many, I'm sure. Even less have met the stepson, I'd bet. What exactly is the issue with bringing this up?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
yes it is and as I said principle... parents are here to protect and guide not make public
their child's troubles.
It is a matter of trust.
somewhere in Fla an unnamed teenager has done something upsetting to his mother and stepfather. Stepdad , having zero experience in such a situation, asks here what would be the best approach in handling this. No harm, NO foul.
How many here PERSONALLY KNOW g/p? Not many, I'm sure. Even less have met the stepson, I'd bet. What exactly is the issue with bringing this up?
I think this is a pretty swell place to hear diverse opinions as well...stuff you wont get from a book, google, or some person who doesnt know the situation personally. We have many walks of life in here that have lived this stuff...I dont see the harm asking.
G under P, I hope all goes well buddy..
The advice given here is for g/p on how HE can deal with the situation. Advice for HIM, not the stepson. What he does with this advice will enable him to better understand and deal with his stepson.
Whilst I bet most of us don't have real 'secrets' with our older children, it is not healthy to share EVERYTHING. It's not about 'full disclosure' of everything at all times. One needs to keep a bit of 'me' - goes both ways. I know.. you have raised teens, even some that weren't yours and you know how it goes - but so have many others on this board. Just as successfully as you claim you have raised yours.
g/p seeks to be able to help his stepson. He 'finds', needs to sift through things and make sense of everything, then he can go to his stepson. Trust will lie in the fact that he will be able to speak to his stepson (knowledgeably) and his stepson will feel his words are true and sincere and he can trust his intentions and advice.
Actually, this thread has gone down the same route as the 'morality' thread. No longer on topic - ie giving the OP a bit of advice/thoughts/suggestions but becoming a deliberation of whether he was right or wrong to even ask (and probably making it worse for him).
Probably time it just slips to page 2, then 3, etc. and those with serious advice for g/p should just PM him.
Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.
Perhaps g under p should allow his stepson to read the advice given here on the internet
then sit down and discuss what the PJ fans thought should be done
no secrets with your child or they will return the favor
trust trust trust
I don't know if you're being sarcastic or not about allowing the stepson to read advice given here...GunderP is trying to do what is best and obviously wasnt prepared for this...
There are a lot of things that could benefit from asking hands on advice, things GunderP would NEVER know/think of otherwise. There are certain things that one, as a parent can never expect, and I don't see it as 'keeping secrets'. There are a lot of things kids will never know about how their parents handle things.
We'll probably (and obviously) never agree on this, but it is done, and he asked the question.. Its kinda useless to argue whether or not its appropriate and make GunderP more worried about a situation that he is already concerned about and doesnt completely understand. Besides, this started mostly as his concern about the internet sites he was visiting...If you're not sure who to ask, what do you do? google it? Then tell your son that google says you shouldnt visit those sights because its bad??.. I agree Redrock, its not healthy to share EVERYTHING... excellent post Redrock..g/P can see what we said here and sift through and manybe he's just looking for ideas that will send him down the right path. Maybe he already knew what to do and just needed someone in his corner?
Actually, this thread has gone down the same route as the 'morality' thread. No longer on topic - ie giving the OP a bit of advice/thoughts/suggestions but becoming a deliberation of whether he was right or wrong to even ask (and probably making it worse for him).
Probably time it just slips to page 2, then 3, etc. and those with serious advice for g/p should just PM him.
Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.
I am sharing... my advice and it is not go behind your childs back,
not to make personal family problems about your child public,
unless you are willing to tell them and share it with them.
It is about him he has a right to know! It is about respect for another human being.
And this might be the very best advice yet if you are capable of standing in this child shoes...
not the adults! It is not about the adult ever it is about the child.
the morality thread you can blame the Op for not staying on topic
not sure how many I tried to get back there ... but he just wants to talk God I guess,
no wait challenge my beliefs about God.
The advice given here is for g/p on how HE can deal with the situation. Advice for HIM, not the stepson. What he does with this advice will enable him to better understand and deal with his stepson.
Whilst I bet most of us don't have real 'secrets' with our older children, it is not healthy to share EVERYTHING. It's not about 'full disclosure' of everything at all times. One needs to keep a bit of 'me' - goes both ways. I know.. you have raised teens, even some that weren't yours and you know how it goes - but so have many others on this board. Just as successfully as you claim you have raised yours.
g/p seeks to be able to help his stepson. He 'finds', needs to sift through things and make sense of everything, then he can go to his stepson. Trust will lie in the fact that he will be able to speak to his stepson (knowledgeably) and his stepson will feel his words are true and sincere and he can trust his intentions and advice.
He can find knowledge in a better place.
You must share and not keep secrets when it pertains to them personally.
Again not about him most especially at the expense of a child's privacy and the trust between parent and child.
Perhaps g under p should allow his stepson to read the advice given here on the internet
then sit down and discuss what the PJ fans thought should be done
no secrets with your child or they will return the favor
trust trust trust
I don't know if you're being sarcastic or not about allowing the stepson to read advice given here...GunderP is trying to do what is best and obviously wasnt prepared for this...
There are a lot of things that could benefit from asking hands on advice, things GunderP would NEVER know/think of otherwise. There are certain things that one, as a parent can never expect, and I don't see it as 'keeping secrets'. There are a lot of things kids will never know about how their parents handle things.
We'll probably (and obviously) never agree on this, but it is done, and he asked the question.. Its kinda useless to argue whether or not its appropriate and make GunderP more worried about a situation that he is already concerned about and doesnt completely understand. Besides, this started mostly as his concern about the internet sites he was visiting...If you're not sure who to ask, what do you do? google it? Then tell your son that google says you shouldnt visit those sights because its bad??.. I agree Redrock, its not healthy to share EVERYTHING... excellent post Redrock..g/P can see what we said here and sift through and manybe he's just looking for ideas that will send him down the right path. Maybe he already knew what to do and just needed someone in his corner?
I think it telling that no one would want this child to know he was being discussed.
Why... because its wrong.
This my point from the start on page one.... that my advice.
And the parents corner... really... that is just wrong too, its not about the adult.
Stand in the child's shoes...
would you want to be discussed?
Or would you want calm private family conversation?
or maybe even just be given a book on the subject then discuss with the parents
after we are both knowledgeable.
The only corner a parent or caregiver needs is the compassionate corner,
compassion for the child first.
This is where success lies.
I've stood beside many a teen I would not think of this kind of betrayal.
I have given my advice, it is about trust, respect, empowerment, knowledge, compassion
and truth.
A parent will want their child to know these and use them as they grow.
Actually, this thread has gone down the same route as the 'morality' thread. No longer on topic - ie giving the OP a bit of advice/thoughts/suggestions but becoming a deliberation of whether he was right or wrong to even ask (and probably making it worse for him).
Probably time it just slips to page 2, then 3, etc. and those with serious advice for g/p should just PM him.
Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.
I am sharing... my advice and it is not go behind your childs back,
not to make personal family problems about your child public,
unless you are willing to tell them and share it with them.
It is about him he has a right to know! It is about respect for another human being.
And this might be the very best advice yet if you are capable of standing in this child shoes...
not the adults! It is not about the adult ever it is about the child.
the morality thread you can blame the Op for not staying on topic
not sure how many I tried to get back there ... but he just wants to talk God I guess,
no wait challenge my beliefs about God.
thanks for sharing. This should be enough. Just MY OPINION.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Actually, this thread has gone down the same route as the 'morality' thread. No longer on topic - ie giving the OP a bit of advice/thoughts/suggestions but becoming a deliberation of whether he was right or wrong to even ask (and probably making it worse for him).
Probably time it just slips to page 2, then 3, etc. and those with serious advice for g/p should just PM him.
Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.
I am sharing... my advice and it is not go behind your childs back,
not to make personal family problems about your child public,
unless you are willing to tell them and share it with them.
It is about him he has a right to know! It is about respect for another human being.
And this might be the very best advice yet if you are capable of standing in this child shoes...
not the adults! It is not about the adult ever it is about the child.
the morality thread you can blame the Op for not staying on topic
not sure how many I tried to get back there ... but he just wants to talk God I guess,
no wait challenge my beliefs about God.
thanks for sharing. This should be enough. Just MY OPINION.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.
Agreed. Haven't seen g under p in a while, I'm sure he'll love to come back and see his thread derailed. True to form lately on MT. And no, Pandora, it's not the responsibility of the OP to keep the thread on track.
I think, if anything, this will make him think twice before asking for advice here on MT again!
Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.
Agreed. Haven't seen g under p in a while, I'm sure he'll love to come back and see his thread derailed. True to form lately in the Train. And no, Pandora, it's not the responsibility of the OP to keep the thread on track.
Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.
Agreed. Haven't seen g under p in a while, I'm sure he'll love to come back and see his thread derailed. True to form lately in the Train. And no, Pandora, it's not the responsibility of the OP to keep the thread on track.
all i gotta say is referring to a kid as your stepson or stepdaughter may not be the best idea in town.
that is all, i have no other advice or opinion on the matter. best of luck to you.
all i gotta say is referring to a kid as your stepson or stepdaughter may not be the best idea in town.
that is all, i have no other advice or opinion on the matter. best of luck to you.
totally off topic, I'll grant you.
Chad, what do you call a child thats not biologically yours but IS your partners?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
all i gotta say is referring to a kid as your stepson or stepdaughter may not be the best idea in town.
that is all, i have no other advice or opinion on the matter. best of luck to you.
totally off topic, I'll grant you.
Chad, what do you call a child thats not biologically yours but IS your partners?
that's true, mickey,
however im just saying referring to a kid to his or her face as your step-kid when the other kids are around (or not) is not a good idea.
they're all kids and all loved equally. everybody is even steven. not one is singled out. you'd be surprised what that does to kids. just my opinion from what i have experienced throughout my years.
Comments
yes it is and as I said principle... parents are here to protect and guide not make public
their child's troubles.
It is a matter of trust.
ways to find each and everyone of us.
The child should not be discussed by anyone private or otherwise,
the child should be protected and included in family problems.
Again it is the principle... teens need to be able to trust above all else.
This I have seen in the many I cared for ... its all about trust.
Then we agree to disagree.
but most times I agree with you...
scary for ya huh!
like a good book or an organization that may provide good parenting tips for the
family problem at hand.
In dealing with the many troubles the teens experienced while under my care,
including this the OP is speaking of, I sought out much information to help them get through.
I educated myself so I could educate them.
How many here PERSONALLY KNOW g/p? Not many, I'm sure. Even less have met the stepson, I'd bet. What exactly is the issue with bringing this up?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I think this is a pretty swell place to hear diverse opinions as well...stuff you wont get from a book, google, or some person who doesnt know the situation personally. We have many walks of life in here that have lived this stuff...I dont see the harm asking.
G under P, I hope all goes well buddy..
then sit down and discuss what the PJ fans thought should be done
no secrets with your child or they will return the favor
trust trust trust
Whilst I bet most of us don't have real 'secrets' with our older children, it is not healthy to share EVERYTHING. It's not about 'full disclosure' of everything at all times. One needs to keep a bit of 'me' - goes both ways. I know.. you have raised teens, even some that weren't yours and you know how it goes - but so have many others on this board. Just as successfully as you claim you have raised yours.
g/p seeks to be able to help his stepson. He 'finds', needs to sift through things and make sense of everything, then he can go to his stepson. Trust will lie in the fact that he will be able to speak to his stepson (knowledgeably) and his stepson will feel his words are true and sincere and he can trust his intentions and advice.
Probably time it just slips to page 2, then 3, etc. and those with serious advice for g/p should just PM him.
Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.
I don't know if you're being sarcastic or not about allowing the stepson to read advice given here...GunderP is trying to do what is best and obviously wasnt prepared for this...
There are a lot of things that could benefit from asking hands on advice, things GunderP would NEVER know/think of otherwise. There are certain things that one, as a parent can never expect, and I don't see it as 'keeping secrets'. There are a lot of things kids will never know about how their parents handle things.
We'll probably (and obviously) never agree on this, but it is done, and he asked the question.. Its kinda useless to argue whether or not its appropriate and make GunderP more worried about a situation that he is already concerned about and doesnt completely understand. Besides, this started mostly as his concern about the internet sites he was visiting...If you're not sure who to ask, what do you do? google it? Then tell your son that google says you shouldnt visit those sights because its bad??.. I agree Redrock, its not healthy to share EVERYTHING... excellent post Redrock..g/P can see what we said here and sift through and manybe he's just looking for ideas that will send him down the right path. Maybe he already knew what to do and just needed someone in his corner?
my advice and it is not go behind your childs back,
not to make personal family problems about your child public,
unless you are willing to tell them and share it with them.
It is about him he has a right to know! It is about respect for another human being.
And this might be the very best advice yet if you are capable of standing in this child shoes...
not the adults! It is not about the adult ever it is about the child.
the morality thread you can blame the Op for not staying on topic
not sure how many I tried to get back there ... but he just wants to talk God I guess,
no wait challenge my beliefs about God.
You must share and not keep secrets when it pertains to them personally.
Again not about him most especially at the expense of a child's privacy and the trust between parent and child.
Why... because its wrong.
This my point from the start on page one.... that my advice.
And the parents corner... really... that is just wrong too, its not about the adult.
Stand in the child's shoes...
would you want to be discussed?
Or would you want calm private family conversation?
or maybe even just be given a book on the subject then discuss with the parents
after we are both knowledgeable.
The only corner a parent or caregiver needs is the compassionate corner,
compassion for the child first.
This is where success lies.
I've stood beside many a teen I would not think of this kind of betrayal.
I have given my advice, it is about trust, respect, empowerment, knowledge, compassion
and truth.
A parent will want their child to know these and use them as they grow.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I think that is a famous quote
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Agreed. Haven't seen g under p in a while, I'm sure he'll love to come back and see his thread derailed. True to form lately on MT. And no, Pandora, it's not the responsibility of the OP to keep the thread on track.
I think, if anything, this will make him think twice before asking for advice here on MT again!
But you said this:
Basically, you're blaming OPs for threads not staying on topic. Or at least, that's what I get from that statement.
and I'm sorry if I misunderstand and it is not.
I wasn't directing anything much towards you mickeyrat I think we spoke once... :?
you don't have to read the posts not directed at you.
If someone quotes me I will answer ... even on repeat.
I assume they want to discuss as many do here in MT.
He challenged something unrelated to my post time and again going off topic.
Which others mentioned as well in that thread.
He was off topic but that is his thread so he can but yes then he is to blame,
not the posters attempting to stay on topic.
Maybe you have read the thread through now...? I hope so.
that is all, i have no other advice or opinion on the matter. best of luck to you.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Chad, what do you call a child thats not biologically yours but IS your partners?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Hope all is going well g under p, sending you lots of positive thoughts.
however im just saying referring to a kid to his or her face as your step-kid when the other kids are around (or not) is not a good idea.
they're all kids and all loved equally. everybody is even steven. not one is singled out. you'd be surprised what that does to kids. just my opinion from what i have experienced throughout my years.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce