My Drama AT Home With My Teenager.....
Comments
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pandora wrote:It is very different discussing personal information about
your teen/young adult child without their consent,
than discussing a small child that requires general parenting advice.
Or even love advice between 2 adults,
.....
If adults can't see the difference then they are not grasping teen/ young adult years,
nor respecting boundaries and privacy, not understanding the embarrassment if a peer
took this info and ran with it.
Not different at all (except for the small child bit). Personal is personal, privacy is privacy - teen or adult. All may suffer the same embarrassment (or not) when they are 'exposed' by others. Would your man appreciate you sharing his most intimate, embarrassing and private matters with people on this board (say he wets his bed? Or maybe he has some really revolting/foul habits?). I'm guessing not seeing he may bump into some of them at gigs and such - he would be a laughing stock, wouldn't he? Adults can 'take the info and run with it' to further embarrass/bully just like teens. You may say that adults should be able to deal with it better but not always.
Was the OP right to talk about his worries regarding his teen and seek advice here? Personally, I wouldn't but some others are not so bothered to do so. If it's advice he seeks, maybe some people can help (there have been a couple of good suggestions already). Let's not dump on him and surreptitiously 'accuse' him of being a bad parent.
You're saying since I respect the privacy of both my teen and my husband equally, I cannot grasp my teen... hmmmm.... wrong!
This is the last I say about the 'privacy' issue as it is not the subject of the thread. If you wish to continue to give your opinion regarding this, maybe a new thread is in order? Then people can discuss as much as they want what they feel is OK to discuss in a forum or not.0 -
Teens are not adults ...redrock wrote:pandora wrote:It is very different discussing personal information about
your teen/young adult child without their consent,
than discussing a small child that requires general parenting advice.
Or even love advice between 2 adults,
.....
If adults can't see the difference then they are not grasping teen/ young adult years,
nor respecting boundaries and privacy, not understanding the embarrassment if a peer
took this info and ran with it.
Not different at all (except for the small child bit). Personal is personal, privacy is privacy - teen or adult. All may suffer the same embarrassment (or not) when they are 'exposed' by others. Would your man appreciate you sharing his most intimate, embarrassing and private matters with people on this board (say he wets his bed? Or maybe he has some really revolting/foul habits?). I'm guessing not seeing he may bump into some of them at gigs and such - he would be a laughing stock, wouldn't he? Adults can 'take the info and run with it' to further embarrass/bully just like teens. You may say that adults should be able to deal with it better but not always.
Was the OP right to talk about his worries regarding his teen and seek advice here? Personally, I wouldn't but some others are not so bothered to do so. If it's advice he seeks, maybe some people can help (there have been a couple of good suggestions already). Let's not dump on him and surreptitiously 'accuse' him of being a bad parent.
You're saying since I respect the privacy of both my teen and my husband equally, I cannot grasp my teen... hmmmm.... wrong!
This is the last I say about the 'privacy' issue as it is not the subject of the thread. If you wish to continue to give your opinion regarding this, maybe a new thread is in order? Then people can discuss as much as they want what they feel is OK to discuss in a forum or not.
and saying something about JB here on the board is entirely different than talking about my
young adult children, who of course have told me, though they didn't need to,
their past troubles, present troubles, future troubles are private.
I wonder what this child would say if he knew his sexuality is being discussed by strangers,
this really my point.
I didn't call the OP a bad parent... were you quoting me or assuming...
not my words, not even my thought.
Obviously he wanted advice ...
perhaps deflecting and making it general would have been more compassionate.
Believe me I know being lost raising teens,
helping to raise those that were not mine too because their parents would not,
caught in unimaginable places, between life and death.
It is the hardest time of my life but we all made it through
with a little tenderness and understanding.
This the silver lining to those turbulent times.0 -
I agree with all the people who say you should have a talk with your son about his sexuality. It's the best thing I ever did with my daughter and benefited both of us. As a direct result, I'm absolutely convinced, we have a very loving and close relationship where she has never felt that she had to hide anything from us. She says she's sorry for all the kids that didn't have the great childhood she enjoyed, and I'm sorry for all the people who end up not having the great parenting experience they should have had. Being open is the absolute best thing.0
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I would like to say I support the decision to talk about it here 100%. I wish my parents had tried to reach out to others to talk about it or go to a PFLAG meeting... Might have made things easier for me.
It's not easy for parents trying to navigate these waters and hey... I know I blather on about gay porn a lot but many of my blog videos are used in university courses when discussing coming out and young gay men's issues.
so there.0 -
Big difference reaching out to people in a private setting or at organized help meetingsPrince Of Dorkness wrote:I would like to say I support the decision to talk about it here 100%. I wish my parents had tried to reach out to others to talk about it or go to a PFLAG meeting... Might have made things easier for me.
It's not easy for parents trying to navigate these waters and hey... I know I blather on about gay porn a lot but many of my blog videos are used in university courses when discussing coming out and young gay men's issues.
so there.
which hopefully both would include the child being talked about.
This the answer to family problems.0 -
pandora wrote:
Big difference reaching out to people in a private setting or at organized help meetingsPrince Of Dorkness wrote:I would like to say I support the decision to talk about it here 100%. I wish my parents had tried to reach out to others to talk about it or go to a PFLAG meeting... Might have made things easier for me.
It's not easy for parents trying to navigate these waters and hey... I know I blather on about gay porn a lot but many of my blog videos are used in university courses when discussing coming out and young gay men's issues.
so there.
which hopefully both would include the child being talked about.
This the answer to family problems.
I think we are all forgetting 1 thing. Nobody has an idea who this kid is anyway. Lighten up. Someone needed help and asked for it. That is a good thing in my book.hippiemom = goodness0 -
The kid has to go to a PFLAG meeting and sit there while he gets talked about.
Here, we ha e no idea who he is and a concerned parent is asking for advice.0 -
I think it's important to be able to reach out and ask for advice/help on a topic that the OP may know nothing about...there's been anonymity and I don't think there's anything wrong with what's been discussed. I find it interesting how many people are already suggesting that the teen goes to PFLAG meetings and stuff before he's even said he's gay! maybe he's curious, bi, just bored or trying to figure himself out--he IS 15 after all. example: I have a cousin who, at 16, came out and said she was a lesbian. Now, 16 years later, she's married to a man and has a kid, and is happy as can be....she was trying to find herself then and as she grew up, she did. Major life decisions can be difficult as teenagers...let's give this teen a chance to figure it out.
talking about safety and responsibility of going on such sites or even acting out any of the things learned online should be the priority.Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln0 -
And if this boy finds out how do you think he might feel being discussedcincybearcat wrote:pandora wrote:
Big difference reaching out to people in a private setting or at organized help meetingsPrince Of Dorkness wrote:I would like to say I support the decision to talk about it here 100%. I wish my parents had tried to reach out to others to talk about it or go to a PFLAG meeting... Might have made things easier for me.
It's not easy for parents trying to navigate these waters and hey... I know I blather on about gay porn a lot but many of my blog videos are used in university courses when discussing coming out and young gay men's issues.
so there.
which hopefully both would include the child being talked about.
This the answer to family problems.
I think we are all forgetting 1 thing. Nobody has an idea who this kid is anyway. Lighten up. Someone needed help and asked for it. That is a good thing in my book.
and about such a personal matter?
Not like discussing he scored in the big game Friday night... no not at all.
And it doesn't matter if he finds out, it is principle....
we are here to protect.
I have seen, and have done this myself horribly so,
parents lacking the insight to feel what their child feels.
You can see this on the child's face when out in public.
The parent is not standing in the child's shoes ...
if he or she was they would feel the embarrassment, the shunning, the disregard.
My only point here is private problems are just that when it comes to your child,
seek profesional help... get a damn good book
be understanding and tender, but don't make it public.
This comes from my personal experience.
I have teens come by today to say thank you for helping them through the
very tough teen years when their own parents would not or could not.
All I did was stand firm for them against the world, empower them,
forgive them, listen, understand and remember what it was like as a teen.
No magic ... really just what any of us want at any age.0 -
pandora wrote:
And if this boy finds out how do you think he might feel being discussedcincybearcat wrote:pandora wrote:Big difference reaching out to people in a private setting or at organized help meetings
which hopefully both would include the child being talked about.
This the answer to family problems.
I think we are all forgetting 1 thing. Nobody has an idea who this kid is anyway. Lighten up. Someone needed help and asked for it. That is a good thing in my book.
and about such a personal matter?
Not like discussing he scored in the big game Friday night... no not at all.
And it doesn't matter if he finds out, it is principle....
we are here to protect.
I have seen, and have done this myself horribly so,
parents lacking the insight to feel what their child feels.
You can see this on the child's face when out in public.
The parent is not standing in the child's shoes ...
if he or she was they would feel the embarrassment, the shunning, the disregard.
My only point here is private problems are just that when it comes to your child,
seek profesional help... get a damn good book
be understanding and tender, but don't make it public.
This comes from my personal experience.
I have teens come by today to say thank you for helping them through the
very tough teen years when their own parents would not or could not.
All I did was stand firm for them against the world, empower them,
forgive them, listen, understand and remember what it was like as a teen.
No magic ... really just what any of us want at any age.
It isn't public.hippiemom = goodness0 -
+1. Personally, as a teen I would be much less disturbed about the fact that the OP is reaching out to an anonymous forum than if the issue were being discussed without the teen's knowledge to say a family friend or someone that he KNOWS and SEES on a regular basis. I don't see anything wrong with reaching out for some advice or a different perspective when all parties involved are anonymous; it may hopefully prove helpful.pearljgirl2010 wrote:I think it's important to be able to reach out and ask for advice/help on a topic that the OP may know nothing about...there's been anonymity and I don't think there's anything wrong with what's been discussed. I find it interesting how many people are already suggesting that the teen goes to PFLAG meetings and stuff before he's even said he's gay! maybe he's curious, bi, just bored or trying to figure himself out--he IS 15 after all. example: I have a cousin who, at 16, came out and said she was a lesbian. Now, 16 years later, she's married to a man and has a kid, and is happy as can be....she was trying to find herself then and as she grew up, she did. Major life decisions can be difficult as teenagers...let's give this teen a chance to figure it out.
talking about safety and responsibility of going on such sites or even acting out any of the things learned online should be the priority.0 -
cincybearcat wrote:It isn't public.
yes it is and as I said principle... parents are here to protect and guide not make public
their child's troubles.
It is a matter of trust.0 -
I concurEmBleve wrote:
+1. Personally, as a teen I would be much less disturbed about the fact that the OP is reaching out to an anonymous forum than if the issue were being discussed without the teen's knowledge to say a family friend or someone that he KNOWS and SEES on a regular basis. I don't see anything wrong with reaching out for some advice or a different perspective when all parties involved are anonymous; it may hopefully prove helpful.pearljgirl2010 wrote:I think it's important to be able to reach out and ask for advice/help on a topic that the OP may know nothing about...there's been anonymity and I don't think there's anything wrong with what's been discussed. I find it interesting how many people are already suggesting that the teen goes to PFLAG meetings and stuff before he's even said he's gay! maybe he's curious, bi, just bored or trying to figure himself out--he IS 15 after all. example: I have a cousin who, at 16, came out and said she was a lesbian. Now, 16 years later, she's married to a man and has a kid, and is happy as can be....she was trying to find herself then and as she grew up, she did. Major life decisions can be difficult as teenagers...let's give this teen a chance to figure it out.
talking about safety and responsibility of going on such sites or even acting out any of the things learned online should be the priority.0 -
the internet is not annyomous we all know thatEmBleve wrote:
+1. Personally, as a teen I would be much less disturbed about the fact that the OP is reaching out to an anonymous forum than if the issue were being discussed without the teen's knowledge to say a family friend or someone that he KNOWS and SEES on a regular basis. I don't see anything wrong with reaching out for some advice or a different perspective when all parties involved are anonymous; it may hopefully prove helpful.pearljgirl2010 wrote:I think it's important to be able to reach out and ask for advice/help on a topic that the OP may know nothing about...there's been anonymity and I don't think there's anything wrong with what's been discussed. I find it interesting how many people are already suggesting that the teen goes to PFLAG meetings and stuff before he's even said he's gay! maybe he's curious, bi, just bored or trying to figure himself out--he IS 15 after all. example: I have a cousin who, at 16, came out and said she was a lesbian. Now, 16 years later, she's married to a man and has a kid, and is happy as can be....she was trying to find herself then and as she grew up, she did. Major life decisions can be difficult as teenagers...let's give this teen a chance to figure it out.
talking about safety and responsibility of going on such sites or even acting out any of the things learned online should be the priority.
ways to find each and everyone of us.
The child should not be discussed by anyone private or otherwise,
the child should be protected and included in family problems.
Again it is the principle... teens need to be able to trust above all else.
This I have seen in the many I cared for ... its all about trust.0 -
pandora wrote:cincybearcat wrote:It isn't public.
yes it is and as I said principle... parents are here to protect and guide not make public
their child's troubles.
It is a matter of trust.
Then we agree to disagree.hippiemom = goodness0 -
Parents also have a right and an obligation to seek advice at times in order to deal with a situation in the best way possible for the child.0
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yes we docincybearcat wrote:pandora wrote:cincybearcat wrote:It isn't public.
yes it is and as I said principle... parents are here to protect and guide not make public
their child's troubles.
It is a matter of trust.
Then we agree to disagree.
but most times I agree with you...
scary for ya huh!
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Of course all for getting advice... privately and hopfully more professionalEmBleve wrote:Parents also have a right and an obligation to seek advice at times in order to deal with a situation in the best way possible for the child.
like a good book or an organization that may provide good parenting tips for the
family problem at hand.
In dealing with the many troubles the teens experienced while under my care,
including this the OP is speaking of, I sought out much information to help them get through.
I educated myself so I could educate them.0 -
somewhere in Fla an unnamed teenager has done something upsetting to his mother and stepfather. Stepdad , having zero experience in such a situation, asks here what would be the best approach in handling this. No harm, NO foul.pandora wrote:cincybearcat wrote:It isn't public.
yes it is and as I said principle... parents are here to protect and guide not make public
their child's troubles.
It is a matter of trust.
How many here PERSONALLY KNOW g/p? Not many, I'm sure. Even less have met the stepson, I'd bet. What exactly is the issue with bringing this up?_____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________
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mickeyrat wrote:
somewhere in Fla an unnamed teenager has done something upsetting to his mother and stepfather. Stepdad , having zero experience in such a situation, asks here what would be the best approach in handling this. No harm, NO foul.pandora wrote:cincybearcat wrote:It isn't public.
yes it is and as I said principle... parents are here to protect and guide not make public
their child's troubles.
It is a matter of trust.
How many here PERSONALLY KNOW g/p? Not many, I'm sure. Even less have met the stepson, I'd bet. What exactly is the issue with bringing this up?
I think this is a pretty swell place to hear diverse opinions as well...stuff you wont get from a book, google, or some person who doesnt know the situation personally. We have many walks of life in here that have lived this stuff...I dont see the harm asking.
G under P, I hope all goes well buddy..Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)0
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