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question about marriage/divorce
peacocoa
Posts: 46
Is it better to leave my wife and rarely get to spend time with my daughter or spend my life in an unhappy marriage?
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My aunt has stayed years and is miserable
The ONLY thing better than a glass of beer is tea with Miss McGill
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- Christopher McCandless
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Your question makes it seem that these are your only two options. Think a bit more.
Someone suggested counseling. I think that's a good place to start but how about attempting to communicate with your spouse directly too? How about trying to change and having her try to change too? Then, maybe you'd have the option to stay in a happy marriage for your daughter. Your daughter would probably benefit most from two happy parents who are together.
There are always more than two options. Really.
If you give up without trying to work on your relationship, in my opinion, you're just looking for an excuse to walk out on your child and your wife.
MAybe it works. I have nothing to offer but advice. If you talk with someone, shit they might offer that one door that opens you guys up into seeing each other's perspective and the wounds heal. If not, you're no worse for where you are right now right?
This.
* Cincinnati, OH 6.24.2006 *
* Columbus, OH 5.6.2010 * Noblesville, IN 5.7.2010 *
* East Troy, MI 9.4.2011 * East Troy, MI 9.5.2011 *
* Pittsburgh, PA 10.11.2013 *
Now that I'm divorced, I don't see my son as much as I'd like. That's really hard. You just have to keep yourself busy when they're away and know that you will always be their parent no matter what. Don't stay in something miserable for a kid. Like someone mentioned earlier, the kid understands and picks up on the tension.
http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
See a counselor. If it still is unhappy after that, at least you put in real effort to be happy. If you do split up, you two will at least be friends for the good of your daughter. You and your wife will be forever connected by your daughter, even if you move on, so do not burn that bridge so soon.
Love and light with whatever you choose to do.
I like this, and would suggest the same thing. But, if you've exhausted all options and have sincerely tried to overcome your differences, disagreements, troubles, what have you, then I think RCKNDY's advice would be next best in line.
Best of luck to you.
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
relationships takes a whole lot of work at times, its worth the effort though if you can overcome the challenges.
My Mama always said there will be ebb and flow in love... I've found this to be very true.
grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.
Believe me...this has kept me sane for many many months recently.
I know this is a great point of view. Counseling may be an easier way to talk to your wife, without it breaking into a disagreement. Side note: counseling only works if both parties are entire honestly with each other. You both know what's on the line, so why not give it all? It's true, "Love ain’t love until you give it up".
:thumbup:
+1
I thought about counseling, but he has told me things that he has been up to since we have been together. I had no clue :shock: I am having a very hard time believing anything he says now. Why would he be honest to a stranger about himself when he hasn't been honest with me. I think he would just be putting on another show.
It's easy to not believe what he says especially when the trust has been broken. It's going to take time to trust again. But you won't know if you do until you try.
one day at a time is all you can do. Focus on today. For tomorrow is not here yet.
wtf did he do
wtf was he able to hide for 18 years that can be so devastating now
i ask because about ten years ago, i found out about lies my husband (of then 8 years) had told not only me, but everyone.
he took credit, for fucking years, for things he did not actually do
i found this out at his brother's funeral and could not address it for weeks and may have left him had his brother not just died
that was ten years ago
we got over it and i'm glad because he'll be dead soon (seriously)
so
wtf?
"what a long, strange trip it's been"
as to the op's question
i agree with rockcandy here
"what a long, strange trip it's been"
Why are you sure that the time spent with your daughter would be rare?
well, right now we live on the east coast but have no friends or family out here. so if we were to split up, my wife would be forced to move either to the west coast or the midwest. With my job, i relocate every four years and don't really get to choose where i relocate to.
OP- I personally believe that it's not good for any parties involved to stay in an unhappy marriage or relationship (sometimes easier said than done). Be true to yourself and try to be as honest as you can with others, and spend as much time as you are able to with your daughter. Good luck.
They will ask you questions, ask your partner questions, and help both parties understand each other. They will not take sides...but rather bring things into a new perspective.
you would be surprised at how much people tell complete strangers...it's human nature to not want to be judged, and a stranger is the 'perfect outlet' for venting/releasing pent up frustrations.
counseling only works when people are ready and willing to make a change.
(I went to family counseling as a kid, and the other party refused to do their part in changing their behavior, so there's that)
- Christopher McCandless