question about marriage/divorce

peacocoa

Is it better to leave my wife and rarely get to spend time with my daughter or spend my life in an unhappy marriage?

Phantom Pain

Leave if youre unhappy

My aunt has stayed years and is miserable

DS1119

Have you tried counseling?

RKCNDY

don't be miserable for the sake of a child, she's smart enough and will sense something is wrong. (no, it doesn't matter about her age, kids are really perceptive)

peacocoa

DS1119 wrote:

Have you tried counseling?

Really don't have much faith in it based on other peoples results and some other stuff.

snow_board_rider

peacocoa wrote:

DS1119 wrote:

Have you tried counseling?

Really don't have much faith in it based on other peoples results and some other stuff.

If it's for your kid, you need to give it a shot. Not every therapist is good, find one that is. Way easier and cheaper than child support. And it does work!

justam

peacocoa wrote:

Is it better to leave my wife and rarely get to spend time with my daughter or spend my life in an unhappy marriage?

Your question makes it seem that these are your only two options. Think a bit more.

Someone suggested counseling. I think that's a good place to start but how about attempting to communicate with your spouse directly too? How about trying to change and having her try to change too? Then, maybe you'd have the option to stay in a happy marriage for your daughter. Your daughter would probably benefit most from two happy parents who are together.

There are always more than two options. Really.

If you give up without trying to work on your relationship, in my opinion, you're just looking for an excuse to walk out on your child and your wife.

DS1119

peacocoa wrote:

DS1119 wrote:

Have you tried counseling?

Really don't have much faith in it based on other peoples results and some other stuff.

MAybe it works. I have nothing to offer but advice. If you talk with someone, shit they might offer that one door that opens you guys up into seeing each other's perspective and the wounds heal. If not, you're no worse for where you are right now right?

BinauralJam

Staying and Drinking

capthowdy1027

RKCNDY wrote:

don't be miserable for the sake of a child, she's smart enough and will sense something is wrong. (no, it doesn't matter about her age, kids are really perceptive)

This.

ledvedderman

I was in the same situation and now that I'm divorced and taken a step back to view things from a new perspective, I had no idea how truly miserable our relationship was both of us and how we lacked any common interests/beliefs.

Now that I'm divorced, I don't see my son as much as I'd like. That's really hard. You just have to keep yourself busy when they're away and know that you will always be their parent no matter what. Don't stay in something miserable for a kid. Like someone mentioned earlier, the kid understands and picks up on the tension.

ShimmyMommy

peacocoa wrote:

Is it better to leave my wife and rarely get to spend time with my daughter or spend my life in an unhappy marriage?

See a counselor. If it still is unhappy after that, at least you put in real effort to be happy. If you do split up, you two will at least be friends for the good of your daughter. You and your wife will be forever connected by your daughter, even if you move on, so do not burn that bridge so soon.

Love and light with whatever you choose to do.

not4uuu

I am goin through this too. My husband, after 18 years, has just now decided to tell me the truth about his past. I thought I knew who he was and now I find out he is not what I thought. He has thrown so much on me in the last 2 months, I am having a hard time taking it all in. I can't believe he waited this long. He says he never told me because I wouldn't have been with him, I say, he should have givin me the chance. My life i my choice too. Anyway, thanx for listening.

dcfaithful

justam wrote:

peacocoa wrote:

Is it better to leave my wife and rarely get to spend time with my daughter or spend my life in an unhappy marriage?

Your question makes it seem that these are your only two options. Think a bit more.

Someone suggested counseling. I think that's a good place to start but how about attempting to communicate with your spouse directly too? How about trying to change and having her try to change too? Then, maybe you'd have the option to stay in a happy marriage for your daughter. Your daughter would probably benefit most from two happy parents who are together.

There are always more than two options. Really.

If you give up without trying to work on your relationship, in my opinion, you're just looking for an excuse to walk out on your child and your wife.

I like this, and would suggest the same thing. But, if you've exhausted all options and have sincerely tried to overcome your differences, disagreements, troubles, what have you, then I think RCKNDY's advice would be next best in line.

Best of luck to you.

pandora

justam wrote:

peacocoa wrote:

Is it better to leave my wife and rarely get to spend time with my daughter or spend my life in an unhappy marriage?

Your question makes it seem that these are your only two options. Think a bit more.

Someone suggested counseling. I think that's a good place to start but how about attempting to communicate with your spouse directly too? How about trying to change and having her try to change too? Then, maybe you'd have the option to stay in a happy marriage for your daughter. Your daughter would probably benefit most from two happy parents who are together.

There are always more than two options. Really.

If you give up without trying to work on your relationship, in my opinion, you're just looking for an excuse to walk out on your child and your wife.

great point of view!

relationships takes a whole lot of work at times, its worth the effort though if you can overcome the challenges.

My Mama always said there will be ebb and flow in love... I've found this to be very true.

of.the.girl

not4uuu wrote:

I am goin through this too. My husband, after 18 years, has just now decided to tell me the truth about his past. I thought I knew who he was and now I find out he is not what I thought. He has thrown so much on me in the last 2 months, I am having a hard time taking it all in. I can't believe he waited this long. He says he never told me because I wouldn't have been with him, I say, he should have givin me the chance. My life i my choice too. Anyway, thanx for listening.

It's amazing what spouses hold back. Like they know what you would do if you knew the truth. Who knows. One may choose to stay with said person. But at least it would be your choice and not them making the choice for you.

of.the.girl

Something that helps me get throught the tough times...the serenity prayer.

grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.

Believe me...this has kept me sane for many many months recently.

ShimmyMommy

pandora wrote:

justam wrote:

peacocoa wrote:

Is it better to leave my wife and rarely get to spend time with my daughter or spend my life in an unhappy marriage?

Your question makes it seem that these are your only two options. Think a bit more.

Someone suggested counseling. I think that's a good place to start but how about attempting to communicate with your spouse directly too? How about trying to change and having her try to change too? Then, maybe you'd have the option to stay in a happy marriage for your daughter. Your daughter would probably benefit most from two happy parents who are together.

There are always more than two options. Really.

If you give up without trying to work on your relationship, in my opinion, you're just looking for an excuse to walk out on your child and your wife.

great point of view!

relationships takes a whole lot of work at times, its worth the effort though if you can overcome the challenges.

My Mama always said there will be ebb and flow in love... I've found this to be very true.

I know this is a great point of view. Counseling may be an easier way to talk to your wife, without it breaking into a disagreement. Side note: counseling only works if both parties are entire honestly with each other. You both know what's on the line, so why not give it all? It's true, "Love ain’t love until you give it up".

ShimmyMommy

sheila0225 wrote:

Something that helps me get throught the tough times...the serenity prayer.

grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.

Believe me...this has kept me sane for many many months recently.

:thumbup:

ShimmyMommy

sheila0225 wrote:

not4uuu wrote:

I am goin through this too. My husband, after 18 years, has just now decided to tell me the truth about his past. I thought I knew who he was and now I find out he is not what I thought. He has thrown so much on me in the last 2 months, I am having a hard time taking it all in. I can't believe he waited this long. He says he never told me because I wouldn't have been with him, I say, he should have givin me the chance. My life i my choice too. Anyway, thanx for listening.

It's amazing what spouses hold back. Like they know what you would do if you knew the truth. Who knows. One may choose to stay with said person. But at least it would be your choice and not them making the choice for you.

+1

not4uuu

ShimmyMommy wrote:

sheila0225 wrote:

not4uuu wrote:

I am goin through this too. My husband, after 18 years, has just now decided to tell me the truth about his past. I thought I knew who he was and now I find out he is not what I thought. He has thrown so much on me in the last 2 months, I am having a hard time taking it all in. I can't believe he waited this long. He says he never told me because I wouldn't have been with him, I say, he should have givin me the chance. My life i my choice too. Anyway, thanx for listening.

It's amazing what spouses hold back. Like they know what you would do if you knew the truth. Who knows. One may choose to stay with said person. But at least it would be your choice and not them making the choice for you.

+1

I thought about counseling, but he has told me things that he has been up to since we have been together. I had no clue :shock: I am having a very hard time believing anything he says now. Why would he be honest to a stranger about himself when he hasn't been honest with me. I think he would just be putting on another show.