still trying, but I am running out of steam...................................
Stay strong, and that's a very messed up situation. I'm sorry you are dealing with that----I cannot deal with lying more than anything else in a relationship. As you said, it doesn't even give you a chance to make an informed decision on your own; it's very manipulative. Give yourself some time and if you can, get some space for yourself where you can think about how you really want to move forward from this, or in which direction you want to go. I guess you would have to decide if it's something you can live with or not. What made him decide to tell you? best wishes.
OP- I personally believe that it's not good for any parties involved to stay in an unhappy marriage or relationship (sometimes easier said than done). Be true to yourself and try to be as honest as you can with others, and spend as much time as you are able to with your daughter. Good luck.
He says he is getting older now (40) and he wants to come clean with who he is. I think he is sensing that I need the truth. He can only cover things or should I say be someone he isn't for so long. I have a huge problem..... TRUST! I don't have it. he has lied to me so much, don't get me wrong, I am glad he is coming clean, but I am not sure if I can handle it .
still trying, but I am running out of steam...................................
Stay strong, and that's a very messed up situation. I'm sorry you are dealing with that----I cannot deal with lying more than anything else in a relationship. As you said, it doesn't even give you a chance to make an informed decision on your own; it's very manipulative. Give yourself some time and if you can, get some space for yourself where you can think about how you really want to move forward from this, or in which direction you want to go. I guess you would have to decide if it's something you can live with or not. What made him decide to tell you? best wishes.
OP- I personally believe that it's not good for any parties involved to stay in an unhappy marriage or relationship (sometimes easier said than done). Be true to yourself and try to be as honest as you can with others, and spend as much time as you are able to with your daughter. Good luck.
He says he is getting older now (40) and he wants to come clean with who he is. I think he is sensing that I need the truth. He can only cover things or should I say be someone he isn't for so long. I have a huge problem..... TRUST! I don't have it. he has lied to me so much, don't get me wrong, I am glad he is coming clean, but I am not sure if I can handle it .
I can totally understand that, and I think you are competely justified in not being able to trust him. Only you can know if it's something you are willing to try to get past. It would be a difficult thing. The boyfriend that I have now (I have only been with him 2 years) lied to me as recently as last October; I decided to try to work it out but it leaves an indelible mark on the trust factor. It's up to the individual if he/she thinks it's worth it to try. I send you positive vibes.
still trying, but I am running out of steam...................................
Stay strong, and that's a very messed up situation. I'm sorry you are dealing with that----I cannot deal with lying more than anything else in a relationship. As you said, it doesn't even give you a chance to make an informed decision on your own; it's very manipulative. Give yourself some time and if you can, get some space for yourself where you can think about how you really want to move forward from this, or in which direction you want to go. I guess you would have to decide if it's something you can live with or not. What made him decide to tell you? best wishes.
OP- I personally believe that it's not good for any parties involved to stay in an unhappy marriage or relationship (sometimes easier said than done). Be true to yourself and try to be as honest as you can with others, and spend as much time as you are able to with your daughter. Good luck.
He says he is getting older now (40) and he wants to come clean with who he is. I think he is sensing that I need the truth. He can only cover things or should I say be someone he isn't for so long. I have a huge problem..... TRUST! I don't have it. he has lied to me so much, don't get me wrong, I am glad he is coming clean, but I am not sure if I can handle it .
God wouldn't put you through it if He didn't know you couldn't handle it.
Try counseling first. If nothing can be resolved than it probably is better to get a divorce than stay in an unhappy marriage. However, try everything else first because divorce is a devastating event for everyone involved. My husband grew up in a divorced household and it is still hell on him to this very day, even as a grown man. I came into it through marrying him and it's not a joke, even on mine and his family it makes holidays a hell trying to make everyone happy. Anyway, seriously consider all other options first, possibly even a trial separation.
Try counseling first. If nothing can be resolved than it probably is better to get a divorce than stay in an unhappy marriage. However, try everything else first because divorce is a devastating event for everyone involved. My husband grew up in a divorced household and it is still hell on him to this very day, even as a grown man. I came into it through marrying him and it's not a joke, even on mine and his family it makes holidays a hell trying to make everyone happy. Anyway, seriously consider all other options first, possibly even a trial separation.
I will, we actually get along great, we are totally best friends. It is just as a husband he SUCKS ASS!!!
Try counseling first. If nothing can be resolved than it probably is better to get a divorce than stay in an unhappy marriage. However, try everything else first because divorce is a devastating event for everyone involved. My husband grew up in a divorced household and it is still hell on him to this very day, even as a grown man. I came into it through marrying him and it's not a joke, even on mine and his family it makes holidays a hell trying to make everyone happy. Anyway, seriously consider all other options first, possibly even a trial separation.
I will, we actually get along great, we are totally best friends. It is just as a husband he SUCKS ASS!!!
They all do that from time to time, even mine and I love him.
You know, my husband does initiate all that, but that really doesn't mean anything. He brings me flowers, leaves me notes in the morning, when he tells me he loves me he waits till I say I love you back.... seriously though, that is all the easy part, the hard part is to actually mean it. I always tell him actions speak louder than words, and lately I am finding out some of his hidden actions......
Is it better to leave my wife and rarely get to spend time with my daughter or spend my life in an unhappy marriage?
Why are you sure that the time spent with your daughter would be rare?
well, right now we live on the east coast but have no friends or family out here. so if we were to split up, my wife would be forced to move either to the west coast or the midwest. With my job, i relocate every four years and don't really get to choose where i relocate to.
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
You know, my husband does initiate all that, but that really doesn't mean anything. He brings me flowers, leaves me notes in the morning, when he tells me he loves me he waits till I say I love you back.... seriously though, that is all the easy part, the hard part is to actually mean it. I always tell him actions speak louder than words, and lately I am finding out some of his hidden actions......
As far as your husband's "hidden actions", it definitely sounds like marriage counseling is the place to start.
Post edited by pinkbutterfly on
My last message to you ~
You're right. You are a monster! You are sick! Get help!
that is pretty much where we are headed. His coming clean is quite a lot. You guys have 19 years huh, we are at 18. I always thought couples that have been together this long must have a perfect relationship......
As a parent of 4, and married for a LONG time....IMHO....try everything you possibly can to work things out. Love does go up and down over a lifetime, it so worth the work to stay together during the down times. Your daughter deserves you in her life.
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
yap, I am a little jaded on marriage right now, whenever i hear that someone is getting married, I think.... SUCKER!!!!! Anyway, thanx to all, gonna go have a tasty beverage and get some dinner going... Have a great night everyone!!!!!!
Comments
He says he is getting older now (40) and he wants to come clean with who he is. I think he is sensing that I need the truth. He can only cover things or should I say be someone he isn't for so long. I have a huge problem..... TRUST! I don't have it. he has lied to me so much, don't get me wrong, I am glad he is coming clean, but I am not sure if I can handle it .
Keep On Rockin
God wouldn't put you through it if He didn't know you couldn't handle it.
fade away...
I am at peace with my lust.....for Eddie.
I will, we actually get along great, we are totally best friends. It is just as a husband he SUCKS ASS!!!
They all do that from time to time, even mine and I love him.
fade away...
I am at peace with my lust.....for Eddie.
You're right. You are a monster! You are sick! Get help!
At least, I am not a fuck-up! A lying fuck-up!
- Christopher McCandless
As far as your husband's "hidden actions", it definitely sounds like marriage counseling is the place to start.
You're right. You are a monster! You are sick! Get help!
At least, I am not a fuck-up! A lying fuck-up!
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
You're right. You are a monster! You are sick! Get help!
At least, I am not a fuck-up! A lying fuck-up!
that's about all I can add too.