Shit Your Dad Says Thread

2

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  • chime
    chime Posts: 7,839
    My uncle (close enough??) on the Royal Wedding "it was understated in a magnificent sort of way"
    So are we strangers now? Like rock and roll and the radio?
  • loveontwolegs
    loveontwolegs Posts: 501
    12345AGNST1 wrote:
    Davidtrios wrote:
    My GF Kristy's Dad:

    Life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread you got, the less shit you have to eat.

    lol uhhhh... how does that apply to life.


    It means if you make a lot of money, you don't have to deal with life's shit. My dad is certain being rich solves EVERYTHING.
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    "We were waiting in line to buy our tickets for horrible bosses...it seemed many were buying tickets for Gary Potter."
  • 81
    81 Needing a ride to Forest Hills and a ounce of weed. Please inquire within. Thanks. Or not. Posts: 58,276
    hi there daisy, you need some pushing up :lol:
    81 is now off the air

    Off_Air.jpg
  • The Crooked Heart
    The Crooked Heart Posts: 116
    When I was around 5 I asked my dad what time it was and he said half past a monkeys ass, a quarter to his balls. I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever heard. My mom didn't think it was very funny.
    Emily
  • SatansFuton
    SatansFuton Posts: 5,399
    I know my dad didn't make this one up, as I've heard it other places, but anytime I would say "I wish" this or that, he would say.. "Wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which one fills up first".
    "See a broad to get dat booty yak 'em, leg 'er down, a smack 'em yak 'em!"
  • DewieCox
    DewieCox Posts: 11,432
    When I was about to get an ass whoopin....."You're gonna get your ass kicked up between your shoulders"
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    "When my ship comes in...."

    my father, forever hopeful, forever positive :D
  • The Crooked Heart
    The Crooked Heart Posts: 116
    Anytime I was with my dad he would tell anyone he came in contact with that I was free to a good home or a 12 pack. I mean EVERYONE. He thought it was halarious and I used to seriously wonder what he would say if someone agreed. Lucky for both of us I didn't see him often.
    Emily
  • bmwtech
    bmwtech Posts: 33
    When my nephew was around 2 years old he was playing with some other kids when a battle for a certain to started. My sister insisted that my nephew learned to share, at this point my dad stepped in and explained to the other children that jimmy would learn to share when he was finished playing with the toy.
  • Yellow Ledbelly
    Yellow Ledbelly Posts: 3,749
    KM43590 wrote:
    My father used to tell me that my eyes are brown because I'm so full of shit! :lol:
    Got that one a lot and he still regularly says "that's your ass talking because your head knows better."

    He says a bunch of nutty shit to this day.

    If referred to some less than flattering name like sonofabitch or whatever...he says "Well you could've been something too if you had tried."
    All I have to do is revel in the everyday....then do it again tomorrow

    They say every sin is deadly but I believe they may be wrong...I'm guilty of all seven and I don't feel too bad at all
  • Lone Drawn Meteor
    Lone Drawn Meteor Posts: 1,230
    The first time driving on the highway with my Dad as a passenger (20 years ago): "Jesus Christ, your speed's going up and down like a whore's panties."
    While golfing (10 years ago): "You make this shot & I'll kiss your ass 'til you bark like a fox."
    While informing me a family member has passed away (last week): "One day, you're having a party, next thing you know -- tits up."
    "If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit." - Mitch Hedberg
  • rollings
    rollings unknown Posts: 7,127
    One night while we were in bed, my sister & I imagined we heard noises coming from the attic so we started screaming.

    Our Dad: "What the hell's going on up there?"
    Me & Sis: "We hear noises"
    Dad: "You'll hear a noise when you get a smack on the ass"

    ~ ~ ~ quiet for the rest of the night ~ ~ ~
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    This reminds me
    Shit My Dad Says

    I'm looking forward to this show returning in the fall... hope it was renewed
    funny stuff

    I could really relate being in his age group with grown kids
    I hope they rerun the finale I already forgot the cliffhanger :lol:
  • conman
    conman Posts: 7,493
    shoveling snow with my dad when i was kid, out of nowhere he yells "it's colder than a witches titty out here"
  • not4uuu
    not4uuu Posts: 94
    My dad has been gone for 27 years now and this thread got me to thinkin about him and all the things he used to say, besides him calling me Dude ( short for Doodlebug)...one thing I remember is, if you were talking about something he didn't know about, he would say, " I had one of those once, but the wheels fell off" he also used to tell me he loved me more than the moon and the stars!!!

    Love you Dad!
    pearljammin66
  • The Crooked Heart
    The Crooked Heart Posts: 116
    not4uuu wrote:
    My dad has been gone for 27 years now and this thread got me to thinkin about him and all the things he used to say, besides him calling me Dude ( short for Doodlebug)...one thing I remember is, if you were talking about something he didn't know about, he would say, " I had one of those once, but the wheels fell off" he also used to tell me he loved me more than the moon and the stars!!!

    Love you Dad!
    That is so sweet. My dad was a loser and I was always been so jealous of those who felt like their dad cared. I'm glad you were able to have that and I am glad you still carry the memory.
    Emily
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    "Grandma, what big ears you have!"

    "All the better to hear with, my child."

    "Grandma, what big eyes you have!"

    "All the better to see with, my child."

    "Grandma, what a big mouth you have"

    "Do you have any idea how big Grandpa's penis is?!?!?"
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    It'll be a Chinese Passover the next time adam dunn hits a home run
  • voidofman
    voidofman Posts: 4,009
    This was a one time saying when I was 16ish, was kind of a loner, only had a couple friends that were guys and wasn't interested in girls that much.

    So out of the blue he says, "just don't fuck anyone in the ass, eh Dan"

    I replied with, "I know."

    One of the funniest things he said to my brothers was, "I don't know if you're my kids, you don't look anything like your mother."

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