Shit Your Dad Says Thread

davidtrios
davidtrios Posts: 9,732
edited January 2013 in All Encompassing Trip
The other night, my dad and I were watching a Bulls game when all of a sudden he farted 5 times in a row...
He then looked at me and said, "One more, and there would've been an Ejection."
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • 81
    81 Needing a ride to Forest Hills and a ounce of weed. Please inquire within. Thanks. Or not. Posts: 58,276
    i laughed. :lol:


    hey daisy, you need pushed up
    81 is now off the air

    Off_Air.jpg
  • anetarela
    anetarela Posts: 62
    Gross! I almost spat out my coffee!!!
    Got Chocolate?
  • KM43590
    KM43590 Posts: 298
    My father used to tell me that my eyes are brown because I'm so full of shit! :lol:
  • dimitrispearljam
    dimitrispearljam Posts: 139,725
    KM43590 wrote:
    My father used to tell me that my eyes are brown because I'm so full of shit! :lol:
    :lol::lol::lol::lol:
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • Jukee
    Jukee Posts: 4,500
    KM43590 wrote:
    My father used to tell me that my eyes are brown because I'm so full of shit! :lol:

    My dad still say's this to me.

    He also used to chase me around with his belly botton lint while yelling "It's going to get you, RUN!!!!"
    If you have nothing to lose, you have nothing to worry about.
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    My GF Kristy's Dad:

    Life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread you got, the less shit you have to eat.
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    edited May 2011
    *please read outloud in your best Russian/Jewish Nasally accent*

    "What is difference between cow and bulls? When you milk a bull, he's smiling"
    Post edited by davidtrios on
  • conman
    conman Posts: 7,493
    when i was a kid and i first started working, if i ever complained about work my dad would say
    "life's a bitch and then you die, welcome to the real world. get over it!"
  • 12345AGNST1
    12345AGNST1 Posts: 4,906
    This is nothing he specifically says, but he always asks a question and responds with another question. Or hell ask pointless/obvious questions. Drives me crazy.

    EX:
    Him: did you go to the mechanic today
    Me: yea
    Him: you did?
    Me: no, I was lying...

    OR

    Me: I got a letter today about my car
    Him: you got it in the mail?
    Me: no it came out of my ass.


    God I love/hate my dad. :lol:
    5/28/06, 6/27/08, 10/28/09, 5/18/10, 5/21/10
    8/7/08, 6/9/09
  • Given To DragonFly
    Given To DragonFly Posts: 601
    12345AGNST1 wrote:
    This is nothing he specifically says, but he always asks a question and responds with another question. Or hell ask pointless/obvious questions. Drives me crazy.

    EX:
    Him: did you go to the mechanic today
    Me: yea
    Him: you did?
    Me: no, I was lying...

    OR

    Me: I got a letter today about my car
    Him: you got it in the mail?
    Me: no it came out of my ass.


    God I love/hate my dad. :lol:
    My dad does something similar. If we ask a question, he WON'T answer it, so ridiculous... but weird, cause it's not on purpose, it's like he has a mental disorder that prevents him from answering properly :lol:. Don't get me wrong, he responds, just not with an answer. Example:

    Me: How long before the mechanic finishes with the truck?
    Dad: It was a timing belt problem.
    Me: Yeah, so when will they be done with it?
    Dad: I'm gonna need to find a ride to work tonight.
    Me: BUT HOW LONG?? WHEN WILL YOU GET THE TRUCK BACK?!
    Dad: The dude's charging me an arm and a leg, I gotta get a new guy.
    Me: I give up, good luck with that.

    So whenever anyone in my family does this, we immediately retort, "That's such a DAD answer!"
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  • 12345AGNST1
    12345AGNST1 Posts: 4,906
    Given To DragonFly wrote:
    My dad does something similar. If we ask a question, he WON'T answer it, so ridiculous... but weird, cause it's not on purpose, it's like he has a mental disorder that prevents him from answering properly :lol:. Don't get me wrong, he responds, just not with an answer. Example:

    Me: How long before the mechanic finishes with the truck?
    Dad: It was a timing belt problem.
    Me: Yeah, so when will they be done with it?
    Dad: I'm gonna need to find a ride to work tonight.
    Me: BUT HOW LONG?? WHEN WILL YOU GET THE TRUCK BACK?!
    Dad: The dude's charging me an arm and a leg, I gotta get a new guy.
    Me: I give up, good luck with that.

    So whenever anyone in my family does this, we immediately retort, "That's such a DAD answer!"

    lol, I think I do that. :oops:
    5/28/06, 6/27/08, 10/28/09, 5/18/10, 5/21/10
    8/7/08, 6/9/09
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    "Do you know what will help the Miami Heat right now? The Weinstein Bros!"

    www.weinsteinfuneralhomes.com/
  • RYEzupSF
    RYEzupSF Posts: 6,003
    Fuck a Duck.

    ...what the hell does that mean? He has said it for as long as I can remember.
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    Don't fuck sheep. -EV 7/11/11
    You can never have enough Neil in the mix. -EV 10/24/10
    There's only one commandment: Don't be an asshole. -EV 5/6/10
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    I'm not sure where he got this from but he said "If your ass itches, it means snow is falling in Africa"

    (if anyone here is Russian, please explain)
  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,671
    Davidtrios wrote:
    My GF Kristy's Dad:

    Life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread you got, the less shit you have to eat.

    This must be a fovorite line of Jonathan Winters' also. I have a copy of his book, Winters' Tales in which he inscribed the following:

    "To [Name],
    Life is a shit sandwich
    but if you have enough 'bread'
    you never taste the shit.
    I'm still, after 30 years, working
    on the second step!

    Always,
    Jonathan Winters"
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • rollings
    rollings unknown Posts: 7,127
    "Well I'll be go to hell"


    and when answering the phone,

    "Yellow"
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    edited May 2011
    "if your left nut itches, it means there is a revolt in China"

    "a mother-in-law should have only two teeth...one to open beer with and the other to always hurt"
    Post edited by davidtrios on
  • 12345AGNST1
    12345AGNST1 Posts: 4,906
    Davidtrios wrote:
    My GF Kristy's Dad:

    Life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread you got, the less shit you have to eat.

    lol uhhhh... how does that apply to life.
    5/28/06, 6/27/08, 10/28/09, 5/18/10, 5/21/10
    8/7/08, 6/9/09
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    it doesnt apply at all... just funny, random quotes!
  • mikalina
    mikalina Posts: 7,206
    In my teen years - he would say....

    never chase a boy,
    never call a boy
    remember - you have the "gold"..... ;)
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