The first time driving on the highway with my Dad as a passenger (20 years ago): "Jesus Christ, your speed's going up and down like a whore's panties."
While golfing (10 years ago): "You make this shot & I'll kiss your ass 'til you bark like a fox."
While informing me a family member has passed away (last week): "One day, you're having a party, next thing you know -- tits up."
"If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit." - Mitch Hedberg
My dad has been gone for 27 years now and this thread got me to thinkin about him and all the things he used to say, besides him calling me Dude ( short for Doodlebug)...one thing I remember is, if you were talking about something he didn't know about, he would say, " I had one of those once, but the wheels fell off" he also used to tell me he loved me more than the moon and the stars!!!
My dad has been gone for 27 years now and this thread got me to thinkin about him and all the things he used to say, besides him calling me Dude ( short for Doodlebug)...one thing I remember is, if you were talking about something he didn't know about, he would say, " I had one of those once, but the wheels fell off" he also used to tell me he loved me more than the moon and the stars!!!
Love you Dad!
That is so sweet. My dad was a loser and I was always been so jealous of those who felt like their dad cared. I'm glad you were able to have that and I am glad you still carry the memory.
"a young bull and a old bull are up top a hill overlooking a herd of cows.
the young bull says to the older bull, "let's run down there and fuck one of them there cows"
the older bull looks at the younger bull, laughs and says, "let's walk down there and fuck em all"
"
My dad had colorful language down to an art form. I remember watching a baseball game on TV with him when I was in middle school...the second baseman made a bumbling error, at which point my dad started cussing, saying "someone should sew his second baseman's mitt to his nutsack!"
My dad had colorful language down to an art form. I remember watching a baseball game on TV with him when I was in middle school...the second baseman made a bumbling error, at which point my dad started cussing, saying "someone should sew his second baseman's mitt to his nutsack!"
Well this pertains to my father-in-law, who likes to slip out a gem every now and again. A couple years ago a good friend of ours got married and my hubby's parents were invited to the wedding. Well dear FIL had one too many double Jacks There's this Dropkick Murphy's song that's played at all of our weddings (we're a strange group I know) and during this song, all the guys got on the dance floor to sing to it. FIL got right in the middle of it, and at one point screamed "Who's got the biggest dick here? I DO!"
:shock:
He denies it to this day but everyone that was there confirms it!
WI '98, WI '99 (EV), WI '00, Chgo '00, MO '00, Champaign '03, Chgo '03, WI '03, IN '03, MI '04, Chgo '06:N1 & 2, WI '06, Chgo '07, Chgo '08 (EV:N1), Chgo '09:N1 & 2, Chgo '11 (EV:N1), WI '11:N1 & 2, Philly '12, Wrigley '13, Pitt '13, Buff '13, Detroit '14, MKE '14, Wrigley '16: N1 & N2, Seattle '18 N2, Wrigley '18: N1 & N2, Fenway '18 N1, STL '22, St Paul '23 N2, Chgo '23: N1 & N2
Whenever I couldn't find one of my toys or whatever, pop's response would always be: "If it was up your ass, you'd know where it was."
When I was struggling with bullies, getting into trouble for fighting in school all the time, etc., pop's response was: "You've got to learn to turn the other cheek, but then again, you've only got two cheeks." That was better than my mother's previous advice: "If anybody messes with you, just punch them in the nose." I still got into a fight on a monthly basis, though, but that was better than daily.
Comments
He says a bunch of nutty shit to this day.
If referred to some less than flattering name like sonofabitch or whatever...he says "Well you could've been something too if you had tried."
They say every sin is deadly but I believe they may be wrong...I'm guilty of all seven and I don't feel too bad at all
While golfing (10 years ago): "You make this shot & I'll kiss your ass 'til you bark like a fox."
While informing me a family member has passed away (last week): "One day, you're having a party, next thing you know -- tits up."
Our Dad: "What the hell's going on up there?"
Me & Sis: "We hear noises"
Dad: "You'll hear a noise when you get a smack on the ass"
~ ~ ~ quiet for the rest of the night ~ ~ ~
Shit My Dad Says
I'm looking forward to this show returning in the fall... hope it was renewed
funny stuff
I could really relate being in his age group with grown kids
I hope they rerun the finale I already forgot the cliffhanger
Love you Dad!
"All the better to hear with, my child."
"Grandma, what big eyes you have!"
"All the better to see with, my child."
"Grandma, what a big mouth you have"
"Do you have any idea how big Grandpa's penis is?!?!?"
So out of the blue he says, "just don't fuck anyone in the ass, eh Dan"
I replied with, "I know."
One of the funniest things he said to my brothers was, "I don't know if you're my kids, you don't look anything like your mother."
"How is school going?"
"It is very hard"
"The only thing easy in life is peeing in the shower"
"older the buck stiffer the horn"
and who could forget this one,
"a young bull and a old bull are up top a hill overlooking a herd of cows.
the young bull says to the older bull, "let's run down there and fuck one of them there cows"
the older bull looks at the younger bull, laughs and says, "let's walk down there and fuck em all"
"
:twisted:
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Still cracking up to this day over that.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
:shock:
He denies it to this day but everyone that was there confirms it!
also, quotes the beverly hillbillies movie all the time- his name is Morgan. Big M, little organ
The holidays: "I was 13 years old before I realized it was called christmas, and not god damn christmas."
I response to Tupac's untimely death: "it's a damn shame what happened to ole six pack shocker."
When I was struggling with bullies, getting into trouble for fighting in school all the time, etc., pop's response was: "You've got to learn to turn the other cheek, but then again, you've only got two cheeks." That was better than my mother's previous advice: "If anybody messes with you, just punch them in the nose." I still got into a fight on a monthly basis, though, but that was better than daily.
Dad just said, "Being a Cubs fan is a mental disorder." My family is endlessly entertaining.- SD's dad