Shit Your Dad Says Thread

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  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    My sister recently (re)started school 3 kids and 12 years later.

    "How is school going?"
    "It is very hard"
    "The only thing easy in life is peeing in the shower"
  • chadwick
    chadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    here are two things the ol' man used to say:

    "older the buck stiffer the horn"

    and who could forget this one,

    "a young bull and a old bull are up top a hill overlooking a herd of cows.
    the young bull says to the older bull, "let's run down there and fuck one of them there cows"
    the older bull looks at the younger bull, laughs and says, "let's walk down there and fuck em all"
    "

    :twisted:
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • bennett13
    bennett13 Posts: 439
    My dad had colorful language down to an art form. I remember watching a baseball game on TV with him when I was in middle school...the second baseman made a bumbling error, at which point my dad started cussing, saying "someone should sew his second baseman's mitt to his nutsack!"
    :lol:

    Still cracking up to this day over that.
  • chadwick
    chadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    bennett13 wrote:
    My dad had colorful language down to an art form. I remember watching a baseball game on TV with him when I was in middle school...the second baseman made a bumbling error, at which point my dad started cussing, saying "someone should sew his second baseman's mitt to his nutsack!"
    :lol:

    Still cracking up to this day over that.
    that is funny
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • Mamasan23
    Mamasan23 Posts: 16,390
    Well this pertains to my father-in-law, who likes to slip out a gem every now and again. A couple years ago a good friend of ours got married and my hubby's parents were invited to the wedding. Well dear FIL had one too many double Jacks :D There's this Dropkick Murphy's song that's played at all of our weddings (we're a strange group I know) and during this song, all the guys got on the dance floor to sing to it. FIL got right in the middle of it, and at one point screamed "Who's got the biggest dick here? I DO!"

    :shock:

    He denies it to this day but everyone that was there confirms it!
    WI '98,  WI '99 (EV),  WI '00,  Chgo '00,  MO '00,  Champaign '03,  Chgo '03,  WI '03,  IN '03,  MI '04,  Chgo '06:N1 & 2,  WI '06,  Chgo '07,  Chgo '08 (EV:N1),  Chgo '09:N1 & 2,  Chgo '11 (EV:N1),  WI '11:N1 & 2,  Philly '12,  Wrigley '13,  Pitt '13,  Buff '13, Detroit '14, MKE '14, Wrigley '16: N1 & N2, Seattle '18 N2, Wrigley '18: N1 & N2, Fenway '18 N1, STL '22, St Paul '23 N2, Chgo '23: N1 & N2, Wrigley '24 N1 & 2
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    he uses the phrase, "ha-Penis" in lieu of happiness quite often.

    also, quotes the beverly hillbillies movie all the time- his name is Morgan. Big M, little organ
  • dustinpardue
    dustinpardue Las Vegas, NV Posts: 1,829
    A couple of great ones stand out to me:

    The holidays: "I was 13 years old before I realized it was called christmas, and not god damn christmas."

    I response to Tupac's untimely death: "it's a damn shame what happened to ole six pack shocker."
    "All I Ever Knew" available now in print and digital formats at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and iBooks.
  • dankind
    dankind Posts: 20,841
    Whenever I couldn't find one of my toys or whatever, pop's response would always be: "If it was up your ass, you'd know where it was."

    When I was struggling with bullies, getting into trouble for fighting in school all the time, etc., pop's response was: "You've got to learn to turn the other cheek, but then again, you've only got two cheeks." That was better than my mother's previous advice: "If anybody messes with you, just punch them in the nose." I still got into a fight on a monthly basis, though, but that was better than daily.
    I SAW PEARL JAM
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    this is one was good:

    Dad just said, "Being a Cubs fan is a mental disorder." My family is endlessly entertaining.- SD's dad
  • peacefrompaul
    peacefrompaul Posts: 25,293
    My dad says all kinds of weird shit. He's smarter than he thinks he is.

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