Pearl Jam Dating Service

I feel like we are all at a 6th grade dance. All the girls are on that side, wearing really puffy dresses with floral patterns and socks under their shiny black shoes.......and all of me is standing here, cool as could fucking be, just waiting to pick which one of you I want. (okay, Im in the corner playing grab ass with myself, knots in my stomach and pretending that I dont like girls because I cant handle it.)

Just please, dont be Alison P.....that one girl that always showed up and asked to dance right when the boy grew a pair and was going to ask Liz. Ah.....Liz. That hairsprayed hair. That pair of guess pants that cost 38 dollars back then....the pee-wee football cheerleader that went on in her early 20's to sleep her way to the top and eventually to do embarrassing things at a Christmas party (involved tic-tacs, a water weenie, four stamps and a snickers bar - or so the story goes...) Yes....Liz.....the one that ended up in a van, down by the frozen river...stealing fruit from the store and growing a herp on her lip the size of connecticut. the one that fired eight kids out by the time she was thirty, all with matching birthmarks on their lip......Ah Liz......I pushed Alison down after she cried when I said no...."matt, we are going out....why wont you dance with me..???" Because ALison...I see LIZ..... After making my way to my real life Gem from the Holograms, I asked her to dance....and the dirtskank said NO>............look at where you are now LIZ........last time I saw you, i had little to say. Small talk....."Hey liz, LIZ...look at me...with both eyes....over here....LIZ...you salad faced, bologna butt........I hardly smell you from here!! And, I have to say, I see the crotch crickets are doing very well. I see your HerpLip is nicely contained to the smaller half of your face...I see that your butt can longer land a jumbo jet on it......you look great...I just cant look at you........okay..smell you later......" I turned to hide the tears......I walked away and back to my disease free life....but I am lying to everyone here.....

You see, the truth is, I died inside that night. Liz is out there, perfect. No herpes. I made that up. No CC's. I made that up...I dont even know if she had crotch crickets....its all diverted energy. All pent up anger from rejection. I have no reason to hate her. IN fact, part of my heart still is out there, reserved for her. I sleep with the light on, in case she comes in my dreams. SHe would lean over my bed with the Herp above my head and she would ask if I had seen her ninth kid.

The moral of this story......dont read anything I ever write again. It will make you more stupid and will do nothing but succeed in wasting your time.

My name is Matt. I might have a butt worm.

Vedderwt wrote:

I feel like we are all at a 6th grade dance. All the girls are on that side, wearing really puffy dresses with floral patterns and socks under their shiny black shoes.......and all of me is standing here, cool as could fucking be, just waiting to pick which one of you I want. (okay, Im in the corner playing grab ass with myself, knots in my stomach and pretending that I dont like girls because I cant handle it.)

Just please, dont be Alison P.....that one girl that always showed up and asked to dance right when the boy grew a pair and was going to ask Liz. Ah.....Liz. That hairsprayed hair. That pair of guess pants that cost 38 dollars back then....the pee-wee football cheerleader that went on in her early 20's to sleep her way to the top and eventually to do embarrassing things at a Christmas party (involved tic-tacs, a water weenie, four stamps and a snickers bar - or so the story goes...) Yes....Liz.....the one that ended up in a van, down by the frozen river...stealing fruit from the store and growing a herp on her lip the size of connecticut. the one that fired eight kids out by the time she was thirty, all with matching birthmarks on their lip......Ah Liz......I pushed Alison down after she cried when I said no...."matt, we are going out....why wont you dance with me..???" Because ALison...I see LIZ..... After making my way to my real life Gem from the Holograms, I asked her to dance....and the dirtskank said NO>............look at where you are now LIZ........last time I saw you, i had little to say. Small talk....."Hey liz, LIZ...look at me...with both eyes....over here....LIZ...you salad faced, bologna butt........I hardly smell you from here!! And, I have to say, I see the crotch crickets are doing very well. I see your HerpLip is nicely contained to the smaller half of your face...I see that your butt can longer land a jumbo jet on it......you look great...I just cant look at you........okay..smell you later......" I turned to hide the tears......I walked away and back to my disease free life....but I am lying to everyone here.....

You see, the truth is, I died inside that night. Liz is out there, perfect. No herpes. I made that up. No CC's. I made that up...I dont even know if she had crotch crickets....its all diverted energy. All pent up anger from rejection. I have no reason to hate her. IN fact, part of my heart still is out there, reserved for her. I sleep with the light on, in case she comes in my dreams. SHe would lean over my bed with the Herp above my head and she would ask if I had seen her ninth kid.

The moral of this story......dont read anything I ever write again. It will make you more stupid and will do nothing but succeed in wasting your time.

My name is Matt. I might have a butt worm.

That's some funny shit....

You're a fucking riot!!!!

Interesting idea. Single male 35/suburbs of philly. Loves music and sports.

locked wrote:

Gems and Rhinestones wrote:

AtlantaJammer wrote:

Any love matches made from this thread so far? .........

My scorecard remains "Nadda"!

Yeah I haven't met anyone from this, but its always fun to visit this thread

the line starts behind me ..Bub!

Any Ladies in The LA/OC/SD area?

33/m/Long Island NY