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yellowporch · November 2009

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BG122367 · November 2009

From a male perspective, He is testing the waters, there is more than likely someone that peaks his interests. He is going to give it a try and see if it is any better than what he had with you. Either he will be back in a few weeks or you will see that he now has a new gf.

decides2dream · November 2009

BG122367 wrote:

From a male perspective, He is testing the waters, there is more than likely someone that peaks his interests. He is going to give it a try and see if it is any better than what he had with you. Either he will be back in a few weeks or you will see that he now has a new gf.

male or female...sounda about spot on.
i don't know how young is young....but even say under 25, yea...sadly....this can and does happen. most of us don't marry or spend the rest of our lives with our first loves, often not even our 2nd or 3rd loves. so the fact that he loves you, you love him...or that you did, doesn't actually mean it will always be. he is probably second-guessing his feelings for you. they may've changed, or be changing...he may be interested in someone else...or he simply is getting cold feet. don't know. all i can say is, don't agree with anything that you don't want. if you don't want a casual relationship, well then, don't have one. he may well be saying it simply b/c he knows you won't accept it, and thus you will break up with him, easing his conscience some. yea, it sucks. do what's right for you. i wish you luck!

yellowporch · November 2009

decides2dream wrote:

BG122367 wrote:

From a male perspective, He is testing the waters, there is more than likely someone that peaks his interests. He is going to give it a try and see if it is any better than what he had with you. Either he will be back in a few weeks or you will see that he now has a new gf.

male or female...sounda about spot on.
i don't know how young is young....but even say under 25, yea...sadly....this can and does happen. most of us don't marry or spend the rest of our lives with our first loves, often not even our 2nd or 3rd loves. so the fact that he loves you, you love him...or that you did, doesn't actually mean it will always be. he is probably second-guessing his feelings for you. they may've changed, or be changing...he may be interested in someone else...or he simply is getting cold feet. don't know. all i can say is, don't agree with anything that you don't want. if you don't want a casual relationship, well then, don't have one. he may well be saying it simply b/c he knows you won't accept it, and thus you will break up with him, easing his conscience some. yea, it sucks. do what's right for you. i wish you luck!

yeah were in our 20's it just really sucks because we just went through this whole breakup thing last year, and he came back saying i was all he wanted, he couldnt be without me, i had to take him back, and now its his way or too bad for me, guess im out a best friend and the person i love, its just crazy how his feelings can change that much when all along mine are constant? it baffles me honestly, but thanks for the input guys...

CJMST3K · November 2009

I agree, he either has another girl in mind or he's wanting to see how it is out there... however, I'd have to say (as one) that men have a jealously streak that is pretty strong. With that in mind, does he still comes over your house and everything? If so, have a post-it note on the fridge saying "date with Jim on Friday".

Assuming he notices the note, he'll ask you "who's Jim??". You play it off like "oh, it's just a guy I met... we're just going out for coffee... no big deal". If he's still wanting a relationship with you, this will be his opportunity to choose a side: single or relationship. He'll realize that his arrangement not only frees him up to see other people, it frees YOU up to see other people.

decides2dream · November 2009

yellowporch wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

BG122367 wrote:

From a male perspective, He is testing the waters, there is more than likely someone that peaks his interests. He is going to give it a try and see if it is any better than what he had with you. Either he will be back in a few weeks or you will see that he now has a new gf.

male or female...sounda about spot on.
i don't know how young is young....but even say under 25, yea...sadly....this can and does happen. most of us don't marry or spend the rest of our lives with our first loves, often not even our 2nd or 3rd loves. so the fact that he loves you, you love him...or that you did, doesn't actually mean it will always be. he is probably second-guessing his feelings for you. they may've changed, or be changing...he may be interested in someone else...or he simply is getting cold feet. don't know. all i can say is, don't agree with anything that you don't want. if you don't want a casual relationship, well then, don't have one. he may well be saying it simply b/c he knows you won't accept it, and thus you will break up with him, easing his conscience some. yea, it sucks. do what's right for you. i wish you luck!

yeah were in our 20's it just really sucks because we just went through this whole breakup thing last year, and he came back saying i was all he wanted, he couldnt be without me, i had to take him back, and now its his way or too bad for me, guess im out a best friend and the person i love, its just crazy how his feelings can change that much when all along mine are constant? it baffles me honestly, but thanks for the input guys...

sadly...that's life....

none of us are immune. he may well have meant all he said, then. just that amazingly, feelings can and do change! life is risk! and love most especially! it's not much solace now, but having experienced such a love, and feeling it so constantly, well....shows what a heart you have and probably bound to find love again in the future. sucks right now, but hey...i'm tryin'. and damn, why does this kinda shit so often happen around the holidays? :? i mean i know why, many of us subconsciously reevaluate at this time, but man, i feel for those that this kinda shit plays out. well, i hope you enjoy time with your friends and family, and hope the new year brings more happiness.

decides2dream · November 2009

CJMST3K wrote:

I agree, he either has another girl in mind or he's wanting to see how it is out there... however, I'd have to say (as one) that men have a jealously streak that is pretty strong. With that in mind, does he still comes over your house and everything? If so, have a post-it note on the fridge saying "date with Jim on Friday".

Assuming he notices the note, he'll ask you "who's Jim??". You play it off like "oh, it's just a guy I met... we're just going out for coffee... no big deal". If he's still wanting a relationship with you, this will be his opportunity to choose a side: single or relationship. He'll realize that his arrangement not only frees him up to see other people, it frees YOU up to see other people.

why play games?
just break it off, move on...
i'd not want a guy to 'choose me' b/c of something fragile as his ego and jealousy. i'd want him to consciously realize, yes...i want her. so i'd far rather he go 'test the waters'...and be apart...and then, maybe...could get back together. or, more likely, in time....i'd find someone else who is more to my liking and constancy. games suck imo.

Rygar · November 2009

decides2dream wrote:

why play games?
just break it off, move on...
i'd not want a guy to 'choose me' b/c of something fragile as his ego and jealousy. i'd want him to consciously realize, yes...i want her. so i'd far rather he go 'test the waters'...and be apart...and then, maybe...could get back together. or, more likely, in time....i'd find someone else who is more to my liking and constancy. games suck imo.

Good post, i agree...cept for the part about a wanting a guy to choose me. Awk-ward!

decides2dream · November 2009

Rygar wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

why play games?
just break it off, move on...
i'd not want a guy to 'choose me' b/c of something fragile as his ego and jealousy. i'd want him to consciously realize, yes...i want her. so i'd far rather he go 'test the waters'...and be apart...and then, maybe...could get back together. or, more likely, in time....i'd find someone else who is more to my liking and constancy. games suck imo.

Good post, i agree...cept for the part about a wanting a guy to choose me. Awk-ward!

do you want a girl to choose you?

and hey, i want to choose him too. just sayin'...i don't want a relationship based on bs games. be with me b/c you want to BE with me. that's it.

SPEEDY MCCREADY · November 2009

Dump him.......

Move on..............

yellowporch · November 2009

decides2dream wrote:

Rygar wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

why play games?
just break it off, move on...
i'd not want a guy to 'choose me' b/c of something fragile as his ego and jealousy. i'd want him to consciously realize, yes...i want her. so i'd far rather he go 'test the waters'...and be apart...and then, maybe...could get back together. or, more likely, in time....i'd find someone else who is more to my liking and constancy. games suck imo.

Good post, i agree...cept for the part about a wanting a guy to choose me. Awk-ward!

do you want a girl to choose you?
and hey, i want to choose him too. just sayin'...i don't want a relationship based on bs games. be with me b/c you want to BE with me. that's it.

EXACTLY! like why does everything have to be so fucking complicated. he says i love you, but then follows by a negative. never a good sign, i hate having to read between the lines, mean what you say and say what you mean.

meme · November 2009

decides2dream wrote:

Rygar wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

why play games?
just break it off, move on...
i'd not want a guy to 'choose me' b/c of something fragile as his ego and jealousy. i'd want him to consciously realize, yes...i want her. so i'd far rather he go 'test the waters'...and be apart...and then, maybe...could get back together. or, more likely, in time....i'd find someone else who is more to my liking and constancy. games suck imo.

Good post, i agree...cept for the part about a wanting a guy to choose me. Awk-ward!

do you want a girl to choose you?
and hey, i want to choose him too. just sayin'...i don't want a relationship based on bs games. be with me b/c you want to BE with me. that's it.

I agree

I completely understand the urge to be with him and call him. It's at its worst the first few days. In some ways it never completely goes away, but it drops considerably with the passing of time. I am giving you a year, and then you'll just smile back and shake your head, assuming you can just cut things off completely. Otherwise, everything is really harder.

Lauri · November 2009

yellowporch wrote:

okay so my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years, were young so were basically growing up together. weve had bumps along the way as any relationship does, and i have some trust issues with him (rightfully so) and have taken him back after he fucked up last year. And now he wants to "take a step backwards in our relationship" so that i am not officially his girlfriend, but we act the same when we see eachother? i dont understand how expects me to pretend we havent been together for 4 years, known him forever at this point, and now he wants us to have a casual relationship? is it just me or is this ridiculous to ask of someone youre supposed to love? his proposal didnt really settle well with me, and resulted in us taking time apart. and of course i miss him and after 5 days of not seeing him, were best friends, enjoy the same music, do the same things, have the same friends... told him i miss him, which was a mistake and resulted in me looking pathetic, i just hate playing relationship games and hiding my feelings... every time im alone, i feel the need to call him and just say something, anything... i really have no idea how this is going to be resolved and what i should do...

break up. I'm serious, if you're as young as you say you are, you are holding onto each other because you don't know how to be apart. Your boyfriend wants his cake and to eat it too. He knows that there are a lot of other fish in the sea that he needs to experience- as well both of you should- but he's also afraid because all he knows is being with you. He wants you to be there in case he can't find anything better. None of this is good. You've gotten older and grown apart, that is BOUND to happen. There's a whole world out there, go out and see it, on your own.

Rygar · November 2009

decides2dream wrote:

Rygar wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

why play games?
just break it off, move on...
i'd not want a guy to 'choose me' b/c of something fragile as his ego and jealousy. i'd want him to consciously realize, yes...i want her. so i'd far rather he go 'test the waters'...and be apart...and then, maybe...could get back together. or, more likely, in time....i'd find someone else who is more to my liking and constancy. games suck imo.

Good post, i agree...cept for the part about a wanting a guy to choose me. Awk-ward!

do you want a girl to choose you?
and hey, i want to choose him too. just sayin'...i don't want a relationship based on bs games. be with me b/c you want to BE with me. that's it.

I agree with what you've said

decides2dream · November 2009

Rygar wrote:

Awk-ward!

Rygar wrote:

I agree with what you've said

i was just curious about the "Awk-ward!" part.

rearviewmiror · November 2009

Lauri wrote:

yellowporch wrote:

okay so my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years, were young so were basically growing up together. weve had bumps along the way as any relationship does, and i have some trust issues with him (rightfully so) and have taken him back after he fucked up last year. And now he wants to "take a step backwards in our relationship" so that i am not officially his girlfriend, but we act the same when we see eachother? i dont understand how expects me to pretend we havent been together for 4 years, known him forever at this point, and now he wants us to have a casual relationship? is it just me or is this ridiculous to ask of someone youre supposed to love? his proposal didnt really settle well with me, and resulted in us taking time apart. and of course i miss him and after 5 days of not seeing him, were best friends, enjoy the same music, do the same things, have the same friends... told him i miss him, which was a mistake and resulted in me looking pathetic, i just hate playing relationship games and hiding my feelings... every time im alone, i feel the need to call him and just say something, anything... i really have no idea how this is going to be resolved and what i should do...

break up. I'm serious, if you're as young as you say you are, you are holding onto each other because you don't know how to be apart. Your boyfriend wants his cake and to eat it too. He knows that there are a lot of other fish in the sea that he needs to experience- as well both of you should- but he's also afraid because all he knows is being with you. He wants you to be there in case he can't find anything better. None of this is good. You've gotten older and grown apart, that is BOUND to happen. There's a whole world out there, go out and see it, on your own.

+1

It's gonna suck. That's all there is to it. Good Luck and don't worry about weak and strong. You will never feel weaker than when you are building strength.

Rygar · November 2009

decides2dream wrote:

Rygar wrote:

Awk-ward!

Rygar wrote:

I agree with what you've said

i was just curious about the "Awk-ward!" part.

Yeah I was making a joke about being romantically pursued by another guy, but it didn't really work out lol

decides2dream · November 2009

yellowporch wrote:

EXACTLY! like why does everything have to be so fucking complicated. he says i love you, but then follows by a negative. never a good sign, i hate having to read between the lines, mean what you say and say what you mean.

well, it's not tho.
he may be tsaking the pussy route in it - and he is - but he's telling you what he wants. he wants it all. you two don't want the same things anymore. as speedy said...dump him...move on. it hurts, it sucks, but it's not complicated.

step off the porch and see the world!

hey, you're young...you've got plenty of time!
enjoy!
meet new people!
have fun!

Rygar wrote:

Yeah I was making a joke about being romantically pursued by another guy, but it didn't really work out lol

hahaha...oops. :oops:
sorry. sometimes, old and married...i miss that joke.

being romantically persued, i always see as fun, tho sure..i guess it cn be awkward, tho usually only when i am being persued by someone i don't like.... :? haha.

Rygar · November 2009

decides2dream wrote:

hahaha...oops. :oops:
sorry. sometimes, old and married...i miss that joke.
being romantically persued, i always see as fun, tho sure..i guess it cn be awkward, tho usually only when i am being persued by someone i don't like.... :? haha.

And again I agree

RazzyLane · November 2009

rearviewmiror wrote:

You will never feel weaker than when you are building strength.

:thumbup:

CJMST3K · November 2009

RazzyLane wrote:

rearviewmiror wrote:

You will never feel weaker than when you are building strength.

:thumbup:

ooooh. i like it.

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