_

yellowporch

*

BG122367

From a male perspective, He is testing the waters, there is more than likely someone that peaks his interests. He is going to give it a try and see if it is any better than what he had with you. Either he will be back in a few weeks or you will see that he now has a new gf.

decides2dream

BG122367 wrote:

From a male perspective, He is testing the waters, there is more than likely someone that peaks his interests. He is going to give it a try and see if it is any better than what he had with you. Either he will be back in a few weeks or you will see that he now has a new gf.

male or female...sounda about spot on.
i don't know how young is young....but even say under 25, yea...sadly....this can and does happen. most of us don't marry or spend the rest of our lives with our first loves, often not even our 2nd or 3rd loves. so the fact that he loves you, you love him...or that you did, doesn't actually mean it will always be. he is probably second-guessing his feelings for you. they may've changed, or be changing...he may be interested in someone else...or he simply is getting cold feet. don't know. all i can say is, don't agree with anything that you don't want. if you don't want a casual relationship, well then, don't have one. he may well be saying it simply b/c he knows you won't accept it, and thus you will break up with him, easing his conscience some. yea, it sucks. do what's right for you. i wish you luck!

yellowporch

decides2dream wrote:

BG122367 wrote:

From a male perspective, He is testing the waters, there is more than likely someone that peaks his interests. He is going to give it a try and see if it is any better than what he had with you. Either he will be back in a few weeks or you will see that he now has a new gf.

male or female...sounda about spot on.
i don't know how young is young....but even say under 25, yea...sadly....this can and does happen. most of us don't marry or spend the rest of our lives with our first loves, often not even our 2nd or 3rd loves. so the fact that he loves you, you love him...or that you did, doesn't actually mean it will always be. he is probably second-guessing his feelings for you. they may've changed, or be changing...he may be interested in someone else...or he simply is getting cold feet. don't know. all i can say is, don't agree with anything that you don't want. if you don't want a casual relationship, well then, don't have one. he may well be saying it simply b/c he knows you won't accept it, and thus you will break up with him, easing his conscience some. yea, it sucks. do what's right for you. i wish you luck!

yeah were in our 20's it just really sucks because we just went through this whole breakup thing last year, and he came back saying i was all he wanted, he couldnt be without me, i had to take him back, and now its his way or too bad for me, guess im out a best friend and the person i love, its just crazy how his feelings can change that much when all along mine are constant? it baffles me honestly, but thanks for the input guys...

CJMST3K

I agree, he either has another girl in mind or he's wanting to see how it is out there... however, I'd have to say (as one) that men have a jealously streak that is pretty strong. With that in mind, does he still comes over your house and everything? If so, have a post-it note on the fridge saying "date with Jim on Friday".

Assuming he notices the note, he'll ask you "who's Jim??". You play it off like "oh, it's just a guy I met... we're just going out for coffee... no big deal". If he's still wanting a relationship with you, this will be his opportunity to choose a side: single or relationship. He'll realize that his arrangement not only frees him up to see other people, it frees YOU up to see other people.

decides2dream

yellowporch wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

BG122367 wrote:

From a male perspective, He is testing the waters, there is more than likely someone that peaks his interests. He is going to give it a try and see if it is any better than what he had with you. Either he will be back in a few weeks or you will see that he now has a new gf.

male or female...sounda about spot on.
i don't know how young is young....but even say under 25, yea...sadly....this can and does happen. most of us don't marry or spend the rest of our lives with our first loves, often not even our 2nd or 3rd loves. so the fact that he loves you, you love him...or that you did, doesn't actually mean it will always be. he is probably second-guessing his feelings for you. they may've changed, or be changing...he may be interested in someone else...or he simply is getting cold feet. don't know. all i can say is, don't agree with anything that you don't want. if you don't want a casual relationship, well then, don't have one. he may well be saying it simply b/c he knows you won't accept it, and thus you will break up with him, easing his conscience some. yea, it sucks. do what's right for you. i wish you luck!

yeah were in our 20's it just really sucks because we just went through this whole breakup thing last year, and he came back saying i was all he wanted, he couldnt be without me, i had to take him back, and now its his way or too bad for me, guess im out a best friend and the person i love, its just crazy how his feelings can change that much when all along mine are constant? it baffles me honestly, but thanks for the input guys...

sadly...that's life....
none of us are immune. he may well have meant all he said, then. just that amazingly, feelings can and do change! life is risk! and love most especially! it's not much solace now, but having experienced such a love, and feeling it so constantly, well....shows what a heart you have and probably bound to find love again in the future. sucks right now, but hey...i'm tryin'. and damn, why does this kinda shit so often happen around the holidays? :? i mean i know why, many of us subconsciously reevaluate at this time, but man, i feel for those that this kinda shit plays out. well, i hope you enjoy time with your friends and family, and hope the new year brings more happiness.

decides2dream

CJMST3K wrote:

I agree, he either has another girl in mind or he's wanting to see how it is out there... however, I'd have to say (as one) that men have a jealously streak that is pretty strong. With that in mind, does he still comes over your house and everything? If so, have a post-it note on the fridge saying "date with Jim on Friday".

Assuming he notices the note, he'll ask you "who's Jim??". You play it off like "oh, it's just a guy I met... we're just going out for coffee... no big deal". If he's still wanting a relationship with you, this will be his opportunity to choose a side: single or relationship. He'll realize that his arrangement not only frees him up to see other people, it frees YOU up to see other people.

why play games?
just break it off, move on...
i'd not want a guy to 'choose me' b/c of something fragile as his ego and jealousy. i'd want him to consciously realize, yes...i want her. so i'd far rather he go 'test the waters'...and be apart...and then, maybe...could get back together. or, more likely, in time....i'd find someone else who is more to my liking and constancy. games suck imo.

Rygar

decides2dream wrote:

why play games?
just break it off, move on...
i'd not want a guy to 'choose me' b/c of something fragile as his ego and jealousy. i'd want him to consciously realize, yes...i want her. so i'd far rather he go 'test the waters'...and be apart...and then, maybe...could get back together. or, more likely, in time....i'd find someone else who is more to my liking and constancy. games suck imo.

Good post, i agree...cept for the part about a wanting a guy to choose me. Awk-ward!

decides2dream

Rygar wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

why play games?
just break it off, move on...
i'd not want a guy to 'choose me' b/c of something fragile as his ego and jealousy. i'd want him to consciously realize, yes...i want her. so i'd far rather he go 'test the waters'...and be apart...and then, maybe...could get back together. or, more likely, in time....i'd find someone else who is more to my liking and constancy. games suck imo.

Good post, i agree...cept for the part about a wanting a guy to choose me. Awk-ward!

do you want a girl to choose you?
and hey, i want to choose him too. just sayin'...i don't want a relationship based on bs games. be with me b/c you want to BE with me. that's it.

SPEEDY MCCREADY

Dump him.......


Move on..............

yellowporch

decides2dream wrote:

Rygar wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

why play games?
just break it off, move on...
i'd not want a guy to 'choose me' b/c of something fragile as his ego and jealousy. i'd want him to consciously realize, yes...i want her. so i'd far rather he go 'test the waters'...and be apart...and then, maybe...could get back together. or, more likely, in time....i'd find someone else who is more to my liking and constancy. games suck imo.

Good post, i agree...cept for the part about a wanting a guy to choose me. Awk-ward!

do you want a girl to choose you?
and hey, i want to choose him too. just sayin'...i don't want a relationship based on bs games. be with me b/c you want to BE with me. that's it.

EXACTLY! like why does everything have to be so fucking complicated. he says i love you, but then follows by a negative. never a good sign, i hate having to read between the lines, mean what you say and say what you mean.

meme

decides2dream wrote:

Rygar wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

why play games?
just break it off, move on...
i'd not want a guy to 'choose me' b/c of something fragile as his ego and jealousy. i'd want him to consciously realize, yes...i want her. so i'd far rather he go 'test the waters'...and be apart...and then, maybe...could get back together. or, more likely, in time....i'd find someone else who is more to my liking and constancy. games suck imo.

Good post, i agree...cept for the part about a wanting a guy to choose me. Awk-ward!

do you want a girl to choose you?
and hey, i want to choose him too. just sayin'...i don't want a relationship based on bs games. be with me b/c you want to BE with me. that's it.

I agree

I completely understand the urge to be with him and call him. It's at its worst the first few days. In some ways it never completely goes away, but it drops considerably with the passing of time. I am giving you a year, and then you'll just smile back and shake your head, assuming you can just cut things off completely. Otherwise, everything is really harder.

Lauri

yellowporch wrote:

okay so my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years, were young so were basically growing up together. weve had bumps along the way as any relationship does, and i have some trust issues with him (rightfully so) and have taken him back after he fucked up last year. And now he wants to "take a step backwards in our relationship" so that i am not officially his girlfriend, but we act the same when we see eachother? i dont understand how expects me to pretend we havent been together for 4 years, known him forever at this point, and now he wants us to have a casual relationship? is it just me or is this ridiculous to ask of someone youre supposed to love? his proposal didnt really settle well with me, and resulted in us taking time apart. and of course i miss him and after 5 days of not seeing him, were best friends, enjoy the same music, do the same things, have the same friends... told him i miss him, which was a mistake and resulted in me looking pathetic, i just hate playing relationship games and hiding my feelings... every time im alone, i feel the need to call him and just say something, anything... i really have no idea how this is going to be resolved and what i should do...

break up. I'm serious, if you're as young as you say you are, you are holding onto each other because you don't know how to be apart. Your boyfriend wants his cake and to eat it too. He knows that there are a lot of other fish in the sea that he needs to experience- as well both of you should- but he's also afraid because all he knows is being with you. He wants you to be there in case he can't find anything better. None of this is good. You've gotten older and grown apart, that is BOUND to happen. There's a whole world out there, go out and see it, on your own.

Rygar

decides2dream wrote:

Rygar wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

why play games?
just break it off, move on...
i'd not want a guy to 'choose me' b/c of something fragile as his ego and jealousy. i'd want him to consciously realize, yes...i want her. so i'd far rather he go 'test the waters'...and be apart...and then, maybe...could get back together. or, more likely, in time....i'd find someone else who is more to my liking and constancy. games suck imo.

Good post, i agree...cept for the part about a wanting a guy to choose me. Awk-ward!

do you want a girl to choose you?
and hey, i want to choose him too. just sayin'...i don't want a relationship based on bs games. be with me b/c you want to BE with me. that's it.

I agree with what you've said

decides2dream

Rygar wrote:

Awk-ward!

Rygar wrote:

I agree with what you've said

i was just curious about the "Awk-ward!" part.

rearviewmiror

Lauri wrote:

yellowporch wrote:

okay so my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years, were young so were basically growing up together. weve had bumps along the way as any relationship does, and i have some trust issues with him (rightfully so) and have taken him back after he fucked up last year. And now he wants to "take a step backwards in our relationship" so that i am not officially his girlfriend, but we act the same when we see eachother? i dont understand how expects me to pretend we havent been together for 4 years, known him forever at this point, and now he wants us to have a casual relationship? is it just me or is this ridiculous to ask of someone youre supposed to love? his proposal didnt really settle well with me, and resulted in us taking time apart. and of course i miss him and after 5 days of not seeing him, were best friends, enjoy the same music, do the same things, have the same friends... told him i miss him, which was a mistake and resulted in me looking pathetic, i just hate playing relationship games and hiding my feelings... every time im alone, i feel the need to call him and just say something, anything... i really have no idea how this is going to be resolved and what i should do...

break up. I'm serious, if you're as young as you say you are, you are holding onto each other because you don't know how to be apart. Your boyfriend wants his cake and to eat it too. He knows that there are a lot of other fish in the sea that he needs to experience- as well both of you should- but he's also afraid because all he knows is being with you. He wants you to be there in case he can't find anything better. None of this is good. You've gotten older and grown apart, that is BOUND to happen. There's a whole world out there, go out and see it, on your own.

+1

It's gonna suck. That's all there is to it. Good Luck and don't worry about weak and strong. You will never feel weaker than when you are building strength.

Rygar

decides2dream wrote:

Rygar wrote:

Awk-ward!

Rygar wrote:

I agree with what you've said

i was just curious about the "Awk-ward!" part.

Yeah I was making a joke about being romantically pursued by another guy, but it didn't really work out lol

decides2dream

yellowporch wrote:

EXACTLY! like why does everything have to be so fucking complicated. he says i love you, but then follows by a negative. never a good sign, i hate having to read between the lines, mean what you say and say what you mean.

well, it's not tho.
he may be tsaking the pussy route in it - and he is - but he's telling you what he wants. he wants it all. you two don't want the same things anymore. as speedy said...dump him...move on. it hurts, it sucks, but it's not complicated.

step off the porch and see the world!



hey, you're young...you've got plenty of time!
enjoy!
meet new people!
have fun!

Rygar wrote:

Yeah I was making a joke about being romantically pursued by another guy, but it didn't really work out lol

hahaha...oops. :oops:
sorry. sometimes, old and married...i miss that joke.
being romantically persued, i always see as fun, tho sure..i guess it cn be awkward, tho usually only when i am being persued by someone i don't like.... :? haha.

Rygar

decides2dream wrote:

hahaha...oops. :oops:
sorry. sometimes, old and married...i miss that joke.
being romantically persued, i always see as fun, tho sure..i guess it cn be awkward, tho usually only when i am being persued by someone i don't like.... :? haha.

And again I agree

RazzyLane

rearviewmiror wrote:

You will never feel weaker than when you are building strength.

:thumbup:

CJMST3K

RazzyLane wrote:

rearviewmiror wrote:

You will never feel weaker than when you are building strength.

:thumbup:

ooooh. i like it.

yellowporch

CJMST3K wrote:

RazzyLane wrote:

rearviewmiror wrote:

You will never feel weaker than when you are building strength.

:thumbup:

ooooh. i like it.

me too! thanks to all of you, its nice to get an outside look on the situation

CJMST3K

yellowporch wrote:

me too! thanks to all of you, its nice to get an outside look on the situation

Good luck, no matter what you choose to do.

Heatherj43

yellowporch wrote:

okay so my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years, were young so were basically growing up together. weve had bumps along the way as any relationship does, and i have some trust issues with him (rightfully so) and have taken him back after he fucked up last year. And now he wants to "take a step backwards in our relationship" so that i am not officially his girlfriend, but we act the same when we see eachother? i dont understand how expects me to pretend we havent been together for 4 years, known him forever at this point, and now he wants us to have a casual relationship? is it just me or is this ridiculous to ask of someone youre supposed to love? his proposal didnt really settle well with me, and resulted in us taking time apart. and of course i miss him and after 5 days of not seeing him, were best friends, enjoy the same music, do the same things, have the same friends... told him i miss him, which was a mistake and resulted in me looking pathetic, i just hate playing relationship games and hiding my feelings... every time im alone, i feel the need to call him and just say something, anything... i really have no idea how this is going to be resolved and what i should do...

Ahhh...when I was younger a guy I was with for 5 years suddenly wanted to take a break. What the trtuh was he wanted to date some girl he met, but because he wasn't sure where that would go and didn't want to end up alone, he hoped I could be put on hold. I said absolutely not and we split. He ended up marrying this girl and she is a real bad drug addict. He now is taking care of her 3 kids and he doesn't know where she is.

norm

yellowporch wrote:

And now he wants to "take a step backwards in our relationship" so that i am not officially his girlfriend, but we act the same when we see eachother?

what kind of happy horse shit is that?!?!


dump this tool...sorry for being harsh but damn, the dude is using you

Heatherj43

norm wrote:

yellowporch wrote:

And now he wants to "take a step backwards in our relationship" so that i am not officially his girlfriend, but we act the same when we see eachother?

what kind of happy horse shit is that?!?!


dump this tool...sorry for being harsh but damn, the dude is using you

YES!

PJGARDEN

You said that you have trust issues with him and for good reason. To me, that sounds like he's cheated on you in the past and now he is pulling this shit, move on.

yellowporch

PJGARDEN wrote:

You said that you have trust issues with him and for good reason. To me, that sounds like he's cheated on you in the past and now he is pulling this shit, move on.

yupp, man this blows!

soulsinging

yellowporch wrote:

okay so my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years, were young so were basically growing up together. weve had bumps along the way as any relationship does, and i have some trust issues with him (rightfully so) and have taken him back after he fucked up last year. And now he wants to "take a step backwards in our relationship" so that i am not officially his girlfriend, but we act the same when we see eachother? i dont understand how expects me to pretend we havent been together for 4 years, known him forever at this point, and now he wants us to have a casual relationship? is it just me or is this ridiculous to ask of someone youre supposed to love? his proposal didnt really settle well with me, and resulted in us taking time apart. and of course i miss him and after 5 days of not seeing him, were best friends, enjoy the same music, do the same things, have the same friends... told him i miss him, which was a mistake and resulted in me looking pathetic, i just hate playing relationship games and hiding my feelings... every time im alone, i feel the need to call him and just say something, anything... i really have no idea how this is going to be resolved and what i should do...

he wants to have sex with other people. it's shit to hear it, but that's what it boils down to. you started dating young, and now he realizes he's missing out on a bit of variety and wants to explore it. my ex is in the same position you are... we were really great together for the most part, but i'm not ready to settle down and still want to be free to hook up with other people for a while. it's hard for her, she says and does the same things as you (only not in person cos we're in diff cities right now, which helps becos if we hung out i'd still act the same becos it's convenient and that has to be a mind fuck). you probably ought to stop talking to him totally for a while and go out and hook up with other people yourself. right now, he knows he can take you for granted and use you as home base while he sleeps around, knowing you'll take him back as he is. show him he can't. either he'll get jealous and realize he's throwing something special away and change his ways, or he won't in which case you'll just have to accept that you're not the girl for him right now but at least you'll get to have some fun.

soulsinging

Lauri wrote:

yellowporch wrote:

okay so my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years, were young so were basically growing up together. weve had bumps along the way as any relationship does, and i have some trust issues with him (rightfully so) and have taken him back after he fucked up last year. And now he wants to "take a step backwards in our relationship" so that i am not officially his girlfriend, but we act the same when we see eachother? i dont understand how expects me to pretend we havent been together for 4 years, known him forever at this point, and now he wants us to have a casual relationship? is it just me or is this ridiculous to ask of someone youre supposed to love? his proposal didnt really settle well with me, and resulted in us taking time apart. and of course i miss him and after 5 days of not seeing him, were best friends, enjoy the same music, do the same things, have the same friends... told him i miss him, which was a mistake and resulted in me looking pathetic, i just hate playing relationship games and hiding my feelings... every time im alone, i feel the need to call him and just say something, anything... i really have no idea how this is going to be resolved and what i should do...

break up. I'm serious, if you're as young as you say you are, you are holding onto each other because you don't know how to be apart. Your boyfriend wants his cake and to eat it too. He knows that there are a lot of other fish in the sea that he needs to experience- as well both of you should- but he's also afraid because all he knows is being with you. He wants you to be there in case he can't find anything better. None of this is good. You've gotten older and grown apart, that is BOUND to happen. There's a whole world out there, go out and see it, on your own.

imagine you and i agreeing on this one eh?

_

yellowporch wrote:

*

Sounds almost EXACTLY like a relationship I had for 4 years when I was in my 20s. I'm not one to ever regret anything, but I do regret not getting the fuck out of that situation as soon as we "kinda" broke up. I should never have let him play that game with me and I should never have let him convince me to take him back.