are you comfortable being alone?

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

I think it's time I come to terms with this. I've been fighting it for years (I'm an only child and have always hated it). Since the fail of my marriage and other relationships I feel the need to accept myself and the possibility that I may just be alone in my life.

I think a road trip alone in the future might do the trick.


Has anyone traveled alone or been able to come out of a shell and accept being alone?

I'm sick of being alone.

I'm an only child and I've always had a hard time making friends and dating, so being alone has been the norm for me for my entire life. Part of the problem is that I've never been able to initiate conversation and/or keep a conversation going for long once it's started, and those kinds of things are self perpetuating. I.e., I have a hard time starting conversations with women I find attractive, so I rarely try, which makes it harder when I do try, and so on. The conversations I do have are awkward for the most part so that adds to the difficulty even more. Messageboards and dating sites are no exceptions for me either. Even though I have had some luck with the one site I'm a member of, I still have a difficult time taking that first step and messaging people that have interesting profiles.

I've only had a few girlfriends but I know what it's like to not be alone. I know the feeling of having someone there to share great things with and to have someone to talk to when I'm down. I know what it's like to have someone out there that misses me. I know what it's like to be wanted. I also know what it's like to be the person that someone comes to when things in their world aren't going so great. These are just a few of the things that I miss when I'm alone, and the lack of these things leaves a huge hole in me. I have good days and bad days, and most of the bad days are on the weekends when I'm out in public and I see all of the happy couples being happy together. But seeing those couples gives me hope, and it should you too. Being alone is a decision that you indirectly (or directly) make yourself, for the most part. I choose to not talk to people because of the anxiety it causes me, so I thereby indirectly choose to be alone. At least that's how I see it.

I know I can make someone happy, especially after all of the boyfriend horror stories that I've heard my female friends tell me over the years. I know I can do better and I've had several of them tell me that I can. They can't seem to understand why I'm alone but it makes perfect sense to me. I'm alone (and lonely) because I don't put myself out there and talk to women, or anyone for that matter.

And let's not EVEN talk about the sex. When you end up finding the perfect partner, someone that pushes your buttons, and lets you push theirs, it makes everything in the relationship so much more intense :twisted:. I'm not about to accept the idea that I'm never going to have sex with anyone but myself ever again lol

So to answer your post, I can't accept the idea that I'm destined to be alone and you shouldn't either. If you feel like you can make someone happy, then don't let your self-doubt get in the way. Your marriage might not have worked, but there was a time when it did work and you both were happy, and that can happen again with someone else, you just have to keep looking.

milarso wrote:

I'm the kind of person that is really happy either alone or with friends. I love people, but there are some days that I look forward to coming home and having my place all to myself. I think there is a lot to be said for being able to be completely satisfied in enjoying your own company.

There really really is. I love my me time... and I get plenty of it. I'm very sociable but sometimes people just annoy me . There's not so many places to go here but, in Dublin, I'd often head off to the beach or to the cinema or wherever on my own. Once I went to the beach on a Saturday morning, really liked it so I booked into a guesthouse for the night, I ate on my own, drank on my own and did everything on my own. It really pushed the boundaries for me but it was quite empowering somehow . I met plenty of people that night and wasn't really alone at all... but it was strange when people ask the usual questions and I told them I was out alone and why... the looks I got. I was talking to my sister on the phone and she said 'that's a bit weird' :? I seriously enjoyed that weekend and I felt like I'd been on a spa weekend by the end of it. I really must do something like that again... cos, while I'm sociable and yet love me time, I do find it hard to push myself to DO stuff alone, I'd rather do nothing alone and do stuff with others... but that weekend kinda proved me wrong :oops:

I definitely do not mind being alone one bit. In fact, I need a fair amount of time alone, really.

Heineken Helen wrote:

It's kinda strange... but I feel by me getting plenty of alone time, it makes me LESS selfish :oops: I used to get frustrated sometimes when I was always with others that we may not be able to do what I wanted or watch/listen to what I wanted or even talk about what I wanted. But then I can take care of all that in my me time and when I'm with others, I've already satisfied my needs to do whatever so I can give more of my time to them and I'm genuinely happy with going along with just whatever.

hmmm, that is true,i guess i can apply that to me too now i think about it.

.....it's all one big balancing act

I love my alone time!
I live alone, and I travel a lot for work...which is usually me traveling alone.


Sometimes there is noting better than kicking back and relaxing by yourself. It feels good sometimes to not have to socialize or talk to anyone.

I personally would rather be alone than wish I was. I very much love being single and being alone. I have a great group of friends with whom I have lots of laughs and good times. My family is some of closest friends. Do I date? yup. I like meeting new people and sharing laughs but I haven't wanted to deal with the compromise that comes with relationships. Is it boring at home alone sometimes? sure but I'm not lonely. I do love to go out by myself or with friends. Do I want to be alone the rest of my life? no but I don't spend my days, hours and seconds searching for someone to "save" me from being alone. I love where I'm at in life, love the woman I am. I wouldn't have any other way.

RACE THAT CANT BE WON wrote:

when im alone i put on "in hiding" and cry in my whiskey
it f'ing awesome!

wait. you were joking, right?

Whizbang wrote:

I personally would rather be alone than wish I was. I very much love being single and being alone. I have a great group of friends with whom I have lots of laughs and good times. My family is some of closest friends. Do I date? yup. I like meeting new people and sharing laughs but I haven't wanted to deal with the compromise that comes with relationships. Is it boring at home alone sometimes? sure but I'm not lonely. I do love to go out by myself or with friends. Do I want to be alone the rest of my life? no but I don't spend my days, hours and seconds searching for someone to "save" me from being alone. I love where I'm at in life, love the woman I am. I wouldn't have any other way.

My problems stem from her not liking ANYONE on my side of the family. (her sisters are the same way). I have shunned some of my family for my wife and it isn't enough.....

Lizard wrote:

RACE THAT CANT BE WON wrote:

when im alone i put on "in hiding" and cry in my whiskey
it f'ing awesome!

wait. you were joking, right?

overcast ocean
ten redux blaring sportscenter on mute
miller light and digourno scattered about
haven't even cracked into the 3olive
no one can stop me
my comfort of loneliness knows no bounds