Parents, How do you discipline teen kid(s)?

13

Comments

  • battan1120
    battan1120 Posts: 310
    When did your brother start calling her a bitch? I doubt that was the first time.Whats next the f-bomb.The shits gotta stop now.We are parents first,friends to them second.Mom has got to tell him that she will not be talked to in that manner or else there will be consequences AKA punishment.Your Mom has to take control of the situation now.Good Luck!!!!
    The bus came by and I got on!!!!!
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    i never had to dicipline my two eldest children. i was lucky. i guess my presence was intimidating enough. however i see such a vast difference with my two youngest. both my son and youngest daughter are head strong and they dont hit teenage for a couple of years yet(he is 11 , she is 9).
    i know i'll handle it okay cause i will handle it as i have done their elder sisters. i brook no bullshit and i demand respect. i can do this cause i give respect and treat them as i wish to be treated. i am not their friend foremost but i will be there if and when they need me. i constantly let them know that above all else honesty is the key. i can not defend them if they lie to be. lies are indefensible in my world and it is a view my children have always grown up with. i love them but that love is not blind.
    hear my name
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  • LONGRD
    LONGRD Posts: 6,036
    battan1120 wrote:
    When did your brother start calling her a bitch? I doubt that was the first time.Whats next the f-bomb.The shits gotta stop now.We are parents first,friends to them second.Mom has got to tell him that she will not be talked to in that manner or else there will be consequences AKA punishment.Your Mom has to take control of the situation now.Good Luck!!!!
    Oh the B-word, the F-bombs and even the N-a words too. His kid thinks he's a gangsta. I've already discipline him about the N-a word already but he thinks it's acceptable. :rolleyes:
    PJ- 04/29/2003.06/24,25,27,28,30/2008.10/27,28,30,31/2009
    EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
  • sponger
    sponger Posts: 3,159
    I just try to remember the kids who stayed out of trouble when I was a kid.

    From my recollection, those kids weren't staying out of trouble because they were afraid of their parents. They just had enough self-respect and self-confidence to do the right thing without succumbing to the almighty force of peer pressure. And it be said for almost certain that those kids had a strong support network available to them in the form of healthy family relationships.

    A positive self-image is the cornerstone of moral decision making.
    reigning champion

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
  • LONGRD
    LONGRD Posts: 6,036
    DeetroitBaasketball wrote:
    I'm a therapist who works with parents of delinquent kids. This is not your issue to deal with unfortunately. Beating him up only tells him that when he's pissed at someone that he should fight that person. Keep giving the positive messages, the rest isn't your responsibility. You might be able to do things that aren't necessarily "family outings". Take him to a Pearl Jam concert! Or just pretend to be nice to him and get him to talk about his peers. Butter him up, tell him you're impressed with how he pulls shit off. Get the info and give it to your mom.

    Not sure what your mom is doing to handle the issue, but there must be some leverage she has to get phone numbers of peer parents. I know it's hard to problem solve when your kid is calling you a bitch, but your brother is just trying to push buttons and show your mom that he has power in the family. If your mom hits him, she only shows a loss of control that has been given to the 14 year old. Not reacting is okay or maybe a "I love you too" / "sorry you feel that way" response is better. That often gets under their skin because they realize they don't have the power to set the parent off.

    This is my "expert" advice going off of a few paragraphs. I'm sure there is much more going on.
    LOL...he's totally not into Pearl Jam. I've tried letting him listen to PJ. He did like the Beasties at first but now thinks they're cheesy.

    When my mother beat me when I was a kid, it wasn't senseless beating at all. I learned a lot of morals and responsibilities through it. It's really hard for her to raised my young siblings in the U.S. Believe me, if we were back in our native country, we would be at peace.
    PJ- 04/29/2003.06/24,25,27,28,30/2008.10/27,28,30,31/2009
    EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
  • sponger
    sponger Posts: 3,159
    LongRd. wrote:

    When my mother beat me when I was a kid, it wasn't senseless beating at all. I learned a lot of morals and responsibilities through it.

    You learned morals from being beaten? Do you really believe that?
    reigning champion

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
  • LONGRD
    LONGRD Posts: 6,036
    sponger wrote:
    You learned morals from being beaten? Do you really believe that?
    Yes, so far I have never made the same mistakes twice.
    PJ- 04/29/2003.06/24,25,27,28,30/2008.10/27,28,30,31/2009
    EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
  • sponger
    sponger Posts: 3,159
    LongRd. wrote:
    Yes, so far I have never made the same mistakes twice.

    But that doesn't have anything to do with morals. It just means that you obey when confronted with a terrifying situation.
    reigning champion

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
  • kh65
    kh65 Posts: 946
    LongRd. wrote:
    My mother having a hard time controlling/raising my 14-year-old brother. Over the phone, I heard him calling her a bitch and saying how she have too much control over his life and won't let him hang out with friends. She just want him to give information about the friend(s)' home phone and parents are but he refuses too. He gave her just a cell number and when she called the answer person didn't know who she was looking for.

    I'm pretty pissed off and want to beat the shit out of him to make some sense into his head but I'll get in trouble for that.

    In my old country, every time I did the slightest thing wrong, I was ready for a beating/spanking by my mother. But here in the U.S., she can't do that or else the social service people will intervene.

    She had a bit of hard time raising me but I was sometimes reasonable with her. But my young brother isn't. He's into the hip hop/rap music and is pretty much very disrespectful too.

    Anyways, I really want to beat the shit out of him to make him more reasonable with things. I know he's only 14 but I wasn't that bad when I was 14.

    So any parents of a teen(around 14) know the best ways to raise a boy?
    Hire another teenager that can beat the shit out of him.
    "If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much room."

    Gambling=a taxation on stupidity.

    Remember, you can walk anywhere, as long as you have the time.

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  • kh65
    kh65 Posts: 946
    kh65 wrote:
    Hire another teenager that can beat the shit out of him.
    If this doesn't work have him scarred straight. Have him put in jail for a day or two. He'll be crying for his mother.
    "If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much room."

    Gambling=a taxation on stupidity.

    Remember, you can walk anywhere, as long as you have the time.

    http://www.ryanmontbleauband.com/

    http://www.myspace.com/jessedee
  • just tina
    just tina Posts: 277
    mine hasn't hit teenhood yet...i'll let you know.
  • PJ_Lukin
    PJ_Lukin Posts: 2,055
    samick wrote:
    there is a point when it's necessary.............
    Never. Violence is never the answer. What he really needs to straighten him out is a girlfriend.
    ~!~ Peace ~!~ Love ~!~ Pearl Jam ~!~
  • DeLukin
    DeLukin Posts: 2,757
    I have a 17 year old boy and I have to say when they turn into teenagers the game changes. Now it's all about privileges. I make sure I give him the freedoms he wants within reason but with the condition that a) he needs to play by predefined rules that we both agree to and b) if he breaks those rules the privileges can be gone. It's not always easy, but that's the language they speak. Consistancy is also important - if he breaks curfew or doesn't call in, etc. there aren't very many excuses that are good enough for me. It's not easy but the important thing to realize is that your role in influencing who they are diminishes as they get older, so it's not so much about raising them as it is guiding them...
    I smile, but who am I kidding...
  • kh65
    kh65 Posts: 946
    DeLukin wrote:
    I have a 17 year old boy and I have to say when they turn into teenagers the game changes. Now it's all about privileges. I make sure I give him the freedoms he wants within reason but with the condition that a) he needs to play by predefined rules that we both agree to and b) if he breaks those rules the privileges can be gone. It's not always easy, but that's the language they speak. Consistancy is also important - if he breaks curfew or doesn't call in, etc. there aren't very many excuses that are good enough for me. It's not easy but the important thing to realize is that your role in influencing who they are diminishes as they get older, so it's not so much about raising them as it is guiding them...
    Well said.
    "If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much room."

    Gambling=a taxation on stupidity.

    Remember, you can walk anywhere, as long as you have the time.

    http://www.ryanmontbleauband.com/

    http://www.myspace.com/jessedee
  • just tina
    just tina Posts: 277
    DeLukin wrote:
    I have a 17 year old boy and I have to say when they turn into teenagers the game changes. Now it's all about privileges. I make sure I give him the freedoms he wants within reason but with the condition that a) he needs to play by predefined rules that we both agree to and b) if he breaks those rules the privileges can be gone. It's not always easy, but that's the language they speak. Consistancy is also important - if he breaks curfew or doesn't call in, etc. there aren't very many excuses that are good enough for me. It's not easy but the important thing to realize is that your role in influencing who they are diminishes as they get older, so it's not so much about raising them as it is guiding them...
    great answer
  • Jason P
    Jason P Posts: 19,436
    Two words: Military School
    Be Excellent To Each Other
    Party On, Dudes!
  • kh65
    kh65 Posts: 946
    Jason P wrote:
    Two words: Military School
    cut to the chase... firing squad
    "If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much room."

    Gambling=a taxation on stupidity.

    Remember, you can walk anywhere, as long as you have the time.

    http://www.ryanmontbleauband.com/

    http://www.myspace.com/jessedee
  • Jason P
    Jason P Posts: 19,436
    Jason P wrote:
    Two words: Military School
    On second thought, had Bill been sent to military school, he would have never formed Wild Stallions with Ted, thus the world would have been doomed . . . hmmm . . . well, I'm out of ideas.

    Good luck with the kid.
    Be Excellent To Each Other
    Party On, Dudes!
  • eyedclaar
    eyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    If one of my brothers ever called my mom a bitch, she wouldn't have needed one of the other sons to come to the rescue. She would have knocked that mofo out herself and then when Dad got home, he would have done it too. Not saying that is the right approach, but we all turned out to be good people. Well, in my eyes, we are good people. I'm sure many would disagree.
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  • dreaminincolor
    dreaminincolor Posts: 87
    DeetroitBaasketball wrote:

    Not sure what your mom is doing to handle the issue, but there must be some leverage she has to get phone numbers of peer parents. I know it's hard to problem solve when your kid is calling you a bitch, but your brother is just trying to push buttons and show your mom that he has power in the family. If your mom hits him, she only shows a loss of control that has been given to the 14 year old. Not reacting is okay or maybe a "I love you too" / "sorry you feel that way" response is better. That often gets under their skin because they realize they don't have the power to set the parent off.

    This is my "expert" advice going off of a few paragraphs. I'm sure there is much more going on.

    great post...as a teacher i have found this works quite well with my most delinquent students-even if it bothers me deep down i never show it to them-never let them set me off (ok i'm not perfect i have definitely been set off before in class-but i really try) i let them know that i am not there for them to like me i am there to have mutual respect and i will show them respect but they ahve to showme respect also....parents aren't meant to be friends (sure they might be later on in life)....taking away priveledges is always the best route-your mom needs to realize that by buying him whatever he wants lets him know that he does what he wants and his mom will go along with it..........i'm not an expert-but deetroitbball has some great advice along with others here:)

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