keeping desires a secret

13

Comments

  • Brain of J.Lo
    Brain of J.Lo Posts: 3,259
    GraySaturday wrote:
    It'll be horribly ironic when I get knocked up with twins, and then there is no one to "take the second one"... :)

    I always tell josh to be quiet when he says something like that, because karma will bit us in the ass!

    25 eh? I'll be 25 soon!

    lol, You can give one to CityMouse. :D Or me, I'll take it. I'll probably want another kid, and this way I won't have to gain all the weight again. ;)
  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    urbanhippie wrote:
    I had that with my first. It sucks. Bigtime.

    My mom had really bad pre-eclampsia with my brother. She was on bed rest for months, and then one day she went in for a check up and they said "We're taking him out right now, or you'll not make it through the night. Would you rather lose the baby, or yourself".. Well thats dramatic enough for her to hear, but I was 7.5 years old, and in the room. So they took my brother out, and gave him a 5% chance to live because he had totally undeveloped lungs. He was taken by helicopter to Children's Memorial in Chicago, and was there for a month. He made it, and had no lasting problems. Thank God.

    It scared the crap out of me at 7.5, and it still does at almost 25..

    and that right there folks probably explains the anti-pregnancy to some extent.
  • Allie
    Allie Posts: 2,908
    Brain of J.Lo wrote:
    lol, You can give one to CityMouse. :D Or me, I'll take it. I'll probably want another kid, and this way I won't have to gain all the weight again. ;)
    dont' forget about me, J!? D JUST KIDDING!!! :D
    "...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
    "Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
    6-01-06
    6/25/08
    Free Speedy
    and Metsy!
  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    Allie wrote:
    dont' forget about me, J!? D JUST KIDDING!!! :D

    Well, when karma really bites me, and I pop out quads, we'll all be set!
  • urbanhippie
    urbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    GraySaturday wrote:
    My mom had really bad pre-eclampsia with my brother. She was on bed rest for months, and then one day she went in for a check up and they said "We're taking him out right now, or you'll not make it through the night. Would you rather lose the baby, or yourself".. Well thats dramatic enough for her to hear, but I was 7.5 years old, and in the room. So they took my brother out, and gave him a 5% chance to live because he had totally undeveloped lungs. He was taken by helicopter to Children's Memorial in Chicago, and was there for a month. He made it, and had no lasting problems. Thank God.

    It scared the crap out of me at 7.5, and it still does at almost 25..

    and that right there folks probably explains the anti-pregnancy to some extent.
    Wow! Thats bad. I'm glad there were no lasting complications.
    To some extent I was lucky that mine developed towards the end of my pregnancy. Yes, I had to deliver early, but not that early. But the birth was hellish and nearly killed me. My Mum actually called my Dad to tell him I might not make it. Luckily my next pregnancy was relatively hassle free.

    I don't blame you for not wanting to do it to yourself. It's your body and your choice.
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • Brain of J.Lo
    Brain of J.Lo Posts: 3,259
    GraySaturday wrote:
    My mom had really bad pre-eclampsia with my brother. She was on bed rest for months, and then one day she went in for a check up and they said "We're taking him out right now, or you'll not make it through the night. Would you rather lose the baby, or yourself".. Well thats dramatic enough for her to hear, but I was 7.5 years old, and in the room. So they took my brother out, and gave him a 5% chance to live because he had totally undeveloped lungs. He was taken by helicopter to Children's Memorial in Chicago, and was there for a month. He made it, and had no lasting problems. Thank God.

    It scared the crap out of me at 7.5, and it still does at almost 25..

    and that right there folks probably explains the anti-pregnancy to some extent.

    It is a really scary condition. Luckily, here in the US, they are better equipped to deal with it, and with premature babies, too. I was considered "borderline pre-eclamptic" by my doctors; my liver/brain were still functioning normally (as far as tests could reveal), but my kidneys were spilling protein, and my blood pressure was high. So I went on bed rest and saw the doctor twice a week for the last 3 months. It was scary, though, because at 27 weeks when I was diagnosed, the doctor gave me like 24 hours of hospital bed rest and told me that if my blood pressure didn't go down, I'd probably deliver the next day....WAY too early. That was scary. I was pretty much on pins and needles for the rest of the pregnancy, but was lucky and was able to carry her to term and go into labor on my own.

    I can definitely understand being afraid of that. I *am* afraid of that happening again, and it's partly why I'm on the fence about having another baby.
  • The Champ
    The Champ Posts: 4,063
    GraySaturday wrote:
    The thought of being pregnant literally makes me sick. I can't fathom that. I do not want that, I think I have a whole weird issue with pregnancy.

    So I think this is it..you are simply afraid..it's natural, but please don't adopt out of fear..

    And on the other hand of kids needing homes..aren't there also a ton of couples who are not physically able to have kids, and thus turn to adoption only to be on some shit waiting list for years..wouldn't you be pushing these people further back due to selfish reasons? Unless you plan to adopt older/foster kids, no? Anyway, I'm no expert but my wife was adopted :)..

    And btw, you know the title of this thread is very misleading..shit ;)..
    'I want to hurry home to you
    put on a slow, dumb show for you
    and crack you up
    so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
    god I'm very, very frightening
    and I'll overdo it'
  • Brain of J.Lo
    Brain of J.Lo Posts: 3,259
    Allie wrote:
    dont' forget about me, J!? D JUST KIDDING!!! :D

    lol, I'm sorry!

    Here...let me make it up to you. Would you like a 2 year old? She's driving me a little crazy right now. ;)
  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    The Champ wrote:
    So I think this is it..you are simply afraid..it's natural, but please don't adopt out of fear..

    And on the other hand of kids needing homes..aren't there also a ton of couples who are not physically able to have kids, and thus turn to adoption only to be on some shit waiting list for years..wouldn't you be pushing these people further back due to selfish reasons? Unless you plan to adopt older/foster kids, no? Anyway, I'm no expert but my wife was adopted :)..

    And btw, you know the title of this thread is very misleading..shit ;)..

    Did you actually call me selfish because I wanted to give a child who is sitting in foster care, and orphanage or a womb of a mother who doesn't want/or can't care for that child, a loving caring home?

    Wow..

    Don't discourage people to not adopt. You're wife was adopted! Would you have discouraged her parents to not adopt her if they were able to have their own children? Not everyone who adopts has to sit on a waiting list.

    Don't tell me I should pregnant if I want kids if I am physically able to.
  • CityMouse
    CityMouse Posts: 1,010
    Brain of J.Lo wrote:
    lol, You can give one to CityMouse. :D Or me, I'll take it. I'll probably want another kid, and this way I won't have to gain all the weight again. ;)

    sorry, I'm having my own twins. everyone in my maternal grandmother's generation had fraternal twins, which is heredity, and...skips a generation...on your mother's side.

    yeah.
  • CityMouse
    CityMouse Posts: 1,010
    The Champ wrote:
    So I think this is it..you are simply afraid..it's natural, but please don't adopt out of fear..

    And on the other hand of kids needing homes..aren't there also a ton of couples who are not physically able to have kids, and thus turn to adoption only to be on some shit waiting list for years..wouldn't you be pushing these people further back due to selfish reasons? Unless you plan to adopt older/foster kids, no? Anyway, I'm no expert but my wife was adopted :)..

    And btw, you know the title of this thread is very misleading..shit ;)..

    why shouldn't she adopt out of fear? she's afraid to get pregnant, plus there are so many other reasons to adopt...everyone wins.

    and I don't think it's right for you to call her reasons "selfish." it's her body you're talking about. plus she could get really sick if pregnant, which is a fantastic reason to adopt. It's not up to you or anyone else to pick and choose who has more of a valid reason to adopt. Yeah, there might be a couple on the list behind her that's not able to have kids- what if that couple is a couple of horrible people who would be terrible parents? None of us can judge who is more worthy of adopting. And NO ONE who adopts is selfish. It seems to me to be 800 times less selfish than having your own kids.
  • Brain of J.Lo
    Brain of J.Lo Posts: 3,259
    CityMouse wrote:
    sorry, I'm having my own twins. everyone in my maternal grandmother's generation had fraternal twins, which is heredity, and...skips a generation...on your mother's side.

    yeah.

    that would make me afraid to get pregnant. :D
  • Brain of J.Lo
    Brain of J.Lo Posts: 3,259
    The Champ wrote:
    So I think this is it..you are simply afraid..it's natural, but please don't adopt out of fear..

    And on the other hand of kids needing homes..aren't there also a ton of couples who are not physically able to have kids, and thus turn to adoption only to be on some shit waiting list for years..wouldn't you be pushing these people further back due to selfish reasons? Unless you plan to adopt older/foster kids, no? Anyway, I'm no expert but my wife was adopted :)..

    And btw, you know the title of this thread is very misleading..shit ;)..

    I think there are a lot more kids who need homes than there are people who want them....which is sad.

    It's never selfish to adopt.
  • The Champ
    The Champ Posts: 4,063
    GraySaturday wrote:
    Did you actually call me selfish because I wanted to give a child who is sitting in foster care, and orphanage or a womb of a mother who doesn't want/or can't care for that child, a loving caring home?

    Wow..

    Don't discourage people to not adopt. You're wife was adopted! Would you have discouraged her parents to not adopt her if they were able to have their own children? Not everyone who adopts has to sit on a waiting list.

    Don't tell me I should pregnant if I want kids if I am physically able to.

    No, adopting foster children would not be a selfish thing to do..lol..just saying there are tons of people out there who are not able to have kids and are on long waiting lists. Just wanted to hit the other side of the conversation..don't get upset..My wife's parents almost got fucking killed in Colombia and had to go through hell trying to adopt her..I wouldn't discourage anyone..just don't think you should adopt due to being 'afraid.'
    'I want to hurry home to you
    put on a slow, dumb show for you
    and crack you up
    so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
    god I'm very, very frightening
    and I'll overdo it'
  • CityMouse
    CityMouse Posts: 1,010
    Brain of J.Lo wrote:
    that would make me afraid to get pregnant. :D

    yup...

    if the thought of carrying one kid freaks me out, the thought of carrying 2 is unbearable! I think I'd just be cowering in a corner for 9 months straight.
  • CityMouse
    CityMouse Posts: 1,010
    The Champ wrote:
    No, adopting foster children would not be a selfish thing to do..lol..just saying there are tons of people out there who are not able to have kids and are on long waiting lists. Just wanted to hit the other side of the conversation..don't get upset..My wife's parents almost got fucking killed in Colombia and had to go through hell trying to adopt her..I wouldn't discourage anyone..just don't think you should adopt due to being 'afraid.'


    there are always way more kids than parents. my friends got kids really fast. there are only such "long waiting lists" for certain kinds of adoptions.
  • The Champ
    The Champ Posts: 4,063
    Brain of J.Lo wrote:
    I think there are a lot more kids who need homes than there are people who want them....which is sad.

    It's never selfish to adopt.

    Is she talking about those kids specifically? Of course that's not selfish..I was more commenting toward the 'being afraid' statement..and CityMouse, don't get me started..selfish..lol ;)..
    'I want to hurry home to you
    put on a slow, dumb show for you
    and crack you up
    so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
    god I'm very, very frightening
    and I'll overdo it'
  • Brain of J.Lo
    Brain of J.Lo Posts: 3,259
    The Champ wrote:
    I was more commenting toward the 'being afraid' statement..and CityMouse, don't get me started..selfish..lol ;)..

    I just don't think it is selfish to adopt, no matter what you're reasoning. Personally, I think being afraid of being putting your body through pregnancy (especially because of the potential for a complication that can be hereditary) is perfectly valid reason to adopt....not that there needs to be a reason or excuse. There are always going to be enough unwanted children out there.
  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    The Champ wrote:
    Is she talking about those kids specifically? Of course that's not selfish..I was more commenting toward the 'being afraid' statement..and CityMouse, don't get me started..selfish..lol ;)..

    As, I originally stated, my intention is to give a home and a family to a child that needs one. I don't believe that family is limited to having biological children, and while there are children out there that need homes, I don't see the need to bring another child into the world.

    I also have no desire to become pregnant. It's two different things, in my life at least.

    Would I make an excellent parents, yes.. as would my husband.. and thats what I feel is most important. Not how we "acquire" a child, but how we love and care for that child

    :)
  • CityMouse
    CityMouse Posts: 1,010
    The Champ wrote:
    Is she talking about those kids specifically? Of course that's not selfish..I was more commenting toward the 'being afraid' statement..and CityMouse, don't get me started..selfish..lol ;)..

    if she's afraid or whatever reason she doesn't want to get pregnant is as good a reason as not being able to for medical reasons. You're a man so you don't ever have to think about it, but as a woman it is a big deal concerning your own body. Plus, she's not adding an extra human to an already resource-constrained world, AND she's taking resposibility for child she's not related to. plus as I said, you have no way of knowing if a couple is "more deserving" just because they haven't been able to get pregnant. And isn't even more of a gesture to say "yes, I could have my own offspring, but instead I'm going to help out." God, if everyone did that the world would be such an amazing place.

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