someone once said to me "life has it's own rhythm and it's best not to force it." I have pretty much lived by that since my early 20s. I try to tell this to my friends who are panicing about not having rings on their fingers by a certain age or whatnot...it's like just go with it, when the time is right it is right. I thought I *had* to be in grad school by 25...but I knew in my gut the programs I was trying to "force" myself into weren't right...a year later it all just came together and I knew what I wanted to do. And it turned out to be something different. that's the thing, it might never happen, but whatever path you end up on is a good one.
I completely agree. I have had a lot of friends that were obsessed with certain things happening at certain times....like life won't be as good if they aren't married by this date or parents by this date or at a certain level in their career, etc...
I think it's best to live without expectations. Instead, hope for the things you want, while keeping in mind that it's up to you to work towards goals. There's nothing wrong with having specific goals in mind, but you have to accept that you can't usually control everything that happens to you.
My life is WAY different at 28 than I ever expected it to be, but I can't imagine the things I'd be missing if I had been too obsessed with making plans. Yes, I'm missing out on some other things....but I wouldn't trade what I have for what I don't.
I used to swear that nannying was the best birth control ever. And, now I'm like, wtf happened? Did I just work with devil spawns in the past, or am I getting bitten with the baby bug?
The thought of being pregnant literally makes me sick. I can't fathom that. I do not want that, I think I have a whole weird issue with pregnancy. But I think a modified baby bug has bitten me.
Josh's idea of adoption is like, Hey, lets find someone who is having twins and only wants one, and we can ask for the other...
Men, seriously.. I wonder sometimes.
lmao about the twins thing. Men are hilarious. If I end up pregnant with twins, in the future, I'll give you guys a call...because I definitely don't want any more than 2 kids.
You might just be reaching an age where you are getting in touch with your nurturing/maternal side. (Obviously, you are already nurturing since you've been a nanny.) It happened to me when I was around 24. Then I got knocked up when I was 25, lol. SO glad that I got actively interested in kids before that happened.
omg! I can't believe someone else feels this way!!!
I can't imagine it either, it really just bothers me on a visceral level, but everyone I mean EVERYONE thinks it is nuts says I'm the only person in the world who feels this way...
it is one of the reasons I would adopt- I don't really have a problem with the idea of being a parent, I just don't want to be PREGNANT.
I have heard of other people that have a serious phobia about pregnancy.
You know what's funny? I totally expected to be completely freaked out by being pregnant. I am such a hypochondriac, too....so I was just sure I'd be in a 9-month-long panic. When it actually happened, though, I enjoyed most of it. But I definitely had a couple of mini-freakouts along the way. I was just certain that I was gonna die in childbirth. I'm not kidding. I was seriously concerned with that. And then I actually had a potentially life-threatening complication. That was fun. It was worth the trouble, though...in the end.
I've been told that I am crazy, and that when I truly want kids, I'll be more then happy to be pregnant. I think thats really unfair of people to assume. I don't think it's selfish not to want to be pregnant. Its a health risk to some people (My family has a condition that can run in the family, causing me to possibly have to be bed ridden for the entire pregnancy) I'd love to have a child, but I'd not like to be pregnant, and with children needing homes all over this planet, what better of a situation, right? It makes me sad that there are so many judgemental people out there. I shouldn't have to defend my right to adopt a child, versus carry one of my own.
**I DO NOT mean anyone on here made me feel this way.. you have all been very supportive and sweet. And, I NEVER mind answering any questions.. I just don't like when people try to tell you that what worked for them will work for you.
exactly. I have a condition where I would be at risk for gestational diabetes...but really it just seems like it would be too much of a toll on my body for nine months. Also I feel like I would be thinking about it ALL the time. I don't know how I could go through my daily life, go to work, etc knowing I was pregnant.
people make a lot of assumptions about these things. the people I have said this to really seem to look down on me. and give me the whole "you'll like when you actually are pregnant" thing. One of my friends went OFF on me once-how could I NOT want to be pregnant? every woman WANTS to be pregnant, it's "natural" and "beautiful." Sorry, maybe I am a robot then.
I think that is a way to make people feel better about the choices THEY made, sometimes they have to justify it to themselves. And as for adoption...yeah if a woman wants children, but doesn't want to experience pregnancy, what better solution than adoption? it helps the parent, the child, society, and the planet.
Firstly, you have been very honest for sharing this on here. I think it's brave of you to talk so openly about things which obviously mean so much.
Secondly, it is your absolute right to not want to have your own biological children. For whatever reasons. Its a sad thing that women who choose not to have children are not given the same respect as those who cannot. No one would dream of questioning them why.
Pregnancy, for all that is called 'natural' is no bed of roses and I respect those who know in advance that it's not for them.
However the desire to be a parent is strong in many people. I think that you have found an ideal solution to this. There are already children out there that need so much and hopefully you'll be in a position to give this to at least one of them.
I didn't know that adoption cost so much in the US. This really is a shame. You'd think that the right thing would be to get these children into loving, stable homes as soon as possible.
Good Luck for the future and I hope you get what you desire.
I have heard of other people that have a serious phobia about pregnancy.
You know what's funny? I totally expected to be completely freaked out by being pregnant. I am such a hypochondriac, too....so I was just sure I'd be in a 9-month-long panic. When it actually happened, though, I enjoyed most of it. But I definitely had a couple of mini-freakouts along the way. I was just certain that I was gonna die in childbirth. I'm not kidding. I was seriously concerned with that. And then I actually had a potentially life-threatening complication. That was fun. It was worth the trouble, though...in the end.
ugh that's terrible that you had that complication. that is scary, but for me, it's not even that fear. It's not even fear really I guess, more like I don't want all that discomfort, nausea, hormonal problems, etc. and I just feel like it must FEEL REALLY WEIRD. I can't really explain it, but sometimes I really have a problem looking at other women who are pregnant, I just can't imagine how they are actually living day-to-day with so much going on in their body.
I was just looking at a photo database of special needs children that need homes.
I must note, that in America, "special needs" adoptions can be very close to free.. This is what is considered a "special needs" adoption:
"Special needs" describes several categories: disabilities, race, age, sibling status, and at-risk. When a child is determined to be a member of a "special needs" group, s/he may qualify for adoption assistance payments (subsidies), the amount of which is dependant on the type and severity of the the need.
* Disabilities include mental, physical and emotional disabilities and disorders which can range from mild to severe. Behavioral problems are part of the emotional disabilities group.
* Minority Race. Some agencies consider minority race alone to be a special need, especially when the child is male, and other agencies do not. This does not mean that being a member of a certain racial group or gender is a disability. It means that, at this time, we have not recruited enough families to adopt our waiting minority race children, and especially the boys. In all racial groups, males outnumber females, sometimes by as much as three to one.
* Age. The age limit at which a child is considered to have special needs differs from one state to another and may differ according to the race of the child. In general, a child over age 5-8 years may be considered an older child.
* Sibling groups. Sibling groups of two members are called small sibling groups. All others are considered to be large sibling groups. Since small sibling groups of pre-school age Caucasian children with mild to no disabilities are as easy to place as healthy white infants, such sib groups usually do not fall into the special needs category unless other factors, such as disability, minority race, or risk factors, are also present.
* "At-risk" children. An an "at-risk" child is one who, while currently healthy, is at risk of developing learning, emotional, behavioral or physical disabilities in the future. Babies exposed to drugs, abuse, neglect, and those with genetic pre-dispositions to mental illness and physical disabilities are called "at-risk."
Special needs children waiting to be adopted are referred to as "waiting" or "adoptable" children and have usually spent some amount of time in foster care.
Sorry, thats wicked lengthy..
But, seriously, these pictures are heartbreaking. It's one thing to know that so many children need homes, but to see their pictures... thats a different story.
ugh that's terrible that you had that complication. that is scary, but for me, it's not even that fear. It's not even fear really I guess, more like I don't want all that discomfort, nausea, hormonal problems, etc. and I just feel like it must FEEL REALLY WEIRD. I can't really explain it, but sometimes I really have a problem looking at other women who are pregnant, I just can't imagine how they are actually living day-to-day with so much going on in their body.
I was lucky in that I was pretty comfortable until the very end. Then I had been on bed rest (because of the pre-eclampsia/high blood pressure), and gained a ton of weight and was miserable and it was so hard to move around, lol.
It felt really cool when I could feel her moving. My husband was kind of freaked out by it, lol, but I think for the mom it's kind of a "bonding with the baby" thing.
I tend to focus/obsess on one thing at a time, and it was kind of hard going around and living my daily life/working/etc. while also thinking constantly about the pregnancy. It was exciting, but it did definitely get in the way sometimes because I was so focused on it.
lmao about the twins thing. Men are hilarious. If I end up pregnant with twins, in the future, I'll give you guys a call...because I definitely don't want any more than 2 kids.
You might just be reaching an age where you are getting in touch with your nurturing/maternal side. (Obviously, you are already nurturing since you've been a nanny.) It happened to me when I was around 24. Then I got knocked up when I was 25, lol. SO glad that I got actively interested in kids before that happened.
It'll be horribly ironic when I get knocked up with twins, and then there is no one to "take the second one"...
I always tell josh to be quiet when he says something like that, because karma will bit us in the ass!
I was lucky in that I was pretty comfortable until the very end. Then I had been on bed rest (because of the pre-eclampsia/high blood pressure), and gained a ton of weight and was miserable and it was so hard to move around, lol.
My mom had really bad pre-eclampsia with my brother. She was on bed rest for months, and then one day she went in for a check up and they said "We're taking him out right now, or you'll not make it through the night. Would you rather lose the baby, or yourself".. Well thats dramatic enough for her to hear, but I was 7.5 years old, and in the room. So they took my brother out, and gave him a 5% chance to live because he had totally undeveloped lungs. He was taken by helicopter to Children's Memorial in Chicago, and was there for a month. He made it, and had no lasting problems. Thank God.
It scared the crap out of me at 7.5, and it still does at almost 25..
and that right there folks probably explains the anti-pregnancy to some extent.
My mom had really bad pre-eclampsia with my brother. She was on bed rest for months, and then one day she went in for a check up and they said "We're taking him out right now, or you'll not make it through the night. Would you rather lose the baby, or yourself".. Well thats dramatic enough for her to hear, but I was 7.5 years old, and in the room. So they took my brother out, and gave him a 5% chance to live because he had totally undeveloped lungs. He was taken by helicopter to Children's Memorial in Chicago, and was there for a month. He made it, and had no lasting problems. Thank God.
It scared the crap out of me at 7.5, and it still does at almost 25..
and that right there folks probably explains the anti-pregnancy to some extent.
Wow! Thats bad. I'm glad there were no lasting complications.
To some extent I was lucky that mine developed towards the end of my pregnancy. Yes, I had to deliver early, but not that early. But the birth was hellish and nearly killed me. My Mum actually called my Dad to tell him I might not make it. Luckily my next pregnancy was relatively hassle free.
I don't blame you for not wanting to do it to yourself. It's your body and your choice.
My mom had really bad pre-eclampsia with my brother. She was on bed rest for months, and then one day she went in for a check up and they said "We're taking him out right now, or you'll not make it through the night. Would you rather lose the baby, or yourself".. Well thats dramatic enough for her to hear, but I was 7.5 years old, and in the room. So they took my brother out, and gave him a 5% chance to live because he had totally undeveloped lungs. He was taken by helicopter to Children's Memorial in Chicago, and was there for a month. He made it, and had no lasting problems. Thank God.
It scared the crap out of me at 7.5, and it still does at almost 25..
and that right there folks probably explains the anti-pregnancy to some extent.
It is a really scary condition. Luckily, here in the US, they are better equipped to deal with it, and with premature babies, too. I was considered "borderline pre-eclamptic" by my doctors; my liver/brain were still functioning normally (as far as tests could reveal), but my kidneys were spilling protein, and my blood pressure was high. So I went on bed rest and saw the doctor twice a week for the last 3 months. It was scary, though, because at 27 weeks when I was diagnosed, the doctor gave me like 24 hours of hospital bed rest and told me that if my blood pressure didn't go down, I'd probably deliver the next day....WAY too early. That was scary. I was pretty much on pins and needles for the rest of the pregnancy, but was lucky and was able to carry her to term and go into labor on my own.
I can definitely understand being afraid of that. I *am* afraid of that happening again, and it's partly why I'm on the fence about having another baby.
The thought of being pregnant literally makes me sick. I can't fathom that. I do not want that, I think I have a whole weird issue with pregnancy.
So I think this is it..you are simply afraid..it's natural, but please don't adopt out of fear..
And on the other hand of kids needing homes..aren't there also a ton of couples who are not physically able to have kids, and thus turn to adoption only to be on some shit waiting list for years..wouldn't you be pushing these people further back due to selfish reasons? Unless you plan to adopt older/foster kids, no? Anyway, I'm no expert but my wife was adopted ..
And btw, you know the title of this thread is very misleading..shit ..
'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
So I think this is it..you are simply afraid..it's natural, but please don't adopt out of fear..
And on the other hand of kids needing homes..aren't there also a ton of couples who are not physically able to have kids, and thus turn to adoption only to be on some shit waiting list for years..wouldn't you be pushing these people further back due to selfish reasons? Unless you plan to adopt older/foster kids, no? Anyway, I'm no expert but my wife was adopted ..
And btw, you know the title of this thread is very misleading..shit ..
Did you actually call me selfish because I wanted to give a child who is sitting in foster care, and orphanage or a womb of a mother who doesn't want/or can't care for that child, a loving caring home?
Wow..
Don't discourage people to not adopt. You're wife was adopted! Would you have discouraged her parents to not adopt her if they were able to have their own children? Not everyone who adopts has to sit on a waiting list.
Don't tell me I should pregnant if I want kids if I am physically able to.
lol, You can give one to CityMouse. Or me, I'll take it. I'll probably want another kid, and this way I won't have to gain all the weight again.
sorry, I'm having my own twins. everyone in my maternal grandmother's generation had fraternal twins, which is heredity, and...skips a generation...on your mother's side.
So I think this is it..you are simply afraid..it's natural, but please don't adopt out of fear..
And on the other hand of kids needing homes..aren't there also a ton of couples who are not physically able to have kids, and thus turn to adoption only to be on some shit waiting list for years..wouldn't you be pushing these people further back due to selfish reasons? Unless you plan to adopt older/foster kids, no? Anyway, I'm no expert but my wife was adopted ..
And btw, you know the title of this thread is very misleading..shit ..
why shouldn't she adopt out of fear? she's afraid to get pregnant, plus there are so many other reasons to adopt...everyone wins.
and I don't think it's right for you to call her reasons "selfish." it's her body you're talking about. plus she could get really sick if pregnant, which is a fantastic reason to adopt. It's not up to you or anyone else to pick and choose who has more of a valid reason to adopt. Yeah, there might be a couple on the list behind her that's not able to have kids- what if that couple is a couple of horrible people who would be terrible parents? None of us can judge who is more worthy of adopting. And NO ONE who adopts is selfish. It seems to me to be 800 times less selfish than having your own kids.
sorry, I'm having my own twins. everyone in my maternal grandmother's generation had fraternal twins, which is heredity, and...skips a generation...on your mother's side.
So I think this is it..you are simply afraid..it's natural, but please don't adopt out of fear..
And on the other hand of kids needing homes..aren't there also a ton of couples who are not physically able to have kids, and thus turn to adoption only to be on some shit waiting list for years..wouldn't you be pushing these people further back due to selfish reasons? Unless you plan to adopt older/foster kids, no? Anyway, I'm no expert but my wife was adopted ..
And btw, you know the title of this thread is very misleading..shit ..
I think there are a lot more kids who need homes than there are people who want them....which is sad.
Did you actually call me selfish because I wanted to give a child who is sitting in foster care, and orphanage or a womb of a mother who doesn't want/or can't care for that child, a loving caring home?
Wow..
Don't discourage people to not adopt. You're wife was adopted! Would you have discouraged her parents to not adopt her if they were able to have their own children? Not everyone who adopts has to sit on a waiting list.
Don't tell me I should pregnant if I want kids if I am physically able to.
No, adopting foster children would not be a selfish thing to do..lol..just saying there are tons of people out there who are not able to have kids and are on long waiting lists. Just wanted to hit the other side of the conversation..don't get upset..My wife's parents almost got fucking killed in Colombia and had to go through hell trying to adopt her..I wouldn't discourage anyone..just don't think you should adopt due to being 'afraid.'
'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
if the thought of carrying one kid freaks me out, the thought of carrying 2 is unbearable! I think I'd just be cowering in a corner for 9 months straight.
No, adopting foster children would not be a selfish thing to do..lol..just saying there are tons of people out there who are not able to have kids and are on long waiting lists. Just wanted to hit the other side of the conversation..don't get upset..My wife's parents almost got fucking killed in Colombia and had to go through hell trying to adopt her..I wouldn't discourage anyone..just don't think you should adopt due to being 'afraid.'
there are always way more kids than parents. my friends got kids really fast. there are only such "long waiting lists" for certain kinds of adoptions.
I think there are a lot more kids who need homes than there are people who want them....which is sad.
It's never selfish to adopt.
Is she talking about those kids specifically? Of course that's not selfish..I was more commenting toward the 'being afraid' statement..and CityMouse, don't get me started..selfish..lol ..
'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
I was more commenting toward the 'being afraid' statement..and CityMouse, don't get me started..selfish..lol ..
I just don't think it is selfish to adopt, no matter what you're reasoning. Personally, I think being afraid of being putting your body through pregnancy (especially because of the potential for a complication that can be hereditary) is perfectly valid reason to adopt....not that there needs to be a reason or excuse. There are always going to be enough unwanted children out there.
Is she talking about those kids specifically? Of course that's not selfish..I was more commenting toward the 'being afraid' statement..and CityMouse, don't get me started..selfish..lol ..
As, I originally stated, my intention is to give a home and a family to a child that needs one. I don't believe that family is limited to having biological children, and while there are children out there that need homes, I don't see the need to bring another child into the world.
I also have no desire to become pregnant. It's two different things, in my life at least.
Would I make an excellent parents, yes.. as would my husband.. and thats what I feel is most important. Not how we "acquire" a child, but how we love and care for that child
Is she talking about those kids specifically? Of course that's not selfish..I was more commenting toward the 'being afraid' statement..and CityMouse, don't get me started..selfish..lol ..
if she's afraid or whatever reason she doesn't want to get pregnant is as good a reason as not being able to for medical reasons. You're a man so you don't ever have to think about it, but as a woman it is a big deal concerning your own body. Plus, she's not adding an extra human to an already resource-constrained world, AND she's taking resposibility for child she's not related to. plus as I said, you have no way of knowing if a couple is "more deserving" just because they haven't been able to get pregnant. And isn't even more of a gesture to say "yes, I could have my own offspring, but instead I'm going to help out." God, if everyone did that the world would be such an amazing place.
Comments
I completely agree. I have had a lot of friends that were obsessed with certain things happening at certain times....like life won't be as good if they aren't married by this date or parents by this date or at a certain level in their career, etc...
I think it's best to live without expectations. Instead, hope for the things you want, while keeping in mind that it's up to you to work towards goals. There's nothing wrong with having specific goals in mind, but you have to accept that you can't usually control everything that happens to you.
My life is WAY different at 28 than I ever expected it to be, but I can't imagine the things I'd be missing if I had been too obsessed with making plans. Yes, I'm missing out on some other things....but I wouldn't trade what I have for what I don't.
lmao about the twins thing. Men are hilarious.
You might just be reaching an age where you are getting in touch with your nurturing/maternal side. (Obviously, you are already nurturing since you've been a nanny.) It happened to me when I was around 24. Then I got knocked up when I was 25, lol. SO glad that I got actively interested in kids before that happened.
I have heard of other people that have a serious phobia about pregnancy.
You know what's funny? I totally expected to be completely freaked out by being pregnant. I am such a hypochondriac, too....so I was just sure I'd be in a 9-month-long panic. When it actually happened, though, I enjoyed most of it. But I definitely had a couple of mini-freakouts along the way. I was just certain that I was gonna die in childbirth. I'm not kidding. I was seriously concerned with that. And then I actually had a potentially life-threatening complication. That was fun.
exactly. I have a condition where I would be at risk for gestational diabetes...but really it just seems like it would be too much of a toll on my body for nine months. Also I feel like I would be thinking about it ALL the time. I don't know how I could go through my daily life, go to work, etc knowing I was pregnant.
people make a lot of assumptions about these things. the people I have said this to really seem to look down on me. and give me the whole "you'll like when you actually are pregnant" thing. One of my friends went OFF on me once-how could I NOT want to be pregnant? every woman WANTS to be pregnant, it's "natural" and "beautiful." Sorry, maybe I am a robot then.
I think that is a way to make people feel better about the choices THEY made, sometimes they have to justify it to themselves. And as for adoption...yeah if a woman wants children, but doesn't want to experience pregnancy, what better solution than adoption? it helps the parent, the child, society, and the planet.
Secondly, it is your absolute right to not want to have your own biological children. For whatever reasons. Its a sad thing that women who choose not to have children are not given the same respect as those who cannot. No one would dream of questioning them why.
Pregnancy, for all that is called 'natural' is no bed of roses and I respect those who know in advance that it's not for them.
However the desire to be a parent is strong in many people. I think that you have found an ideal solution to this. There are already children out there that need so much and hopefully you'll be in a position to give this to at least one of them.
I didn't know that adoption cost so much in the US. This really is a shame. You'd think that the right thing would be to get these children into loving, stable homes as soon as possible.
Good Luck for the future and I hope you get what you desire.
Wembley 18/06/07
If there was a reason, it was you.
O2 Arena 18/09/09
ugh that's terrible that you had that complication. that is scary, but for me, it's not even that fear. It's not even fear really I guess, more like I don't want all that discomfort, nausea, hormonal problems, etc. and I just feel like it must FEEL REALLY WEIRD. I can't really explain it, but sometimes I really have a problem looking at other women who are pregnant, I just can't imagine how they are actually living day-to-day with so much going on in their body.
I must note, that in America, "special needs" adoptions can be very close to free.. This is what is considered a "special needs" adoption:
"Special needs" describes several categories: disabilities, race, age, sibling status, and at-risk. When a child is determined to be a member of a "special needs" group, s/he may qualify for adoption assistance payments (subsidies), the amount of which is dependant on the type and severity of the the need.
* Disabilities include mental, physical and emotional disabilities and disorders which can range from mild to severe. Behavioral problems are part of the emotional disabilities group.
* Minority Race. Some agencies consider minority race alone to be a special need, especially when the child is male, and other agencies do not. This does not mean that being a member of a certain racial group or gender is a disability. It means that, at this time, we have not recruited enough families to adopt our waiting minority race children, and especially the boys. In all racial groups, males outnumber females, sometimes by as much as three to one.
* Age. The age limit at which a child is considered to have special needs differs from one state to another and may differ according to the race of the child. In general, a child over age 5-8 years may be considered an older child.
* Sibling groups. Sibling groups of two members are called small sibling groups. All others are considered to be large sibling groups. Since small sibling groups of pre-school age Caucasian children with mild to no disabilities are as easy to place as healthy white infants, such sib groups usually do not fall into the special needs category unless other factors, such as disability, minority race, or risk factors, are also present.
* "At-risk" children. An an "at-risk" child is one who, while currently healthy, is at risk of developing learning, emotional, behavioral or physical disabilities in the future. Babies exposed to drugs, abuse, neglect, and those with genetic pre-dispositions to mental illness and physical disabilities are called "at-risk."
Special needs children waiting to be adopted are referred to as "waiting" or "adoptable" children and have usually spent some amount of time in foster care.
Sorry, thats wicked lengthy..
But, seriously, these pictures are heartbreaking. It's one thing to know that so many children need homes, but to see their pictures... thats a different story.
All ages, all the way through 18.
I was lucky in that I was pretty comfortable until the very end. Then I had been on bed rest (because of the pre-eclampsia/high blood pressure), and gained a ton of weight and was miserable and it was so hard to move around, lol.
It felt really cool when I could feel her moving. My husband was kind of freaked out by it, lol, but I think for the mom it's kind of a "bonding with the baby" thing.
I tend to focus/obsess on one thing at a time, and it was kind of hard going around and living my daily life/working/etc. while also thinking constantly about the pregnancy. It was exciting, but it did definitely get in the way sometimes because I was so focused on it.
It'll be horribly ironic when I get knocked up with twins, and then there is no one to "take the second one"...
I always tell josh to be quiet when he says something like that, because karma will bit us in the ass!
25 eh? I'll be 25 soon!
Wembley 18/06/07
If there was a reason, it was you.
O2 Arena 18/09/09
lol, You can give one to CityMouse.
My mom had really bad pre-eclampsia with my brother. She was on bed rest for months, and then one day she went in for a check up and they said "We're taking him out right now, or you'll not make it through the night. Would you rather lose the baby, or yourself".. Well thats dramatic enough for her to hear, but I was 7.5 years old, and in the room. So they took my brother out, and gave him a 5% chance to live because he had totally undeveloped lungs. He was taken by helicopter to Children's Memorial in Chicago, and was there for a month. He made it, and had no lasting problems. Thank God.
It scared the crap out of me at 7.5, and it still does at almost 25..
and that right there folks probably explains the anti-pregnancy to some extent.
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
Well, when karma really bites me, and I pop out quads, we'll all be set!
To some extent I was lucky that mine developed towards the end of my pregnancy. Yes, I had to deliver early, but not that early. But the birth was hellish and nearly killed me. My Mum actually called my Dad to tell him I might not make it. Luckily my next pregnancy was relatively hassle free.
I don't blame you for not wanting to do it to yourself. It's your body and your choice.
Wembley 18/06/07
If there was a reason, it was you.
O2 Arena 18/09/09
It is a really scary condition. Luckily, here in the US, they are better equipped to deal with it, and with premature babies, too. I was considered "borderline pre-eclamptic" by my doctors; my liver/brain were still functioning normally (as far as tests could reveal), but my kidneys were spilling protein, and my blood pressure was high. So I went on bed rest and saw the doctor twice a week for the last 3 months. It was scary, though, because at 27 weeks when I was diagnosed, the doctor gave me like 24 hours of hospital bed rest and told me that if my blood pressure didn't go down, I'd probably deliver the next day....WAY too early. That was scary. I was pretty much on pins and needles for the rest of the pregnancy, but was lucky and was able to carry her to term and go into labor on my own.
I can definitely understand being afraid of that. I *am* afraid of that happening again, and it's partly why I'm on the fence about having another baby.
So I think this is it..you are simply afraid..it's natural, but please don't adopt out of fear..
And on the other hand of kids needing homes..aren't there also a ton of couples who are not physically able to have kids, and thus turn to adoption only to be on some shit waiting list for years..wouldn't you be pushing these people further back due to selfish reasons? Unless you plan to adopt older/foster kids, no? Anyway, I'm no expert but my wife was adopted
And btw, you know the title of this thread is very misleading..shit
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
lol, I'm sorry!
Here...let me make it up to you. Would you like a 2 year old? She's driving me a little crazy right now.
Did you actually call me selfish because I wanted to give a child who is sitting in foster care, and orphanage or a womb of a mother who doesn't want/or can't care for that child, a loving caring home?
Wow..
Don't discourage people to not adopt. You're wife was adopted! Would you have discouraged her parents to not adopt her if they were able to have their own children? Not everyone who adopts has to sit on a waiting list.
Don't tell me I should pregnant if I want kids if I am physically able to.
sorry, I'm having my own twins. everyone in my maternal grandmother's generation had fraternal twins, which is heredity, and...skips a generation...on your mother's side.
yeah.
why shouldn't she adopt out of fear? she's afraid to get pregnant, plus there are so many other reasons to adopt...everyone wins.
and I don't think it's right for you to call her reasons "selfish." it's her body you're talking about. plus she could get really sick if pregnant, which is a fantastic reason to adopt. It's not up to you or anyone else to pick and choose who has more of a valid reason to adopt. Yeah, there might be a couple on the list behind her that's not able to have kids- what if that couple is a couple of horrible people who would be terrible parents? None of us can judge who is more worthy of adopting. And NO ONE who adopts is selfish. It seems to me to be 800 times less selfish than having your own kids.
that would make me afraid to get pregnant.
I think there are a lot more kids who need homes than there are people who want them....which is sad.
It's never selfish to adopt.
No, adopting foster children would not be a selfish thing to do..lol..just saying there are tons of people out there who are not able to have kids and are on long waiting lists. Just wanted to hit the other side of the conversation..don't get upset..My wife's parents almost got fucking killed in Colombia and had to go through hell trying to adopt her..I wouldn't discourage anyone..just don't think you should adopt due to being 'afraid.'
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
yup...
if the thought of carrying one kid freaks me out, the thought of carrying 2 is unbearable! I think I'd just be cowering in a corner for 9 months straight.
there are always way more kids than parents. my friends got kids really fast. there are only such "long waiting lists" for certain kinds of adoptions.
Is she talking about those kids specifically? Of course that's not selfish..I was more commenting toward the 'being afraid' statement..and CityMouse, don't get me started..selfish..lol
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
I just don't think it is selfish to adopt, no matter what you're reasoning. Personally, I think being afraid of being putting your body through pregnancy (especially because of the potential for a complication that can be hereditary) is perfectly valid reason to adopt....not that there needs to be a reason or excuse. There are always going to be enough unwanted children out there.
As, I originally stated, my intention is to give a home and a family to a child that needs one. I don't believe that family is limited to having biological children, and while there are children out there that need homes, I don't see the need to bring another child into the world.
I also have no desire to become pregnant. It's two different things, in my life at least.
Would I make an excellent parents, yes.. as would my husband.. and thats what I feel is most important. Not how we "acquire" a child, but how we love and care for that child
if she's afraid or whatever reason she doesn't want to get pregnant is as good a reason as not being able to for medical reasons. You're a man so you don't ever have to think about it, but as a woman it is a big deal concerning your own body. Plus, she's not adding an extra human to an already resource-constrained world, AND she's taking resposibility for child she's not related to. plus as I said, you have no way of knowing if a couple is "more deserving" just because they haven't been able to get pregnant. And isn't even more of a gesture to say "yes, I could have my own offspring, but instead I'm going to help out." God, if everyone did that the world would be such an amazing place.