This May seem desperate...
Comments
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writersu wrote:But I want to know from those who have been married with kids and had issues for a lot of years. Mine were that he was an alcoholic for the first like 12 years, then got sober, hating every minute of it, for a year and then had a stroke due to the high blood pressure + drinking and is now paralyzed and meaner than ever.
We have been seperated for over a year, I am with the kids, we do ok, yet he is still paying for the house while I am going to school for a certificate in medical billing and coding which should help me financially after the year of school is over.
Does filing for a divorce hurt the one filing? Like I mean to say, if I do am I going to end up screwing myself more? He is playing mind games with the kids all of the time, by making plans, then bailing, and constantly berating me in front of them. They are all old enough to know that they are out of this whole thing soon, thank God and don't have to deal with the crap.
I try to hold my tongue, he threatens to take the house from the kids and I when he really gets in a fit. But I am losing my self respect and I worry about the kids and what will they see me as when all is said and done. I don't want to make their lives worse but I also don't want to make myself appear weak to them.
I am sorry to ask this here, but many of you have so many different looks on life that I have not been able to see and because I consider you my friends, I thought I would ask for your opinions.
Thanks, guys. really.
As for being hurt filing, it's a means to an end. Personally it was a great day in my life
Good luck! You'll be a lot happier when you've seen this through.0 -
can't really add any advice to that already given.
My sister was married to an alcoholic and FINALLY left him but took years to file the papers. Probably a different situation though since he was NO help financially. Uggh.
Take care
(((Writersu))))So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me0 -
writersu wrote:thanks, all of you ...really.
I just searched my state's web page to see what they offer in regard to reduced legal fee help in divorce proceedings. I hope to hear back from them soon.
I also found out that I am able to start school again tomorrow (to retake my class from last spring) and am working on looking for a job (that he knows nothing about so he can't take the little I will make away).
I will keep you posted. If any thoughts come to you after this, please let me know.
thanks again, all of you. I find sanity in the posts that come to my aid; you are true friends.
Su
talk to a top dog
find out what it costs
OFTEN THE HUSBAND HAS TO PAY
dont let the fees keep you away from at least talking to a good, private lawyer0 -
Get_Right wrote:talk to a top dog
find out what it costs
OFTEN THE HUSBAND HAS TO PAY
dont let the fees keep you away from at least talking to a good, private lawyer
It's a long hard road Su, like we have talked about. But you can be strong.Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away0 -
Everyone here has posted good information. I can relate as my husband is an addict who went off the deep end after being clean for nearly three years. Hopefully, he checked into rehab by now.
Regarding your maiden name, you do not have to pay to get it back. There is a box you check that after a divorce is final, you will retain your maiden name. Should you choose to change or make up another last night, you WILL have to pay. My sister's divorce was final a few months ago and she wanted to change her last name to that of our maternal grandmother instead of her maiden name. She didn't want to pay and she now goes by her maiden name.
Whoever posted about Orders of Protection were correct. I currently have one on my husband and went to court today to file petitions and what not only to be told that the OP was not in the system. Therefore, the only thing that was handled at court was an extension of the OP.
Further, if you file an OP, under the Domestic Violence Act in Illinois, you are entitled to live in your residence for up to two years if you can prove that he is a danger to your children and you. I have a REALLY good lawyer. Feel free to ask me any questions. Be strong, good luck."you shall be released" ~ EV0 -
urbanhippie wrote:
Don't let him see he can get to you through your children, he'll do it all the more and it's not fair on them, or you.
But i witnessed this with my uncle. It was the opposite where she did all she could to get to him thru the kids, and it worked cause he reacted exactly how she wanted. In the end it was her who hurt my cousins more because she made them choose. Just stand strong and allow your kids to see that you love them. That's all they can ask from a parent...one who is strong for themselves and who loves them.
good luck in all u choose. Divorce is hard, but the end result is possibility and that is worth the struggle and the pain."I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"0 -
hartamh wrote:WOW it's like I just read my own story.. I'm going through almost everything you are, and I too want a divorce but I'm not sure how that would work for me.. I've been going through this for 31 years of marriage. Please let me know if you get any advice on this.. again WOW and good luck.
i have a simple harmless question.
why would anyone spend 31 years being in a bullshit relationship/marriage?
and writersu..
let the fucker have the house, who gives a fuck as long as you have your
sanity and the kids have a roof of some kind over their heads, who cares.
i say loose the fucker all together.
the kids can see him when they can.
i personally wouldn't put up with crap like this from anyone.for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce0 -
chadwick wrote:i have a simple harmless question.
why would anyone spend 31 years being in a bullshit relationship/marriage?
and writersu..
let the fucker have the house, who gives a fuck as long as you have your
sanity and the kids have a roof of some kind over their heads, who cares.
i say loose the fucker all together.
the kids can see him when they can.
i personally wouldn't put up with crap like this from anyone.
that is true. The house is a material thing. Kids *will* adjust. I am going to be sacrificing a LOT in order to have my sanity and freedom...and, in time, I'll most likely, have to downsize to a smaller house. Change can be hard but nothing changes if nothing changes."you shall be released" ~ EV0 -
releaselauren wrote:nothing changes if nothing changes."I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"0
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releaselauren wrote:that is true. The house is a material thing. Kids *will* adjust. I am going to be sacrificing a LOT in order to have my sanity and freedom...and, in time, I'll most likely, have to downsize to a smaller house. Change can be hard but nothing changes if nothing changes.
yep yep.
it's a material item which in my world means who gives a shit.
it can be hard but it is very do able.
your self worth/self esteem will increase if and when you set shit strait.
your husband has a serious problem.
it amazes me how people treat themselves and the people they say they love.
weird shit..
i'd drop the dude like a bad habit and let him have the house. fuck eem..for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce0 -
CHANGEinWAVES wrote:this is such an important part of the process....i hop u don't mind if i quote u on this.
I don't mind at all.
Good luck to you, as well."you shall be released" ~ EV0 -
releaselauren wrote:I don't mind at all.
Good luck to you, as well.
i feel like we should make a pearl jam narnon group....i didn't realize all those who loved addicts on here."I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"0 -
CHANGEinWAVES wrote:thank you:)
i feel like we should make a pearl jam narnon group....i didn't realize all those who loved addicts on here.
I thought the same thing!
How many times have you listened to "All Those Yesterdays" and thought about your addict? I can't count that high!"you shall be released" ~ EV0 -
releaselauren wrote:I thought the same thing!
How many times have you listened to "All Those Yesterdays" and thought about your addict? I can't count that high!
for him the song was save you...i guess i have a bit more anger about the deception.
the pills part does relate to him though...:(
**to the OP please keep us updated, there are a lot of us out there married to addicts and trying to break free. we know partially what you are going thru and are here for you."I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"0 -
eyedclaar wrote:I don't tolerate abuse be it emotional or physical. I divorced my first wife when she decided that being married meant she could treat me however she wanted to. I didn't drag my heels. I up and got the fuck out. Best decision I ever made. And my real father is lucky he died before I grew up. I see red when I see bullies, especially in family dynamics.
My advice to you would probably involve sleeping pills and a gallon of gasoline so I'll just keep that to myself.
can I hire you??
(just trying to make light of this, but really.................)Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........0 -
cutback wrote:su i have no advice to give ya but stay strong
thanks, friend. those words alone are inspiring. really.Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........0 -
nuffingman wrote:I feel like giving you my wife's email address. She was married to an alcoholic for 14 years. Apparently mind games was his favourite occupation. She took a long time to divorce him because she was frightened. When she announced she was off things became really nasty even though he no longer drank. One of the greatest helps to her was a group for the partners of alcoholics. Through that she understood what games they can play. Sorry, forgot to look where you are from but perhaps there's a group near you.
As for being hurt filing, it's a means to an end. Personally it was a great day in my life
Good luck! You'll be a lot happier when you've seen this through.
just knowing that your wife found love again is so inspiring to me. mind games can really get you off kilter. and the weird thing is that I can't imagine doing this to anyone, really, this is so bad; but how do people prey on those who are obviously hanging on by a thread so weak?
This may be unGodly, but you know my take on Him if you know me at all; I sure hope God deals severely with those who prey on those hurting. I can't imagine a more sick act.
Thanks again for your words. and yeah, I would love to hear from your wife if she wanted to contact me. I need to draw on the strength from others. Just hearing, "you can do this", is a huge help. you know?Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........0 -
I am crying so I am having a hard time remembering all of you, here so forgive me, releaselauren,trixiecat,chaddy, my dear friend,eyedclear, change inwaves,hartamh,getright, ALL,OF YOU, please forgive me if I forgot any of you.
I am so numb and wonder how the hell someone becomes this. When I look at my kids it seems so foreign and so crazy to think they would ever end up so sad. I almost stand against that for them in whatever way I can you know?
How this happens, I do not know. I have heard so many of you here say nice things about your spouses, others say really enlightened, mature things about relationships, and I see that this is not the norm.
I pray it goes fast and that I still have time with my kids to enjoy them before they are grown and my memories are what was sad in the end.
I talked to him today and he said he was going to file in 6 weeks. I am not sure what the hell six weeks means but it is weird. I am going to seek some help from a lawyer. I need to find out the facts so the unknown doesn't scare me away from life itself.
i start school again tomorrow so I have to turn in now. I will check in tomorrow with you guys. thanks friends, truly.
SuBaby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........0 -
releaselauren wrote:that is true. The house is a material thing. Kids *will* adjust. I am going to be sacrificing a LOT in order to have my sanity and freedom...and, in time, I'll most likely, have to downsize to a smaller house. Change can be hard but nothing changes if nothing changes.
im not the best person to offer advice when it comes to material goods but NOTHING is worth more than your sanity and when there are children involved, even moreso. and to keep that sanity there is no such thing as sacrifice in my mind.hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say0 -
releaselauren wrote:Kids *will* adjust.
My eldest especially never had a 'good' relationship with his father. His dad would often put him down and belittle him and often I felt I had to stand between them. Since his dad has gone he's grown such a lot and become the reliable, mature 15 yr old that I always knew he could be. Even my 12 yr old (who was always daddy's little princess) and myself have become so much closer. We work well as a unit, we negotiate and pull together more, simply because we HAVE to now.
You're doing the right thing, by yourself and your children.A human being that was given to fly.
Wembley 18/06/07
If there was a reason, it was you.
O2 Arena 18/09/090
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