This May seem desperate...

Inhiding230

writersu wrote:

I am crying so I am having a hard time remembering all of you, here so forgive me, releaselauren,trixiecat,chaddy, my dear friend,eyedclear, change inwaves,hartamh,getright, ALL,OF YOU, please forgive me if I forgot any of you.
I am so numb and wonder how the hell someone becomes this. When I look at my kids it seems so foreign and so crazy to think they would ever end up so sad. I almost stand against that for them in whatever way I can you know?

How this happens, I do not know. I have heard so many of you here say nice things about your spouses, others say really enlightened, mature things about relationships, and I see that this is not the norm.
I pray it goes fast and that I still have time with my kids to enjoy them before they are grown and my memories are what was sad in the end.
I talked to him today and he said he was going to file in 6 weeks. I am not sure what the hell six weeks means but it is weird. I am going to seek some help from a lawyer. I need to find out the facts so the unknown doesn't scare me away from life itself.

i start school again tomorrow so I have to turn in now. I will check in tomorrow with you guys. thanks friends, truly.

Su

Su you need to try not to dwell on how you got into this situation and how bad it is. You need to focus on changing things around so things will be better for you and the kids I know how hard that is, but you have to be strong willed and make it happen.

Personally, I would not wait for him to file in 6 weeks. Talk to a lawyer and do it yourself. Do you really want to wait for him to get around to it? You have said yourself that he does not follow through and fulfull his promises. Put yourself in control of the situation and don't let him be.

As for your kids, they will get through it and they will adjust. Family counselling may be a good idea for you and the kids. If you file for a restraining order or order of protection, there should be a Domestic Violence center that will offer it for free. My situation was verbal and emotional abuse (no physical) but it still counts as domestic violence. You should check if there is a center where you live.

Good luck hun and just remember you have lots of support here

duffy

writersu wrote:

But I want to know from those who have been married with kids and had issues for a lot of years. Mine were that he was an alcoholic for the first like 12 years, then got sober, hating every minute of it, for a year and then had a stroke due to the high blood pressure + drinking and is now paralyzed and meaner than ever.
We have been seperated for over a year, I am with the kids, we do ok, yet he is still paying for the house while I am going to school for a certificate in medical billing and coding which should help me financially after the year of school is over.
Does filing for a divorce hurt the one filing? Like I mean to say, if I do am I going to end up screwing myself more? He is playing mind games with the kids all of the time, by making plans, then bailing, and constantly berating me in front of them. They are all old enough to know that they are out of this whole thing soon, thank God and don't have to deal with the crap.
I try to hold my tongue, he threatens to take the house from the kids and I when he really gets in a fit. But I am losing my self respect and I worry about the kids and what will they see me as when all is said and done. I don't want to make their lives worse but I also don't want to make myself appear weak to them.

I am sorry to ask this here, but many of you have so many different looks on life that I have not been able to see and because I consider you my friends, I thought I would ask for your opinions.

Thanks, guys. really.

sounds horrendous. this is a case in point why i don't really respect or even want to support the institution of marriage.
its like a committed sentence to abuse or be abused the rest of your life.
save yourself and the kiddies. you'll be sooooo much happier and better off.

Inhiding230

^^^ I don't really agree with you about marriage, but that is your opinion.

KosmicJelli

I agree with some of the posts. Not that you should be stringing him along for the house, but things are still stable financially. I wouldnt rock the boat with filing for divorce, unless you feel it is truly necessary at this point. Be prepared before you file! Have alternate plans if things get volatile or dont go the way you planned. I am quite sure though since you have the children and he is paying for the house you have already set a prescendent in the eyes of the court.

I wouldnt worry about empty threats from a person with an addictive personality. Thats what they are: BS and just trying to control and manipulate you! Not that I condone tactics and behavior like that but sometimes you just still have to play the "game" with them until you are out of your current situation.

mammasan

writersu you need to empty your pm box. Tried to respond to your PM but your box was full.

writersu

I emptied the box, sorry.

I know about the power of control and just so I have some facts and do not feel so under the control of someone else's whim, yeah I need to find out what would occur when the inevitable occurs. Fear and the unknown are enough to get us frightened beyond taking control of our own lives. My confidence has been made better when I do more for me and less waiting on others. You are right.

In the meantime, yeah distance is the answer. If someone knows they can manipulate you, then they do and I have seen some of the most sorryass weak motherfuckers who are taking advantage of those I care about and because they hold no power for me, I think, "WHY??". So I agree that I need to find the facts, distance myself and also be smart enough to not try to be so accomodating. He deserves nothing. And although I feel God wants me to be humble and kind to others, I have discovered a long time ago, that if I do not take my place as merely as good as anyone else here, then all of the pain that Jesus took for me, is merely in vain. And while I try not to burden God or Jesus, whom I pray more to (I know one in the same, but you know what I mean), then I need to see that I have a responsibility to my kids and myself to make my place in this world as nice as I would for anyone I love. It may sound corny as hell, but I need to love me.
Thanks, to my friends here.
I love you guys, really.