Marriage Counseling

Steve Dunne
Steve Dunne Posts: 4,965
edited August 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
Anyone ever go through this? I'm spent.
I love to turn you on
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • Black Diamond
    Black Diamond Posts: 25,109
    For my 1st marriage (and that gives you the answer of how well this worked) we tried it for a little while. The only suggestion I have is that you both should be happy with the person you pick from the get go. That opinion may change overtime but you should commit to someone you are both happy with.

    I made the mistake of allowing my ex to choose someone and the type of therapist she was made it difficult for me (and for her) communicate.
    GoiMTvP.gif
  • saveuplife
    saveuplife Posts: 1,173
    No, I haven't. Good luck.

    I think this scene will cheer you up.... "build a tree of trust".

    http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=9054
  • MattCameronKicksButt
    MattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    Oh dear, Steve. No, but best of luck. :)
  • Poncier
    Poncier Posts: 17,894
    Sorry to hear things are a bit rocky Steve.
    No experience with counseling, but common sense should prevail at all costs, some counselors can be great, but some can be the opposite, just be sure you're getting help and not more headaches from the experience if you do it.
    This weekend we rock Portland
  • PatrickBateman
    PatrickBateman Posts: 2,243
    yup

    To sum up the 2 day session:

    Session1: The bashing of me

    (According to my wife) I need to abandon "my side" of our family, Our kids grandparents (my side only) don't need to be at their grandkids kids birthday parties or take them places. My parents need to stop calling our house (probably called once a week to say hello, etc). My mother is Satan on earth......etc
    - I agree I need to be there for my wife more and tell my parents to cool it with the interfering of our family and will try to be a better husband. (it is agreed that I am a kickass father)

    Session2: What can my wife do to help

    Nothing, She is doing everything right and perfect in every way(according to my wife). The counselor noted that she herself is a grandmother and loves her grangchildren and that its nice to have that factor in their lives. My wife argues and basically tells her to bud out. The counselor gave me a "damnnn" kind of look...and we are done.

    Good luck man!
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • Steve Dunne
    Steve Dunne Posts: 4,965
    thanks peeps...things have always been rocky...only now have we put in the effort to undo what's been done.

    BD thanks for the advice...

    love the 'old school' bit - forgotten about that!!! :)

    anyone else?
    I love to turn you on
  • PatrickBateman
    PatrickBateman Posts: 2,243
    Steve Dunne wrote:
    thanks peeps...things have always been rocky...only now have we put in the effort to undo what's been done.

    BD thanks for the advice...

    love the 'old school' bit - forgotten about that!!! :)

    anyone else?
    what am i chopped liver?
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • NY PJ1
    NY PJ1 Posts: 9,533
    I HAVE NO HELP TO GIVE

    but good luck stevie
  • Steve Dunne
    Steve Dunne Posts: 4,965
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    what am i chopped liver?

    yes you are! like me! you're a whalers fan! ;)


    (i didn't see your reply when i posted - thanks for sharing...)
    I love to turn you on
  • Inhiding230
    Inhiding230 Posts: 362
    Yep went through it with my ex-husband (again, it obviously didn't work!). It doesn't really work if one person isn't honest during the sessions - my ex was bi-polar and verbally abusive, but he covered it all up very well for the counsellor and he made it seem like I was the one who needed to be making changes to make the relationship work....

    It was a waste of my time. But if you are both in it for the right reasons and are both willing to be honest then I think that it could work.
  • PatrickBateman
    PatrickBateman Posts: 2,243
    Steve Dunne wrote:
    yes you are! like me! you're a whalers fan! ;)


    (i didn't see your reply when i posted - thanks for sharing...)
    Only when they weren't playing the Rangers!

    My wife and I haven't spoke in a week. Wanna know why? (I'll tell you anyway)
    I was cooking some steaks on the grill and doing some side work in the basement at the same time. We were outside with the kids playing etc....so I ran in to replace a keyboard on a laptop and it took a little longer than expected and she starts yelling for me to hurry up and get back outside after I said I'll be out in a minute. I snapped back "OK, quit screaming at me" Her attitude starts and decides she isn't talking to me. She then tells my daughter to tell my son to bring the baby upstairs. ( I am holding the baby) so I mocked her (yeah I know) which fueled a hateful tirade of an email to me at work and here we are.


    A quote from the movie The Money Pit : "As long as the foundation is solid, everything else can be fixed. "
    I truely hope you guys work things out and good luck if you decide with a counselor
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • Black Diamond
    Black Diamond Posts: 25,109
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    Only when they weren't playing the Rangers!

    My wife and I haven't spoke in a week. Wanna know why? (I'll tell you anyway)
    I was cooking some steaks on the grill and doing some side work in the basement at the same time. We were outside with the kids playing etc....so I ran in to replace a keyboard on a laptop and it took a little longer than expected and she starts yelling for me to hurry up and get back outside after I said I'll be out in a minute. I snapped back "OK, quit screaming at me" Her attitude starts and decides she isn't talking to me. She then tells my daughter to tell my son to bring the baby upstairs. ( I am holding the baby) so I mocked her (yeah I know) which fueled a hateful tirade of an email to me at work and here we are.


    A quote from the movie The Money Pit : "As long as the foundation is solid, everything else can be fixed. "
    I truely hope you guys work things out and good luck if you decide with a counselor
    I think you need your own thread.
    GoiMTvP.gif
  • MrMerkinball
    MrMerkinball Posts: 1,978
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    yup

    To sum up the 2 day session:

    Session1: The bashing of me

    (According to my wife) I need to abandon "my side" of our family, Our kids grandparents (my side only) don't need to be at their grandkids kids birthday parties or take them places. My parents need to stop calling our house (probably called once a week to say hello, etc). My mother is Satan on earth......etc
    - I agree I need to be there for my wife more and tell my parents to cool it with the interfering of our family and will try to be a better husband. (it is agreed that I am a kickass father)



    Good luck man!
    Wholy crap - That is identicle to my situation. Are you me?
  • comebackwoman
    comebackwoman Posts: 7,271
    Sorry things are rough Steve. I agree with the posters above - make sure you both feel comfortable with whomever you see. Every counselor has a different style and it's not going to work unless you both feel comfortable with the person. You should never feel like the counselor is taking sides or bashing either one of you - if that starts happening - find someone else! It should be someone who can handle being objective, while still helping you both face some difficult realities. It will definitely help if you and your wife are both on the same page regarding your goals for counseling and what you hope will happen at the end of it. Good luck. I truly hope things work out for you.
    There's a light when my baby's in my arms :)
  • Poncier
    Poncier Posts: 17,894
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    Only when they weren't playing the Rangers!

    My wife and I haven't spoke in a week. Wanna know why? (I'll tell you anyway)
    I was cooking some steaks on the grill and doing some side work in the basement at the same time. We were outside with the kids playing etc....so I ran in to replace a keyboard on a laptop and it took a little longer than expected and she starts yelling for me to hurry up and get back outside after I said I'll be out in a minute. I snapped back "OK, quit screaming at me" Her attitude starts and decides she isn't talking to me. She then tells my daughter to tell my son to bring the baby upstairs. ( I am holding the baby) so I mocked her (yeah I know) which fueled a hateful tirade of an email to me at work and here we are.

    Patrick, sounds like you need to try marriage counselling. ;)
    This weekend we rock Portland
  • PatrickBateman
    PatrickBateman Posts: 2,243
    MrMerkinball wrote:
    Wholy crap - That is identicle to my situation. Are you me?

    no, according to her, I am the only husband that has parents and a brother.
    Poncier wrote:
    Patrick, sounds like you need to try marriage counselling. ;)
    haha....I get my counseling at the local bar


    Steve: I say try it...it can't hurt ...there may be things bothering her that she doesn't tell you and wants you to read her mind. These things may come out in counseling. Best of luck
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • DeLukin
    DeLukin Posts: 2,757
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    The bashing of me

    Yea, this has been my experience. Early in my marriage we had some rough spots and went to 'the counselor'... somehow, I was always wrong and she was always justified. Then, whenever we argued, there was always the threat of 'calling in the counselor'. Man, I hated that... we eventually worked through it and stopped going, but it was NOT a fun experience.
    I smile, but who am I kidding...
  • Poncier
    Poncier Posts: 17,894
    If counseling fails, always remember this
    This weekend we rock Portland
  • PatrickBateman
    PatrickBateman Posts: 2,243
    Poncier wrote:
    If counseling fails, always remember this
    haha....true
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • MrMerkinball
    MrMerkinball Posts: 1,978
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    no, according to her, I am the only husband that has parents and a brother.
    Just 5 minutes ago, I got a call from my mother asking If I am going to make it to my Neice's birthday party. In the back of my mind I am thinking - oh crap, now what do I do?

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