casual sex

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  • libragirl
    libragirl Posts: 4,632
    Staceb10 wrote:
    I'm not taking it personally at all. I just think that what you said was too generalized. Sure there are people out there that continously have meaningless sex and have self-esteem issues but not everyone. I don't think having a "friend with benefits' is the same as having random sex with multiple partners, i.e. one night stands. Yes, I know you didn't literally mean a million people but even if you just meant 50 it still doesn't mean that if you have casual sex you have that many partners. Now when I say casual, I mean no-strings attached, responsible sex, not one-night drunk hook-ups. And I got the sex/vibrator comparison from you saying "If you want to get your rocks off just buy a vibrator...". I didn't see where you mentioned love and I definitely wasn't talking about love. Sex does not equal love.

    Im sure my upbringing has affected my views, I was brought up with the idea that sex was sacred and was to be shared with someone you were in love with. So that's where the whole getting "using a vibrator to get your rocks off" statement stemmed from. But yeah I realize that I'm in minority in my views. I really don't feel like I have to defend my values and morals. But yeah sorry if I presented my views as generalizations.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • Abookamongstthemany
    Abookamongstthemany Posts: 8,209
    Sex doesn't have to have anything to do with losing self respect unless you're letting someone use you while you want something else. How can the physical act of sex, which feels good and releases built up tension, cause a person to lose respect?
    If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

    Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
    -Oscar Wilde
  • libragirl
    libragirl Posts: 4,632
    How can I explain that to someone who has a completely different mindset. If you read my post before your's it explains why I feel that way. I don't care what people do, as long as your not hurting anyone. Go head and have your series of meaningless fucks..who can it hurt..It feels good right?
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • libragirl
    libragirl Posts: 4,632
    gue_barium wrote:
    I think Libragirl and Staceb10 should hook up.

    he..he...yeah now I know why i rarely post in this forum. sheesh....:p
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • Staceb10
    Staceb10 Posts: 675
    libragirl wrote:
    Im sure my upbringing has affected my views, I was brought up with the idea that sex was sacred and was to be shared with someone you were in love with. So that's where the whole getting "using a vibrator to get your rocks off" statement stemmed from. But yeah I realize that I'm in minority in my views. I really don't feel like I have to defend my values and morals. But yeah sorry if I presented my views as generalizations.

    You don't have to defend your values or morals and I wasn't attacking them. I was just voicing my disagreement with your comments about self-respect and friends with benefits.
  • RolandTD20Kdrummer
    RolandTD20Kdrummer Posts: 13,066
    What men really want out of a relationship is a blowjob and a sandwich...

    Was that Chris Rock or Chapelle?
    Progress is not made by everyone joining some new fad,
    and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
    over specific principles, goals, and policies.

    http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg

    (\__/)
    ( o.O)
    (")_(")
  • Staceb10
    Staceb10 Posts: 675
    libragirl wrote:
    How can I explain that to someone who has a completely different mindset. If you read my post before your's it explains why I feel that way. I don't care what people do, as long as your not hurting anyone. Go head and have your series of meaningless fucks..who can it hurt..It feels good right?


    You were doing so well until "who can it hurt..it feels good right". That part seems a little condescending whether you meant it that way or not. Just an FYI. :) And as far as this forum goes..it can be a little brutal at times and I take breaks a lot but its all about the debate.
  • Abookamongstthemany
    Abookamongstthemany Posts: 8,209
    libragirl wrote:
    How can I explain that to someone who has a completely different mindset. If you read my post before your's it explains why I feel that way. I don't care what people do, as long as your not hurting anyone. Go head and have your series of meaningless fucks..who can it hurt..It feels good right?

    Different strokes, different folks. It seems more demeaning to me to stick a wiggly piece of plastic up there and play pretend. :p

    It's not about sleeping with many people. It's about not limiting yourself due to other people's opinions of you. Do what makes you happy and keep the other person's feelings in mind while doing it.

    Also about the 'why would a guy want to marry someone who has been with X amount of people'. Why would anyone want to marry a person who makes decisions like that not out of love but out of judgements of ones past? Love in unconditional so that guy could fuck off. I wouldn't give someone like that the time of day. I don't make decisions for myself wondering if so and so would approve. If I want advice, I'll ask the people who know and love me. I know their advice won't be based on silly judgements and ego.
    If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

    Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
    -Oscar Wilde
  • libragirl
    libragirl Posts: 4,632
    Staceb10 wrote:
    You were doing so well until "who can it hurt..it feels good right". That part seems a little condescending whether you meant it that way or not. Just an FYI. :) And as far as this forum goes..it can be a little brutal at times and I take breaks a lot but its all about the debate.

    Well yeah that was sarcasm for abookamongsthemany. It was meant to be condescending. :)

    Yeah I understand the brutal part. I rarely go on here, but sometimes I can't resist.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • Abookamongstthemany
    Abookamongstthemany Posts: 8,209
    libragirl wrote:
    Well yeah that was sarcasm for abookamongsthemany. It was meant to be condescending. :).


    But why? Because we disagree? I didn't really get what you meant to say by that remark.
    If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

    Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
    -Oscar Wilde
  • NMyTree
    NMyTree Posts: 2,374
    I have more respect for people who are in touch with their sexuality and understand it is a natural and positive part of our human nature; than people who are all uptight and fret over sexuality.

    Understanding sensuality, sexuality and our realistic nature as human beings, seems more positive to me. Understanding our individual bodies and the amazing sensuality we're capable of, is a positive thing. When people orgasm there are hormones released that heal us in many ways. It's good for the body, mind and soul.

    I have found people with issues/hang-ups about their sexuality and sex in general; to be negative and destructive in their intimate relationships. Just my personal experience.

    I'm not advocating that people sleep with everyone and anyone all the time.

    But as long as no one is getting forced or hurt and they want to be intimate; I think that's a positive thing. There's so many negative and hurtful things (and people) in life; two people loving each other, making each other feel good and sharing themselves with each other; seems like a very good thing. I don't understand how that can be a bad thing. Even moreso if you compare it to some of the terrible things going on in the world.
  • Abookamongstthemany
    Abookamongstthemany Posts: 8,209
    NMyTree wrote:
    I have more respect for people who are in touch with their sexuality and understand it is a natural and positive part of our human nature; than people who are all uptight and fret over sexuality.

    Understanding sensuality, sexuality and our realistic nature as human beings, seems more positive to me. Understanding our individual bodies and the amazing sensuality we're capable of, is a positive thing. When people orgasm there are hormones released that heal us in many ways. It's good for the body, mind and soul.

    I have found people with issues/hang-ups about their sexuality and sex in general; to be negative and destructive in their intimate relationships. Just my personal experience.

    I'm not advocating that people sleep with everyone and anyone all the time.

    But as long as no one is getting forced or hurt and they want to be intimate; I think that's a positive thing. There's so many negative and hurtful things (and people) in life; two people loving each other, making each other feel good and sharing themselves with each other; seems like a very good thing. I don't understand how that can be a bad thing. Even moreso if you compare it to some of the terrible things going on in the world.

    I completely agree. :)

    It seems people are much more content these days to tear each other part than to love each other for who we all are as individuals and embrace the different ways we choose to live our lives as a beautiful thing to behold. It's humanity at it's best.
    If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

    Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
    -Oscar Wilde
  • NMyTree
    NMyTree Posts: 2,374
    Good point, Abook.

    I think that's something most of us could work on. I know I could.
  • libragirl
    libragirl Posts: 4,632
    Abookamongstthemany wrote:
    But why? Because we disagree? I didn't really get what you meant to say by that remark.


    I'm really not trying to judge how other's act. I just feel that I'm a rarity in this day and age. I have gone many,many years without having any type of sex...not including masturbation. I just didn't want to have some empty souless sex cuz i was horny. I equate this to having self respect. So yeah i was being sarcastic with the go head and have a series of meaningless fucks...I just have strong opinions on this subject. Sorry didnt mean to be rude.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • Ahnimus
    Ahnimus Posts: 10,560
    libragirl wrote:
    This may be off topic..but there are people who are addicted to sex. But that's a topic for another thread. :)

    Yea, they are addicted to the biochemistry.
    I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
  • libragirl
    libragirl Posts: 4,632
    But does being in touch with your sexuality mean you need to have many sexual partner? So if someone had limited sexual experience would that mean they are uptight?

    The reason I feel how I do about people who engage in casual sex is because most people I know or heard talking about their exploits seem unhappy and lost. I personally never seen any positivity demonstrated by these type of unions. Then again I'm sure their are people that have the a certain psyche where it doesn't affect them. I just never met those type of people.
    NMyTree wrote:
    I have more respect for people who are in touch with their sexuality and understand it is a natural and positive part of our human nature; than people who are all uptight and fret over sexuality.

    Understanding sensuality, sexuality and our realistic nature as human beings, seems more positive to me. Understanding our individual bodies and the amazing sensuality we're capable of, is a positive thing. When people orgasm there are hormones released that heal us in many ways. It's good for the body, mind and soul.

    I have found people with issues/hang-ups about their sexuality and sex in general; to be negative and destructive in their intimate relationships. Just my personal experience.

    I'm not advocating that people sleep with everyone and anyone all the time.

    But as long as no one is getting forced or hurt and they want to be intimate; I think that's a positive thing. There's so many negative and hurtful things (and people) in life; two people loving each other, making each other feel good and sharing themselves with each other; seems like a very good thing. I don't understand how that can be a bad thing. Even moreso if you compare it to some of the terrible things going on in the world.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • Abookamongstthemany
    Abookamongstthemany Posts: 8,209
    libragirl wrote:
    I'm really not trying to judge how other's act. I just feel that I'm a rarity in this day and age. I have gone many,many years without having any type of sex...not including masturbation. I just didn't want to have some empty souless sex cuz i was horny. I equate this to having self respect. So yeah i was being sarcastic with the go head and have a series of meaningless fucks...I just have strong opinions on this subject. Sorry didnt mean to be rude.

    I understand having strong opinions, believe me. I'm just trying to understand what the basis is for such a strong opinion about other people's choices when they aren't harming anyone else. If it's not your thing, that's cool...but I have plenty of self respect, I love me to bits :p and don't see a problem with engaging in mutual, physical relations with another person without love being involved. It does feel good and why is that a problem? I understand that some view it as 'holy' or 'sacred' but obviously not all do. So if it's just an act that feels good and is enjoyable for ME, where is this respect issue coming in? I think you're conveying your feelings about sex and what it means to you onto others who don't share your perspective. Whenever that happens, there's always going to be a problem.
    If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

    Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
    -Oscar Wilde
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    RolandTD20Kdrummer wrote:
    What men really want out of a relationship is a blowjob and a sandwich...

    Was that Chris Rock or Chapelle?

    chris rock: "feed me, fuck me, shut the fuck up."
  • Rats of Multa
    Rats of Multa Posts: 250
    libragirl wrote:
    But does being in touch with your sexuality mean you need to have many sexual partner? So if someone had limited sexual experience would that mean they are uptight?

    The reason I feel how I do about people who engage in casual sex is because most people I know or heard talking about their exploits seem unhappy and lost. I personally never seen any positivity demonstrated by these type of unions. Then again I'm sure their are people that have the a certain psyche where it doesn't affect them. I just never met those type of people.


    thats because individuals with "strong opinions" like yours have created a negative connotation surrounding 'the other' types of sexual-lifestyles beyond what judeo-christian culture has promoted as "natural" or "good".

    this discussion continues to be fascinating. and let me join the possimists in expressing how refreshing it is that so many here are strong enough to hold their views and to share, regardless of the strength of whatever opposite views are also expressed. i think it really must be true that the best thing about pj is the "fan club" [loosely speaking].
    we don’t know just where our bones will rest,
    to dust i guess,
    forgotten and absorbed into the earth below,..
  • libragirl
    libragirl Posts: 4,632
    Abookamongstthemany wrote:
    I understand having strong opinions, believe me. I'm just trying to understand what the basis is for such a strong opinion about other people's choices when they aren't harming anyone else. If it's not your thing, that's cool...but I have plenty of self respect, I love me to bits :p and don't see a problem with engaging in mutual, physical relations with another person without love being involved. It does feel good and why is that a problem? I understand that some view it as 'holy' or 'sacred' but obviously not all do. So if it's just an act that feels good and is enjoyable for ME, where is this respect issue coming in? I think you're conveying your feelings about sex and what it means to you onto others who don't share your perspective. Whenever that happens, there's always going to be a problem.

    Well I don't mean to convey my feeling onto others. I understand people approach this issue differently. As for the self respect part, I'm sure my religious upbringing affected me. I just find it appalling when people discuss their promiscuity in public forums and not think anything of it. It just seems irresponsible. I just feel that you should keep it to yourself. I'm not going to make a thread that says "hey I'm celebate, anyone else not getting any?" Why do we need to know about people's sex lives?

    sorry for the rant....
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.

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