casual sex

soulsinging · April 2007

OutOfBreath wrote:

decides2dream, I swear, were I single
Lovely post.

But ss, dont you think you may be overestimating the importance and prevalence of this "hook-up culture"? This thread did start with a reactionary woman lamenting general moral decay of society (while being a hypocrite). It's not hard to misunderstand your intent from there.

And indeed, if you exclude fuck friends and the not-exactly-serious relationships, then honestly, I dont think there is much left, far less to be called a "culture" if it's just something that people may do a couple of times in their lifetimes.

I could go on, but d2d said it for me already.

Peace
Dan

i dont think im over-estimating it and i don't see much hypocrisy in the article. there might be a judgment call or two being made, but there is a clear distinction between what the author admitted to doing and what she is bemoaning. anyway, i think this is increasingly prevalent. again, i have no numbers. it's just a culture i've seen firsthand. in my neighborhood, my friends and their friends, even my cousins in high school now. i know far too many people who don't just do this once or twice... they go out every weekend to find someone, take them home, fuck them, and never speak again. the subject of the article was a girl who was averaging fucking a different STRANGER every other week. i know many who do it every weekend at least. that's just plain stupid. it's quite common in the 20s set... they act like it's a rite of passage. go on spring break and sleep with as many strangers as you can in a week, get your post-grad job and go out every weekend and try to score somebody new each time. like it's all just fun and games before settling down.

to an extent, maybe it is. but it's a dangerous game. i've said before my issue is less the sex itself as the sense i get that people are unaware of the toll it is taking on them. a lot of people dabble in drugs thinking it's just youthful having fun and end up with serious problems with lifelong consequences. this can be the same way. if it's a way to avoid dealing with personal issues, they will rear up. if you catch an std, that carries with you. one condom break can change your life. it's risky behavior to be doing on a regular basis. no, not everybody is doing it. but that doesn't mean it's not worth talking about, especially since this seems to be a lifestyle that is increasing in popularity, not declining or stabilizing. i think it's an unwise one, so im speaking out against it. im not proposing any laws, just saying im of the belief that people ought to think long and hard about whether or not this is really how they want to live.

OutOfBreath · April 2007

Well, until I see some numbers corroborating this claim of it's widespread appliance, I am not too worried.

Peace
Dan

libragirl · April 2007

I actually read this q & a in glamour magazine. Very interesting indeed. Now grant you I'm no prude but it's appalling how women that are 10 years younger then me most likely has double the sexual partners I've had. This whole "friends with benefits" thing...I don't get it. If you want to get your rocks off just buy a vibrator..have some respect for yourselves...Of course guys will fuck anything that walks..but is he really going to want to marry someone who screwed a million people? and if so would you want to be with someone like that?

Sludge Factory · April 2007

soulsinging wrote:

i dont think im over-estimating it and i don't see much hypocrisy in the article. there might be a judgment call or two being made, but there is a clear distinction between what the author admitted to doing and what she is bemoaning. anyway, i think this is increasingly prevalent. again, i have no numbers. it's just a culture i've seen firsthand. in my neighborhood, my friends and their friends, even my cousins in high school now. i know far too many people who don't just do this once or twice... they go out every weekend to find someone, take them home, fuck them, and never speak again. the subject of the article was a girl who was averaging fucking a different STRANGER every other week. i know many who do it every weekend at least. that's just plain stupid. it's quite common in the 20s set... they act like it's a rite of passage. go on spring break and sleep with as many strangers as you can in a week, get your post-grad job and go out every weekend and try to score somebody new each time. like it's all just fun and games before settling down.

to an extent, maybe it is. but it's a dangerous game. i've said before my issue is less the sex itself as the sense i get that people are unaware of the toll it is taking on them. a lot of people dabble in drugs thinking it's just youthful having fun and end up with serious problems with lifelong consequences. this can be the same way. if it's a way to avoid dealing with personal issues, they will rear up. if you catch an std, that carries with you. one condom break can change your life. it's risky behavior to be doing on a regular basis. no, not everybody is doing it. but that doesn't mean it's not worth talking about, especially since this seems to be a lifestyle that is increasing in popularity, not declining or stabilizing. i think it's an unwise one, so im speaking out against it. im not proposing any laws, just saying im of the belief that people ought to think long and hard about whether or not this is really how they want to live.

Very well said. I keep finding myself agreeing more and more with the viewpoints you've been posting in this thread. I think kind of the same, but just have trouble explaining it like you have been doing.

soulsinging · April 2007

OutOfBreath wrote:

Well, until I see some numbers corroborating this claim of it's widespread appliance, I am not too worried.

Peace
Dan

what kind of numbers would you want? how many women are going to own up in a survey to fucking 10 different guys a month? and you know the guys in the survey would say they screwed 50 women in that time

Ahnimus · April 2007

libragirl wrote:

I actually read this q & a in glamour magazine. Very interesting indeed. Now grant you I'm no prude but it's appalling how women that are 10 years younger then me most likely has double the sexual partners I've had. This whole "friends with benefits" thing...I don't get it. If you want to get your rocks off just buy a vibrator..have some respect for yourselves...Of course guys will fuck anything that walks..but is he really going to want to marry someone who screwed a million people? and if so would you want to be with someone like that?

Nice stereotype "Guys will fuck anything that walks"

That is a cultural stereotype and I don't agree with it. Being a man that has had less partners than all the girls I've ever slept with.

I've had 9 partners. The last person I was with had like 25.

This super hot redheaded nymphomaniac kept harassing me to have nasty sex with her, no word of a lie. She worked with my dad and gave him a condom to give me to "use on her" and she called on my birthday saying "Your Dad said it's your birthday. I got a present for you, let me know when to deliver it." and I replied "I think my father knows me well enough to tell you I wouldn't be interested, but in-case he didn't, I'm really not interested. Sorry."

But then if you go out to a bar, what do you expect to find? I'm not an anomoly, but guys like me go to the bar maybe once a month. I haven't been in almost a year. I'm 25 now and my perspective has changed after a few relationships that started mostly on sex and developed into some kind of fucked up love/hate relationship. I'd abstain from dating and sex for years at a time, waiting for "the one" and she never happened. I'd end up getting into these crappy relationships because I was lonely and dying for sex. I figure it's better to have casual sex while waiting for Mrs. Right. And all this crap about harming your body is absolute rubbish. Sex is good for the body and mind, you just have to be cautious of disease which is preventable. It's the unexpected episodes of lust out of loneliness that lead to unprotected sex.

brain of c · April 2007

soulsinging wrote:

what kind of numbers would you want? how many women are going to own up in a survey to fucking 10 different guys a month? and you know the guys in the survey would say they screwed 50 women in that time

i can't say what i was gonna say. sorry. no edit.

DiRtyFranK38 · April 2007

i think sex can be very casual. and thats fine. as long as you are responsible, both sides agree upon it, and all is well...its just a good time.

soulsinging · April 2007

Ahnimus wrote:

Nice stereotype "Guys will fuck anything that walks"

That is a cultural stereotype and I don't agree with it. Being a man that has had less partners than all the girls I've ever slept with.

I've had 9 partners. The last person I was with had like 25.

This super hot redheaded nymphomaniac kept harassing me to have nasty sex with her, no word of a lie. She worked with my dad and gave him a condom to give me to "use on her" and she called on my birthday saying "Your Dad said it's your birthday. I got a present for you, let me know when to deliver it." and I replied "I think my father knows me well enough to tell you I wouldn't be interested, but in-case he didn't, I'm really not interested. Sorry."

dude, you're a fucking idiot for passing up freaky sex with a hot redhead. give her my number.

i dont think i could marry a girl with twice as many partners as me.

Ahnimus · April 2007

soulsinging wrote:

dude, you're a fucking idiot for passing up freaky sex with a hot redhead. give her my number.

i dont think i could marry a girl with twice as many partners as me.

Haha, I don't know her anymore. Besides she hooked up with a guy I knew. I'm trying to get to know this redhead now, I got a damn thing for redheads man. Every time I see this girl I actually feel something, lol. I've talked to her a couple times now, but I'm like 7 years older than her, but she doesn't seem to care.

Today I went to the restaurant she works at and read my horoscope on one of those coffee time things. It read "If you are attempting romance this week, the intended person is in a good mood." or something like that. So I asked her "Are you in a good mood?" and she said "Kind of" so I told her what the horoscope read and she said "If you come back tomorrow I'll be in a better mood". Even though I want to do her really bad. I feel like I'd be violating her in some way.

soulsinging · April 2007

Ahnimus wrote:

Haha, I don't know her anymore. Besides she hooked up with a guy I knew. I'm trying to get to know this redhead now, I got a damn thing for redheads man. Every time I see this girl I actually feel something, lol. I've talked to her a couple times now, but I'm like 7 years older than her, but she doesn't seem to care.

Today I went to the restaurant she works at and read my horoscope on one of those coffee time things. It read "If you are attempting romance this week, the intended person is in a good mood." or something like that. So I asked her "Are you in a good mood?" and she said "Kind of" so I told her what the horoscope read and she said "If you come back tomorrow I'll be in a better mood". Even though I want to do her really bad. I feel like I'd be violating her in some way.

you're nuts. not only is she hot, redheaded, and barely legal, she clearly wants freaky sex. you can't pass that up. it's just plain wrong. here i am, setting world records for wrist workouts, and you're letting opportunities like that go by... i cant take this. im going to bed!

libragirl · April 2007

ha..ha...I guess that's my feeling about most men. I wasnt saying it because of the "cultural connotation" In my experience it's true most of the time.

Ahnimus wrote:

Nice stereotype "Guys will fuck anything that walks"

That is a cultural stereotype and I don't agree with it. Being a man that has had less partners than all the girls I've ever slept with.

I've had 9 partners. The last person I was with had like 25.

This super hot redheaded nymphomaniac kept harassing me to have nasty sex with her, no word of a lie. She worked with my dad and gave him a condom to give me to "use on her" and she called on my birthday saying "Your Dad said it's your birthday. I got a present for you, let me know when to deliver it." and I replied "I think my father knows me well enough to tell you I wouldn't be interested, but in-case he didn't, I'm really not interested. Sorry."

But then if you go out to a bar, what do you expect to find? I'm not an anomoly, but guys like me go to the bar maybe once a month. I haven't been in almost a year. I'm 25 now and my perspective has changed after a few relationships that started mostly on sex and developed into some kind of fucked up love/hate relationship. I'd abstain from dating and sex for years at a time, waiting for "the one" and she never happened. I'd end up getting into these crappy relationships because I was lonely and dying for sex. I figure it's better to have casual sex while waiting for Mrs. Right. And all this crap about harming your body is absolute rubbish. Sex is good for the body and mind, you just have to be cautious of disease which is preventable. It's the unexpected episodes of lust out of loneliness that lead to unprotected sex.

decides2dream · April 2007

OutOfBreath wrote:

decides2dream, I swear, were I single
Lovely post.

But ss, dont you think you may be overestimating the importance and prevalence of this "hook-up culture"? This thread did start with a reactionary woman lamenting general moral decay of society (while being a hypocrite). It's not hard to misunderstand your intent from there.

And indeed, if you exclude fuck friends and the not-exactly-serious relationships, then honestly, I dont think there is much left, far less to be called a "culture" if it's just something that people may do a couple of times in their lifetimes.

I could go on, but d2d said it for me already.

Peace
Dan

hehehe...if only i were too

....and younger. although perhaps better being older?

eh seriously, i too 'get' the point here...but i honestly don't think there is a large percentage of people engaging in such behavior.....and even those who do, like anything else.....they aren't going to be swayed by some article, or some moralizing/preaching here. besides, i really doubt there are many, if any, whe frequent this board who have such a 'problem' in any case.

so yea, i think the article is overinflated and rather reactionary...with not much to back it up. one night stands, casual sex, even longterm relationships....ALL can lead to regret, to pregnancy, to stds, etc....beyond abstinence, there's no way to guarantee a pass with any of those issues. also, i simply think anyone who engages in such behavior on a regular basis, if it really was detrimental to their psyche, they'll eventually realize it and stop...it's not like an addiction per se. anyone who still engages in such behavior after realizing how it may damage them, well then, simply gluttons for punishment? basically, i get the idea, the premise of it....but beyond being preachy, i just don't see much point. so sure, i support anyone's 'right' to discuss the issue, to speak out...i just think at best, it's futlie. anyone who wants to engage in such behavior....simply will. not much here to dissuade them, beyond some vague idea of possible 'regret' of it. all other issues simply come with having a sexual partner, period.

edit - as per libra's post: i know there are sexual addicts, simply saying those who wqillingly choose to engage in one night stands, casual sex, that in and of itself does not signify an 'addiction' and thus, in and of itself, does not mean it is harmful. that's all.

thus why i added 'per se' at the end of that comment.

libragirl · April 2007

This may be off topic..but there are people who are addicted to sex. But that's a topic for another thread.

decides2dream wrote:

hehehe...if only i were too ....and younger. although perhaps better being older? eh seriously, i too 'get' the point here...but i honestly don't think there is a large percentage of people engaging in such behavior.....and even those who do, like anything else.....they aren't going to be swayed by some article, or some moralizing/preaching here. besides, i really doubt there are many, if any, whe frequent this board who have such a 'problem' in any case.

so yea, i think the article is overinflated and rather reactionary...with not much to back it up. one night stands, casual sex, even longterm relationships....ALL can lead to regret, to pregnancy, to stds, etc....beyond abstinence, there's no way to guarantee a pass with any of those issues. also, i simply think anyone who engages in such behavior on a regular basis, if it really was detrimental to their psyche, they'll eventually realize it and stop...it's not like an addiction per se. anyone who still engages in such behavior after realizing how it may damage them, well then, simply gluttons for punishment? basically, i get the idea, the premise of it....but beyond being preachy, i just don't see much point. so sure, i support anyone's 'right' to discuss the issue, to speak out...i just think at best, it's futlie. anyone who wants to engage in such behavior....simply will. not much here to dissuade them, beyond some vague idea of possible 'regret' of it. all other issues simply come with having a sexual partner, period.

Staceb10 · April 2007

soulsinging wrote:

then what is the issue here? this is exactly what i've been saying since page one. i've admitted my subject line was misleading. im talking about hookup culture... going home with total strangers you meet at the bar or whatever. i was not implying you should never have sex outside of a relationship or you're a whore. i see nothing wrong with responsible and honest decisions to engage in casual sex. it's not the lifestyle i want anymore, but if other people enjoy it, more power to them. it's the fucking total strangers that seems ridiculous to me, for men or women.

I didn't realize there was an "issue". Sorry if it came across that way. I was just curious about your self-esteem comment so that's why I quoted you in my original reply to the topic.

Staceb10 · April 2007

libragirl wrote:

I actually read this q & a in glamour magazine. Very interesting indeed. Now grant you I'm no prude but it's appalling how women that are 10 years younger then me most likely has double the sexual partners I've had. This whole "friends with benefits" thing...I don't get it. If you want to get your rocks off just buy a vibrator..have some respect for yourselves...Of course guys will fuck anything that walks..but is he really going to want to marry someone who screwed a million people? and if so would you want to be with someone like that?

See this is where I have problems. "have some respect for yourselves". Why isn't it possible to have "friends with benefits" and not have any self-respect? Are you really comparing a vibrator to the act of sex with another person? I must have purchased the wrong friggin one then because its not even close to the same thing. And having casual sex doesn't mean you have screwed a million people as you say.

Jeanie · April 2007

soulsinging wrote:

im not trying to pass judgment on anyone. but does the fact that people should learn their own journey mean we should never tell kids drugs are dangerous, cos it's their journey and they will learn from it? im not advocating regulating behavior or judging people based on it. im talking about open dialogue and encouraging healthy choices and honesty. my point was that people lie to themselves often, cos a lot of their input comes from confused adolescent friends or pop media or puritanical idelogues. when what we really need is to encourage people to talk frankly about sex and be honest with themselves about what they want from it. everyone is going to make mistakes, but that doesn't mean we can't make an effort to minimize them by talking with our friends or children about what our values truly are.

I didn't think that you were trying to pass judgement ss. I think your views here have been fairly balanced. And I agree that a lot of education and communication can only be a good thing when it comes to sex. I'm just wondering, not being a smart arse, but do you talk to your parents about sex? Because I know it's a fairly stilted conversation with mine, even to this day. And I can't stand it when my brother and his wife start talking about it either. And I think this is part of the problem. We need to remember that we are sexual beings. And not be in denial about that. I just think it's human nature to want to have sex and maybe it's also human nature not to talk about it very well. I don't know, I think what you are advocating sounds awesome, I'm just not really sure that we can achieve it.

libragirl · April 2007

Evidently, you are taking what I said personally. No offense, but I can't see how anyone can't equate someone who continuously has meaningless sex with self-respect issues. Surely you are intelligent enough to see how the use of "a million people" was used as sarcasm? I dont even know where you got me comparing the act of sex to the use of a the vibrator

If you are looking for love from your vibrator I do suggest you buy a new one. This is why I mostly refrain from posting on this forum I find a lot of people's views and opinions are misintepreted.

Staceb10 wrote:

See this is where I have problems. "have some respect for yourselves". Why isn't it possible to have "friends with benefits" and not have any self-respect? Are you really comparing a vibrator to the act of sex with another person? I must have purchased the wrong friggin one then because its not even close to the same thing. And having casual sex doesn't mean you have screwed a million people as you say.

Staceb10 · April 2007

libragirl wrote:

Evidently, you are taking what I said personally. No offense, but I can't see how anyone can't equate someone who continuously has meaningless sex with self-respect issues. Surely you are intelligent enough to see how the use of "a million people" was used as sarcasm? I dont even know where you got me comparing the act of sex to the use of a the vibrator If you are looking for love from your vibrator I do suggest you buy a new one. This is why I mostly refrain from posting on this forum I find a lot of people's views and opinions are misintepreted.

I'm not taking it personally at all. I just think that what you said was too generalized. Sure there are people out there that continously have meaningless sex and have self-esteem issues but not everyone. I don't think having a "friend with benefits' is the same as having random sex with multiple partners, i.e. one night stands. Yes, I know you didn't literally mean a million people but even if you just meant 50 it still doesn't mean that if you have casual sex you have that many partners. Now when I say casual, I mean no-strings attached, responsible sex, not one-night drunk hook-ups. And I got the sex/vibrator comparison from you saying "If you want to get your rocks off just buy a vibrator...". I didn't see where you mentioned love and I definitely wasn't talking about love. Sex does not equal love.

gue_barium · April 2007

I think Libragirl and Staceb10 should hook up.

casual sex

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