It's been almost a year but...

13

Comments

  • CityMouse
    CityMouse Posts: 1,010
    Cosmo wrote:
    ...
    Classic mistakes.
    If you cannot see anything good in yourself... no one else will. Besides, do you really want a relationship with a guy that only likes you because of your looks?
    Thinking an outward change (appearance) is what's needed... well, it all depends on what you look like now. Are you hideous? Like, Elephant Man hideous? Do you emmit foul odors? Do you dress like you live on the street? Does your hair resemble a crow's nest? Then, yeah, an over haul is required.
    Try widening your scope. The pickest women I know are all single and complain about no good men being out there. They aren't prize catches themselves and miss out on good, decent men who get snagged up by women and get classified as one of the 'good ones that are taken'.

    :D
    I see good in myself. It's just been hard for me to imagine dating without sexy clothes and underwear and stuff. my friend said the same thing, that if I date someone the way I look now, I'll know he really likes me. But I guess sex has just always been a key part of dating for me.

    I guess I sounded a little weird when I said "the kind of men." I didn't mean that in any type of snobbish way. I actually don't really have a type per se. I just mean like, someone who does something for me. there's not any like, criteria.
  • Cosmo
    Cosmo Posts: 12,225
    CityMouse wrote:
    haha this just always strikes me as funny: where is "out" and "there"? :)

    p.s. I totally agree about life not turning out the way you expect :).
    ...
    Out there means out there. How many interesting men do you meet in your living room?
    And when you are out there... don't act like you don't want to be bothered. I never understand why women complain about men not coming up to meet them when they make themselves look and act like they don't want to be bothered by us.
    Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
    Hail, Hail!!!
  • CityMouse
    CityMouse Posts: 1,010
    StateOfLoveBoatCptn. wrote:
    funny? 'out' 'there' amongst people, friends, strangers, whoever..... like what youre doing this weekend

    ok, I guess I'm already "out there" :).
  • CityMouse
    CityMouse Posts: 1,010
    Cosmo wrote:
    ...
    Out there means out there. How many interesting men do you meet in your living room?
    And when you are out there... don't act like you don't want to be bothered. I never understand why women complain about men not coming up to meet them when they make themselves look and act like they don't want to be bothered by us.

    Oh I hope no interesting men think I look like I don't want to be bothered!

    I've been trying not to stay home after work for a while now. sometimes I do because I have to do chores or something, but I at least take a walk down to the square or something.
  • Cosmo
    Cosmo Posts: 12,225
    CityMouse wrote:
    :D
    I see good in myself. It's just been hard for me to imagine dating without sexy clothes and underwear and stuff. my friend said the same thing, that if I date someone the way I look now, I'll know he really likes me. But I guess sex has just always been a key part of dating for me.

    I guess I sounded a little weird when I said "the kind of men." I didn't mean that in any type of snobbish way. I actually don't really have a type per se. I just mean like, someone who does something for me. there's not any like, criteria.
    ...
    All you really need it to look nice. You don't need fancy clothes and underwear unless you are going to the opera and having sex that night. Or you normally dress in sexy clothes and underwear. Just don't show up in those dumpy sweats when we come to pick you up.
    Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
    Hail, Hail!!!
  • meistereder
    meistereder Posts: 1,577
    Cosmo wrote:
    ...
    All you really need it to look nice. You don't need fancy clothes and underwear unless you are going to the opera and having sex that night. Or you normally dress in sexy clothes and underwear. Just don't show up in those dumpy sweats when we come to pick you up.


    But maybe sexy underwear would be enough to make her feel sexy enough to "get out there."
    San Diego 10/25/00, Mountain View 6/1/03, Santa Barbara 10/28/03, Northwest School 3/18/05, San Diego 7/7/06, Los Angeles 7/9/06, 7/10/06, Honolulu (U2) 12/9/06, Santa Barbara (EV) 4/10/08, Los Angeles (EV) 4/12/08, Hartford 6/27/08, Mansfield 6/28/08, VH1 Rock Honors The Who 7/12/08, Seattle 9/21/09, Universal City 9/30/09, 10/1/09, 10/6/09, 10/7/09, San Diego 10/9/09, Los Angeles (EV) 7/8/11, Santa Barbara (EV) 7/9/11, Chicago 7/19/13, San Diego 11/21/13, Los Angeles 11/23/13, 11/24/13, Oakland 11/26/13, Chicago 8/22/16, Missoula 8/13/18, Boston 9/2/18, Los Angeles 2/25/22 (EV), San Diego 5/3/22, Los Angeles 5/6/22, 5/7/22, Imola 6/25/22, Los Angeles 5/21/24, [London 6/29/24], [Boston 9/15/24]
  • CityMouse
    CityMouse Posts: 1,010
    sorry to change the subject from sexy underwear but

    is it normal for me to feel like she must be making him so much more happy than I did?
  • Cree Nations
    Cree Nations Posts: 2,247
    CityMouse wrote:
    finding out that my ex-boyfriend is dating/sleeping with someone new feels like a huge weight just crushing me or something. I can't breathe and I kinda want to throw up.

    We're still good friends and we never really broke up- broke up (I moved away) and I guess I've just felt like he was still my boyfriend all this time. (He also told me that he could not see himself ever dating again).

    I feel like an idiot for feeling this way. Can anyone offer some words that might help?

    edit: I feel it necessary to add how I found out: he told me this morning he was going for an STD screening. yeah.
    oh...hhhmmm just thank yourself lucky that youre not with him and that he didnt bring it back to you.
    Ex's are always tough to deal with and yours was just over a year. Go get some yerself some and "try" and ferget about this is a good idea.
    Good luck
    >>>>
    >
    ...a lover and a fighter.
    "I'm at least half a bum" Rocky Balboa

    http://www.videosift.com/video/Obamas-Message-To-American-Indians

    Edmonton, AB. September 5th, 2005
    Vancouver, BC. April 3rd, 2008
    Calgary,AB. August 8th, 2009
  • meistereder
    meistereder Posts: 1,577
    CityMouse wrote:
    sorry to change the subject from sexy underwear but

    is it normal for me to feel like she must be making him so much more happy than I did?

    Normal? I suppose. In the sense that it is a somewhat natural thought if you are leaning toward insecurity.

    Which brings me back to my original point. If you can focus on YOURSELF -- making yourself happy -- you won't be focusing on what or who is making your ex boyfriend happy. I know it is easier said than done. But if you can master this, these thoughts won't haunt you.
    San Diego 10/25/00, Mountain View 6/1/03, Santa Barbara 10/28/03, Northwest School 3/18/05, San Diego 7/7/06, Los Angeles 7/9/06, 7/10/06, Honolulu (U2) 12/9/06, Santa Barbara (EV) 4/10/08, Los Angeles (EV) 4/12/08, Hartford 6/27/08, Mansfield 6/28/08, VH1 Rock Honors The Who 7/12/08, Seattle 9/21/09, Universal City 9/30/09, 10/1/09, 10/6/09, 10/7/09, San Diego 10/9/09, Los Angeles (EV) 7/8/11, Santa Barbara (EV) 7/9/11, Chicago 7/19/13, San Diego 11/21/13, Los Angeles 11/23/13, 11/24/13, Oakland 11/26/13, Chicago 8/22/16, Missoula 8/13/18, Boston 9/2/18, Los Angeles 2/25/22 (EV), San Diego 5/3/22, Los Angeles 5/6/22, 5/7/22, Imola 6/25/22, Los Angeles 5/21/24, [London 6/29/24], [Boston 9/15/24]
  • Cosmo
    Cosmo Posts: 12,225
    meistereder wrote:
    But maybe sexy underwear would be enough to make her feel sexy enough to "get out there."
    ...
    Off topic...
    I was on a date with a gal... we had finished dinner and i asked her how she thought our date was going. She said, 'Ask me again... when i come back'. and got up and went to the restroom.
    When she came back... I asked her again and she handed me her panties under the table.
    ...
    That was like, 20 some ott years ago... but, you know what? I'll never forget that date.
    Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
    Hail, Hail!!!
  • meistereder
    meistereder Posts: 1,577
    Cosmo wrote:
    ...
    Off topic...
    I was on a date with a gal... we had finished dinner and i asked her how she thought our date was going. She said, 'Ask me again... when i come back'. and got up and went to the restroom.
    When she came back... I asked her again and she handed me her panties under the table.
    ...
    That was like, 20 some ott years ago... but, you know what? I'll never forget that date.


    Nice. That's a good date!

    I don't mean to hijack this thread though.

    CityMouse, I guess my point is that doing little things for yourself is one way to start the road to getting over those thoughts you have. By the way, can I ask how old you are? I am 34, and I would say that I didn't really figure out how to not obsess on thoughts about exes until I was out of my 20's.
    San Diego 10/25/00, Mountain View 6/1/03, Santa Barbara 10/28/03, Northwest School 3/18/05, San Diego 7/7/06, Los Angeles 7/9/06, 7/10/06, Honolulu (U2) 12/9/06, Santa Barbara (EV) 4/10/08, Los Angeles (EV) 4/12/08, Hartford 6/27/08, Mansfield 6/28/08, VH1 Rock Honors The Who 7/12/08, Seattle 9/21/09, Universal City 9/30/09, 10/1/09, 10/6/09, 10/7/09, San Diego 10/9/09, Los Angeles (EV) 7/8/11, Santa Barbara (EV) 7/9/11, Chicago 7/19/13, San Diego 11/21/13, Los Angeles 11/23/13, 11/24/13, Oakland 11/26/13, Chicago 8/22/16, Missoula 8/13/18, Boston 9/2/18, Los Angeles 2/25/22 (EV), San Diego 5/3/22, Los Angeles 5/6/22, 5/7/22, Imola 6/25/22, Los Angeles 5/21/24, [London 6/29/24], [Boston 9/15/24]
  • Cosmo
    Cosmo Posts: 12,225
    CityMouse wrote:
    sorry to change the subject from sexy underwear but

    is it normal for me to feel like she must be making him so much more happy than I did?
    ...
    Yeah.. it's normal (and human) to feel that way. But, you also need to understand that what you feel and what the truth actually is are not always the same.
    I know, it's easier said than done... but, you need to move on. Everyday you spend worrying about the past is a day of your life that is wasted. You cannot worry about 'Maybe you should have done this' or 'Should not have done that' because it doesn't matter.
    Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
    Hail, Hail!!!
  • sherm
    sherm Seattle, Wa Posts: 708
    Cosmo wrote:
    ...
    Off topic...
    I was on a date with a gal... we had finished dinner and i asked her how she thought our date was going. She said, 'Ask me again... when i come back'. and got up and went to the restroom.
    When she came back... I asked her again and she handed me her panties under the table.
    ...
    That was like, 20 some ott years ago... but, you know what? I'll never forget that date.

    So you're suggesting she "get out there" with no underwear?

    Honestly though, I've been going through some of this myself lately. It's so easy to give or take advice. You just have to move on. It's not easy, some days are harder than others. Don't talk to him, if he calls you in like 2 months to see how you are doing, don't talk to him. You just have to leave him in your past. Easier said than done, I know. I agree with everyone who said "get out there", and I'll keep the underwear advice to myself.
    Detroit 03, Toronto 03, Toledo 04, Kitchener 05, London 05, Cleveland 06, Detroit 06, Cincinnati 06, Chicago 07, Mansfield 08, EV Chicago 08, East Troy 11, Pensacola 12, EV Jax 12, Wrigley 13, Pittsburgh 13, Dallas 13, OKC 13, Detroit 14, Ft Lauderdale 16, Miami 16, Tampa 16, Jax 16, Sea 18 
  • meistereder
    meistereder Posts: 1,577
    Breakups suck. You know you're over the hump when your first thought in the morning isn't how you feel like crying. Every day gets a little better than the last, and all of a sudden you realize you're actually OK.

    Have you ever seen the movie Swingers? It's pretty much dead on.
    San Diego 10/25/00, Mountain View 6/1/03, Santa Barbara 10/28/03, Northwest School 3/18/05, San Diego 7/7/06, Los Angeles 7/9/06, 7/10/06, Honolulu (U2) 12/9/06, Santa Barbara (EV) 4/10/08, Los Angeles (EV) 4/12/08, Hartford 6/27/08, Mansfield 6/28/08, VH1 Rock Honors The Who 7/12/08, Seattle 9/21/09, Universal City 9/30/09, 10/1/09, 10/6/09, 10/7/09, San Diego 10/9/09, Los Angeles (EV) 7/8/11, Santa Barbara (EV) 7/9/11, Chicago 7/19/13, San Diego 11/21/13, Los Angeles 11/23/13, 11/24/13, Oakland 11/26/13, Chicago 8/22/16, Missoula 8/13/18, Boston 9/2/18, Los Angeles 2/25/22 (EV), San Diego 5/3/22, Los Angeles 5/6/22, 5/7/22, Imola 6/25/22, Los Angeles 5/21/24, [London 6/29/24], [Boston 9/15/24]
  • Cosmo
    Cosmo Posts: 12,225
    sherm3000 wrote:
    So you're suggesting she "get out there" with no underwear?

    Honestly though, I've been going through some of this myself lately. It's so easy to give or take advice. You just have to move on. It's not easy, some days are harder than others. Don't talk to him, if he calls you in like 2 months to see how you are doing, don't talk to him. You just have to leave him in your past. Easier said than done, I know. I agree with everyone who said "get out there", and I'll keep the underwear advice to myself.
    ...
    Not suggesting anything... just relating a past experience.
    ...
    And I know it's not easy to move on. I am trying to warn her to AVOID the landmines I have stepped on in my past. I have wasted many days of my life... I don't want her to go where I've been.
    Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
    Hail, Hail!!!
  • sherm
    sherm Seattle, Wa Posts: 708
    Cosmo wrote:
    ...
    Not suggesting anything... just relating a past experience.
    ...
    And I know it's not easy to move on. I am trying to warn her to AVOID the landmines I have stepped on in my past. I have wasted many days of my life... I don't want her to go where I've been.

    I know, I was joking, and I've wasted way too much time myself, good story though.
    Detroit 03, Toronto 03, Toledo 04, Kitchener 05, London 05, Cleveland 06, Detroit 06, Cincinnati 06, Chicago 07, Mansfield 08, EV Chicago 08, East Troy 11, Pensacola 12, EV Jax 12, Wrigley 13, Pittsburgh 13, Dallas 13, OKC 13, Detroit 14, Ft Lauderdale 16, Miami 16, Tampa 16, Jax 16, Sea 18 
  • Trailer
    Trailer Posts: 1,431
    Why don't you go and try to have sex with that musician... you know the one who you think his music sucks:D
    Whoa, chill bro... you know you can't raise your voice like that when the lion's here.
  • Its Evolution Baby
    Its Evolution Baby Posts: 849
    Cosmo wrote:
    ...
    Off topic...
    I was on a date with a gal... we had finished dinner and i asked her how she thought our date was going. She said, 'Ask me again... when i come back'. and got up and went to the restroom.
    When she came back... I asked her again and she handed me her panties under the table.
    ...
    That was like, 20 some ott years ago... but, you know what? I'll never forget that date.

    Any excuse to tell that story huh Cosmo!!!

    I bet you could figure out a way to include this story in a Moving Train Thread about Israel and Palestine couldn't you!!! ;)
    10/31/2000 (****)
    6/7/2003 (***1/2)
    7/9/2006 (****1/2)
    7/13/2006 (**** )
    4/10/2008 EV Solo (****1/2)
    6/25/2008 MSG II (*****)
    10/1/2009 LA II (****)
    10/6/2009 LA III (***** Cornell!!!)
  • Lostdoggie
    Lostdoggie Posts: 257
    Cosmo wrote:
    ...
    Off topic...
    I was on a date with a gal... we had finished dinner and i asked her how she thought our date was going. She said, 'Ask me again... when i come back'. and got up and went to the restroom.
    When she came back... I asked her again and she handed me her panties under the table.
    ...
    That was like, 20 some ott years ago... but, you know what? I'll never forget that date.


    That would have caused a mess in my pants.

    Anyway, when break ups first happen I swear the mind races like mad for a week or so and then little by little everything calms down. It's cliche but time does heal.

    Oh and dates with others dudes would help as well.
    Sometimes life don't leave you alone

    8/20/98 - Montreal
    8/29/00, 8/30/00 - Mansfield
    7/02/03, 7/03/03, 7/11/03 - Mansfield
    9/28/04, 9/29/04 - Boston
    5/24/06, 5/25/06 - Boston
    6/28/08, 6/30/08 - Mansfield
  • CityMouse
    CityMouse Posts: 1,010
    meistereder wrote:
    Nice. That's a good date!

    I don't mean to hijack this thread though.

    CityMouse, I guess my point is that doing little things for yourself is one way to start the road to getting over those thoughts you have. By the way, can I ask how old you are? I am 34, and I would say that I didn't really figure out how to not obsess on thoughts about exes until I was out of my 20's.

    Oh I'm 30. The weird thing is, it's been a year (actually a year today!) and I haven't really felt that bad about it until now. I mean of course I had some crying and stuff when I first left, but it wasn't that bad, I think because I felt like he'd still always be there for me and stuff...but now, it's a little different.

    So I went out and got absolutely hammered last night. I'm not sure how much I drank but I know I spent $45 and a guy bought me a drink, and then I think there was a shot in there somewhere...so I drank like $50+ of alcohol! It was unfortunate, because the guy who bought me the drink was...well...pretty awesome. So I was sober enough to know that he was...pretty awesome...but not sober enough to make a very good impression. I do have his business card, but no reason to get in touch. I think I just have to hope I run into him in the square (unless this chick I was with goes after him...she was totally moving in on my claim).

    oh p.s. thanks everyone for being so supportive. I know I'm being a baby and stuff. Nice to hear your thoughts on the matter.

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