It's been almost a year but...

saveuplife

sorry hit button twice.

CityMouse

saveuplife wrote:

OK. Well, first I'm sorry to hear about this.

I think your first step would be to cut off communication with him completely. I know that's hard and easier said then done. But, it's def necessary.

Step II forgive yourself. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Eventually you'll look back and realize you just weren't right for one another.

Step III I know this sounds strange, but I also think a bit of resentment is normal. It's OK to be mad at him. It may actually help. The truth is it's alot easier to move on when you are pissed at someone.

Step IV So, after you cut ties with him. You need to heal yourself a bit. Talk to friends first. Soon they'll get sick of hearing abou it. Then maybe a journal for a week or two.

Step V Should be done along with the step above....
Date. Get out there. Make an effort. Do your best to get back out on field. That means prying yourself off the message board.

*****REMEMBER THE BEST REVENGE TO AN EX IS TO BE HAPPY IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP*******





If you follow the above steps.... you will be better within one/two months.

Good luck.

thanks. I agree with all your points. I cut off contact with him. I just told him I wouldn't be able to talk to him for a long long time and I didn't know when I'd be back (he said this wasn't a "healthy" way to react. he's full of shit). I also know that we're not "right" for each other, which is really why I didn't have that much of a problem moving. But I just don't like thinking about him with someone else. Also the way I found out was kinda shitty (he told me this morning he was going for an STD test!)

and I'm trying to mobilize my 2 friends I have around here for drinks tonight- they're off seeing mama mia at the moment.

The hurtiest part is that I have really not had much of a life for the past year, and he's out there dating. And it always made me feel very safe and secure knowing he wasn't dating. So I see what you are saying about getting back "out there." But I don't know how and to be honest I don't think I *can.* I don't have the foggiest idea of how I to get "out there."

Cosmo

CityMouse wrote:

finding out that my ex-boyfriend is dating/sleeping with someone new feels like a huge weight just crushing me or something. I can't breathe and I kinda want to throw up.

We're still good friends and we never really broke up- broke up (I moved away) and I guess I've just felt like he was still my boyfriend all this time. (He also told me that he could not see himself ever dating again).

I feel like an idiot for feeling this way. Can anyone offer some words that might help?

...
It really doesn't matter what any of us have to say... it's all up to you.
You have choices:
You can either feel sorry for yourself and pine away for something that does not exist and let life pass you by...
OR...
You can go ahead and cry and mourn the loss of your past relationship to help you heal... take a deep breath and learn from this and get on with your life.
...
Your call.

dunkman

saveuplife wrote:

OK. Well, first I'm sorry to hear about this.

I think your first step would be to cut off communication with him completely. I know that's hard and easier said then done. But, it's def necessary.

Step II forgive yourself. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Eventually you'll look back and realize you just weren't right for one another.

Step III I know this sounds strange, but I also think a bit of resentment is normal. It's OK to be mad at him. It may actually help. The truth is it's alot easier to move on when you are pissed at someone.

Step IV So, after you cut ties with him. You need to heal yourself a bit. Talk to friends first. Soon they'll get sick of hearing abou it. Then maybe a journal for a week or two.

Step V Should be done along with the step above....
Date. Get out there. Make an effort. Do your best to get back out on field. That means prying yourself off the message board.

*****REMEMBER THE BEST REVENGE TO AN EX IS TO BE HAPPY IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP*******




If you follow the above steps.... you will be better within one/two months.

Good luck.

anyone who offers advice using roman numerals should be listened to. :cool:

CityMouse

Stone Is God wrote:

I felt like someone dropped a truck on me when I found out she was nailing another guy.

Yes it does feel rather truck-like.

thank god I acted impulsively and decided to go to Montreal for the EV shows this weekend.

CityMouse

Cosmo wrote:

...
It really doesn't matter what any of us have to say... it's all up to you.
You have choices:
You can either feel sorry for yourself and pine away for something that does not exist and let life pass you by...
OR...
You can go ahead and cry and mourn the loss of your past relationship to help you heal... take a deep breath and learn from this and get on with your life.
...
Your call.

never really planned on doing the first option

I'm not saying I haven't felt like this before. this has just been the worst I think. I was much closer to him than anyone else this has happened with.

Why do the guys I date ALWAYS end up dating again first?

_

CityMouse wrote:

well his isn't.

Haha! That cracked me up.

I recently found out that my ex-boyfriend is getting married next weekend (the weekend of my birthday) to the last girl he cheated on me with, in case that makes you feel any better. I guess it probably doesn't though.

Cosmo

CityMouse wrote:

never really planned on doing the first option

...
No one ever plans on it... it just happens. By the time you realize it... many Summers have come and gone.
Don't fall into that trap... your past is in the past and cannot be changed. Don't forfiet your future by doing nothing in your present because of the regrets in your past. Keep all of your options open... don't hunt for love... let love grow.

CityMouse

scb wrote:

Haha! That cracked me up.

I recently found out that my ex-boyfriend is getting married next weekend (the weekend of my birthday) to the last girl he cheated on me with, in case that makes you feel any better. I guess it probably doesn't though.

oh that sucks. sorry for you, too about that. the last guy I dated before this guy- it wasn't for very long- married one of the girls he cheated on me with. I know how that feels. We weren't even very serious but it still was a blow!

Hawkshore

CityMouse wrote:

thank god I acted impulsively and decided to go to Montreal for the EV shows this weekend.

Good for you! Getting back in the game and meeting new people and having a new relationship / s is the surest way to putting him behind you and it doesn’t hurt to treat yourself a little also!

CityMouse

Cosmo wrote:

...
No one ever plans on it... it just happens. By the time you realize it... many Summers have come and gone.
Don't fall into that trap... your past is in the past and cannot be changed. Don't forfiet your future by doing nothing in your present because of the regrets in your past. Keep all of your options open... don't hunt for love... let love grow.

yeah thanks.
I'm not really a "love hunter" it would be nice if it could grow somewhere near me

CityMouse

Hawkshore wrote:

Good for you! Getting back in the game and meeting new people and having a new relationship / s is the surest way to putting him behind you and it doesn’t hurt to treat yourself a little also!

haha well I don't think there's much chance of new relationship happening anytime soon, like in the next 10 years, but at least I'm going away and meeting new friends (which is something he would never do by the way!)

StateOfLoveBoatCptn.

CityMouse wrote:

haha well I don't think there's much chance of new relationship happening anytime soon, like in the next 10 years, but at least I'm going away and meeting new friends (which is something he would never do by the way!)

why would you say 'no chance for 10 years'?

CityMouse

StateOfLoveBoatCptn. wrote:

why would you say 'no chance for 10 years'?

well mostly two reasons I guess 1) I've been having an impossible time of seeing myself as someone who is attractive enough to get anyone since around the time I left him last year and 2) if I can manage to change that, I just don't know how to meet the type of guys I want to date.

meistereder

10 years is a long time.

With respect, it sounds like you need to focus on yourself for a while -- do things that make YOU happy. If you happen to meet someone doing one of those things, you start on a good footing because you have something in common.

StateOfLoveBoatCptn.

CityMouse wrote:

well mostly two reasons I guess 1) I've been having an impossible time of seeing myself as someone who is attractive enough to get anyone since around the time I left him last year and 2) if I can manage to change that, I just don't know how to meet the type of guys I want to date.

First of all you shouldn't put those kinds of restrictions on yourself....life has a funny way of turning out completely different than you have might ever expected. Just get out there, and see what happens. That's all you can do. Have fun at the show(s) though and enjoy the PJ Population!

CityMouse

meistereder wrote:

10 years is a long time.

With respect, it sounds like you need to focus on yourself for a while -- do things that make YOU happy. If you happen to meet someone doing one of those things, you start on a good footing because you have something in common.

I like to think that this is what I practice .

CityMouse

StateOfLoveBoatCptn. wrote:

First of all you shouldn't put those kinds of restrictions on yourself....life has a funny way of turning out completely different than you have might ever expected. Just get out there, and see what happens. That's all you can do. Have fun at the show(s) though and enjoy the PJ Population!

haha this just always strikes me as funny: where is "out" and "there"?

p.s. I totally agree about life not turning out the way you expect .

Cosmo

CityMouse wrote:

well mostly two reasons I guess 1) I've been having an impossible time of seeing myself as someone who is attractive enough to get anyone since around the time I left him last year and 2) if I can manage to change that, I just don't know how to meet the type of guys I want to date.

...
Classic mistakes.
If you cannot see anything good in yourself... no one else will. Besides, do you really want a relationship with a guy that only likes you because of your looks?
Thinking an outward change (appearance) is what's needed... well, it all depends on what you look like now. Are you hideous? Like, Elephant Man hideous? Do you emmit foul odors? Do you dress like you live on the street? Does your hair resemble a crow's nest? Then, yeah, an over haul is required.
Try widening your scope. The pickest women I know are all single and complain about no good men being out there. They aren't prize catches themselves and miss out on good, decent men who get snagged up by women and get classified as one of the 'good ones that are taken'.

StateOfLoveBoatCptn.

CityMouse wrote:

haha this just always strikes me as funny: where is "out" and "there"?

p.s. I totally agree about life not turning out the way you expect .

funny? 'out' 'there' amongst people, friends, strangers, whoever..... like what youre doing this weekend