It's been almost a year but...
CityMouse
Posts: 1,010
finding out that my ex-boyfriend is dating/sleeping with someone new feels like a huge weight just crushing me or something. I can't breathe and I kinda want to throw up.
We're still good friends and we never really broke up- broke up (I moved away) and I guess I've just felt like he was still my boyfriend all this time. (He also told me that he could not see himself ever dating again).
I feel like an idiot for feeling this way. Can anyone offer some words that might help?
edit: I feel it necessary to add how I found out: he told me this morning he was going for an STD screening. yeah.
We're still good friends and we never really broke up- broke up (I moved away) and I guess I've just felt like he was still my boyfriend all this time. (He also told me that he could not see himself ever dating again).
I feel like an idiot for feeling this way. Can anyone offer some words that might help?
edit: I feel it necessary to add how I found out: he told me this morning he was going for an STD screening. yeah.
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
I don't really know how to do either.
everyone's ex is sleeping with someone new.
Pearl Jam bootlegs:
http://wegotshit.blogspot.com
well his isn't.
It's going to take time, and the good thing is, now you can start the process of feeling better. Day by day, it will feel OK again.
Ohhh I feel your pain- really I do. That sucks! I don't know how much help I can be, but I have been in a similar situation-
You can't really be good friends with someone you love who you have this kind of history with who is now dating someone else. Yes.. later on you can be friends, but while it is still raw there's almost NO way you can separate everything out.
As lame as it may sound:
be good to yourself. You're fragile. Situations like this have the potential to really hurt you if you let them, meaning- if you get into a situation where you sleep with him again, and he's still dating the other person- it gets ugly.
Put some distance there, find stuff you like to do & rely on other friends to get you through.
It will get better. At some point you'll have entire stretches of time during the day where you won't be thinking about it.
thanks. it hurts because I don't think I can handle talking to him anymore for a long long time, and he's like my best friend.
p.s. I won't be sleeping with him, we live 800 miles apart.
I just told him I won't be able to talk to him for a long, long time. I can't think about him sleeping with someone else.
neither really. I guess I sort of did because I moved away. But I knew when we started dating that I'd be moving in about a year from then, and I just figured we'd play it by ear.
I've been there. We all have. You're feeling this way because eventhough you've been broken up for a year, it feels as though you were never broken up, and now you are just starting to mourn the break-up.
Cut off all contact. Ignorance is bliss. Focus on yourself, and he will eventually fade from your mind. I sort of just went through this a few months ago.
I went through a break-up similar to yours with my college girlfriend. I felt like someone dropped a truck on me when I found out she was nailing another guy.
It doesn't seem like it now, but the pain will go away.
well she will be
Pearl Jam bootlegs:
http://wegotshit.blogspot.com
In that case- the beauty of a long distance relationship is that the breaking up part- or in your case the cutting off contact part of it- can be much easier to get over. At least you don't have to see the person every damn day & run into them at the gas station. You can just get on with things.
Still sucks though.
Is this an offer? If so you should take him up on it and you'll soon forget all about your ex..and what better person to get back on the saddle for than our very own ray of sunshine, ledbetterman10
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
I'm sorry to hear that. That is always hard, and I'm not sure I have any advice. Just make sure that you are around good friends to help you through this time.
OK. Well, first I'm sorry to hear about this.
I think your first step would be to cut off communication with him completely. I know that's hard and easier said then done. But, it's def necessary.
Step II forgive yourself. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Eventually you'll look back and realize you just weren't right for one another.
Step III I know this sounds strange, but I also think a bit of resentment is normal. It's OK to be mad at him. It may actually help. The truth is it's alot easier to move on when you are pissed at someone.
Step IV So, after you cut ties with him. You need to heal yourself a bit. Talk to friends first. Soon they'll get sick of hearing abou it. Then maybe a journal for a week or two.
Step V Should be done along with the step above....
Date. Get out there. Make an effort. Do your best to get back out on field. That means prying yourself off the message board.
*****REMEMBER THE BEST REVENGE TO AN EX IS TO BE HAPPY IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP*******
If you follow the above steps.... you will be better within one/two months.
Good luck.
thanks. I agree with all your points. I cut off contact with him. I just told him I wouldn't be able to talk to him for a long long time and I didn't know when I'd be back (he said this wasn't a "healthy" way to react. he's full of shit). I also know that we're not "right" for each other, which is really why I didn't have that much of a problem moving. But I just don't like thinking about him with someone else. Also the way I found out was kinda shitty (he told me this morning he was going for an STD test!)
and I'm trying to mobilize my 2 friends I have around here for drinks tonight- they're off seeing mama mia at the moment.
The hurtiest part is that I have really not had much of a life for the past year, and he's out there dating. And it always made me feel very safe and secure knowing he wasn't dating. So I see what you are saying about getting back "out there." But I don't know how and to be honest I don't think I *can.* I don't have the foggiest idea of how I to get "out there."
It really doesn't matter what any of us have to say... it's all up to you.
You have choices:
You can either feel sorry for yourself and pine away for something that does not exist and let life pass you by...
OR...
You can go ahead and cry and mourn the loss of your past relationship to help you heal... take a deep breath and learn from this and get on with your life.
...
Your call.
Hail, Hail!!!
anyone who offers advice using roman numerals should be listened to.
Yes it does feel rather truck-like.
thank god I acted impulsively and decided to go to Montreal for the EV shows this weekend.
never really planned on doing the first option
I'm not saying I haven't felt like this before. this has just been the worst I think. I was much closer to him than anyone else this has happened with.
Why do the guys I date ALWAYS end up dating again first?
Haha! That cracked me up.
I recently found out that my ex-boyfriend is getting married next weekend (the weekend of my birthday) to the last girl he cheated on me with, in case that makes you feel any better. I guess it probably doesn't though.
No one ever plans on it... it just happens. By the time you realize it... many Summers have come and gone.
Don't fall into that trap... your past is in the past and cannot be changed. Don't forfiet your future by doing nothing in your present because of the regrets in your past. Keep all of your options open... don't hunt for love... let love grow.
Hail, Hail!!!
oh that sucks. sorry for you, too about that. the last guy I dated before this guy- it wasn't for very long- married one of the girls he cheated on me with. I know how that feels. We weren't even very serious but it still was a blow!
Good for you! Getting back in the game and meeting new people and having a new relationship / s is the surest way to putting him behind you and it doesn’t hurt to treat yourself a little also!