It's been almost a year but...

CityMouse

finding out that my ex-boyfriend is dating/sleeping with someone new feels like a huge weight just crushing me or something. I can't breathe and I kinda want to throw up.

We're still good friends and we never really broke up- broke up (I moved away) and I guess I've just felt like he was still my boyfriend all this time. (He also told me that he could not see himself ever dating again).

I feel like an idiot for feeling this way. Can anyone offer some words that might help?

edit: I feel it necessary to add how I found out: he told me this morning he was going for an STD screening. yeah.

NY PJ1

move on and go get some

CityMouse

NY PJ1 wrote:

move on and go get some

I don't really know how to do either.

Ledbetterman10

CityMouse wrote:

finding out that my ex-boyfriend is dating/sleeping with someone new feels like a huge weight just crushing me or something. I can't breathe and I kinda want to throw up.

We're still good friends and we never really broke up- broke up (I moved away) and I guess I've just felt like he was still my boyfriend all this time. (He also told me that he could see himself ever dating again).

I feel like an idiot for feeling this way. Can anyone offer some words that might help?

everyone's ex is sleeping with someone new.

CityMouse

Ledbetterman10 wrote:

everyone's ex is sleeping with someone new.

well his isn't.

meistereder

What's happening is that you are finally now letting yourself grieve the breakup, because as you said, you still sort of considered him a boyfriend, etc. I once broke up with a girl and continued to live with her for like 6 months. Even though we were not intimate, etc., we saw each other and talked all the time. Then, when we moved out, that is when I started feeling the breakup.

It's going to take time, and the good thing is, now you can start the process of feeling better. Day by day, it will feel OK again.

riffrandall

CityMouse wrote:

finding out that my ex-boyfriend is dating/sleeping with someone new feels like a huge weight just crushing me or something. I can't breathe and I kinda want to throw up.

We're still good friends and we never really broke up- broke up (I moved away) and I guess I've just felt like he was still my boyfriend all this time.

I feel like an idiot for feeling this way. Can anyone offer some words that might help?

Ohhh I feel your pain- really I do. That sucks! I don't know how much help I can be, but I have been in a similar situation-
You can't really be good friends with someone you love who you have this kind of history with who is now dating someone else. Yes.. later on you can be friends, but while it is still raw there's almost NO way you can separate everything out.

As lame as it may sound:
be good to yourself. You're fragile. Situations like this have the potential to really hurt you if you let them, meaning- if you get into a situation where you sleep with him again, and he's still dating the other person- it gets ugly.
Put some distance there, find stuff you like to do & rely on other friends to get you through.
It will get better. At some point you'll have entire stretches of time during the day where you won't be thinking about it.

lalalalaaaaaaaa

CityMouse wrote:

I don't really know how to do either.

If your feelings were/are strong for him, then there's really no method for moving on imo...it just takes time...lots and lots of time. And the longer you keep in touch with him as a friend, the more time it'll take.

CityMouse

riffrandall wrote:

Ohhh I feel your pain- really I do. That sucks! I don't know how much help I can be, but I have been in a similar situation-
You can't really be good friends with someone you love who you have this kind of history with who is now dating someone else. Yes.. later on you can be friends, but while it is still raw there's almost NO way you can separate everything out.

As lame as it may sound:
be good to yourself. You're fragile. Situations like this have the potential to really hurt you if you let them, meaning- if you get into a situation where you sleep with him again, and he's still dating the other person- it gets ugly.
Put some distance there, find stuff you like to do & rely on other friends to get you through.
It will get better. At some point you'll have entire stretches of time during the day where you won't be thinking about it.

thanks. it hurts because I don't think I can handle talking to him anymore for a long long time, and he's like my best friend.

p.s. I won't be sleeping with him, we live 800 miles apart.

saveuplife

Not to pry, but did you break up with him? or did he break up with you? This will help with my answer.

CityMouse

Saturnal wrote:

If your feelings were/are strong for him, then there's really no method for moving on imo...it just takes time...lots and lots of time. And the longer you keep in touch with him as a friend, the more time it'll take.

I just told him I won't be able to talk to him for a long, long time. I can't think about him sleeping with someone else.

comebackwoman

meistereder wrote:

What's happening is that you are finally now letting yourself grieve the breakup, because as you said, you still sort of considered him a boyfriend, etc. I once broke up with a girl and continued to live with her for like 6 months. Even though we were not intimate, etc., we saw each other and talked all the time. Then, when we moved out, that is when I started feeling the breakup.

It's going to take time, and the good thing is, now you can start the process of feeling better. Day by day, it will feel OK again.

I agree. I think this is when it starts finally feeling "real." It's hard...and you just have to let yourself feel the reality of the loss. Do whatever you need to get through it...whether that's limiting your contact for a while or whatever. So sorry. :(

CityMouse

saveuplife wrote:

Not to pry, but did you break up with him? or did he break up with you? This will help with my answer.

neither really. I guess I sort of did because I moved away. But I knew when we started dating that I'd be moving in about a year from then, and I just figured we'd play it by ear.

PJLaur

CityMouse wrote:

finding out that my ex-boyfriend is dating/sleeping with someone new feels like a huge weight just crushing me or something. I can't breathe and I kinda want to throw up.

We're still good friends and we never really broke up- broke up (I moved away) and I guess I've just felt like he was still my boyfriend all this time. (He also told me that he could not see himself ever dating again).

I feel like an idiot for feeling this way. Can anyone offer some words that might help?

I've been there. We all have. You're feeling this way because eventhough you've been broken up for a year, it feels as though you were never broken up, and now you are just starting to mourn the break-up.

Cut off all contact. Ignorance is bliss. Focus on yourself, and he will eventually fade from your mind. I sort of just went through this a few months ago.

Stone Is God

All it will take is time. It sucks but there is no other way. There's no way you can go "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", although sometimes we wish we can.

I went through a break-up similar to yours with my college girlfriend. I felt like someone dropped a truck on me when I found out she was nailing another guy.

It doesn't seem like it now, but the pain will go away.

Inhiding230

Hugs for you girlie

Ledbetterman10

CityMouse wrote:

well his isn't.

well she will be

riffrandall

CityMouse wrote:

thanks. it hurts because I don't think I can handle talking to him anymore for a long long time, and he's like my best friend.

p.s. I won't be sleeping with him, we live 800 miles apart.

In that case- the beauty of a long distance relationship is that the breaking up part- or in your case the cutting off contact part of it- can be much easier to get over. At least you don't have to see the person every damn day & run into them at the gas station. You can just get on with things.

Still sucks though.

The Champ

Ledbetterman10 wrote:

well she will be

Is this an offer? If so you should take him up on it and you'll soon forget all about your ex..and what better person to get back on the saddle for than our very own ray of sunshine, ledbetterman10 ..

nick1977

:(

I'm sorry to hear that. That is always hard, and I'm not sure I have any advice. Just make sure that you are around good friends to help you through this time.

saveuplife

CityMouse wrote:

neither really. I guess I sort of did because I moved away. But I knew when we started dating that I'd be moving in about a year from then, and I just figured we'd play it by ear.

OK. Well, first I'm sorry to hear about this.

I think your first step would be to cut off communication with him completely. I know that's hard and easier said then done. But, it's def necessary.

Step II forgive yourself. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Eventually you'll look back and realize you just weren't right for one another.

Step III I know this sounds strange, but I also think a bit of resentment is normal. It's OK to be mad at him. It may actually help. The truth is it's alot easier to move on when you are pissed at someone.

Step IV So, after you cut ties with him. You need to heal yourself a bit. Talk to friends first. Soon they'll get sick of hearing abou it. Then maybe a journal for a week or two.

Step V Should be done along with the step above....
Date. Get out there. Make an effort. Do your best to get back out on field. That means prying yourself off the message board.

*****REMEMBER THE BEST REVENGE TO AN EX IS TO BE HAPPY IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP*******




If you follow the above steps.... you will be better within one/two months.

Good luck.