Thinking of Getting Out

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Comments

  • petrocs
    petrocs Posts: 4,342
    25 is waaaay to early to get married. I have always believed that no one should be ready for marriage until at LEAST 28 years. I think you need to live life, experience different things and THEN decide whether marriage is right for you. I'm 34 and I just got engaged after a life filled with different changes and experiences. Go live life and then think about settling down
    Shows:
    9/24/96 MD. 9/28/96 Randalls. 8/28-29/98 Camden. 9/8/98 NJ. 9/18/98 MD. 9/1-2/00 Camden. 9/4/00 MD. 4/28/03 Philly. 7/5-6/03 Camden. 9/30/05 AC.
    10/3/05 Philly. 5/27-28/06 Camden. 6/23/06 Pitt. 6/19-20/08 Camden. 6/24/08 MSG. 8/7/08 EV Newark, NJ. 6/11-12/09 EV Philly, PA. 10/27-28-30-31/09 Philly, PA., 5/15/10 Hartford,5/17/10 Boston, 5/18/10 Newark, 5/20-21/10 MSG
  • luv-ed91
    luv-ed91 Posts: 215
    I think that if you have just 1 doubt in marrying him, DON'T DO IT!!! I married at 18 (way too young), but the couple of days before I married him, I had the worst feeling in my stomach that I have ever had . . . it was like my conscious kept telling me *DON'T DO IT!!* and I ignored it. The day I got married, I cried all day long. Needless to say, we had about 2 good years together, followed by 4 years of hell before I finally said *FUCK IT!* And after we split, I felt sooo much better. That has been 18 long years ago - and since then, I met a guy, we've been together for 8 years, he proposed to me 4 years ago, & we're still not married . . . I still have that awful feeling in my stomach about marriage. I still have doubts, so that's why I'm not married today. Fortunately, he understands & he's willing to be with me with or without *the piece of paper to legalize it*. I won't make that mistake again . . .

    I know I'm not Dear Abby, but I've been there, done that . . . so if you are having any doubts at all (it only takes 1) please don't do it, you will regret it in the long run. But if you truly love him & he truly loves you, he'll wait until you ARE ready :)

    Hope that was a little help for you :)
    -- If I had known then, what I know now . . .

    8/31/98 - Raleigh
    8/4/00 - Charlotte
    4/16/03 - Charlotte
    10/6/04 - Asheville
    6/16/08 - Columbia
    6/20/09 - EV Memphis
  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    petrocs wrote:
    25 is waaaay to early to get married. I have always believed that no one should be ready for marriage until at LEAST 28 years. I think you need to live life, experience different things and THEN decide whether marriage is right for you. I'm 34 and I just got engaged after a life filled with different changes and experiences. Go live life and then think about settling down

    Thats a bit of a generalization. I just turned 25 yesterday, and in November I will celebrate my 2nd wedding anniversary. Everyone is different. Some people do well with marrying young, some do well with marrying older.

    I think the key is knowing yourself, and knowing what you want. And despite what some people may think.. you can know yourself in your early 20's. Not everyone has a light bulb that refusing to go on until they are in their 30's.
  • iamica
    iamica Chicago Posts: 2,628
    It seems like more and more people are getting married in their early twenties, and pressuring their friends to do the same. I'm 27, and I've been to about 3 or 4 weddings a year for the past 4 years, as most of my friends have gotten married and have kids now. However, don't get married just because of peer pressure, certainly not because everyone else you know is doing it. Get married when YOU'RE ready, not when other people tell you you're ready.
    Oh, and I can't stress this enough...if you don't want kids and he does, you guys need to seriously consider whether you can move forward. Going into a marriage and not being in agreement about the kids issue is a big no-no. If you're 100% sure you don't want kids, and he wants them and is trying to get you to change your mind, then I personally don't think you should go through with the marriage. It'll just lead to heartache down the road.
    Chicago 2000 : Chicago 2003 : Chicago 2006 : Summerfest 2006 : Lollapalooza 2007 : Chicago 2009 : Noblesville (Indy) 2010 : PJ20 (East Troy) 2011 : Wrigley Field 2013 : Milwaukee (Yield) 2014 : Wrigley Field 2016
  • Cocaine_Nosejob
    Cocaine_Nosejob Posts: 1,744
    So after a few days away and a long talk with my cat and a pack of cigarettes ;) I decided to call it quits. That did not go over well with him, but I'm not nearly as upset as I thought I would be. It seems more like a big weight taken off my shoulders, which I'm going to take as a good sign.
    It still sucks, but not as bad as things could have been I guess.
    "The customer...is always...an ASSHOLE"

    "The world fascinates me."

    "Doesn't mean that much to me, to mean that much to you"

  • petrocs
    petrocs Posts: 4,342
    I'm glad you did what you think is the right thing. If you ever feel the need to talk me or any of your other Pit friends would be happy to let you vent :)
    Shows:
    9/24/96 MD. 9/28/96 Randalls. 8/28-29/98 Camden. 9/8/98 NJ. 9/18/98 MD. 9/1-2/00 Camden. 9/4/00 MD. 4/28/03 Philly. 7/5-6/03 Camden. 9/30/05 AC.
    10/3/05 Philly. 5/27-28/06 Camden. 6/23/06 Pitt. 6/19-20/08 Camden. 6/24/08 MSG. 8/7/08 EV Newark, NJ. 6/11-12/09 EV Philly, PA. 10/27-28-30-31/09 Philly, PA., 5/15/10 Hartford,5/17/10 Boston, 5/18/10 Newark, 5/20-21/10 MSG
  • polaris
    polaris Posts: 3,527
    it was a foregone conclusion
  • Lizard
    Lizard So Cal Posts: 12,091
    Congrats on making a very tough decision!
    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
  • Cocaine_Nosejob
    Cocaine_Nosejob Posts: 1,744
    petrocs wrote:
    I'm glad you did what you think is the right thing. If you ever feel the need to talk me or any of your other Pit friends would be happy to let you vent :)

    Thanks! :)
    "The customer...is always...an ASSHOLE"

    "The world fascinates me."

    "Doesn't mean that much to me, to mean that much to you"

  • urbanhippie
    urbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    Cocaine_Nosejob wrote:
    So after a few days away and a long talk with my cat and a pack of cigarettes ;) I decided to call it quits. That did not go over well with him, but I'm not nearly as upset as I thought I would be. It seems more like a big weight taken off my shoulders, which I'm going to take as a good sign.
    It still sucks, but not as bad as things could have been I guess.
    Just because it's not easy, doesn't mean it's not right :)

    Good Luck in the rest of your life.
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • genie
    genie Posts: 2,222
    Cocaine_Nosejob wrote:
    So...here's the deal. I'm engaged and I'm not sure I want to be. I'm starting to think it's crazy to be getting married at 25.
    I've recently made a lot of huge changes in my life...new city, new job, returning to school, quitting smoking, and changing my circle of friends - I've been taken advantage of by people I thought were close too many times, and I've given them too many chances, so I've left them behind and have started again.
    My fiance doesn't take advantage of me at all, but I've started feeling he's having a negative impact on me. Every change I make in my life, he's asks 'why?' like it's pointless. "I hate my job, I'm getting nothing out of it. I think I'm going back to school so I can change my field." "Seriously? Wouldn't that take, like 2 years or something?' I mean come on, how about a little support here. Sorry I'm not interested in keeping a job that I hate in a city that I hate just because the money's good and the rent is cheap. I don't think that money is everything and he does.
    He's fine with staying in the same place in life forever, but I need a change of scenery once in a while.
    And it feels like I'm starting to fall into place again, but I want to fall into place where I want to be...not where someone else wants me to be.
    There's just so much that I've noticed coming to the surface lately that's been bothering me.
    Kids is another point of contention between us. I hate...REALLY hate...kids. It's just never going to happen. But he says what everyone has said my whole life....that'll change....it's different when it's your own. But no, kids is one thing I'm not willing to bend on.
    Sorry to rant, but I need opinions from people that don't know us....is this cold feet like most people tell me, or something more?

    well done for finding out what you want in life, and pursuing it successfully. it seems to me that you and your boyfriend have different views on life.....if you still love him stay with him, if his views on life bother you a lot than get out it, live your life to the full ;)

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