Home› All Encompassing Trip

Girlfriend parents don't want her to see me as i am not south asian

ThecureThecure Posts: 814
edited July 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
hello all, i have been dating my girlfriend for a while. things are going great and we really like each other. so yesterday, i took the day off from work and so did she. we decided to go out to the gym and do some shopping and eating. i met her at the gym and when we went to the mall to buy soem clothes she sees her father and he freaks out that i am with her. i have never met the father but he is very conservative. the father is hindu and does not want his daughter dating any one who is not from India or from teh different caste. my girlfriend goes hoem with the father as she is afraid. she texts me later that night when everyone is asleep at her house. she informs me that she has to break up with me. we start to talk and she tells me that there are family problems and that her father has todl her that he will disown her if she contuines to see me. i really like this girl and don't know what to do. any advice?
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
Post edited by Unknown User on
«13

Comments

  • The ChampThe Champ Posts: 4,063
    How old are you guys?
    'I want to hurry home to you
    put on a slow, dumb show for you
    and crack you up
    so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
    god I'm very, very frightening
    and I'll overdo it'
  • eyedclaareyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    Is this anything like the American south where you can't date a black guy but you can marry your cousin?
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

    https://www.createspace.com/3437020

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696

    http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
  • ThecureThecure Posts: 814
    The Champ wrote:
    How old are you guys?

    she is 29 but conservative, i am 31 and not conservative at all.
    People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
    - Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

    If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
    - Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
  • ThecureThecure Posts: 814
    eyedclaar wrote:
    Is this anything like the American south where you can't date a black guy but you can marry your cousin?

    no, the family is very strict you must only date people from yoru own background in the same caste.
    People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
    - Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

    If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
    - Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
  • Steve DunneSteve Dunne Posts: 4,965
    dude you are in a tough spot. but this religioustraditional stuff with the family will always go the way with the father unless the daughter breaks away from it. it can not be you who makes her break away.
    I love to turn you on
  • CityMouseCityMouse Posts: 1,010
    eyedclaar wrote:
    Is this anything like the American south where you can't date a black guy but you can marry your cousin?

    what he's describing is pretty common among many ethnic groups in this country actually. there was a large south east asian population at my high school (cambodian, vietnamese, laosian,etc) and many, many, of these girls were married off in an arranged marriage the day they turned 18. In jr high this girl I knew would have people drop her off down the street if she got a ride home from white people because her grandmother would freak out. I had a friend when I was like college age who was syrian and her parents hated that she went to college (had to live at home and commute of course) rather than get married off at 18 like her sisters. She was not allowed to go near any guy who wasn't syrian. last time I saw her she had a nonsyrian boyfriend she hadn't told her parents about...I wonder how that turned out.
  • CityMouseCityMouse Posts: 1,010
    Thecure wrote:
    she is 29 but conservative, i am 31 and not conservative at all.

    if she is 29 and hasn't rejected these ideas of her family, she's not going to. if you were younger I would say maybe you have a shot. but she's 29 and she's made up her mind by now to stick with those traditions I'm sure.
  • ThecureThecure Posts: 814
    Steve Dunne wrote:
    dude you are in a tough spot. but this religioustraditional stuff with the family will always go the way with the father unless the daughter breaks away from it. it can not be you who makes her break away.

    what if teh daughter is too afraid of breaking away as she is. she doesn't want the family to be ashamed.
    People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
    - Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

    If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
    - Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
  • ThecureThecure Posts: 814
    CityMouse wrote:
    if she is 29 and hasn't rejected these ideas of her family, she's not going to. if you were younger I would say maybe you have a shot. but she's 29 and she's made up her mind by now to stick with those traditions I'm sure.

    she doesn't like these ideals becuase i believe that if she did she woudl have nevered agree to date me in the first place. her main problem is that she doesn't want to dishonor her parents in the community.
    People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
    - Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

    If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
    - Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
  • CityMouseCityMouse Posts: 1,010
    Thecure wrote:
    she doesn't like these ideals becuase i believe that if she did she woudl have nevered agree to date me in the first place. her main problem is that she doesn't want to dishonor her parents in the community.

    well yeah but she's obviously decide that she doesn't want to dishonor her parents more than she wants to date you.
  • ThecureThecure Posts: 814
    CityMouse wrote:
    well yeah but she's obviously decide that she doesn't want to dishonor her parents more than she wants to date you.

    thats true, damm religions gotta love how some people view it.
    People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
    - Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

    If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
    - Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
  • Steve DunneSteve Dunne Posts: 4,965
    Thecure wrote:
    what if teh daughter is too afraid of breaking away as she is. she doesn't want the family to be ashamed.

    then that's how it's gonna be. sorry to sound cavalier about it, but that's how the father is going to have it. be a friend to her, but you'll never have the blessing of the father to be anything else.
    I love to turn you on
  • CityMouseCityMouse Posts: 1,010
    Steve Dunne wrote:
    then that's how it's gonna be. sorry to sound cavalier about it, but that's how the father is going to have it. be a friend to her, but you'll never have the blessing of the father to be anything else.

    plus, the fact that she's 29 and still living with her parents would lead me to believe that she's sticking with values/customs of her family (unless there's some reason like she just lost her job or something).
  • RolandTD20KdrummerRolandTD20Kdrummer Posts: 13,066
    Time to brush up on your Hindu!

    Do you really want to have him as a father in law anyways?
    Progress is not made by everyone joining some new fad,
    and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
    over specific principles, goals, and policies.

    http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg

    (\__/)
    ( o.O)
    (")_(")
  • ThecureThecure Posts: 814
    Steve Dunne wrote:
    then that's how it's gonna be. sorry to sound cavalier about it, but that's how the father is going to have it. be a friend to her, but you'll never have the blessing of the father to be anything else.

    i will be a friend to her no matter what. she is a great women. it is just a shame that people still have these views. her past boyfriends have been south asian and one of them tried to rape her the other cheated on her with a sex worker but hey atleast they were hindu. sorry for the bitterness. just upset.
    People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
    - Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

    If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
    - Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
  • gabersgabers Posts: 2,787
    Out of curiosity what is your ethnicity?

    In Houston we have a large south Asian community and I've noticed how rarely they marry or even date outside of their culture. And might I say some of these girls are drop dead gorgeous. If I were young and single it would sure be worth a shot at dating some of these girls.
  • eyedclaareyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    gabers wrote:
    Out of curiosity what is your ethnicity?

    In Houston we have a large south Asian community and I've noticed how rarely they marry or even date outside of their culture. And might I say some of these girls are drop dead gorgeous. If I were young and single it would sure be worth a shot at dating some of these girls.

    Why date when you can own?
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

    https://www.createspace.com/3437020

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696

    http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
  • Ledbetterman10Ledbetterman10 Posts: 16,929
    The Chinaman is not the issue here Dude!
    2000: Camden 1, 2003: Philly, State College, Camden 1, MSG 2, Hershey, 2004: Reading, 2005: Philly, 2006: Camden 1, 2, East Rutherford 1, 2007: Lollapalooza, 2008: Camden 1, Washington D.C., MSG 1, 2, 2009: Philly 1, 2, 3, 4, 2010: Bristol, MSG 2, 2011: PJ20 1, 2, 2012: Made In America, 2013: Brooklyn 2, Philly 2, 2014: Denver, 2015: Global Citizen Festival, 2016: Philly 2, Fenway 1, 2018: Fenway 1, 2, 2021: Sea. Hear. Now. 2022: Camden, 2024: Philly 2

    Pearl Jam bootlegs:
    http://wegotshit.blogspot.com
  • stickboystickboy Posts: 2,981
    Thecure wrote:
    she is 29 but conservative, i am 31 and not conservative at all.
    word of advice.

    when you marry a girl its like youre marrying her fam because you HAVE to get along with them otherwise they'll make your life hell


    take that from someone who dated a girl for 3 yrs, had to listen to msgs on the answering machine daily from her conservative Italian DIplomats family about "You still with that guy??" and in the end when we were about to get married they forced her to break up with me by threatening that if she didnt I would dissapear.
    relationships rule

    and people wonder why I like being single these days and not committing to anyone
    fuuucck THAT
    Aah, fuck it, I’m just gonna go home, turn on the fuckin’ TV...
    Watch the nightly news and drink a beer...
    Like I could even change the world, yeah right...
    ************************************
  • comebackwomancomebackwoman Posts: 7,271
    This is a very difficult situation...and really there's not much you can do. I know a girl who's family is from Pakistan...but she's lived in the US since she was 5 - so there's a huge cultural divide between her and her parents. She was basically pushed into an arranged marriage so as to not bring dishonor on her family - but is miserable! She and her husband have nothing in commom and he's much older than she. It's just really sad - she struggles with whether or not she should divorce him - she wants to be happy and live her own life, but at the same time she respects her parents and their cultural values, even if they're not completely in line with her own.
    There's a light when my baby's in my arms :)
  • stickboystickboy Posts: 2,981
    Steve Dunne wrote:
    then that's how it's gonna be. sorry to sound cavalier about it, but that's how the father is going to have it. be a friend to her, but you'll never have the blessing of the father to be anything else.
    thats the thing that kills...knowing the parents will never give you their blessing despite seeing how good the guy treats her


    THEN the girl winds up marrying some prick like the father who prolly never makes the girl happy

    cause of tradition and bullshit

    so gay
    Aah, fuck it, I’m just gonna go home, turn on the fuckin’ TV...
    Watch the nightly news and drink a beer...
    Like I could even change the world, yeah right...
    ************************************
  • ThecureThecure Posts: 814
    gabers wrote:
    Out of curiosity what is your ethnicity?

    In Houston we have a large south Asian community and I've noticed how rarely they marry or even date outside of their culture. And might I say some of these girls are drop dead gorgeous. If I were young and single it would sure be worth a shot at dating some of these girls.

    i am originally from portugal but i have lived in canada for 29 years.
    People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
    - Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

    If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
    - Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
  • Coming back to lifeComing back to life Posts: 401
    Let him disown her. He shouldn't kill her if he's Hindu and not...
    A restaurant with a smoking section is like a swimming pool with a pissing section
  • Get_RightGet_Right Posts: 13,316
    all you can do is tell her how you feel and offer to support whatever decision she makes

    but from what I understand, hindu parents are very strict about this-to the point of violence.

    as someone who is married to an asian woman, mixed marriages are tough even with family support.
  • Kilgore_TroutKilgore_Trout Posts: 7,334
    unless you plan on marrying this girl, and i didnt see anything in your post to indicate its *that* serious, i dont suggest you break up her family... i wouldnt recommend you marry anyway as you wouldnt have much of a family support system and you seem to have different backgrounds and mindsets that would be conflicting and difficult to work with... the whole opposites attracts thing is true to an extent but tends to fail in the long term when as extreme as youre talking... it sucks that there are still cultures so stubborn in their "tradition" to allow their children to marry whomever they choose, but thats how it is and you shouldnt interfer... hopefully theyll come around eventually... afterall it wasnt long ago that arranged marraige was common and they could set their wives on fire for adultery...
    "Senza speme vivemo in disio"

    http://seanbriceart.com/
  • Rhinocerous SurpriseRhinocerous Surprise Posts: 4,423
    And I thought I had it bad - my gf's afraid to tell her parents that I'm an atheist, and she struggles with it herself sometimes. My general advice is that if she's not willing at 29 to break from her father traditionalist values, then you'd probably be better off making a clean start with someone else.
    Smokey Robinson constantly looks like he's trying to act natural after being accused of farting.
  • PearlJamaholicPearlJamaholic Posts: 2,019
    why do people over look the obvious answer? kick him in the nards. end of story.
    http://db.etree.org/PearlJamaholic
  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,689
    PearlJamaholic wrote:
    why do people over look the obvious answer? kick him in the nards. end of story.
    Terrible advice. The wolfman doesn't have nards.
  • Cree NationsCree Nations Posts: 2,247
    thats crazy but not unheard of. Hindu families and their religion is very strict and marrying outside the family is a no-no. Girls are even killed for having done so. This is crazy but follow your heart.
    >>>>
    >
    ...a lover and a fighter.
    "I'm at least half a bum" Rocky Balboa

    http://www.videosift.com/video/Obamas-Message-To-American-Indians

    Edmonton, AB. September 5th, 2005
    Vancouver, BC. April 3rd, 2008
    Calgary,AB. August 8th, 2009
  • ThecureThecure Posts: 814
    Ledbetterman10 wrote:
    The Chinaman is not the issue here Dude!

    i don't know what this means. can you please explain?
    People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
    - Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

    If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
    - Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
Sign In or Register to comment.