please give me tips on how not to get attached

genie

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

He was way out there, and he really toe'd the line when it came to getting banned.

maybe he was i don't know, but i've always found his posts to be relatively polite and appropriate...for me. i know mods have different opinions on what's right and wrong.

THC

genie wrote:

i've already told him everything and he told me that i will start worrying about something going wrong then they will go wrong because push things to turn out that way. and i do see sense in what he is saying....

give it a try...if it doesnt work out...it doesnt work out.
by detaching yourself...it wont work out...so whats the point?

over the last couple years...ive really changed my way of looking at things. people (myself included until recently i hope) get so depressed when they're notion of what should happen..doesnt...
just take it one day at a time. enjoy the blessing you have today...and let life lead you where it may. to quote fightclub....stop trying to control everything...and just LET GO...

genie

THC wrote:

give it a try...if it doesnt work out...it doesnt work out.
by detaching yourself...it wont work out...so whats the point?

over the last couple years...ive really changed my way of looking at things. people (myself included until recently i hope) get so depressed when they're notion of what should happen..doesnt...
just take it one day at a time. enjoy the blessing you have today...and let life lead you where it may. to quote fightclub....stop trying to control everything...and just LET GO...

thanks

THC

genie wrote:

thanks

you're welcome...best of luck

libragirl

genie wrote:

thanks

what? you didn't like my advice:p

genie

libragirl wrote:

what? you didn't like my advice:p

nah. i like the guy, he is cute and sweet and has a good heart ....even though there isn't a lot left from his heart

PJPixie

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Sorry but this sounds ridiculous.. 'Hold off' your feelings until you trust him?

You're clearly not ready to be in a mature relationship. I've been strung along by a few girls like you who dumped me when it became difficult. And btw, LOL @ the Soulsinging comment. Touche.

soulsinging?? Where/who is soulsinging now?

3inputchick

Sleep with him right away...

gabers

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

Yep, but that's who he'll be in a few years time, for all men become their fathers. You may as well know what lies ahead.

Okay, so I'll be a chain smoker that watches sports about 50 hours a week? I can't decide if I'm exhilerated or decimated.

Love ya dad!

Heineken Helen

genie wrote:

erm i might be guilty of thinking that i can save him...or make him feel better. you're right.

but then what is love? if he cares for me....well i guess that could be enough for me.

I thought the same Genie... but it wasn't love for him and there's nothing I could do about that... and it took me a couple of months to get over it... but I'm now with someone MUCH better who treats me how I deserve to be treated... there's no comparison. I'm sorry you're going through a shite time right now, really I am but this is not going to make it better.

Ok, I'm sure there are SOME instances where he might grow to love you... but I think the majority of these cases end with the person in your situation being hurt. How about telling him you just need his friendship right now cos you can't cope with anything more and who knows what will happen in time?

sponger

Textbook psych 101 states that the more you suppress an emotion, the more intense it will be when it finally resurfaces.

If you really want to minimize the bite of a failed relationship, allow yourself to feel it every bit of the way through so that it leaves your system quicker.

Not only that, but you'll be able to think more clearly and make better decisions because you won't be confusing yourself with denial.

Sian-of-the-dead

sponger wrote:

Textbook psych 101 states that the more you suppress an emotion, the more intense it will be when it finally resurfaces.

If you really want to minimize the bite of a failed relationship, allow yourself to feel it every bit of the way through so that it leaves your system quicker.

Not only that, but you'll be able to think more clearly and make better decisions because you won't be confusing yourself with denial.

I agree 100%. These things should be faced head on and not brushed under the rug.

genie

Heineken Helen wrote:

I thought the same Genie... but it wasn't love for him and there's nothing I could do about that... and it took me a couple of months to get over it... but I'm now with someone MUCH better who treats me how I deserve to be treated... there's no comparison. I'm sorry you're going through a shite time right now, really I am but this is not going to make it better.

Ok, I'm sure there are SOME instances where he might grow to love you... but I think the majority of these cases end with the person in your situation being hurt. How about telling him you just need his friendship right now cos you can't cope with anything more and who knows what will happen in time?

hehe, you know me Helen, every now and again i come up with such depressing threads as these. and i always see you respond to these threads giving an advice and making people feel better, which i have to thank you for.

eh, i know what you're telling me is probably what i should do ..eh, life has a funny way of fucking someone.

it's kind of difficult situation to explain here, can i pm you and confide in you?

Flannel Shirt

you both have issues.

Kilgore_Trout

im notorious for falling too quickly... but i think the only way not to is to not care... and should anything go wrong in a relationship id rather know i was in it 100% so i cant blame myself afterward... i know its not the answer you want, but if you really like this guy then continue to be yourself and dont play any stupid games to keep him at a distance... i know i hate it when women do that with me

Heineken Helen

genie wrote:

hehe, you know me Helen, every now and again i come up with such depressing threads as these. and i always see you respond to these threads giving an advice and making people feel better, which i have to thank you for.

eh, i know what you're telling me is probably what i should do ..eh, life has a funny way of fucking someone.

it's kind of difficult situation to explain here, can i pm you and confide in you?

Of course you can... no need to ask

But it's no problem. I know when you're probably still gonna do whatever it is you're gonna do (as most of us do ) but yeh, pm me and I'll see if I can make any sense of it

LONGRD

3inputchick wrote:

Sleep with him right away...

I agree with this statement.

libragirl

genie wrote:

nah. i like the guy, he is cute and sweet and has a good heart ....even though there isn't a lot left from his heart

lol..well that is cool that he is a nice guy. Don't listen to me I am jaded.

decides2dream

sponger wrote:

Textbook psych 101 states that the more you suppress an emotion, the more intense it will be when it finally resurfaces.

If you really want to minimize the bite of a failed relationship, allow yourself to feel it every bit of the way through so that it leaves your system quicker.

Not only that, but you'll be able to think more clearly and make better decisions because you won't be confusing yourself with denial.

besides, 'feeling attached' is probably the BEST part of a relationship. well that and great sex of course. personally, i'd not want to miss out on ANY of the good stuff of a relationship...b/c whether it lasts forever or a month....i want to ENJOY it fully!

Abookamongstthemany

polaris wrote:

How not to get attached: Date me ...

seriously tho - you can make up shit in your head about the guy about how he'll cheat on you or break promises or that he's really not who he seems OR you can do what abook says and live life - love doesn't happen without risk ...

Crrrrrazy! We've met and I know better than that!