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please give me tips on how not to get attached

geniegenie Posts: 2,222
edited June 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
ok, so i've started seeing this guy recently i think we are going out now for about 3 weeks. we kinda hit it off quite quickly and i've been seeing him every weekend. the thing is, due to some personal issues into which i'm not going to go into, i think that our relationship might work but might not...

and i'm scared cause i think i falling for him quite quickly. i mean i'm trying to restrain my feelings as much as i can, but i can't fool myself for too long, one day i will give in and let my feeling over power me.

so is there anything i can do not to fall in love with him?

and no i don't need such advices like "go with the flow" or "love is good, be happy if you get such feeling".
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    Stay the fuck away from him.

    Do yourself a favor.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • OffHeGoes29OffHeGoes29 Posts: 1,240
    I've been in two relationships with women who were just like you. It sucked, it always felt like there was a wall, and in the end I felt angry and hurt, because they desided not to give enough in the relationship to get hurt. Instead, I got dragged through the mud with the whole thing and feel like I wasted my time and effort on them when I could have been with someone who cared about me.

    My advice to you is to not date anyone seriously, because you are currently not able to be in any kind of relationship. Let them know this, because thats what an adult does....

    Good Luck
    BRING BACK THE WHALE
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    OffHeGoes29 wrote:
    I've been in two relationships with women who were just like you. It sucked, it always felt like there was a wall, and in the end I felt angry and hurt, because they desided not to give enough in the relationship to get hurt. Instead, I got dragged through the mud with the whole thing and feel like I wasted my time and effort on them when I could have been with someone who cared about me.

    My advice to you is to not date anyone seriously, because you are currently not able to be in any kind of relationship. Let them know this, because thats what an adult does....

    Good Luck

    oh, don't you worry i put a lot of effort into our relationship. and i anyway he told me upfront that he's been hurt so many times that he doesn't have a heart anymore, he will care for me but will take a lot time to love me...or maybe never love me at all. and i'm cool with that, i personally just want to postpone my feelings and if after a year we are still together then i will stop restraining myself.....it's not like i'm going to be like this always. i just want to test whether he is going to stick around for more than few months that's all.
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    last time i've looked at my life and life in general it doesn't look and don't look like a bed of roses.....actually that's what life is, its a bed full of roses it looks beautiful and enticing but as you lay in it you get hurt by it's spikes, and the pain outweigh any kind of beauty.
  • spongersponger Posts: 3,159
    honestly...if you miss soulsinging, then I'm not sure if you really are capable of knowing how to spot anything good in a man to begin with. All he ever did was open his mouth and allow a bunch of senseless drivel to come spilling out like sewage from a drain pipe. He was like Ahnimus, except with excellent grammar and rhetorical style. He was a hero to those who lacked personal conviction, and this is because he made an artform out of compensating for a lack of logic/reason with what basically amounted to well-articulated e-belligerence. I don't think he's missed by anyone with common sense.
    reigning champion

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
  • OffHeGoes29OffHeGoes29 Posts: 1,240
    genie wrote:
    oh, don't you worry i put a lot of effort into our relationship. and i anyway he told me upfront that he's been hurt so many times that he doesn't have a heart anymore, he will care for me but will take a lot time to love me...or maybe never love me at all. and i'm cool with that, i personally just want to postpone my feelings and if after a year we are still together then i will stop restraining myself.....it's not like i'm going to be like this always. i just want to test whether he is going to stick around for more than few months that's all.

    Sorry, but this won't end well for the both of you. Been down that road, its not fun.
    BRING BACK THE WHALE
  • CollinCollin Posts: 4,931
    No freakin' idea. I tried to not get attached for so long until I finally realized it was killing me, then I told her how I truly felt, we had a wonderful month together and then something came up and we broke up.

    So, I don't know... I'm beginning to think you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't...
    THANK YOU, LOSTDAWG!


    naděje umírá poslední
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    Sorry but this sounds ridiculous.. 'Hold off' your feelings until you trust him?

    You're clearly not ready to be in a mature relationship. I've been strung along by a few girls like you who dumped me when it became difficult. And btw, LOL @ the Soulsinging comment. Touche.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • AbookamongstthemanyAbookamongstthemany Posts: 8,209
    Take a chance. Great lives are lived by those who dare to take risks despite the odds or possible outcomes. There is only the present.
    If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

    Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
    -Oscar Wilde
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    Genie, why are you even bothering to go out with someone if you don't want it to go anywhere?

    It seems to me that if you want to see someone you should be willing to fall in love if you feel you can. Otherwise, it's sorta like putting food in your mouth, chewing it, and then spitting it out. You might as well eat instead! :)
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • polarispolaris Posts: 3,527
    How not to get attached: Date me ... :p

    seriously tho - you can make up shit in your head about the guy about how he'll cheat on you or break promises or that he's really not who he seems OR you can do what abook says and live life - love doesn't happen without risk ...
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    if you dont want to get attached genie you have to walk away...NOW. despite ones best intentions there is a part of one's person that over rides common sense and blinds you to reality as you know it and that has to be circumvented at the earliest convenient time. it sucks i know, but the longer you hold on the harder it becomes.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • Heineken HelenHeineken Helen Posts: 18,095
    OffHeGoes29 wrote:
    Sorry, but this won't end well for the both of you. Been down that road, its not fun.
    Agreed!

    You can't make someone love you. I've tried that one before and you probably won't take this advice but it sounds like you're gonna get hurt. How do you think you could last a year with someone who claims they don't have a heart and will probably never love you :( Don't do this to yourself Genie... we all deserve somebody who loves us! You're not gonna change him or save him.
    The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
    Verona??? it's all surmountable
    Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
    Wembley? We all believe!
    Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
    Chicago 07? And love
    What a different life
    Had I not found this love with you
  • Heineken HelenHeineken Helen Posts: 18,095
    justam wrote:
    Genie, why are you even bothering to go out with someone if you don't want it to go anywhere?

    It seems to me that if you want to see someone you should be willing to fall in love if you feel you can. Otherwise, it's sorta like putting food in your mouth, chewing it, and then spitting it out. You might as well eat instead! :)
    :D I really like that. Eat Genie EAT! :)
    The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
    Verona??? it's all surmountable
    Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
    Wembley? We all believe!
    Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
    Chicago 07? And love
    What a different life
    Had I not found this love with you
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    Heineken Helen wrote:
    :D I really like that. Eat Genie EAT! :)

    Thanks. :D
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • Get_RightGet_Right Posts: 13,312
    you cannot control love
    it controls you
  • DeLukinDeLukin Posts: 2,757
    Well, you can't control love but reason can temper it a little. Remember that nobody's perfect and although things may seem that way time will tell if it is indeed as good as you think it is now. Jumping in may feel right, but it's not always what is best for the relationship. Give it a little time, go through some trials together and see if it has what it takes to be something special.
    I smile, but who am I kidding...
  • DOSWDOSW Posts: 2,014
    sponger wrote:
    honestly...if you miss soulsinging, then I'm not sure if you really are capable of knowing how to spot anything good in a man to begin with.

    Nicely done sir. :D
    It's a town full of losers and I'm pulling out of here to win
  • he still standshe still stands Posts: 2,835
    LOL

    Nobody on this planet can help you, honey!!! Everyone here has been fucked over, had their hearts stomped on, felt like dying because someone else didn't want to spend the rest of their life with them.

    Then most of us got LUCKY and found the person who loves us back.

    Be honest with the guy. He will either stay or he will leave you. If it is meant to be then great! Otherwise you are simply avoiding the inevitable!

    "Don't waste time looking for the PERFECT lover, CREATE the PERFECT love." -- Tom Robbins
    Everything not forbidden is compulsory and eveything not compulsory is forbidden. You are free... free to do what the government says you can do.
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    justam wrote:
    Genie, why are you even bothering to go out with someone if you don't want it to go anywhere?

    It seems to me that if you want to see someone you should be willing to fall in love if you feel you can. Otherwise, it's sorta like putting food in your mouth, chewing it, and then spitting it out. You might as well eat instead! :)

    oh, i do want it to go and progress, it's just due to the circumstances he might be the one who will dump me. and i just want to protect myself.
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    polaris wrote:
    How not to get attached: Date me ... :p

    cool, give me your cell number and i'll be on my way to yours in no time :D:p
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    genie wrote:
    oh, i do want it to go and progress, it's just due to the circumstances he might be the one who will dump me. and i just want to protect myself.

    There's no protection anyway. Even when you try to, it just messes you up another way. :(
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • polarispolaris Posts: 3,527
    genie wrote:
    cool, give me your cell number and i'll be on my way to yours in no time :D:p

    google the only person in north america who doesn't own a cell phone nor drink coffee ... ;)
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    Heineken Helen wrote:
    You're not gonna change him or save him.

    erm i might be guilty of thinking that i can save him...or make him feel better. :o you're right.

    but then what is love? if he cares for me....well i guess that could be enough for me.
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    sponger wrote:
    honestly...if you miss soulsinging, then I'm not sure if you really are capable of knowing how to spot anything good in a man to begin with. All he ever did was open his mouth and allow a bunch of senseless drivel to come spilling out like sewage from a drain pipe. He was like Ahnimus, except with excellent grammar and rhetorical style. He was a hero to those who lacked personal conviction, and this is because he made an artform out of compensating for a lack of logic/reason with what basically amounted to well-articulated e-belligerence. I don't think he's missed by anyone with common sense.

    whatever...but i cannot avoid this post because you compared soulsinging with ahnimus. those guys are completely different! ahnimus is nice, a thinks like a robot when it comes to love and loves his wiki.

    as for soulsinging well that guy had character.....and in the end i've started enjoying his twisted character.
  • geniegenie Posts: 2,222
    anyway there are few things in my life right now that i feel like a cant deal with, last two weeks i've cried three times already: i've cried at home, in front of my work colleague, and in front of my boyfriend. eh, i'm going to detach myself from life itself...in other words i'm going to look at myself and see everything that's happening around me as if it's happening to someone else.
  • nothingman44nothingman44 Posts: 1,495
    my last girlfriend told me she loved me and then 2 weeks later, got rid of me to run off with another guy.

    i'm still not the same.

    my advice..be careful with who you let into your heart. you've only got one and it only takes one asswipe to break it big time.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    genie wrote:

    so is there anything i can do not to fall in love with him?


    Sleep with his father.
  • libragirllibragirl Posts: 4,632
    nothingman44 wrote:
    my last girlfriend told me she loved me and then 2 weeks later, got rid of me to run off with another guy.

    i'm still not the same.

    That sucks...I am very jaded about love right now. I'm starting to think there is no such thing.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • riffrandallriffrandall Posts: 685
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    Sleep with his father.

    Exactly!

    How not to get attached? Real easy. Don't fuck him.
    "If you're looking for someone to pull you out of that ditch, you're out of luck."
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