it's never like that for me and my friends. you get set up on a date or meet someone somewhere or find someone on match.com and someone asks the other out and there you are.
as an adult, where do you come upon people to have crushes on?
the pit
hehe seriously...my ex-husband I saw walking through a parking lot and was lucky enough to wind up sitting next to him later that day...and my fiance I met on here and developed a crush just by talking to him.
if you feel an attraction...sometimes it pays off to pursue it...and if you don't feel any attraction that's not a problem either unless it bothers you that you're not feeling it. I agree with GraySaturday - medications - particularly birth control and a lot of antidpressants can really deflate your libido.
**Disclaimer..** I totally don't mean to insult you in saying this...
However....
There are some meds that really have a sort of asexual side effect to them. There is some birthcontrol out there that works pretty damn well as birthcontrol because it really makes you attracted to NOTHING AT ALL. When I took the pill I was like, don't touch me, don't talk to me, don't even think about me! I was really not into anything sexual at all when I took the pill. Something to consider atleast.
Also, I know my aunt had horrible side effects from anti-depressants. I've never taken them, so I can't speak first hand, but if you take them, you might want to track when your feelings of non-attraction began, and maybe you'll see a link so some medication you've been taken.
Drugs can really mess with your hormones and your mind..
I often think it is my bcp...BUT I just started a new kind that is COMPLETELY different from my old kind, and it hasn't improved. I guess it's good I am not interest in men though, because I am certainly not meeting any and I am certainly not cute these days.
the anti-depressant I am taking now does not have that side effect, in fact, it is supposed to *increase* sex drive, so I assume it is the bcp. they mimic being pregnant, so it seems obvious they would do this. I can't go off though, or I won't be able to function for a week every month...and then I wonder if it's like catch-22- say you go off the pill to get feelings back, and you meet someone and you want to sleep with them, then you're not on the pill so you can't!
I often think it is my bcp...BUT I just started a new kind that is COMPLETELY different from my old kind, and it hasn't improved. I guess it's good I am not interest in men though, because I am certainly not meeting any and I am certainly not cute these days.
the anti-depressant I am taking now does not have that side effect, in fact, it is supposed to *increase* sex drive, so I assume it is the bcp. they mimic being pregnant, so it seems obvious they would do this. I can't go off though, or I won't be able to function for a week every month...and then I wonder if it's like catch-22- say you go off the pill to get feelings back, and you meet someone and you want to sleep with them, then you're not on the pill so you can't!
Of course you can go off the pill. I can't take the pill because of various side effects they have on my eyes, migraines, and I wasn't thrilled with becoming the total bitch it made me become. I haven't been on the pill for 3 or so years now..
I do worry that it is at least partially my meds...but then I wonder if they are ruining my life by doing this?
I think I think of it as an age thing because no one I know in a relationship now seems to have had these feelings for their sig others, even when they first met. I feel like people are just like "ok, he's cute, he has a job, he seems interested, might as well." these same people have had actual crushes when they were younger.
Also, I think that when you are older, you're not around the same people everyday, you don't have enough time to *like* someone. when you date, you usually start dating the person first, and then get to know them in the process, rather than building someone up over time. you know when you're younger, in college or whatever, it's like you know someone in whatever capacity, and then one day you're looking at them and you realize dear lord this person is perfect.
well as ever, i think it's something you...your doctors...need to figure out. it DOES seem to figure pretty prominently in ANY discussion with you here, so there's really not much else to say on the subject of that, here.
beyond that.....i don't know, there are PLENTY of good-looking guys, EVERYwhere! on the train, at my job, the corner store, etc, etc. i usually take the same trains daily, i see a lot of *regulars*......at my firm over 5k people work in our office alone, so there's always people you see about, even within my own group. damn, i have eye candy from 23 and up, hahaha. local stores/restaurants i frequent, etc. our fave italian place, my husband had the cutest crush on one of the young waitresses. she was adorable, sweet, and yes....young. haha. ther'es one waiter i always refer to as 'mr. sensitive ponytail guy'....NOT b/c he looks or acts like that character....but yea, he's got a very cute ponytail and personality to boot. and sure, even here.....i've had a couple *crushes*...all harmless, good fun....most are good friends. so basically, i find most people if they think about it interact with MANy of the same people regularly, even if it's simply the cute barrista at starbucks every morning.
btw - my husband had a HUGE crush on me, for years it turns out, before we ever started dating. i developed my own little crush on him too....and then yes, eventually, we got togther and here we are. i've had plenty of crushes that went unrequited, never even admitted, etc.....and so it goes. doesn't diminish the fun of it all though.
gray....i think GTD needs the bcp for OTHER reasons beyond simply preventing pregnancy. at least that was alays my understanding. then again, perhaps there ARe other alternatives? again, it comes down to a meds discussion...and not much any of us can do for that. so BEYOND meds stuff, i just say....let things *be*....stop overthinking/analyzing EVERYthing, and yea...ride the wave........
And he still gives his love, he just gives it away, The love he receives is the love that is saved, And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky, A human being that was given to fly
Of course you can go off the pill. I can't take the pill because of various side effects they have on my eyes, migraines, and I wasn't thrilled with becoming the total bitch it made me become. I haven't been on the pill for 3 or so years now..
You have other options.
hmm I don't know about that. I have severe PMDD and probably have PCOS. before I went on the pill having my period literally ruined my life. I couldn't go places, often missed work or school, passed out during work outs, ate all sorts of crap and so many other things...and it would last for usually 7 days plus the week or two before I would have PMDD symptoms. No doctor has ever suggested that there's anything you can do for this other than bcps.
and as for the other thing they do...I don't take chances. one internal and one external every time. putting all your eggs in one basket is a good way to end up with something else in your basket.
hmm I don't know about that. I have severe PMDD and probably have PCOS. before I went on the pill having my period literally ruined my life. I couldn't go places, often missed work or school, passed out during work outs, ate all sorts of crap and so many other things...and it would last for usually 7 days plus the week or two before I would have PMDD symptoms. No doctor has ever suggested that there's anything you can do for this other than bcps.
and as for the other thing they do...I don't take chances. one internal and one external every time. putting all your eggs in one basket is a good way to end up with something else in your basket.
:eek:
Guess you should stay on it.
As to being careful, no one is more dedicated to making sure they won't get pregnant then me, I just can't use the pill because of the hormones..
That sucks about the PMDD... thats crazy, I've never known someone with that. I can't imagine anything looks attractive or enticing to you when you're going through that. jeez!
I have crushes, still. (I'm 28.) And I still have a crush on my husband.
My crushes now are not on actual people I met, because I don't meet very many new people these days. But I have crushes on people on tv and movies. My latest crush (that I realized last night) is on Harold Ford, Jr. *swoon* lol
well as ever, i think it's something you...your doctors...need to figure out. it DOES seem to figure pretty prominently in ANY discussion with you here, so there's really not much else to say on the subject of that, here.
yeah I'm not expecting to really talk about that here. honestly though it's weird, I have told 5 doctors (2 general internests, a gyno, and 2 psychiatrists) that i have no interest in men. the psychs just put me on wellbutrin, but the others are like "oh well." they really don't seem to think that's a problem. I really don't think there are too many options when your reproductive system is as screwed up as mine.
beyond that.....i don't know, there are PLENTY of good-looking guys, EVERYwhere! on the train, at my job, the corner store, etc, etc. i usually take the same trains daily, i see a lot of *regulars*......at my firm over 5k people work in our office alone, so there's always people you see about, even within my own group. damn, i have eye candy from 23 and up, hahaha. local stores/restaurants i frequent, etc. our fave italian place, my husband had the cutest crush on one of the young waitresses. she was adorable, sweet, and yes....young. haha. ther'es one waiter i always refer to as 'mr. sensitive ponytail guy'....NOT b/c he looks or acts like that character....but yea, he's got a very cute ponytail and personality to boot. and sure, even here.....i've had a couple *crushes*...all harmless, good fun....most are good friends. so basically, i find most people if they think about it interact with MANy of the same people regularly, even if it's simply the cute barrista at starbucks every morning.
weird, I never see any guys. maybe because I'm just not looking because I'm so not interested. and I RARELY see the same people around...I think the subway is a little different from trains in that respect. sometimes I see the same baristas and whatnot, but it's rare that there are males working places like that.
trying to go with the flow...it's tough though when people are always asking me why I don't care that I'm not dating. my friends laughed at me when I told them I was asexual...so yeah, I get to thinking either there is something wrong with me, or other people are lying.
I have crushes, still. (I'm 28.) And I still have a crush on my husband.
My crushes now are not on actual people I met, because I don't meet very many new people these days. But I have crushes on people on tv and movies. My latest crush (that I realized last night) is on Harold Ford, Jr. *swoon* lol
You have a crush on Elmo don't you???
Come on, he's so cute, and red, and sweet.. hahaha.. (I know thats the sorta tv you're talking about)
I get odd crushed on people I haven't met. Like David Cook on idol.. umm.. hello!
trying to go with the flow...it's tough though when people are always asking me why I don't care that I'm not dating. my friends laughed at me when I told them I was asexual...so yeah, I get to thinking either there is something wrong with me, or other people are lying.
this, in my opinion, is a big part of your problem.....stop living your life the others think you should....it took my friends years of me telling to basically fuck off before they finally realized to leave me alone and let me live my life the way i wanted....it's your life NOT theirs.....stop tying yourself up in knots over not being attracted to guys.....get your body and mind healthy and the rest should fall into place.....you need to stop living your life for your family and your friends.....just be yourself....
this, in my opinion, is a big part of your problem.....stop living your life the others think you should....it took my friends years of me telling to basically fuck off before they finally realized to leave me alone and let me live my life the way i wanted....it's your life NOT theirs.....stop tying yourself up in knots over not being attracted to guys.....get your body and mind healthy and the rest should fall into place.....you need to stop living your life for your family and your friends.....just be yourself....
well not being attracted to guys was sort of a big problem when I was with my boyfriend...
right now I don't care, but I get worried that when I'm 50 I'm going to regret not caring about men through half my 20s and all of my 30s and 40s.
Come on, he's so cute, and red, and sweet.. hahaha.. (I know thats the sorta tv you're talking about)
I get odd crushed on people I haven't met. Like David Cook on idol.. umm.. hello!
I can see getting a crush on david cook, he's very like...real. though he has a really odd-shaped head and sometimes sings like scott stapp. he's still my favorite though.
and this is coming from someone who 'thinks too much'....although i've gotten better at it.
i don't think there's anything *wrong* with not having crushes, and i also thought you've mentioned a lot of this you think is tied into your meds, etc......so finding your *life balance* overall, will probably do wonders for you, overall, on all fronts.
i'd say it's a lot healthier for you to stop thinking in the attitude of right and wrong all the time. everyone is different.
i agree with this post. i also over think things, but damn.......
Peace, Love.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
I can see getting a crush on david cook, he's very like...real. though he has a really odd-shaped head and sometimes sings like scott stapp. he's still my favorite though.
shoot, I forgot to vote last night.
I want to bang his brains out... (I guess thats a bit of a crush no?) hahaha
I liked his Baba.. Oh man.. With him its odd, I feel like he would totally date me if we met. HAHAHA. wow.. whats wrong with me???
I want to bang his brains out... (I guess thats a bit of a crush no?) hahaha
I liked his Baba.. Oh man.. With him its odd, I feel like he would totally date me if we met. HAHAHA. wow.. whats wrong with me???
yeah I would say that's a crush.
I liked his baba too...not a great song to chop up like that but that's what's cool about him, he does whatever he wants. I like his beard.
haha he would probably date me too, back in my better-looking days. no one would date me now...
I don't think there's anything wrong with you for having a crush on david cook . In fact, I wish I could feel like that, even for someone on american idol.
i agree with this post. i also over think things, but damn.......
well I mean, if you had absolutely no feelings for the opposite sex for a long time, and had had no strong feelings for a much longer time than that, wouldn't you start to think about it?
well I mean, if you had absolutely no feelings for the opposite sex for a long time, and had had no strong feelings for a much longer time than that, wouldn't you start to think about it?
Do you think maybe you don't like men anymore? Or maybe you never really liked them and (well I mean you did when you were younger) but now that you're maturing and learning more about yourself, that you're just not into guys?
Have you ever been attracted to a woman?
this sounds so afterschool special, but I mean it seriously.. I mean you sound like you are trying to force yourself to like guy, but why? You shouldn't make yourself feel anything to prove it to anyone.
this, in my opinion, is a big part of your problem.....stop living your life the others think you should....it took my friends years of me telling to basically fuck off before they finally realized to leave me alone and let me live my life the way i wanted....it's your life NOT theirs.....stop tying yourself up in knots over not being attracted to guys.....get your body and mind healthy and the rest should fall into place.....you need to stop living your life for your family and your friends.....just be yourself....
took the words right outta my brain...i might develop a crush on you just for saying it haha
and in answer to the original question, hell yeah...i'm an old bat but still can have a crush or two
Do you think maybe you don't like men anymore? Or maybe you never really liked them and (well I mean you did when you were younger) but now that you're maturing and learning more about yourself, that you're just not into guys?
Have you ever been attracted to a woman?
this sounds so afterschool special, but I mean it seriously.. I mean you sound like you are trying to force yourself to like guy, but why? You shouldn't make yourself feel anything to prove it to anyone.
no I've never been interested in women. and I really mean that. I've had women interested in me, but totally wasn't into the idea. trust me, everyone asks when I say I'm not into men, so I've revisited the issue in my considerations. I think I can say for a fact, that no, that is not the case.
I think you misunderstand though, I'm not really trying to force myself to like anyone. As I said, no one would date me now anyway, and there's no one to meet, and I don't care if I'm single, so it's probably a good thing that I'm not interested. As for what other people think, I think they'd be happier if I *were* into women than just being asexual. people at least understand that. But really I don't really care what other people think, it just gets you thinking when you realize that you are different from other people. I do care more about what my future self will think though.
also as far as crushes go...I used to be interested in men, but still didn't have any crushes between 22 and 28.
Comments
hehe seriously...my ex-husband I saw walking through a parking lot and was lucky enough to wind up sitting next to him later that day...and my fiance I met on here and developed a crush just by talking to him.
if you feel an attraction...sometimes it pays off to pursue it...and if you don't feel any attraction that's not a problem either unless it bothers you that you're not feeling it. I agree with GraySaturday - medications - particularly birth control and a lot of antidpressants can really deflate your libido.
I often think it is my bcp...BUT I just started a new kind that is COMPLETELY different from my old kind, and it hasn't improved. I guess it's good I am not interest in men though, because I am certainly not meeting any and I am certainly not cute these days.
the anti-depressant I am taking now does not have that side effect, in fact, it is supposed to *increase* sex drive, so I assume it is the bcp. they mimic being pregnant, so it seems obvious they would do this. I can't go off though, or I won't be able to function for a week every month...and then I wonder if it's like catch-22- say you go off the pill to get feelings back, and you meet someone and you want to sleep with them, then you're not on the pill so you can't!
that never happened to me.
Of course you can go off the pill. I can't take the pill because of various side effects they have on my eyes, migraines, and I wasn't thrilled with becoming the total bitch it made me become. I haven't been on the pill for 3 or so years now..
You have other options.
well as ever, i think it's something you...your doctors...need to figure out. it DOES seem to figure pretty prominently in ANY discussion with you here, so there's really not much else to say on the subject of that, here.
beyond that.....i don't know, there are PLENTY of good-looking guys, EVERYwhere! on the train, at my job, the corner store, etc, etc. i usually take the same trains daily, i see a lot of *regulars*......at my firm over 5k people work in our office alone, so there's always people you see about, even within my own group. damn, i have eye candy from 23 and up, hahaha. local stores/restaurants i frequent, etc. our fave italian place, my husband had the cutest crush on one of the young waitresses.
btw - my husband had a HUGE crush on me, for years it turns out, before we ever started dating. i developed my own little crush on him too....and then yes, eventually, we got togther and here we are.
gray....i think GTD needs the bcp for OTHER reasons beyond simply preventing pregnancy. at least that was alays my understanding. then again, perhaps there ARe other alternatives? again, it comes down to a meds discussion...and not much any of us can do for that. so BEYOND meds stuff, i just say....let things *be*....stop overthinking/analyzing EVERYthing, and yea...ride the wave........
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
no bed=no brian
coke sucks
hmm I don't know about that. I have severe PMDD and probably have PCOS. before I went on the pill having my period literally ruined my life. I couldn't go places, often missed work or school, passed out during work outs, ate all sorts of crap and so many other things...and it would last for usually 7 days plus the week or two before I would have PMDD symptoms. No doctor has ever suggested that there's anything you can do for this other than bcps.
and as for the other thing they do...I don't take chances. one internal and one external every time. putting all your eggs in one basket is a good way to end up with something else in your basket.
:eek:
Guess you should stay on it.
As to being careful, no one is more dedicated to making sure they won't get pregnant then me, I just can't use the pill because of the hormones..
That sucks about the PMDD... thats crazy, I've never known someone with that. I can't imagine anything looks attractive or enticing to you when you're going through that. jeez!
My crushes now are not on actual people I met, because I don't meet very many new people these days. But I have crushes on people on tv and movies. My latest crush (that I realized last night) is on Harold Ford, Jr. *swoon* lol
yeah I'm not expecting to really talk about that here. honestly though it's weird, I have told 5 doctors (2 general internests, a gyno, and 2 psychiatrists) that i have no interest in men. the psychs just put me on wellbutrin, but the others are like "oh well." they really don't seem to think that's a problem. I really don't think there are too many options when your reproductive system is as screwed up as mine.
weird, I never see any guys. maybe because I'm just not looking because I'm so not interested. and I RARELY see the same people around...I think the subway is a little different from trains in that respect. sometimes I see the same baristas and whatnot, but it's rare that there are males working places like that.
trying to go with the flow...it's tough though when people are always asking me why I don't care that I'm not dating. my friends laughed at me when I told them I was asexual...so yeah, I get to thinking either there is something wrong with me, or other people are lying.
You have a crush on Elmo don't you???
Come on, he's so cute, and red, and sweet.. hahaha.. (I know thats the sorta tv you're talking about)
I get odd crushed on people I haven't met. Like David Cook on idol.. umm.. hello!
this, in my opinion, is a big part of your problem.....stop living your life the others think you should....it took my friends years of me telling to basically fuck off before they finally realized to leave me alone and let me live my life the way i wanted....it's your life NOT theirs.....stop tying yourself up in knots over not being attracted to guys.....get your body and mind healthy and the rest should fall into place.....you need to stop living your life for your family and your friends.....just be yourself....
lol! No, no crush on Elmo. That's crazy talk!
Now...SpongeBob Squarepants, on the other hand... *drool*
well not being attracted to guys was sort of a big problem when I was with my boyfriend...
right now I don't care, but I get worried that when I'm 50 I'm going to regret not caring about men through half my 20s and all of my 30s and 40s.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
I can see getting a crush on david cook, he's very like...real. though he has a really odd-shaped head and sometimes sings like scott stapp. he's still my favorite though.
shoot, I forgot to vote last night.
i agree with this post. i also over think things, but damn.......
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
I want to bang his brains out... (I guess thats a bit of a crush no?) hahaha
I liked his Baba.. Oh man.. With him its odd, I feel like he would totally date me if we met. HAHAHA. wow.. whats wrong with me???
I liked his baba too...not a great song to chop up like that but that's what's cool about him, he does whatever he wants. I like his beard.
haha he would probably date me too, back in my better-looking days. no one would date me now...
I don't think there's anything wrong with you for having a crush on david cook
well I mean, if you had absolutely no feelings for the opposite sex for a long time, and had had no strong feelings for a much longer time than that, wouldn't you start to think about it?
Do you think maybe you don't like men anymore? Or maybe you never really liked them and (well I mean you did when you were younger) but now that you're maturing and learning more about yourself, that you're just not into guys?
Have you ever been attracted to a woman?
this sounds so afterschool special, but I mean it seriously.. I mean you sound like you are trying to force yourself to like guy, but why? You shouldn't make yourself feel anything to prove it to anyone.
and in answer to the original question, hell yeah...i'm an old bat but still can have a crush or two
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
gets to me every time
no I've never been interested in women. and I really mean that. I've had women interested in me, but totally wasn't into the idea. trust me, everyone asks when I say I'm not into men, so I've revisited the issue in my considerations. I think I can say for a fact, that no, that is not the case.
I think you misunderstand though, I'm not really trying to force myself to like anyone. As I said, no one would date me now anyway, and there's no one to meet, and I don't care if I'm single, so it's probably a good thing that I'm not interested. As for what other people think, I think they'd be happier if I *were* into women than just being asexual. people at least understand that. But really I don't really care what other people think, it just gets you thinking when you realize that you are different from other people. I do care more about what my future self will think though.
also as far as crushes go...I used to be interested in men, but still didn't have any crushes between 22 and 28.
oh I didn't say "life ended". god, nothing even close to that crossed my mind.