people over like say 24...

Heineken Helen

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

for 9 years?

Maybe longer! What difference does it make once it's in years... there are people here WAY older than you. You've made yourself have a crush before... go do it again.

harmless_little_f***

urbanhippie wrote:

I have a crush on my b/f :D

I this woman

GreenTeaDisease

decides2dream wrote:

i think you just think too much.





and this is coming from someone who 'thinks too much'....although i've gotten better at it.

i don't think there's anything *wrong* with not having crushes, and i also thought you've mentioned a lot of this you think is tied into your meds, etc......so finding your *life balance* overall, will probably do wonders for you, overall, on all fronts.


i'd say it's a lot healthier for you to stop thinking in the attitude of right and wrong all the time. everyone is different.

I do worry that it is at least partially my meds...but then I wonder if they are ruining my life by doing this?

I think I think of it as an age thing because no one I know in a relationship now seems to have had these feelings for their sig others, even when they first met. I feel like people are just like "ok, he's cute, he has a job, he seems interested, might as well." these same people have had actual crushes when they were younger.

Also, I think that when you are older, you're not around the same people everyday, you don't have enough time to *like* someone. when you date, you usually start dating the person first, and then get to know them in the process, rather than building someone up over time. you know when you're younger, in college or whatever, it's like you know someone in whatever capacity, and then one day you're looking at them and you realize dear lord this person is perfect.

Heineken Helen

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I do worry that it is at least partially my meds...but then I wonder if they are ruining my life by doing this?

I think I think of it as an age thing because no one I know in a relationship now seems to have had these feelings for their sig others, even when they first met. I feel like people are just like "ok, he's cute, he has a job, he seems interested, might as well." these same people have had actual crushes when they were younger.

Also, I think that when you are older, you're not around the same people everyday, you don't have enough time to *like* someone. when you date, you usually start dating the person first, and then get to know them in the process, rather than building someone up over time. you know when you're younger, in college or whatever, it's like you know someone in whatever capacity, and then one day you're looking at them and you realize dear lord this person is perfect.

ALL wrong!

comebackwoman

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I do worry that it is at least partially my meds...but then I wonder if they are ruining my life by doing this?

I think I think of it as an age thing because no one I know in a relationship now seems to have had these feelings for their sig others, even when they first met. I feel like people are just like "ok, he's cute, he has a job, he seems interested, might as well." these same people have had actual crushes when they were younger.

Also, I think that when you are older, you're not around the same people everyday, you don't have enough time to *like* someone. when you date, you usually start dating the person first, and then get to know them in the process, rather than building someone up over time. you know when you're younger, in college or whatever, it's like you know someone in whatever capacity, and then one day you're looking at them and you realize dear lord this person is perfect.

My long term relationships all started as crushes...then turned to...relationships I do still get crushes...like my crush on Eddie for example

and btw - I don't wanna procreate

GreenTeaDisease

Heineken Helen wrote:

ALL wrong!

what do you mean? I was just noting my observations-the observations that led me to believe it has to do with age. how can just noting my observations be "all wrong"?

GraySaturday

**Disclaimer..** I totally don't mean to insult you in saying this...

However....

There are some meds that really have a sort of asexual side effect to them. There is some birthcontrol out there that works pretty damn well as birthcontrol because it really makes you attracted to NOTHING AT ALL. When I took the pill I was like, don't touch me, don't talk to me, don't even think about me! I was really not into anything sexual at all when I took the pill. Something to consider atleast.

Also, I know my aunt had horrible side effects from anti-depressants. I've never taken them, so I can't speak first hand, but if you take them, you might want to track when your feelings of non-attraction began, and maybe you'll see a link so some medication you've been taken.

Drugs can really mess with your hormones and your mind..

GreenTeaDisease

comebackgirl wrote:

My long term relationships all started as crushes...then turned to...relationships

damn you are one of the lucky ones.

it's never like that for me and my friends. you get set up on a date or meet someone somewhere or find someone on match.com and someone asks the other out and there you are.

as an adult, where do you come upon people to have crushes on?

urbanhippie

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

damn you are one of the lucky ones.

it's never like that for me and my friends. you get set up on a date or find someone on match.com and there you are.

as an adult, where do you come upon people to have crushes on?

I met my bf on here. You don't look for people, it just happens.
For me, it was when it was the last thing I was looking for...funny how that happens

Linda

GraySaturday wrote:

**Disclaimer..** I totally don't mean to insult you in saying this...

However....

There are some meds that really have a sort of asexual side effect to them. There is some birthcontrol out there that works pretty damn well as birthcontrol because it really makes you attracted to NOTHING AT ALL. When I took the pill I was like, don't touch me, don't talk to me, don't even think about me! I was really not into anything sexual at all when I took the pill. Something to consider atleast.

same here on the pill, couldnt care less about sex.......but i stopped taking it, so all is well!!!!!

comebackwoman

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

damn you are one of the lucky ones.

it's never like that for me and my friends. you get set up on a date or meet someone somewhere or find someone on match.com and someone asks the other out and there you are.

as an adult, where do you come upon people to have crushes on?

the pit

hehe seriously...my ex-husband I saw walking through a parking lot and was lucky enough to wind up sitting next to him later that day...and my fiance I met on here and developed a crush just by talking to him.

if you feel an attraction...sometimes it pays off to pursue it...and if you don't feel any attraction that's not a problem either unless it bothers you that you're not feeling it. I agree with GraySaturday - medications - particularly birth control and a lot of antidpressants can really deflate your libido.

GreenTeaDisease

GraySaturday wrote:

**Disclaimer..** I totally don't mean to insult you in saying this...

However....

There are some meds that really have a sort of asexual side effect to them. There is some birthcontrol out there that works pretty damn well as birthcontrol because it really makes you attracted to NOTHING AT ALL. When I took the pill I was like, don't touch me, don't talk to me, don't even think about me! I was really not into anything sexual at all when I took the pill. Something to consider atleast.

Also, I know my aunt had horrible side effects from anti-depressants. I've never taken them, so I can't speak first hand, but if you take them, you might want to track when your feelings of non-attraction began, and maybe you'll see a link so some medication you've been taken.

Drugs can really mess with your hormones and your mind..

I often think it is my bcp...BUT I just started a new kind that is COMPLETELY different from my old kind, and it hasn't improved. I guess it's good I am not interest in men though, because I am certainly not meeting any and I am certainly not cute these days.

the anti-depressant I am taking now does not have that side effect, in fact, it is supposed to *increase* sex drive, so I assume it is the bcp. they mimic being pregnant, so it seems obvious they would do this. I can't go off though, or I won't be able to function for a week every month...and then I wonder if it's like catch-22- say you go off the pill to get feelings back, and you meet someone and you want to sleep with them, then you're not on the pill so you can't!

GreenTeaDisease

urbanhippie wrote:

I met my bf on here. You don't look for people, it just happens.
For me, it was when it was the last thing I was looking for...funny how that happens

that never happened to me.

GraySaturday

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I often think it is my bcp...BUT I just started a new kind that is COMPLETELY different from my old kind, and it hasn't improved. I guess it's good I am not interest in men though, because I am certainly not meeting any and I am certainly not cute these days.

the anti-depressant I am taking now does not have that side effect, in fact, it is supposed to *increase* sex drive, so I assume it is the bcp. they mimic being pregnant, so it seems obvious they would do this. I can't go off though, or I won't be able to function for a week every month...and then I wonder if it's like catch-22- say you go off the pill to get feelings back, and you meet someone and you want to sleep with them, then you're not on the pill so you can't!

Of course you can go off the pill. I can't take the pill because of various side effects they have on my eyes, migraines, and I wasn't thrilled with becoming the total bitch it made me become. I haven't been on the pill for 3 or so years now..

You have other options.

Swan

i get Lushes

decides2dream

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I do worry that it is at least partially my meds...but then I wonder if they are ruining my life by doing this?

I think I think of it as an age thing because no one I know in a relationship now seems to have had these feelings for their sig others, even when they first met. I feel like people are just like "ok, he's cute, he has a job, he seems interested, might as well." these same people have had actual crushes when they were younger.

Also, I think that when you are older, you're not around the same people everyday, you don't have enough time to *like* someone. when you date, you usually start dating the person first, and then get to know them in the process, rather than building someone up over time. you know when you're younger, in college or whatever, it's like you know someone in whatever capacity, and then one day you're looking at them and you realize dear lord this person is perfect.

well as ever, i think it's something you...your doctors...need to figure out. it DOES seem to figure pretty prominently in ANY discussion with you here, so there's really not much else to say on the subject of that, here.


beyond that.....i don't know, there are PLENTY of good-looking guys, EVERYwhere! on the train, at my job, the corner store, etc, etc. i usually take the same trains daily, i see a lot of *regulars*......at my firm over 5k people work in our office alone, so there's always people you see about, even within my own group. damn, i have eye candy from 23 and up, hahaha. local stores/restaurants i frequent, etc. our fave italian place, my husband had the cutest crush on one of the young waitresses. she was adorable, sweet, and yes....young. haha. ther'es one waiter i always refer to as 'mr. sensitive ponytail guy'....NOT b/c he looks or acts like that character....but yea, he's got a very cute ponytail and personality to boot. and sure, even here.....i've had a couple *crushes*...all harmless, good fun....most are good friends. so basically, i find most people if they think about it interact with MANy of the same people regularly, even if it's simply the cute barrista at starbucks every morning.



btw - my husband had a HUGE crush on me, for years it turns out, before we ever started dating. i developed my own little crush on him too....and then yes, eventually, we got togther and here we are. i've had plenty of crushes that went unrequited, never even admitted, etc.....and so it goes. doesn't diminish the fun of it all though.



gray....i think GTD needs the bcp for OTHER reasons beyond simply preventing pregnancy. at least that was alays my understanding. then again, perhaps there ARe other alternatives? again, it comes down to a meds discussion...and not much any of us can do for that. so BEYOND meds stuff, i just say....let things *be*....stop overthinking/analyzing EVERYthing, and yea...ride the wave........

given2fly10

comebackgirl wrote:

the pit

.

funny but true, haha

GreenTeaDisease

GraySaturday wrote:

Of course you can go off the pill. I can't take the pill because of various side effects they have on my eyes, migraines, and I wasn't thrilled with becoming the total bitch it made me become. I haven't been on the pill for 3 or so years now..

You have other options.

hmm I don't know about that. I have severe PMDD and probably have PCOS. before I went on the pill having my period literally ruined my life. I couldn't go places, often missed work or school, passed out during work outs, ate all sorts of crap and so many other things...and it would last for usually 7 days plus the week or two before I would have PMDD symptoms. No doctor has ever suggested that there's anything you can do for this other than bcps.

and as for the other thing they do...I don't take chances. one internal and one external every time. putting all your eggs in one basket is a good way to end up with something else in your basket.

GraySaturday

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

hmm I don't know about that. I have severe PMDD and probably have PCOS. before I went on the pill having my period literally ruined my life. I couldn't go places, often missed work or school, passed out during work outs, ate all sorts of crap and so many other things...and it would last for usually 7 days plus the week or two before I would have PMDD symptoms. No doctor has ever suggested that there's anything you can do for this other than bcps.

and as for the other thing they do...I don't take chances. one internal and one external every time. putting all your eggs in one basket is a good way to end up with something else in your basket.

:eek:

Guess you should stay on it.

As to being careful, no one is more dedicated to making sure they won't get pregnant then me, I just can't use the pill because of the hormones..

That sucks about the PMDD... thats crazy, I've never known someone with that. I can't imagine anything looks attractive or enticing to you when you're going through that. jeez!

Brain of J.Lo

I have crushes, still. (I'm 28.) And I still have a crush on my husband.

My crushes now are not on actual people I met, because I don't meet very many new people these days. But I have crushes on people on tv and movies. My latest crush (that I realized last night) is on Harold Ford, Jr. *swoon* lol