Opinion?

Heineken Helen

edit: just read the rest of the thread... yep, she's being unreasonable :(

Are you on speaking terms with her mother? Extremely doubtful but IF you are perhaps you could ask her yourself if she could cover this one morning a week or something?

Shite situation... p.s. I don't understand how you both work, both share responsibilities... and yet YOU have to pay HER child support? :eek:

I dunno, to keep the peace it sounds like maybe you're just gonna have to have a babysitter on standby or something . Maybe another parent or one of the schools can recommend one.

PaperPlates

Heineken Helen wrote:

edit: just read the rest of the thread... yep, she's being unreasonable :(

Are you on speaking terms with her mother? Extremely doubtful but IF you are perhaps you could ask her yourself if she could cover this one morning a week or something?

Shite situation... p.s. I don't understand how you both work, both share responsibilities... and yet YOU have to pay HER child support? :eek:

I dunno, to keep the peace it sounds like maybe you're just gonna have to have a babysitter on standby or something . Maybe another parent or one of the schools can recommend one.

Yeah isn't the system wonderful? She makes about 10,000 or so a year more than me to boot. Aint life grand??? The guys who never see their kids screwed it up for the good fathers here.

And thats whats weird Helen. We DO speak. I mean at least we communicate. Just seems that once in a while she gets a bug up her ass and likes to fight or argue over the dumbest shit. Almost like "omg we're getting along too well, I gotta find something to be pissed about".

I don't get it.

Heineken Helen

PaperPlates wrote:

Yeah isn't the system wonderful? She makes about 10,000 or so a year more than me to boot. Aint life grand??? The guys who never see their kids screwed it up for the good fathers here.

And thats whats weird Helen. We DO speak. I mean at least we communicate. Just seems that once in a while she gets a bug up her ass and likes to fight or argue over the dumbest shit. Almost like "omg we're getting along too well, I gotta find something to be pissed about".

I don't get it.

that really makes absolutely no sense (the child support). Ok, I know there are a serious number of deadbeat dads... but that's no need to punish those of you who DO give a fuck :(

well if you communicate, maybe bring it up next time she's in a good mood... make light of it like 'ok, I know I agreed to this but if I could have one morning off, that would be fantastic and I don't have anyone I can ask... I know that's not your fault but please don't get annoyed at me if I DO ask, just that I know you have people who could MAYBE do it'

PaperPlates

Heineken Helen wrote:

that really makes absolutely no sense (the child support). Ok, I know there are a serious number of deadbeat dads... but that's no need to punish those of you who DO give a fuck :(

well if you communicate, maybe bring it up next time she's in a good mood... make light of it like 'ok, I know I agreed to this but if I could have one morning off, that would be fantastic and I don't have anyone I can ask... I know that's not your fault but please don't get annoyed at me if I DO ask, just that I know you have people who could MAYBE do it'

Oh if it was only that simple.

I woke up this morning, waited, waited, waited. No show. Called her. Before I got two words out she says "I took the kids to daycare". I ask "nel too?" (Nel doesn't go to daycare, and the daycare doesn't take them to school for you), shes says "Yep" and hangs up. Hasnt answered one call nor text from me since then. I have no idea how my kids getting to school

With an over-reactionary personality like hers, taking your advice, while good advice, is like pissing in the wind.

She just prefers to keep me as the bad guy I think.

Sigh.

Heineken Helen

PaperPlates wrote:

Oh if it was only that simple.

I woke up this morning, waited, waited, waited. No show. Called her. Before I got two words out she says "I took the kids to daycare". I ask "nel too?" (Nel doesn't go to daycare, and the daycare doesn't take them to school for you), shes says "Yep" and hangs up. Hasnt answered one call nor text from me since then. I have no idea how my kids getting to school

With an over-reactionary personality like hers, taking your advice, while good advice, is like pissing in the wind.

She just prefers to keep me as the bad guy I think.

Sigh.

:eek: wow! I hope you're keeping note of all this... in case there are ever any issues? I mean she's keeping the kids out of school as a result of her severe case of being stubborn . No judge would like that.

so you could have gone out after all? :mad:

PaperPlates

Heineken Helen wrote:

:eek: wow! I hope you're keeping note of all this... in case there are ever any issues? I mean she's keeping the kids out of school as a result of her severe case of being stubborn . No judge would like that.

so you could have gone out after all? :mad:

She didnt keep them from school. The boy (two) goes to daycare. So she took him there. I assume maybe she took the girl (eight) to a friends who will then take her to school? IDK. She's so stubborn. Shes always been. She's more concerned about being right or wrong, that she forgets about right and wrong.

And yea, I coulda gone out after all.


Sigh.



I feel like a dancing monkey.

Heineken Helen

PaperPlates wrote:

She didnt keep them from school. The boy (two) goes to daycare. So she took him there. I assume maybe she took the girl (eight) to a friends who will then take her to school? IDK. She's so stubborn. Shes always been. She's more concerned about being right or wrong, that she forgets about right and wrong.

And yea, I coulda gone out after all.


Sigh.



I feel like a dancing monkey.

:mad: that must be pretty fucking infuriating. It may be time to remove your offer and stick to the original deal if she's gonna be messing you around like that? Is the original deal judge imposed or simply agreed by the two of you?

niner

I feel for you. Where do I start?
At first she sounded perhaps "over-stressed" in her reaction to your question, but after her response this morning she sounds like a bitch. sorry. i've seen this behavior before. the ones who want the divorce are bitter and angry for some reason.
I guess asking her the day before could have pissed her off but its not completely unreasonable, and yes it never hurts to ask.

I feel for your kids too. A friend had the same type of visitation, not just weekends, days during the week too. Its good for them to spend more time with the non-custodial parent but the shuffling back and forth seems a lot for them too. Without getting all legal maybe at some point in the future you can get custody since it seems like you have them more. Keep it in mind for the next time you have to go to court (and you will, p.s. not sure what you divorce agreement state but some advice, be very specific about holidays, your birthday, vacation father's day. i've seem that nightmare before too)

Its like, if you don't make yourself available for her, she'll punish you and make you feel guilty. If you have to ask her again, just tell her you wanted to give her the opportunity first but that you have a babysitter available just in case and see what she says.

Its better vent to a friend or here before you talk to her and get angry with her because her will just through it back at you.

PaperPlates

niner wrote:

I feel for you. Where do I start?
At first she sounded perhaps "over-stressed" in her reaction to your question, but after her response this morning she sounds like a bitch. sorry. i've seen this behavior before. the ones who want the divorce are bitter and angry for some reason.
I guess asking her the day before could have pissed her off but its not completely unreasonable, and yes it never hurts to ask.

I feel for your kids too. A friend had the same type of visitation, not just weekends, days during the week too. Its good for them to spend more time with the non-custodial parent but the shuffling back and forth seems a lot for them too. Without getting all legal maybe at some point in the future you can get custody since it seems like you have them more. Keep it in mind for the next time you have to go to court (and you will, p.s. not sure what you divorce agreement state but some advice, be very specific about holidays, your birthday, vacation father's day. i've seem that nightmare before too)

Its like, if you don't make yourself available for her, she'll punish you and make you feel guilty. If you have to ask her again, just tell her you wanted to give her the opportunity first but that you have a babysitter available just in case and see what she says.

Its better vent to a friend or here before you talk to her and get angry with her because her will just through it back at you.

You're spot on with a lot of it. Tho I don't "have them more". Its about even, but with my work schedule I often have to "trade days" or not take them if thats how it works out. Usually we try and work together on this stuff, but like I said, sometimes out of seemingly nowhere she'll blow up on me.


IDK.

Thanks for the advice, input, and shoulder. If you can't open up to strangers on the internet, who can you open up to?

Heineken Helen

PaperPlates wrote:

Thanks for the advice, input, and shoulder. If you can't open up to strangers on the internet, who can you open up to?

It's saved me many a 'well you can shove the job up your arse' embarrassing moments

comebackwoman

PaperPlates wrote:

Im pretty sure she is. Sure. She's human too. She needs company. Thats not my issue.

She's kinda presented a pattern of demanding from me what she's not really willing to do in return. Whats a favor from her in her minds eye is a duty for me.

Perhaps I've fed that, and let it happend, but either way I have no idea how to cabosh it without screwing myself over in the long run.

This is pennsylvania. They call it a "womans state". Financially she's got me by the nutz, and whether I like or not, I gotta walk on eggshells around her.

Sigh.

Such is life


At least its not boring right?

Please don't get me wrong, Im no saint. I fuck up too. I get petty.

I've never heard her say sorry in 13 years of knowing her.

Sometimes it feels like I've spent the last 13 years apologizing.



Okay......



self pity over starting now.



This time I mean it.


I think.























I hope.

a lot of times the patterns that are established during a marriage (and often eventually lead to its demise) continue after the relationship ends - only they're amplified because of all the other strain, emotions, etc. If she turns to you for help with the kids - I don't view that as a favor - even if it's to help her get to her job on time...if she has a well-paying job that's better for your kids...if she's happier in her job and therefore happier in her life...your kids are likely to be happier.

If she's turning to you for help with other things...well that's up to you as to how you want to handle it. I was married to my ex for 10 years and we don't have kids...which makes the whole divorce issue a lot easier...but we still support each other in reaching our goals...cause that's what works for us. I want to see him happy and successful with his new partner...and he seems to want the same for me...so fortunately we've helped each other out whenever we can. It helps that we still like each other as people...even if we don't want to remain spouses. But this is by no means a requirement - so if you don't want to help her out with other things you should not feel obligated to. It sounds like you're looking to her to be different...and it doesn't seem like that's gonna happen. You are probably the one who will have to set new limits/boundaries/etc - and believe me - if she is not used to that - she will RESIST every step of the way. So good luck. I hope this works out for you. Sounds like you just want to be a good dad and by what you've described...you are

writersu

PaperPlates wrote:

ha! if I could fill in those blanks Im thinking it'd have never happened.


List is long.


Grew apart?

Married too young?


Fear of turning into her parents? ( loveless marriage if there ever was one)

I wasn't a great husband.

Im a good man


A great father.

A terrific friend.

Did I mention lousy husband??

The older we got the less we had in common.


If you haven't walked that mile, you have no idea how bumpy that stretch of road can get..... thats all I can say.

yeah, and for the record, once you cut it free, after SOOOOOOOO much bs, you feel like a cancer patient who finally, finally died after so much pain and anguish over the "should I or shouldn't I just bail out?"

PaperPlates

well, life's a bitch, and then ya marry one.



Im kidding.









Kinda.

writersu

PaperPlates wrote:

well, life's a bitch, and then ya marry one.



Im kidding.









Kinda.

I will never, never, never, ever get married again. Did it, had my kids, good thing, now that's done, and I do not ever wish to do that again.......

_Crazy_Mary_

My ex-husband is one of those people that takes takes takes and then guilts me into giving even more. I mean jesus christ, I waived $10k in back child support and he asked me to lower his monthly support from $500/mo to $400/mo. And I agreed. So when I went to see his attorney to sign the new paperwork it was written up as $300/mo. wtf??!!