Opinion?

Allie

PaperPlates wrote:

Okay. Next time Ill have YOU call. You'll switch to texts right fast.

She's very quick to jump down my throat. She's got a retired mother who will babysit for her on any whim she asks. I KNOW she gets her mom to take the kids if SHE has a date. Thats not my beef. Its how she came at me for even DARING to ask. PS: I asked at 3:00 in the afternoon. Its not like I asked her at midnight.

Of course Grandma will babysit for her daughter
do you have any family of yours close to you?

she told you before that she has to work early and you agreed to the arrangement and to get up at 6:00am! :eek:

If that were me I would've asked if it was ok w/you before I took the job

Allie

PaperPlates wrote:

Not for nothing, but she's the one who told me that she wanted a divorce. She's the one who said she wanted nothing to do with me. She's the one who told me she wanted to live her own life. She's the one who said she'd be better off alone. Yet IM the one she calls whenever she needs something.


quote]
Ouch.

PaperPlates

Allie wrote:

Of course Grandma will babysit for her daughter
do you have any family of yours close to you?

she told you before that she has to work early and you agreed to the arrangement and to get up at 6:00am! :eek:

If that were me I would've asked if it was ok w/you before I took the job

Thats kinda my point. She knew she had this job for weeks. She called me the friday before the monday she started and asked me. What was I gonna say?? No??? Then I WOULD be the ass. Its been 3 months, and other than one week where I went away for a week for work, I havent asked this once.

She however has no problem asking me if its okay if I give the kids back to her after a day I have them "after ten, because I want to go out tonight, and will probably want to sleep in tommorow."

Irony is lost on her.

I have no problem getting up.

ONE time I have something cooking.

So I asked.

Never hurts to ask right?


Apparently WRONG.

:(


Sorry, pity party for Jens over..................................................................................................



starting now.

sponger

PaperPlates wrote:

Not for nothing, but she's the one who told me that she wanted a divorce. She's the one who said she wanted nothing to do with me. She's the one who told me she wanted to live her own life. She's the one who said she'd be better off alone. Yet IM the one she calls whenever she needs something.

So what triggered that behavior from her? She just one day up and went hey I'm sick of you? Fill in the blanks here. Thank you.

PaperPlates

Allie wrote:

Of course Grandma will babysit for her daughter
do you have any family of yours close to you?

she told you before that she has to work early and you agreed to the arrangement and to get up at 6:00am! :eek:

If that were me I would've asked if it was ok w/you before I took the job

No. I don't. Father deceased since I was a kid. Mother who is a basket case and never met my kids. Brother who's got an ex-wife and kids of his own. End of list of family.

Im on my own. Doing my damdest.

She's got me by the balls.

She goes and lives her life on the nights I have the kids, PLUS a minimum of one other night while I don't that her mom takes him.

I gotta have a life too.


Okay................self pity ending.


now




really.



this time




now.





argh

PaperPlates

sponger wrote:

So what triggered that behavior from her? She just one day up and went hey I'm sick of you? Fill in the blanks here. Thank you.

ha! if I could fill in those blanks Im thinking it'd have never happened.


List is long.


Grew apart?

Married too young?


Fear of turning into her parents? ( loveless marriage if there ever was one)

I wasn't a great husband.

Im a good man


A great father.

A terrific friend.

Did I mention lousy husband??

The older we got the less we had in common.


If you haven't walked that mile, you have no idea how bumpy that stretch of road can get..... thats all I can say.

PaperPlates

sponger wrote:

no, man, I am the ass.

why say that?

writersu

wow. well, here's my thoughts on this.....( I read it twice so that I could really think about the whole situation.)

well, I think maybe you would do well to speak to her as reasonably as possible but firmly tell her that since you two are over, you need to move on. (maybe sweeten it up a bit so that you can get what you want) Let her know that you need some predictable time so that you can have some recreation.

Is she dating yet? Because if so I have some thoughts on that.......

writersu

PJPixie wrote:

Divorced Parenting is tough. I have this battle often. I feel guilty for "asking" him things like taking an extra weekend or going to a parent conference, before I've even asked him. Ugh........I don't think you're being a jerk, but you'll have to work things like this out at some point. I'm having this same exact battle this weekend for the ED shows. My ex said he'd watch our boys on Sunday evening but then gave me a guilt trip because it's a school night and I'd be picking the boys up late from him (after ed's show) and they have school at 8am the following morning. Maybe he should consider getting a drivers license and taking them to school himself instead of trying to make me feel guilty for having a nice evening out??!! I have the boys about 93% of the time..........AND I do ALL the driving....taking the kids to him AND picking them up. The EX lives about 25 miles from me/one way....and gas is included in my whole $500 a month child support........yeah, sometimes I get bitter.

yeah, mine is pretty trippy about "time". Time, time, time, pleeeeeease.
maybe these two (not you, Plates) should think about the damage they did to their kids while they were ruining the marriage.

PaperPlates

writersu wrote:

wow. well, here's my thoughts on this.....( I read it twice so that I could really think about the whole situation.)

well, I think maybe you would do well to speak to her as reasonably as possible but firmly tell her that since you two are over, you need to move on. (maybe sweeten it up a bit so that you can get what you want) Let her know that you need some predictable time so that you can have some recreation.

Is she dating yet? Because if so I have some thoughts on that.......

Im pretty sure she is. Sure. She's human too. She needs company. Thats not my issue.

She's kinda presented a pattern of demanding from me what she's not really willing to do in return. Whats a favor from her in her minds eye is a duty for me.

Perhaps I've fed that, and let it happend, but either way I have no idea how to cabosh it without screwing myself over in the long run.

This is pennsylvania. They call it a "womans state". Financially she's got me by the nutz, and whether I like or not, I gotta walk on eggshells around her.

Sigh.

Such is life


At least its not boring right?

Please don't get me wrong, Im no saint. I fuck up too. I get petty.

I've never heard her say sorry in 13 years of knowing her.

Sometimes it feels like I've spent the last 13 years apologizing.



Okay......



self pity over starting now.



This time I mean it.


I think.























I hope.

PaperPlates

writersu wrote:

yeah, mine is pretty trippy about "time". Time, time, time, pleeeeeease.
maybe these two (not you, Plates) should think about the damage they did to their kids while they were ruining the marriage.

For the record, and for background, in 13 years I never cheated, never was mean, and never was a bad man. Simply didn't know how to be a husband. Got married young and was still trying to figure out who I was. Most likely same for her. Guess I thougt mabe marrying and being "in love" would be the fix. It wasnt. Hindsight is always 20/20

meme

So how about one of those nights you just take back? She has to make different arrangements.

I am also thinking if something like this comes up with the sweet girl calling out of the blue... perhaps a babysitter? I know it's hard, but you have to take care of yourself too? :(

sponger

Well if sweet girl is so sweet then she'll understand waiting for a few days.

PaperPlates

meme wrote:

So how about one of those nights you just take back? She has to make different arrangements.

I am also thinking if something like this comes up with the sweet girl calling out of the blue... perhaps a babysitter? I know it's hard, but you have to take care of yourself too? :(

Thats the tough part. essentially my ability to bring a girl home. I work weekends, always and early. Those two weeknights are my nights to go out. Im not about to have my kids dropped off at 6 am and have someone they don't know cutting Z's in the bedroom.

While I understand I agreed to to the arrangement, would it kill her to once in a while cut me a break?

And I think I stated it in the beginning, and if I didnt I will now, it wasn't even that I asked and she said no. Its HOW she said no.


" I dont really see what the big deal is about having to get up early a few days a week anyways jens". If you knew her, you'd know the one that went with it.

Like "HOW DARE YOU ASK".


No probs with it when I take them so she can go out tho.

Its a two way street, and sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in a one way alley.

No easy fix, but lord there must be a fix somehow.

And whenever she's in doubt, she just says "well you're they're father!".

Yes I am. And doing a damn good job at it!

If I answered "well you're their mother!" what would that prove?

I don't even understand that response.

I didnt tell her to take this job.

3 months ago she taught 15 minutes from where she lived.

School season starts in September.


This wasn't an issue till SHE chose to took a new job for more money.


PS you think my child support has changed since she earns more now that IM helping her get to work to earn more???

Yeah, not so much.

PaperPlates

sponger wrote:

Well if sweet girl is so sweet then she'll understand waiting for a few days.

Sure she will. And she did.


Can't tell you how many "sweet girls" have come and gone because sometimes its easy to walk away than deal with this type of song and dance.


And don't answer "well then she's not the one"


Im not looking for the one right now.

Im just looking for one right now.

PaperPlates

Phooey.



Anyone know any good jokes?

Allie

PaperPlates wrote:

While I understand I agreed to to the arrangement, would it kill her to once in a while cut me a break?



"This wasn't an issue till SHE chose to took a new job for more money.


.

that's what I meant about calling as opposed to texting,
you won't know if she can 'cut you a break' unless you ask her in a conversation.

and she has the kids to also help support, she needs the money too. I'd take a job for more money too.

PaperPlates

Allie wrote:

that's what I meant about calling as opposed to texting,
you won't know if she can 'cut you a break' unless you ask her in a conversation.

and she has the kids to also help support, she needs the money too. I'd take a job for more money too.

Then she shouldn't asked me. (BTW she txted that request). Thats what HUSBANDS are for.


I gotta walk away from this convo for now. Imj ust getting more pissed.

Nite. Thanks for the input/vent.

Allie

PaperPlates wrote:

Then she shouldn't asked me. (BTW she txted that request). Thats what HUSBANDS are for.


.

huh?

writersu

PaperPlates wrote:

For the record, and for background, in 13 years I never cheated, never was mean, and never was a bad man. Simply didn't know how to be a husband. Got married young and was still trying to figure out who I was. Most likely same for her. Guess I thougt mabe marrying and being "in love" would be the fix. It wasnt. Hindsight is always 20/20

no, I hope you know I didn't mean you when I said that. I am scarred but not jaded. Love and good men are out there and many women find them. I don't judge all men nor do I think them the same. That would be unfair.

when I asked about her dating, I was just wondering if she was, then you could be straight up with her and not have to beat around the bush. But if she weren't then maybe it would be better to just back door the whole subject.