yeah, mine is pretty trippy about "time". Time, time, time, pleeeeeease.
maybe these two (not you, Plates) should think about the damage they did to their kids while they were ruining the marriage.
For the record, and for background, in 13 years I never cheated, never was mean, and never was a bad man. Simply didn't know how to be a husband. Got married young and was still trying to figure out who I was. Most likely same for her. Guess I thougt mabe marrying and being "in love" would be the fix. It wasnt. Hindsight is always 20/20
So how about one of those nights you just take back? She has to make different arrangements.
I am also thinking if something like this comes up with the sweet girl calling out of the blue... perhaps a babysitter? I know it's hard, but you have to take care of yourself too? :(
... and the will to show I will always be better than before.
So how about one of those nights you just take back? She has to make different arrangements.
I am also thinking if something like this comes up with the sweet girl calling out of the blue... perhaps a babysitter? I know it's hard, but you have to take care of yourself too? :(
Thats the tough part. essentially my ability to bring a girl home. I work weekends, always and early. Those two weeknights are my nights to go out. Im not about to have my kids dropped off at 6 am and have someone they don't know cutting Z's in the bedroom.
While I understand I agreed to to the arrangement, would it kill her to once in a while cut me a break?
And I think I stated it in the beginning, and if I didnt I will now, it wasn't even that I asked and she said no. Its HOW she said no.
" I dont really see what the big deal is about having to get up early a few days a week anyways jens". If you knew her, you'd know the one that went with it.
Like "HOW DARE YOU ASK".
No probs with it when I take them so she can go out tho.
Its a two way street, and sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in a one way alley.
No easy fix, but lord there must be a fix somehow.
And whenever she's in doubt, she just says "well you're they're father!".
Yes I am. And doing a damn good job at it!
If I answered "well you're their mother!" what would that prove?
I don't even understand that response.
I didnt tell her to take this job.
3 months ago she taught 15 minutes from where she lived.
School season starts in September.
This wasn't an issue till SHE chose to took a new job for more money.
PS you think my child support has changed since she earns more now that IM helping her get to work to earn more???
For the record, and for background, in 13 years I never cheated, never was mean, and never was a bad man. Simply didn't know how to be a husband. Got married young and was still trying to figure out who I was. Most likely same for her. Guess I thougt mabe marrying and being "in love" would be the fix. It wasnt. Hindsight is always 20/20
no, I hope you know I didn't mean you when I said that. I am scarred but not jaded. Love and good men are out there and many women find them. I don't judge all men nor do I think them the same. That would be unfair.
when I asked about her dating, I was just wondering if she was, then you could be straight up with her and not have to beat around the bush. But if she weren't then maybe it would be better to just back door the whole subject.
Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
edit: just read the rest of the thread... yep, she's being unreasonable :(
Are you on speaking terms with her mother? Extremely doubtful but IF you are perhaps you could ask her yourself if she could cover this one morning a week or something?
Shite situation... p.s. I don't understand how you both work, both share responsibilities... and yet YOU have to pay HER child support? :eek:
I dunno, to keep the peace it sounds like maybe you're just gonna have to have a babysitter on standby or something . Maybe another parent or one of the schools can recommend one.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
edit: just read the rest of the thread... yep, she's being unreasonable :(
Are you on speaking terms with her mother? Extremely doubtful but IF you are perhaps you could ask her yourself if she could cover this one morning a week or something?
Shite situation... p.s. I don't understand how you both work, both share responsibilities... and yet YOU have to pay HER child support? :eek:
I dunno, to keep the peace it sounds like maybe you're just gonna have to have a babysitter on standby or something . Maybe another parent or one of the schools can recommend one.
Yeah isn't the system wonderful? She makes about 10,000 or so a year more than me to boot. Aint life grand??? The guys who never see their kids screwed it up for the good fathers here.
And thats whats weird Helen. We DO speak. I mean at least we communicate. Just seems that once in a while she gets a bug up her ass and likes to fight or argue over the dumbest shit. Almost like "omg we're getting along too well, I gotta find something to be pissed about".
Yeah isn't the system wonderful? She makes about 10,000 or so a year more than me to boot. Aint life grand??? The guys who never see their kids screwed it up for the good fathers here.
And thats whats weird Helen. We DO speak. I mean at least we communicate. Just seems that once in a while she gets a bug up her ass and likes to fight or argue over the dumbest shit. Almost like "omg we're getting along too well, I gotta find something to be pissed about".
I don't get it.
that really makes absolutely no sense (the child support). Ok, I know there are a serious number of deadbeat dads... but that's no need to punish those of you who DO give a fuck :(
well if you communicate, maybe bring it up next time she's in a good mood... make light of it like 'ok, I know I agreed to this but if I could have one morning off, that would be fantastic and I don't have anyone I can ask... I know that's not your fault but please don't get annoyed at me if I DO ask, just that I know you have people who could MAYBE do it'
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
that really makes absolutely no sense (the child support). Ok, I know there are a serious number of deadbeat dads... but that's no need to punish those of you who DO give a fuck :(
well if you communicate, maybe bring it up next time she's in a good mood... make light of it like 'ok, I know I agreed to this but if I could have one morning off, that would be fantastic and I don't have anyone I can ask... I know that's not your fault but please don't get annoyed at me if I DO ask, just that I know you have people who could MAYBE do it'
Oh if it was only that simple.
I woke up this morning, waited, waited, waited. No show. Called her. Before I got two words out she says "I took the kids to daycare". I ask "nel too?" (Nel doesn't go to daycare, and the daycare doesn't take them to school for you), shes says "Yep" and hangs up. Hasnt answered one call nor text from me since then. I have no idea how my kids getting to school
With an over-reactionary personality like hers, taking your advice, while good advice, is like pissing in the wind.
She just prefers to keep me as the bad guy I think.
I woke up this morning, waited, waited, waited. No show. Called her. Before I got two words out she says "I took the kids to daycare". I ask "nel too?" (Nel doesn't go to daycare, and the daycare doesn't take them to school for you), shes says "Yep" and hangs up. Hasnt answered one call nor text from me since then. I have no idea how my kids getting to school
With an over-reactionary personality like hers, taking your advice, while good advice, is like pissing in the wind.
She just prefers to keep me as the bad guy I think.
Sigh.
:eek: wow! I hope you're keeping note of all this... in case there are ever any issues? I mean she's keeping the kids out of school as a result of her severe case of being stubborn . No judge would like that.
so you could have gone out after all? :mad:
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
:eek: wow! I hope you're keeping note of all this... in case there are ever any issues? I mean she's keeping the kids out of school as a result of her severe case of being stubborn . No judge would like that.
so you could have gone out after all? :mad:
She didnt keep them from school. The boy (two) goes to daycare. So she took him there. I assume maybe she took the girl (eight) to a friends who will then take her to school? IDK. She's so stubborn. Shes always been. She's more concerned about being right or wrong, that she forgets about right and wrong.
She didnt keep them from school. The boy (two) goes to daycare. So she took him there. I assume maybe she took the girl (eight) to a friends who will then take her to school? IDK. She's so stubborn. Shes always been. She's more concerned about being right or wrong, that she forgets about right and wrong.
And yea, I coulda gone out after all.
Sigh.
I feel like a dancing monkey.
:mad: that must be pretty fucking infuriating. It may be time to remove your offer and stick to the original deal if she's gonna be messing you around like that? Is the original deal judge imposed or simply agreed by the two of you?
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
I feel for you. Where do I start?
At first she sounded perhaps "over-stressed" in her reaction to your question, but after her response this morning she sounds like a bitch. sorry. i've seen this behavior before. the ones who want the divorce are bitter and angry for some reason.
I guess asking her the day before could have pissed her off but its not completely unreasonable, and yes it never hurts to ask.
I feel for your kids too. A friend had the same type of visitation, not just weekends, days during the week too. Its good for them to spend more time with the non-custodial parent but the shuffling back and forth seems a lot for them too. Without getting all legal maybe at some point in the future you can get custody since it seems like you have them more. Keep it in mind for the next time you have to go to court (and you will, p.s. not sure what you divorce agreement state but some advice, be very specific about holidays, your birthday, vacation father's day. i've seem that nightmare before too)
Its like, if you don't make yourself available for her, she'll punish you and make you feel guilty. If you have to ask her again, just tell her you wanted to give her the opportunity first but that you have a babysitter available just in case and see what she says.
Its better vent to a friend or here before you talk to her and get angry with her because her will just through it back at you.
I feel for you. Where do I start?
At first she sounded perhaps "over-stressed" in her reaction to your question, but after her response this morning she sounds like a bitch. sorry. i've seen this behavior before. the ones who want the divorce are bitter and angry for some reason.
I guess asking her the day before could have pissed her off but its not completely unreasonable, and yes it never hurts to ask.
I feel for your kids too. A friend had the same type of visitation, not just weekends, days during the week too. Its good for them to spend more time with the non-custodial parent but the shuffling back and forth seems a lot for them too. Without getting all legal maybe at some point in the future you can get custody since it seems like you have them more. Keep it in mind for the next time you have to go to court (and you will, p.s. not sure what you divorce agreement state but some advice, be very specific about holidays, your birthday, vacation father's day. i've seem that nightmare before too)
Its like, if you don't make yourself available for her, she'll punish you and make you feel guilty. If you have to ask her again, just tell her you wanted to give her the opportunity first but that you have a babysitter available just in case and see what she says.
Its better vent to a friend or here before you talk to her and get angry with her because her will just through it back at you.
You're spot on with a lot of it. Tho I don't "have them more". Its about even, but with my work schedule I often have to "trade days" or not take them if thats how it works out. Usually we try and work together on this stuff, but like I said, sometimes out of seemingly nowhere she'll blow up on me.
IDK.
Thanks for the advice, input, and shoulder. If you can't open up to strangers on the internet, who can you open up to?
Thanks for the advice, input, and shoulder. If you can't open up to strangers on the internet, who can you open up to?
It's saved me many a 'well you can shove the job up your arse' embarrassing moments
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Im pretty sure she is. Sure. She's human too. She needs company. Thats not my issue.
She's kinda presented a pattern of demanding from me what she's not really willing to do in return. Whats a favor from her in her minds eye is a duty for me.
Perhaps I've fed that, and let it happend, but either way I have no idea how to cabosh it without screwing myself over in the long run.
This is pennsylvania. They call it a "womans state". Financially she's got me by the nutz, and whether I like or not, I gotta walk on eggshells around her.
Sigh.
Such is life
At least its not boring right?
Please don't get me wrong, Im no saint. I fuck up too. I get petty.
I've never heard her say sorry in 13 years of knowing her.
Sometimes it feels like I've spent the last 13 years apologizing.
Okay......
self pity over starting now.
This time I mean it.
I think.
I hope.
a lot of times the patterns that are established during a marriage (and often eventually lead to its demise) continue after the relationship ends - only they're amplified because of all the other strain, emotions, etc. If she turns to you for help with the kids - I don't view that as a favor - even if it's to help her get to her job on time...if she has a well-paying job that's better for your kids...if she's happier in her job and therefore happier in her life...your kids are likely to be happier.
If she's turning to you for help with other things...well that's up to you as to how you want to handle it. I was married to my ex for 10 years and we don't have kids...which makes the whole divorce issue a lot easier...but we still support each other in reaching our goals...cause that's what works for us. I want to see him happy and successful with his new partner...and he seems to want the same for me...so fortunately we've helped each other out whenever we can. It helps that we still like each other as people...even if we don't want to remain spouses. But this is by no means a requirement - so if you don't want to help her out with other things you should not feel obligated to. It sounds like you're looking to her to be different...and it doesn't seem like that's gonna happen. You are probably the one who will have to set new limits/boundaries/etc - and believe me - if she is not used to that - she will RESIST every step of the way. So good luck. I hope this works out for you. Sounds like you just want to be a good dad and by what you've described...you are
ha! if I could fill in those blanks Im thinking it'd have never happened.
List is long.
Grew apart?
Married too young?
Fear of turning into her parents? ( loveless marriage if there ever was one)
I wasn't a great husband.
Im a good man
A great father.
A terrific friend.
Did I mention lousy husband??
The older we got the less we had in common.
If you haven't walked that mile, you have no idea how bumpy that stretch of road can get..... thats all I can say.
yeah, and for the record, once you cut it free, after SOOOOOOOO much bs, you feel like a cancer patient who finally, finally died after so much pain and anguish over the "should I or shouldn't I just bail out?"
Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
My ex-husband is one of those people that takes takes takes and then guilts me into giving even more. I mean jesus christ, I waived $10k in back child support and he asked me to lower his monthly support from $500/mo to $400/mo. And I agreed. So when I went to see his attorney to sign the new paperwork it was written up as $300/mo. wtf??!!
Comments
For the record, and for background, in 13 years I never cheated, never was mean, and never was a bad man. Simply didn't know how to be a husband. Got married young and was still trying to figure out who I was. Most likely same for her. Guess I thougt mabe marrying and being "in love" would be the fix. It wasnt. Hindsight is always 20/20
www.myspace.com/jensvad
So how about one of those nights you just take back? She has to make different arrangements.
I am also thinking if something like this comes up with the sweet girl calling out of the blue... perhaps a babysitter? I know it's hard, but you have to take care of yourself too? :(
http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
Thats the tough part. essentially my ability to bring a girl home. I work weekends, always and early. Those two weeknights are my nights to go out. Im not about to have my kids dropped off at 6 am and have someone they don't know cutting Z's in the bedroom.
While I understand I agreed to to the arrangement, would it kill her to once in a while cut me a break?
And I think I stated it in the beginning, and if I didnt I will now, it wasn't even that I asked and she said no. Its HOW she said no.
" I dont really see what the big deal is about having to get up early a few days a week anyways jens". If you knew her, you'd know the one that went with it.
Like "HOW DARE YOU ASK".
No probs with it when I take them so she can go out tho.
Its a two way street, and sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in a one way alley.
No easy fix, but lord there must be a fix somehow.
And whenever she's in doubt, she just says "well you're they're father!".
Yes I am. And doing a damn good job at it!
If I answered "well you're their mother!" what would that prove?
I don't even understand that response.
I didnt tell her to take this job.
3 months ago she taught 15 minutes from where she lived.
School season starts in September.
This wasn't an issue till SHE chose to took a new job for more money.
PS you think my child support has changed since she earns more now that IM helping her get to work to earn more???
Yeah, not so much.
www.myspace.com/jensvad
Sure she will. And she did.
Can't tell you how many "sweet girls" have come and gone because sometimes its easy to walk away than deal with this type of song and dance.
And don't answer "well then she's not the one"
Im not looking for the one right now.
Im just looking for one right now.
www.myspace.com/jensvad
Anyone know any good jokes?
www.myspace.com/jensvad
you won't know if she can 'cut you a break' unless you ask her in a conversation.
and she has the kids to also help support, she needs the money too. I'd take a job for more money too.
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
Then she shouldn't asked me. (BTW she txted that request). Thats what HUSBANDS are for.
I gotta walk away from this convo for now. Imj ust getting more pissed.
Nite. Thanks for the input/vent.
www.myspace.com/jensvad
huh?
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
no, I hope you know I didn't mean you when I said that. I am scarred but not jaded. Love and good men are out there and many women find them. I don't judge all men nor do I think them the same. That would be unfair.
when I asked about her dating, I was just wondering if she was, then you could be straight up with her and not have to beat around the bush. But if she weren't then maybe it would be better to just back door the whole subject.
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
Are you on speaking terms with her mother? Extremely doubtful but IF you are perhaps you could ask her yourself if she could cover this one morning a week or something?
Shite situation... p.s. I don't understand how you both work, both share responsibilities... and yet YOU have to pay HER child support? :eek:
I dunno, to keep the peace it sounds like maybe you're just gonna have to have a babysitter on standby or something
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Yeah isn't the system wonderful? She makes about 10,000 or so a year more than me to boot. Aint life grand??? The guys who never see their kids screwed it up for the good fathers here.
And thats whats weird Helen. We DO speak. I mean at least we communicate. Just seems that once in a while she gets a bug up her ass and likes to fight or argue over the dumbest shit. Almost like "omg we're getting along too well, I gotta find something to be pissed about".
I don't get it.
www.myspace.com/jensvad
well if you communicate, maybe bring it up next time she's in a good mood... make light of it like 'ok, I know I agreed to this but if I could have one morning off, that would be fantastic and I don't have anyone I can ask... I know that's not your fault but please don't get annoyed at me if I DO ask, just that I know you have people who could MAYBE do it'
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Oh if it was only that simple.
I woke up this morning, waited, waited, waited. No show. Called her. Before I got two words out she says "I took the kids to daycare". I ask "nel too?" (Nel doesn't go to daycare, and the daycare doesn't take them to school for you), shes says "Yep" and hangs up. Hasnt answered one call nor text from me since then. I have no idea how my kids getting to school
With an over-reactionary personality like hers, taking your advice, while good advice, is like pissing in the wind.
She just prefers to keep me as the bad guy I think.
Sigh.
www.myspace.com/jensvad
so you could have gone out after all? :mad:
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
She didnt keep them from school. The boy (two) goes to daycare. So she took him there. I assume maybe she took the girl (eight) to a friends who will then take her to school? IDK. She's so stubborn. Shes always been. She's more concerned about being right or wrong, that she forgets about right and wrong.
And yea, I coulda gone out after all.
Sigh.
I feel like a dancing monkey.
www.myspace.com/jensvad
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
At first she sounded perhaps "over-stressed" in her reaction to your question, but after her response this morning she sounds like a bitch. sorry. i've seen this behavior before. the ones who want the divorce are bitter and angry for some reason.
I guess asking her the day before could have pissed her off but its not completely unreasonable, and yes it never hurts to ask.
I feel for your kids too. A friend had the same type of visitation, not just weekends, days during the week too. Its good for them to spend more time with the non-custodial parent but the shuffling back and forth seems a lot for them too. Without getting all legal maybe at some point in the future you can get custody since it seems like you have them more. Keep it in mind for the next time you have to go to court (and you will, p.s. not sure what you divorce agreement state but some advice, be very specific about holidays, your birthday, vacation father's day. i've seem that nightmare before too)
Its like, if you don't make yourself available for her, she'll punish you and make you feel guilty. If you have to ask her again, just tell her you wanted to give her the opportunity first but that you have a babysitter available just in case and see what she says.
Its better vent to a friend or here before you talk to her and get angry with her because her will just through it back at you.
You're spot on with a lot of it. Tho I don't "have them more". Its about even, but with my work schedule I often have to "trade days" or not take them if thats how it works out. Usually we try and work together on this stuff, but like I said, sometimes out of seemingly nowhere she'll blow up on me.
IDK.
Thanks for the advice, input, and shoulder. If you can't open up to strangers on the internet, who can you open up to?
www.myspace.com/jensvad
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
If she's turning to you for help with other things...well that's up to you as to how you want to handle it. I was married to my ex for 10 years and we don't have kids...which makes the whole divorce issue a lot easier...but we still support each other in reaching our goals...cause that's what works for us. I want to see him happy and successful with his new partner...and he seems to want the same for me...so fortunately we've helped each other out whenever we can. It helps that we still like each other as people...even if we don't want to remain spouses. But this is by no means a requirement - so if you don't want to help her out with other things you should not feel obligated to. It sounds like you're looking to her to be different...and it doesn't seem like that's gonna happen. You are probably the one who will have to set new limits/boundaries/etc - and believe me - if she is not used to that - she will RESIST every step of the way. So good luck. I hope this works out for you. Sounds like you just want to be a good dad and by what you've described...you are
yeah, and for the record, once you cut it free, after SOOOOOOOO much bs, you feel like a cancer patient who finally, finally died after so much pain and anguish over the "should I or shouldn't I just bail out?"
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
Im kidding.
Kinda.
www.myspace.com/jensvad
I will never, never, never, ever get married again. Did it, had my kids, good thing, now that's done, and I do not ever wish to do that again.......
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........