Divorce family protocol?

writersu

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

he had the NERVE today when explaining to me some of his steps (he's doing the 12 steps) that he holds ANGER and RESENTMENT towards me for moving to my new place when he has to live at his mom's. It took all I could to not laugh at him.

yeh, been there already in a round about way.

a lot of addicts feel very manipulative and needy. the problem is they are also very mean.

unfortuneately a lot of others whom are addicted or former addicts, are no where near this way, so for them I do apologize ahead of time.

I hope you are alright. you seem really together and intelligent. may I ask, have you two been together long? And although he is indignant about you being in an apartment, he was the one who left, right?

CHANGEinWAVES

writersu wrote:

yeh, been there already in a round about way.

a lot of addicts feel very manipulative and needy. the problem is they are also very mean.

unfortuneately a lot of others whom are addicted or former addicts, are no where near this way, so for them I do apologize ahead of time.

I hope you are alright. you seem really together and intelligent. may I ask, have you two been together long? And although he is indignant about you being in an apartment, he was the one who left, right?

We were together for 10 years...married for 6 of those.
And yes he was the on who left.

CHANGEinWAVES

I just realized that today is his birthday and I have to call him at some point...really didn't prepare myself for this today like I usually do....

I know it'll be fine, he usually tries to be nice to me but it just gets weird hearing his voice at times...its like a shot of comfort, then I hang up and remember all that's happened and that I'm starting over. :( oh well.

iluvcats

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

So I'm on my way to a divorce, as some of u know...husband left 9 months ago. He and I have minimal contact to take care of selling the house and other things. My bday just passed and I got a call from him where he mentioned a happy bday, but I heard nothing from his family. I actually haven't head from his family in months. Now today I get a call from his aunt asking to get together and possibly help her with a remodel. Also my 'husbands' 30th bday is on monday.

So my questions are:
Do I call back his aunt and meet up with her?
Do I get him a gift for his bday?
Do my parents call or get him a gift for his bday?

These may be simple questions but as this is my first time ever thrown into this sort of situation I am at a loss of what's the 'right' thing to do.

I see no problem with being in contact with his family (if you want to and if they are friendly). But as for Auntie, sounds like she is using you. Why would you say happy b.d. to him or buy him a gift? Don't worry, I had similar questions when I was getting a divorce a hundred years ago...

CHANGEinWAVES

iluvcats wrote:

I see no problem with being in contact with his family (if you want to and if they are friendly). But as for Auntie, sounds like she is using you. Why would you say happy b.d. to him or buy him a gift? Don't worry, I had similar questions when I was getting a divorce a hundred years ago...

I called and left a message and said happy bday...kinda felt like I should.

Black Diamond

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

I called and left a message and said happy bday...kinda felt like I should.

That was a very nice thing to do! You are taking the high road.

CHANGEinWAVES

Black Diamond wrote:

That was a very nice thing to do! You are taking the high road.

Haha I don't know about that...I did call him an old man in the message;)

Black Diamond

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

Haha I don't know about that...I did call him an old man in the message;)

Us Old Men do not appreciate such humor

CHANGEinWAVES

Black Diamond wrote:

Us Old Men do not appreciate such humor

Lol...yeah I knew it would strike a nerve, I guess that's why I said it! Reminding him that he's 30 when his girlfriend is 21... In such a 'subtle' way.

Black Diamond

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

Lol...yeah I knew it would strike a nerve, I guess that's why I said it! Reminding him that he's 30 when his girlfriend is 21... In such a 'subtle' way.

Oh I did not realize he was THAT old!

CHANGEinWAVES

Black Diamond wrote:

Oh I did not realize he was THAT old!

Lol:) yeah he's ancient!

Black Diamond

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

Lol:) yeah he's ancient!

Then that makes me biblical

BTW, kudos on keeping up on all these threads!

CHANGEinWAVES

Black Diamond wrote:

Then that makes me biblical

BTW, kudos on keeping up on all these threads!

What do u mean about keeping up with them all?

Black Diamond

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

What do u mean about keeping up with them all?

Well you got this one and "the beggining of the end". I keep forgetting which one I am responding in . Your head must be spinning

CHANGEinWAVES

Black Diamond wrote:

Well you got this one and "the beggining of the end". I keep forgetting which one I am responding in . Your head must be spinning

I just read the title...and I know which one is about what...but then again I did create these;)

writersu

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

Lol...yeah I knew it would strike a nerve, I guess that's why I said it! Reminding him that he's 30 when his girlfriend is 21... In such a 'subtle' way.

wow. I don't know how old you are, but I think that is gross that he is 30 and his gf is 21.

I just think that at 21, you are still really young and if he was 40 and she was 31, then it would be a lot less of an age gap than the 31 to 21 ratio thing.

I can't help but think, everytime I post here with you, the following thought...." why the hell is getting married so damn easy--for the most part--but getting divorced is so hard".

Maybe because one is fun and the other is so sad. No matter what the scenario is the truth is that you mourn it; if not for the relationship--perhaps it never was---but the dream and the thought.

CHANGEinWAVES

writersu wrote:

wow. I don't know how old you are, but I think that is gross that he is 30 and his gf is 21.

I just think that at 21, you are still really young and if he was 40 and she was 31, then it would be a lot less of an age gap than the 31 to 21 ratio thing.

I can't help but think, every time I post here with you, the following thought...." why the hell is getting married so damn easy--for the most part--but getting divorced is so hard".

Maybe because one is fun and the other is so sad. No matter what the scenario is the truth is that you mourn it; if not for the relationship--perhaps it never was---but the dream and the thought.

Its been hard and I know I don't love him now but I do get to thinking about who he was and how I loved him then and it gets depressing because that guy is no longer around. This guy who he is now, I can't stand... But I find myself crying for the other one. When I see him or talk to him it makes me realize that guy I loved, that would do anything for me, that loved me back is gone...and I even realize he's been gone for a few years. So yes I mourn for what he was...often. And for some reason recently I've been having dreams of him and the gf...where I yell and scream at them. Maybe because he confirmed he's seeing her. I don't know...my mind is just fucked lately:(
*oh and I'm 28.

I wanted to mention too that yesterday was his bday...I called and there was no answer...so I left a message. That kinda got to me to that he didn't answer my call. Then I realized he's probably celebrating with her...then it got me thinking of all the things that I planned for that weekend and how it was going to be a surprise. Then on to thinking about how this is the first birthday I had not seen him since he was 19. Idk, its just a change, a full part of my life is gone...and I'm lost.