It was weird...being around him is a strange thing, it seems so natural but not like a marriage...more like a friendship. (However I did catch him checking out my cleavage!) I asked him about his aunt and her 'intentions' and he said he thinks she really just wants help with a remodel, so I guess I'll give her a call. I gotta see him tomorrow cause a realtor is coming by to put our house up for rent and we have to go to a notary tomorrow. This is all so weird.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
It was weird...being around him is a strange thing, it seems so natural but not like a marriage...more like a friendship. (However I did catch him checking out my cleavage!) I asked him about his aunt and her 'intentions' and he said he thinks she really just wants help with a remodel, so I guess I'll give her a call. I gotta see him tomorrow cause a realtor is coming by to put our house up for rent and we have to go to a notary tomorrow. This is all so weird.
Very similar reaction when we met up. It is very weird but will get less so as time marches on.
Funny (or sad) thing is that when he told me there was 'something' going on that he had kept from me (meaning the drug abuse) I seriously asked him if he was gay! :eek:
It's all strange. I can't imagine how it felt before when I thought this person was respectable.........
so long ago.........same for you it seems.
Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
It's all strange. I can't imagine how it felt before when I thought this person was respectable.........
so long ago.........same for you it seems.
he had the NERVE today when explaining to me some of his steps (he's doing the 12 steps) that he holds ANGER and RESENTMENT towards me for moving to my new place when he has to live at his mom's. It took all I could to not laugh at him.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
he had the NERVE today when explaining to me some of his steps (he's doing the 12 steps) that he holds ANGER and RESENTMENT towards me for moving to my new place when he has to live at his mom's. It took all I could to not laugh at him.
as one in recovery myself that part he keeps to himself and his sponser , so I don't think hes actually doing the work in the steps.At least not the program I know.he's supposed to share that kind of stuff with a piece of paper , a pencil (4th step), then tell his sponser(5th step).
A.A. or N.A. or even C.A.? which does he claim?
It's really none of my business but how long has he been sober/drug free?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
as one in recovery myself that part he keeps to himself and his sponser , so I don't think hes actually doing the work in the steps.At least not the program I know.he's spposed to share that kind of stuff with a piece of paper , a pencil, then tell his sponser.
A.A. or N.A. or even C.A.? which does he claim?
he claims A.A. and N.A.
he says one way he's doing the short program the way things used to be(?)
and the other the regular way. He said he's on step 5.
He also said he's dating a girl his sponsor told him not to.
He confuses me, to say the least.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
Ok , from what you told me he's not doing ANY of it honestly.which is at the heart of THE program.And he's bullshitting you with the "short" program. 1 through 12 is the only program I know that works.
All the "other" versions are just setting up for a resumption of whatever substance he was/is on.
You can't be succcessful at staying sober for 24 hours at a time if you halfass it.
May I suggest that you get yourself a copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous to at least try to understand what we do. It may help you deal with his "shit" especially the chapter titled "to wives"
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Ok , from what you told me he's not doing ANY of it honestly.which is at the heart of THE program.And he's bullshitting you with the "short" program. 1 through 12 is the only program I know that works.
All the "other" versions are just setting up for a resumption of whatever substance he was/is on.
You can't be succcessful at staying sober for 24 hours at a time if you halfass it.
I'm with you on this....
I feel he's setting himself up for a major relapse :(
I think he's overly proud that he entered into rehab on his own and has an "i can do this my way" attitude, which only spells bad things for him.
Whatever he's doing I know he's not completely honest to me, himself and everyone else.
he's been sober since march...*he had a relapse of 1 pill (so he says) 2 months ago.... so sober really only 2 months.
*we jut filed for divorce....I'll be served with the papers this week coming up.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
be prepared for a ride. newly" sober " soon to be ex. Man ,I feel for you.
I honestly don't know what to tell you other than get a good lawyer and prepare for him being an asshole about the whole process. whatever you can do to protect your interests , He doesn't sound to me to be in a mentally stable place right now..
And remember to live well is the best revenge.
Last tip , it may help "you" to check out alanon. Might be able to help you get through this with people who have "walked" in you shoes
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
be prepared for a ride. newly" sober " soon to be ex. Man ,I feel for you.
I honestly don't know what to tell you other than get a good lawyer and prepare for him being an asshole about the whole process. whatever you can do to protect your interests , He doesn't sound to me to be in a mentally stable place right now..
And remember to live well is the best revenge.
Last tip , it may help "you" to check out alanon. Might be able to help you get through this with people who have "walked" in you shoes
thanks:)
he actually has been very good thru the divorce process...but I fear that may only last as long as the guilt does.
Either way i'm moving on.
Thanks again:)
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
he had the NERVE today when explaining to me some of his steps (he's doing the 12 steps) that he holds ANGER and RESENTMENT towards me for moving to my new place when he has to live at his mom's. It took all I could to not laugh at him.
yeh, been there already in a round about way.
a lot of addicts feel very manipulative and needy. the problem is they are also very mean.
unfortuneately a lot of others whom are addicted or former addicts, are no where near this way, so for them I do apologize ahead of time.
I hope you are alright. you seem really together and intelligent. may I ask, have you two been together long? And although he is indignant about you being in an apartment, he was the one who left, right?
Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
a lot of addicts feel very manipulative and needy. the problem is they are also very mean.
unfortuneately a lot of others whom are addicted or former addicts, are no where near this way, so for them I do apologize ahead of time.
I hope you are alright. you seem really together and intelligent. may I ask, have you two been together long? And although he is indignant about you being in an apartment, he was the one who left, right?
We were together for 10 years...married for 6 of those.
And yes he was the on who left.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
I just realized that today is his birthday and I have to call him at some point...really didn't prepare myself for this today like I usually do....
I know it'll be fine, he usually tries to be nice to me but it just gets weird hearing his voice at times...its like a shot of comfort, then I hang up and remember all that's happened and that I'm starting over. :( oh well.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
So I'm on my way to a divorce, as some of u know...husband left 9 months ago. He and I have minimal contact to take care of selling the house and other things. My bday just passed and I got a call from him where he mentioned a happy bday, but I heard nothing from his family. I actually haven't head from his family in months. Now today I get a call from his aunt asking to get together and possibly help her with a remodel. Also my 'husbands' 30th bday is on monday.
So my questions are:
Do I call back his aunt and meet up with her?
Do I get him a gift for his bday?
Do my parents call or get him a gift for his bday?
These may be simple questions but as this is my first time ever thrown into this sort of situation I am at a loss of what's the 'right' thing to do.
I see no problem with being in contact with his family (if you want to and if they are friendly). But as for Auntie, sounds like she is using you. Why would you say happy b.d. to him or buy him a gift? Don't worry, I had similar questions when I was getting a divorce a hundred years ago...
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
I see no problem with being in contact with his family (if you want to and if they are friendly). But as for Auntie, sounds like she is using you. Why would you say happy b.d. to him or buy him a gift? Don't worry, I had similar questions when I was getting a divorce a hundred years ago...
I called and left a message and said happy bday...kinda felt like I should.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
Lol...yeah I knew it would strike a nerve, I guess that's why I said it! Reminding him that he's 30 when his girlfriend is 21... In such a 'subtle' way.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
Lol...yeah I knew it would strike a nerve, I guess that's why I said it! Reminding him that he's 30 when his girlfriend is 21... In such a 'subtle' way.
Lol...yeah I knew it would strike a nerve, I guess that's why I said it! Reminding him that he's 30 when his girlfriend is 21... In such a 'subtle' way.
wow. I don't know how old you are, but I think that is gross that he is 30 and his gf is 21.
I just think that at 21, you are still really young and if he was 40 and she was 31, then it would be a lot less of an age gap than the 31 to 21 ratio thing.
I can't help but think, everytime I post here with you, the following thought...." why the hell is getting married so damn easy--for the most part--but getting divorced is so hard".
Maybe because one is fun and the other is so sad. No matter what the scenario is the truth is that you mourn it; if not for the relationship--perhaps it never was---but the dream and the thought.
Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
wow. I don't know how old you are, but I think that is gross that he is 30 and his gf is 21.
I just think that at 21, you are still really young and if he was 40 and she was 31, then it would be a lot less of an age gap than the 31 to 21 ratio thing.
I can't help but think, every time I post here with you, the following thought...." why the hell is getting married so damn easy--for the most part--but getting divorced is so hard".
Maybe because one is fun and the other is so sad. No matter what the scenario is the truth is that you mourn it; if not for the relationship--perhaps it never was---but the dream and the thought.
Its been hard and I know I don't love him now but I do get to thinking about who he was and how I loved him then and it gets depressing because that guy is no longer around. This guy who he is now, I can't stand... But I find myself crying for the other one. When I see him or talk to him it makes me realize that guy I loved, that would do anything for me, that loved me back is gone...and I even realize he's been gone for a few years. So yes I mourn for what he was...often. And for some reason recently I've been having dreams of him and the gf...where I yell and scream at them. Maybe because he confirmed he's seeing her. I don't know...my mind is just fucked lately:(
*oh and I'm 28.
I wanted to mention too that yesterday was his bday...I called and there was no answer...so I left a message. That kinda got to me to that he didn't answer my call. Then I realized he's probably celebrating with her...then it got me thinking of all the things that I planned for that weekend and how it was going to be a surprise. Then on to thinking about how this is the first birthday I had not seen him since he was 19. Idk, its just a change, a full part of my life is gone...and I'm lost.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
Comments
Very similar reaction when we met up. It is very weird but will get less so as time marches on.
It's all strange. I can't imagine how it felt before when I thought this person was respectable.........
so long ago.........same for you it seems.
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
as one in recovery myself that part he keeps to himself and his sponser , so I don't think hes actually doing the work in the steps.At least not the program I know.he's supposed to share that kind of stuff with a piece of paper , a pencil (4th step), then tell his sponser(5th step).
A.A. or N.A. or even C.A.? which does he claim?
It's really none of my business but how long has he been sober/drug free?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
he says one way he's doing the short program the way things used to be(?)
and the other the regular way. He said he's on step 5.
He also said he's dating a girl his sponsor told him not to.
He confuses me, to say the least.
All the "other" versions are just setting up for a resumption of whatever substance he was/is on.
You can't be succcessful at staying sober for 24 hours at a time if you halfass it.
May I suggest that you get yourself a copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous to at least try to understand what we do. It may help you deal with his "shit" especially the chapter titled "to wives"
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I feel he's setting himself up for a major relapse :(
I think he's overly proud that he entered into rehab on his own and has an "i can do this my way" attitude, which only spells bad things for him.
Whatever he's doing I know he's not completely honest to me, himself and everyone else.
he's been sober since march...*he had a relapse of 1 pill (so he says) 2 months ago.... so sober really only 2 months.
*we jut filed for divorce....I'll be served with the papers this week coming up.
I honestly don't know what to tell you other than get a good lawyer and prepare for him being an asshole about the whole process. whatever you can do to protect your interests , He doesn't sound to me to be in a mentally stable place right now..
And remember to live well is the best revenge.
Last tip , it may help "you" to check out alanon. Might be able to help you get through this with people who have "walked" in you shoes
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
he actually has been very good thru the divorce process...but I fear that may only last as long as the guilt does.
Either way i'm moving on.
Thanks again:)
yeh, been there already in a round about way.
a lot of addicts feel very manipulative and needy. the problem is they are also very mean.
unfortuneately a lot of others whom are addicted or former addicts, are no where near this way, so for them I do apologize ahead of time.
I hope you are alright. you seem really together and intelligent. may I ask, have you two been together long? And although he is indignant about you being in an apartment, he was the one who left, right?
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
And yes he was the on who left.
I know it'll be fine, he usually tries to be nice to me but it just gets weird hearing his voice at times...its like a shot of comfort, then I hang up and remember all that's happened and that I'm starting over. :( oh well.
I see no problem with being in contact with his family (if you want to and if they are friendly). But as for Auntie, sounds like she is using you. Why would you say happy b.d. to him or buy him a gift? Don't worry, I had similar questions when I was getting a divorce a hundred years ago...
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
That was a very nice thing to do! You are taking the high road.
Us Old Men do not appreciate such humor
Oh I did not realize he was THAT old!
BTW, kudos on keeping up on all these threads!
wow. I don't know how old you are, but I think that is gross that he is 30 and his gf is 21.
I just think that at 21, you are still really young and if he was 40 and she was 31, then it would be a lot less of an age gap than the 31 to 21 ratio thing.
I can't help but think, everytime I post here with you, the following thought...." why the hell is getting married so damn easy--for the most part--but getting divorced is so hard".
Maybe because one is fun and the other is so sad. No matter what the scenario is the truth is that you mourn it; if not for the relationship--perhaps it never was---but the dream and the thought.
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
*oh and I'm 28.
I wanted to mention too that yesterday was his bday...I called and there was no answer...so I left a message. That kinda got to me to that he didn't answer my call. Then I realized he's probably celebrating with her...then it got me thinking of all the things that I planned for that weekend and how it was going to be a surprise. Then on to thinking about how this is the first birthday I had not seen him since he was 19. Idk, its just a change, a full part of my life is gone...and I'm lost.