Divorce family protocol?

2

Comments

  • writersu
    writersu Posts: 1,867
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    Oh no!!!! That's the last thing on my mind...however, my parents are still in love with him:(


    ok, then.......

    idk,.....it is so hard sometimes to be able to stand firm on what you are doing despite others' opinions of someone that are different than your own.

    I understand that it is a better thing to be an adult and let your parents behave any way that they want to toward your ex, but I am old fashioned in the sense that if someone hurts me, then I would expect my family to hate them for me. childish, and not right, I am sure, but I guess if my own blood doesn't care that someone hurt me, then I feel like I am standing alone.

    and btw, I totally have done that many times until my mom and sister finally saw for themselves what my soon to be ex was doing to my kids and I. But they didn't see it from me, they had to see it themselves as they watched him let down the kids and see how he was behaving, etc.

    this sucks, I know. I wish that people didn't change in ways that are bad, but they do.

    I hope this helps, all of us somehow.............
    Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......


    Together we will float like angels.........

    In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
  • the wolf
    the wolf Posts: 7,027
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    Oh no!!!! That's the last thing on my mind...however, my parents are still in love with him:(

    i told you, just tell your parents really really bad things about him. ;)

    tell them he likes sex with midgets or something.
    Peace, Love.

    "To question your government is not unpatriotic --
    to not question your government is unpatriotic."
    -- Sen. Chuck Hagel
  • writersu
    writersu Posts: 1,867
    the wolf wrote:
    i told you, just tell your parents really really bad things about him. ;)

    tell them he likes sex with midgets or something.


    or he found your dad rather hot.........


    sorry,...............
    Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......


    Together we will float like angels.........

    In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    writersu wrote:
    or he found your dad rather hot.........


    sorry,...............
    Well my dad does have a pretty nice 'stache that the hubby was jealous of since he couldn't really grow one!;)
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,819
    what was the relationship with his family?Would you have called them up or helped out JUST because you were married to their relative?

    I think if you came to care for these(his) people then help the aunt out.
    It was said somewhere you divorce the spouse not the family.

    My wife has kept in contact with CERTAIN members of her ex's family and now actually has a better relationship without the dickhead around.

    Did I type that outloud?

    Seriously though why deny yourself the value of good people in your life if they are in fact good people.

    Your parents to gift or not is their decision.Make your feelings knownto them and respect their choice. whether you agree or not.

    Just my thoughts.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • urbanhippie
    urbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    I have been unable to sever all ties with my ex because of our children, but I think in this case you have to do whats right for YOU. If you think it would be easier then keep the distance. It's my ex mother in laws birthday today and I haven't got her a present or called. Lets face it, the last person she wants to hear from today is me.

    I know some people who have good relationships with ex's and their families but in my experience it's few and far between.
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Oops!! His birthday is Sunday not Monday! Hahaha that would of answered all questions if it had seemed like I ignored it! :eek: woulda been slightly humorous though!
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • writersu
    writersu Posts: 1,867
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    Well my dad does have a pretty nice 'stache that the hubby was jealous of since he couldn't really grow one!;)


    See?????? but I am not sure what would be worse; a guy leaving you for a girl or a guy leaving you for a guy.........

    I know this is not the case here ( at least you never said it was----I don't think..........), but that would gross me out to find out my husband.....well a husband you were still having sex with, decided you aren't cutting it and he needs a bit "more".........


    gross........
    Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......


    Together we will float like angels.........

    In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    writersu wrote:
    See?????? but I am not sure what would be worse; a guy leaving you for a girl or a guy leaving you for a guy.........

    I know this is not the case here ( at least you never said it was----I don't think..........), but that would gross me out to find out my husband.....well a husband you were still having sex with, decided you aren't cutting it and he needs a bit "more".........


    gross........
    Funny (or sad) thing is that when he told me there was 'something' going on that he had kept from me (meaning the drug abuse) I seriously asked him if he was gay! :eek:
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Black Diamond
    Black Diamond Posts: 25,109
    How did everything go today?
    GoiMTvP.gif
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Black Diamond wrote:
    How did everything go today?
    It was weird...being around him is a strange thing, it seems so natural but not like a marriage...more like a friendship. (However I did catch him checking out my cleavage!) I asked him about his aunt and her 'intentions' and he said he thinks she really just wants help with a remodel, so I guess I'll give her a call. I gotta see him tomorrow cause a realtor is coming by to put our house up for rent and we have to go to a notary tomorrow. This is all so weird.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Black Diamond
    Black Diamond Posts: 25,109
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    It was weird...being around him is a strange thing, it seems so natural but not like a marriage...more like a friendship. (However I did catch him checking out my cleavage!) I asked him about his aunt and her 'intentions' and he said he thinks she really just wants help with a remodel, so I guess I'll give her a call. I gotta see him tomorrow cause a realtor is coming by to put our house up for rent and we have to go to a notary tomorrow. This is all so weird.

    Very similar reaction when we met up. It is very weird but will get less so as time marches on.
    GoiMTvP.gif
  • writersu
    writersu Posts: 1,867
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    Funny (or sad) thing is that when he told me there was 'something' going on that he had kept from me (meaning the drug abuse) I seriously asked him if he was gay! :eek:

    It's all strange. I can't imagine how it felt before when I thought this person was respectable.........

    so long ago.........same for you it seems.
    Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......


    Together we will float like angels.........

    In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    writersu wrote:
    It's all strange. I can't imagine how it felt before when I thought this person was respectable.........

    so long ago.........same for you it seems.
    he had the NERVE today when explaining to me some of his steps (he's doing the 12 steps) that he holds ANGER and RESENTMENT towards me for moving to my new place when he has to live at his mom's. It took all I could to not laugh at him.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,819
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    he had the NERVE today when explaining to me some of his steps (he's doing the 12 steps) that he holds ANGER and RESENTMENT towards me for moving to my new place when he has to live at his mom's. It took all I could to not laugh at him.

    as one in recovery myself that part he keeps to himself and his sponser , so I don't think hes actually doing the work in the steps.At least not the program I know.he's supposed to share that kind of stuff with a piece of paper , a pencil (4th step), then tell his sponser(5th step).

    A.A. or N.A. or even C.A.? which does he claim?

    It's really none of my business but how long has he been sober/drug free?
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    mickeyrat wrote:
    as one in recovery myself that part he keeps to himself and his sponser , so I don't think hes actually doing the work in the steps.At least not the program I know.he's spposed to share that kind of stuff with a piece of paper , a pencil, then tell his sponser.

    A.A. or N.A. or even C.A.? which does he claim?
    he claims A.A. and N.A.
    he says one way he's doing the short program the way things used to be(?)
    and the other the regular way. He said he's on step 5.
    He also said he's dating a girl his sponsor told him not to.
    He confuses me, to say the least.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,819
    Ok , from what you told me he's not doing ANY of it honestly.which is at the heart of THE program.And he's bullshitting you with the "short" program. 1 through 12 is the only program I know that works.

    All the "other" versions are just setting up for a resumption of whatever substance he was/is on.

    You can't be succcessful at staying sober for 24 hours at a time if you halfass it.


    May I suggest that you get yourself a copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous to at least try to understand what we do. It may help you deal with his "shit" especially the chapter titled "to wives"
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    mickeyrat wrote:
    Ok , from what you told me he's not doing ANY of it honestly.which is at the heart of THE program.And he's bullshitting you with the "short" program. 1 through 12 is the only program I know that works.

    All the "other" versions are just setting up for a resumption of whatever substance he was/is on.

    You can't be succcessful at staying sober for 24 hours at a time if you halfass it.
    I'm with you on this....
    I feel he's setting himself up for a major relapse :(
    I think he's overly proud that he entered into rehab on his own and has an "i can do this my way" attitude, which only spells bad things for him.
    Whatever he's doing I know he's not completely honest to me, himself and everyone else.

    he's been sober since march...*he had a relapse of 1 pill (so he says) 2 months ago.... so sober really only 2 months.
    *we jut filed for divorce....I'll be served with the papers this week coming up.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,819
    be prepared for a ride. newly" sober " soon to be ex. Man ,I feel for you.

    I honestly don't know what to tell you other than get a good lawyer and prepare for him being an asshole about the whole process. whatever you can do to protect your interests , He doesn't sound to me to be in a mentally stable place right now..


    And remember to live well is the best revenge.


    Last tip , it may help "you" to check out alanon. Might be able to help you get through this with people who have "walked" in you shoes
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    mickeyrat wrote:
    be prepared for a ride. newly" sober " soon to be ex. Man ,I feel for you.

    I honestly don't know what to tell you other than get a good lawyer and prepare for him being an asshole about the whole process. whatever you can do to protect your interests , He doesn't sound to me to be in a mentally stable place right now..


    And remember to live well is the best revenge.


    Last tip , it may help "you" to check out alanon. Might be able to help you get through this with people who have "walked" in you shoes
    thanks:)
    he actually has been very good thru the divorce process...but I fear that may only last as long as the guilt does.
    Either way i'm moving on.
    Thanks again:)
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"

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