First of all, sorry this is happening to you. I can barely imagine what you're going through. However, it looks like even in the midst of fog you are going in the right direction. You are going to therapy to make sense of what seems unexplicable and in so doing you are looking after yourself. Keep being strong!
With regard to your husband and your relationship with him, you will need to do a lot of soul-searching to see, as someone has already pointed out, you want to share your life with an addict and ex addict in future, and all that it implies. In a sense, you have already lived with the consequences without even realising [his decision to not continue with your relationship but wanting you to attend family sessions]
You will need to assess whether following your heart will make YOU happy in these new circumstances.
I hope it will all get resolved in the best way possible for you!
before I go to bed I want to thank everyone for your kind words. I really appreciate the support. Thank you again to the PJ community....you truly are an amazing bunch!
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
my husband told me he no longer loves me...then he tells me has has been addicted to drugs for over 4 years (he's a pharmacist so he was very good at hiding it). We've been married for 6 years and together for 10. this is all so shocking as it is. He moved out 2 months ago so we could work on the relationship...and he has been clean for 1 month and attending NA meetings. Last week he decided he wants a divorce and he's done trying (which is sad because I thought we hadn't begun to work on our relationship because dealing with his addiction was top priority). He decides this 4 days before he starts rehab!! He started out-patient rehab...and now he asks me to attend the family sessions with him. I'm just in a constant fog now. :(
sounds like HIS life is falling apart, not your's.
So very sorry. I say let him go....you stood by him through his mess and this is how he repays you? My experience with drug addicts...and it IS extensive, is that about 80% relapse.....good riddance to him. Get your self in to some counseling and start a new life and surround yourself with people who really care about you, instead of a selfish drug addict. My heart breaks for you. Lots of love coming your way.
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
sounds like HIS life is falling apart, not your's.
Those words are true, HIS LIFE IS FALLING APART.
But being married to this person, his life IS your life and as all this is going on you feel the world crumbling around you.
It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So much to say on this subject............
The best use of Life is Love.
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
Those words are true, HIS LIFE IS FALLING APART.
But being married to this person, his life IS your life
The above is so true. When you love someone and pledge yourself through marriage, you become ONE. 1+1 no longer equals 2.
Best wishes for you both. May your strength and commitment have a huge effect on him during rehab!
.
Memphis 1994 New Orleans 1995 Fort Lauderdale 1996 Atlanta & Birmingham 1998 New Orleans 2000 Tampa 2003 Kissimmee 2004 New York City (x 2) 2008 East Troy (x 2) 2011 Chicago & New Orleans 2013 Hampton, Raleigh, Boston 2016 Baltimore2020 Louisville 2022 Philadelphia & Baltimore 2024
he does 13 hr days. besides the 45 min drive to work and the same back.
I have two brothers who are pharmacist, they both hate their jobs, the older has been in it for 15+ years and is completely miserable and depressed. But they both refuse to walk away from it because the money is too good. I feel bad for them.....I understand the stress you're husband is under.
Hes an addict.
Selfish is all they know....its a major symptom of the terrible disease that they and their families battle.
Even if he gets sober, the disease only goes into remission, never away.
Ask yourself if you are equipped for life with an addict, this may be your window to freedom.
Peace, strenghth, clarity.... (:
While it is true that addicts are never "cured", with AA/NA meetings and the true desire to live a "clean" life, living with an addict is not a prison sentence.
I've been on the roller coaster of addiction with my husband of 10 years. I've been through therapy, gone to Al-Anon and I choose to live my life in freedom. My husband has been clean and sober for two years and this life has never felt freer. If he relapses, I have the skills and knowledge to get through it.
Changeinwaves: I'm sorry to hear you are going through this and you do what you need to do for yourself. Your husband has to heal himself and there isn't anything you can do to "fix" him. As someone posted, he will try to push you away, most likely, because he feels guilty about lying and also to escape taking responsibility for his actions. As I said, I've been through it, feel free to PM me if you have any questions.
I think you should attend the rehab thing with him. Maybe this could be the start of "fixing" your relationship. Don't give up on him yet. Best wishes.
exactly maybe he reconsider and returns to you...
be strong and be patience
"You're the eve of my destruction in the garden of fears"
I have two brothers who are pharmacist, they both hate their jobs, the older has been in it for 15+ years and is completely miserable and depressed. But they both refuse to walk away from it because the money is too good. I feel bad for them.....I understand the stress you're husband is under.
Good luck.
Retail pharmacy sucks you in... yes the money is good... but like you said the stress is unbelievable! It was never his first choice... and I think that gets to him even more. He is in the same situation where he basically refuses to walk away from it because of the money. I've always wanted him to do what he wanted with his degree... which is teach at a college level... but the drop in pay bothers him. I'm guessing with the addiction it will come to a time when he will HAVE to(which I think is now... but again he disagrees) get out of retail.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
im actually finishing my last year in pharmacy school and the thing we learn day 1 is that pharmacists are very likely to fall into abuse. cause of ease, and cause of stress.
i dont know if this will help but i'll try.
i would get some help for yourself before going to any of his things. if you arent strong enough then it can drag u in. those programs sometimes are harder on the family member than on the actual addicted person.
it sucks that he did all this and i think its important that you know that being hurt is ok. being angry is ok. hating him is ok. loving him is ok. being miserable with out him is ok. being happy without him is ok. i've seen a lot of really terrible things but am always amazed how resiliant the human mind and spirit is.
same for him. yes its an addiction and a disease. but that shouldnt be a crutch. you cant blame him for having it. but you can blame him for not fighting it. if someone walked into the er with a knife sticking out of their chest then you would expect that they should want it taken out.
and yes it will linger forever like a ghost, but lots and lots of people fight addiction and get over it and live normal lives. lots. i've known people that were on coke 15 years since they were ten years old. and have been clean 5. friends and family watch out for her, and she still stuggles but she has done it. and has a husband now and a baby and is doing good.
i dont know if when all is said and done if your husband will come back. he might he might not. focus on what you want and try for it. if it doesnt work out then you know you tried.
im actually finishing my last year in pharmacy school and the thing we learn day 1 is that pharmacists are very likely to fall into abuse. cause of ease, and cause of stress.
i dont know if this will help but i'll try.
i would get some help for yourself before going to any of his things. if you arent strong enough then it can drag u in. those programs sometimes are harder on the family member than on the actual addicted person.
it sucks that he did all this and i think its important that you know that being hurt is ok. being angry is ok. hating him is ok. loving him is ok. being miserable with out him is ok. being happy without him is ok. i've seen a lot of really terrible things but am always amazed how resiliant the human mind and spirit is.
same for him. yes its an addiction and a disease. but that shouldnt be a crutch. you cant blame him for having it. but you can blame him for not fighting it. if someone walked into the er with a knife sticking out of their chest then you would expect that they should want it taken out.
and yes it will linger forever like a ghost, but lots and lots of people fight addiction and get over it and live normal lives. lots. i've known people that were on coke 15 years since they were ten years old. and have been clean 5. friends and family watch out for her, and she still stuggles but she has done it. and has a husband now and a baby and is doing good.
i dont know if when all is said and done if your husband will come back. he might he might not. focus on what you want and try for it. if it doesnt work out then you know you tried.
i'll keep you in my prayers.
thank you for this....it is helpful
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
Im really sorry to hear that. I'm gonna say something cliche but it helps to hear the truth sometimes. You are NOT alone. Stuff like this happens all the time to perfectly awesome people. Just know that no matter what happens, i swear there is a reason behind it! The bumpiest roads lead to the grandest places
Im really sorry to hear that. I'm gonna say something cliche but it helps to hear the truth sometimes. You are NOT alone. Stuff like this happens all the time to perfectly awesome people. Just know that no matter what happens, i swear there is a reason behind it! The bumpiest roads lead to the grandest places
thank you for this....it's very supportive. I appreciate that.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
Don't worry about the thread. Worry about when the next time you'll have some sweet lovin' from a real man. :cool:
well it DEF wont be from you. real man arent freaking creepy people
And he still gives his love, he just gives it away, The love he receives is the love that is saved, And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky, A human being that was given to fly
Comments
With regard to your husband and your relationship with him, you will need to do a lot of soul-searching to see, as someone has already pointed out, you want to share your life with an addict and ex addict in future, and all that it implies. In a sense, you have already lived with the consequences without even realising [his decision to not continue with your relationship but wanting you to attend family sessions]
You will need to assess whether following your heart will make YOU happy in these new circumstances.
I hope it will all get resolved in the best way possible for you!
Stay strong and positive!
Take care!
Good for you!!
Go at your own pace.
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm never as good as when you're there.........
sounds like HIS life is falling apart, not your's.
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Those words are true, HIS LIFE IS FALLING APART.
But being married to this person, his life IS your life and as all this is going on you feel the world crumbling around you.
It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So much to say on this subject............
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm never as good as when you're there.........
The above is so true. When you love someone and pledge yourself through marriage, you become ONE. 1+1 no longer equals 2.
Best wishes for you both. May your strength and commitment have a huge effect on him during rehab!
.
New Orleans 1995
Fort Lauderdale 1996
Atlanta & Birmingham 1998
New Orleans 2000
Tampa 2003
Kissimmee 2004
New York City (x 2) 2008
East Troy (x 2) 2011
Chicago & New Orleans 2013
Hampton, Raleigh, Boston 2016
Baltimore 2020
Louisville 2022
Philadelphia & Baltimore 2024
I have two brothers who are pharmacist, they both hate their jobs, the older has been in it for 15+ years and is completely miserable and depressed. But they both refuse to walk away from it because the money is too good. I feel bad for them.....I understand the stress you're husband is under.
Good luck.
It's obvious you are not married.
While it is true that addicts are never "cured", with AA/NA meetings and the true desire to live a "clean" life, living with an addict is not a prison sentence.
I've been on the roller coaster of addiction with my husband of 10 years. I've been through therapy, gone to Al-Anon and I choose to live my life in freedom. My husband has been clean and sober for two years and this life has never felt freer. If he relapses, I have the skills and knowledge to get through it.
Changeinwaves: I'm sorry to hear you are going through this and you do what you need to do for yourself. Your husband has to heal himself and there isn't anything you can do to "fix" him. As someone posted, he will try to push you away, most likely, because he feels guilty about lying and also to escape taking responsibility for his actions. As I said, I've been through it, feel free to PM me if you have any questions.
Lauren
exactly maybe he reconsider and returns to you...
be strong and be patience
http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
i dont know if this will help but i'll try.
i would get some help for yourself before going to any of his things. if you arent strong enough then it can drag u in. those programs sometimes are harder on the family member than on the actual addicted person.
it sucks that he did all this and i think its important that you know that being hurt is ok. being angry is ok. hating him is ok. loving him is ok. being miserable with out him is ok. being happy without him is ok. i've seen a lot of really terrible things but am always amazed how resiliant the human mind and spirit is.
same for him. yes its an addiction and a disease. but that shouldnt be a crutch. you cant blame him for having it. but you can blame him for not fighting it. if someone walked into the er with a knife sticking out of their chest then you would expect that they should want it taken out.
and yes it will linger forever like a ghost, but lots and lots of people fight addiction and get over it and live normal lives. lots. i've known people that were on coke 15 years since they were ten years old. and have been clean 5. friends and family watch out for her, and she still stuggles but she has done it. and has a husband now and a baby and is doing good.
i dont know if when all is said and done if your husband will come back. he might he might not. focus on what you want and try for it. if it doesnt work out then you know you tried.
i'll keep you in my prayers.
but nice people sw****w
thank you for this....it is helpful
Im really sorry to hear that. I'm gonna say something cliche but it helps to hear the truth sometimes. You are NOT alone. Stuff like this happens all the time to perfectly awesome people. Just know that no matter what happens, i swear there is a reason behind it! The bumpiest roads lead to the grandest places
I'll treat reeeeeeeal good, girl! :cool:
http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
Me, on the other hand, I like seeing a woman in looooooove...
with me. :cool:
...because my miserable, lonely existence makes so much more sense now.
http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
hope you're at peace soon.
EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
no bed=no brian
coke sucks