my life is falling apart...

JASGMMEV

OMG! I'm so sorry. Think about yourself. I agree with others--addiction is a terribly selfish disease. Now, you need to focus on you. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, "What do I want/need?"

Best of luck to you!

DOSW

Yikes... I've never experienced anything close to that, so I can't really offer any real advice... I just hope everything works out for you in time. Hang in there.

dark pink

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

this is a good thing to remember. thanks

Youre welcome

As much as you love them, its a hard, painful life for the co-addict, make no mistake.

I write about this topic occasionally.

Remember, as the 'co-addict' you are just as ill as him right now,maybe more.
Youve been dealing with the effects oh his addiction FULL FORCE.The innate lies, violence, shattered trust and faith, lost jobs, loneliness, etc. etc. At least the addict makes sure they are nice and numb through it all, ha.

Scientific studies have shown that the brain chemistry of co-addicts are far from normal, that the years of daily assult on their lives actually creates striking abnormalities in brain function.

Forget him for now girl, you need to heal yourself, empower yourself.
Addicts simply arent able to help you when you need them the most.Not their fault? Fine, then their mates need to TCB on their own.

MerkingBoy

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

my husband told me he no longer loves me...then he tells me has has been addicted to drugs for over 4 years (he's a pharmacist so he was very good at hiding it). We've been married for 6 years and together for 10. this is all so shocking as it is. He moved out 2 months ago so we could work on the relationship...and he has been clean for 1 month and attending NA meetings. Last week he decided he wants a divorce and he's done trying (which is sad because I thought we hadn't begun to work on our relationship because dealing with his addiction was top priority). He decides this 4 days before he starts rehab!! He started out-patient rehab...and now he asks me to attend the family sessions with him. I'm just in a constant fog now. :(

Hmmm, no mention of any kids. That would be the worst case scenario.

Both of you are adults, so hopefully you two work things out.
Best of luck!

Sian-of-the-dead

wow... i'm so sorry. :(

PJPixie

ALANON.


It saved my life. (I went thru a divorce due to his "addiction".)


Remember YOU come first.


Good Luck.

CHANGEinWAVES

PJPixie wrote:

ALANON.


It saved my life. (I went thru a divorce due to his "addiction".)


Remember YOU come first.


Good Luck.

I attended one meeting so far....I have to get up the nerve to go back.

sponger

Pharmacists have such stressful jobs I hear. But they make such great money. And especially on the east coast where housing is still affordable compared to southern california, I would venture to guess that the two of you own property.

CHANGEinWAVES

sponger wrote:

Pharmacists have such stressful jobs I hear.

he does 13 hr days. besides the 45 min drive to work and the same back.

urbanhippie

Good luck and I hope you find peace.
You seem a strong person, you can and will get through this even if thats hard to believe today.

lgt

First of all, sorry this is happening to you. I can barely imagine what you're going through. However, it looks like even in the midst of fog you are going in the right direction. You are going to therapy to make sense of what seems unexplicable and in so doing you are looking after yourself. Keep being strong!

With regard to your husband and your relationship with him, you will need to do a lot of soul-searching to see, as someone has already pointed out, you want to share your life with an addict and ex addict in future, and all that it implies. In a sense, you have already lived with the consequences without even realising [his decision to not continue with your relationship but wanting you to attend family sessions]

You will need to assess whether following your heart will make YOU happy in these new circumstances.

I hope it will all get resolved in the best way possible for you!

Stay strong and positive!

Take care!

CHANGEinWAVES

before I go to bed I want to thank everyone for your kind words. I really appreciate the support. Thank you again to the PJ community....you truly are an amazing bunch!

PJPixie

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

I attended one meeting so far....I have to get up the nerve to go back.

Good for you!!
Go at your own pace.

GreenTeaDisease

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

my husband told me he no longer loves me...then he tells me has has been addicted to drugs for over 4 years (he's a pharmacist so he was very good at hiding it). We've been married for 6 years and together for 10. this is all so shocking as it is. He moved out 2 months ago so we could work on the relationship...and he has been clean for 1 month and attending NA meetings. Last week he decided he wants a divorce and he's done trying (which is sad because I thought we hadn't begun to work on our relationship because dealing with his addiction was top priority). He decides this 4 days before he starts rehab!! He started out-patient rehab...and now he asks me to attend the family sessions with him. I'm just in a constant fog now. :(

sounds like HIS life is falling apart, not your's.

PJaddicted

So very sorry. I say let him go....you stood by him through his mess and this is how he repays you? My experience with drug addicts...and it IS extensive, is that about 80% relapse.....good riddance to him. Get your self in to some counseling and start a new life and surround yourself with people who really care about you, instead of a selfish drug addict. My heart breaks for you. Lots of love coming your way.

oxc

PJPixie

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

sounds like HIS life is falling apart, not your's.

Those words are true, HIS LIFE IS FALLING APART.
But being married to this person, his life IS your life and as all this is going on you feel the world crumbling around you.
It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So much to say on this subject............

rhinomagic

PJPixie wrote:

Those words are true, HIS LIFE IS FALLING APART.
But being married to this person, his life IS your life

The above is so true. When you love someone and pledge yourself through marriage, you become ONE. 1+1 no longer equals 2.

Best wishes for you both. May your strength and commitment have a huge effect on him during rehab!

.

Indian Summer

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

he does 13 hr days. besides the 45 min drive to work and the same back.

I have two brothers who are pharmacist, they both hate their jobs, the older has been in it for 15+ years and is completely miserable and depressed. But they both refuse to walk away from it because the money is too good. I feel bad for them.....I understand the stress you're husband is under.

Good luck.

Indian Summer

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

sounds like HIS life is falling apart, not your's.

It's obvious you are not married.

releaselauren

dark pink wrote:

Hes an addict.
Selfish is all they know....its a major symptom of the terrible disease that they and their families battle.

Even if he gets sober, the disease only goes into remission, never away.

Ask yourself if you are equipped for life with an addict, this may be your window to freedom.

Peace, strenghth, clarity.... (:

While it is true that addicts are never "cured", with AA/NA meetings and the true desire to live a "clean" life, living with an addict is not a prison sentence.

I've been on the roller coaster of addiction with my husband of 10 years. I've been through therapy, gone to Al-Anon and I choose to live my life in freedom. My husband has been clean and sober for two years and this life has never felt freer. If he relapses, I have the skills and knowledge to get through it.

Changeinwaves: I'm sorry to hear you are going through this and you do what you need to do for yourself. Your husband has to heal himself and there isn't anything you can do to "fix" him. As someone posted, he will try to push you away, most likely, because he feels guilty about lying and also to escape taking responsibility for his actions. As I said, I've been through it, feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Lauren