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my life is falling apart...

CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
edited May 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
my husband told me he no longer loves me...then he tells me has has been addicted to drugs for over 4 years (he's a pharmacist so he was very good at hiding it). We've been married for 6 years and together for 10. this is all so shocking as it is. He moved out 2 months ago so we could work on the relationship...and he has been clean for 1 month and attending NA meetings. Last week he decided he wants a divorce and he's done trying (which is sad because I thought we hadn't begun to work on our relationship because dealing with his addiction was top priority). He decides this 4 days before he starts rehab!! He started out-patient rehab...and now he asks me to attend the family sessions with him. I'm just in a constant fog now. :(
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
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Comments

  • wolfbearwolfbear Posts: 3,965
    Wow, so sorry. That's a lot to take in and deal with. :( I'd just say to give it and you and him some time to sort it all out. Try to stay positive and best wishes to you. :)
    "I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
  • GraySaturdayGraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    oh lord! I cannot imagine your pain. I'm so sorry. I hope whatever is truly best for you both, happens and you both find peace.

    Hugs for you. Stay strong.
  • SnakeSnake Posts: 2,605
    Wow thats horrible. I wish there were something I could say, but no one can honestly say they know how you feel, cuz they probably dont.
    I really hope this will resolve in a good way for you. Even if it doesnt seem like it at first.
    Pirates had democracy too.

    "Its a secret to everybody."
  • Indian SummerIndian Summer Posts: 2,296
    I think you should attend the rehab thing with him. Maybe this could be the start of "fixing" your relationship. Don't give up on him yet. Best wishes.
    "It's all happening"
  • mca47mca47 Posts: 13,297
    I'm so sorry to hear that. I wish I had some advice for you but I wouldn't even know where to begin.
  • _Crazy_Mary__Crazy_Mary_ Posts: 1,299
    Wow. I feel bad for you. I'm sorry.
    I really screwed that up. I really Schruted it.
  • acoustic guyacoustic guy Posts: 3,770
    Indian Summer wrote:
    I think you should attend the rehab thing with him. Maybe this could be the start of "fixing" your relationship. Don't give up on him yet. Best wishes.

    Good advice. Hang in there.
    Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
    Sweep the Leg Johnny.
  • josevolutionjosevolution Posts: 30,193
    damm sorry to hear this i do hope evrything will get better for both you & him soon....
    jesus greets me looks just like me ....
  • stylo17stylo17 Posts: 1,001
    Indian Summer wrote:
    I think you should attend the rehab thing with him. Maybe this could be the start of "fixing" your relationship. Don't give up on him yet. Best wishes.

    I think this is some good advice too. and he might start pushing you away as he progresses more into his rehab because it's gonna be a very frustrating time for him. but I think when he finishes his rehab he'll see that you were there all along and everything will be back to normal. good luck and stay strong :)
    6/11/08 WPB


    ♬♪♫ and I will not, grow tired of crayon stars and fire

    ♬♪♫ cause a soldier's death is so much better than defeat just hanging around
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    thank you everyone....it's amazing how supportive this board is...I love PJ fans! :)
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • JOEJOEJOEJOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,609
    Have you thought of seeing a therapist?
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    JOEJOEJOE wrote:
    Have you thought of seeing a therapist?
    just started today.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • JOEJOEJOEJOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,609
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    just started today.

    Good job!

    I hope you are able to find perspective!
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    JOEJOEJOE wrote:
    Good job!

    I hope you are able to find perspective!
    yeah...my mind knows where things are headed...but my heart won't let go.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • memememe Posts: 4,695
    I'm so sorry. Give yourself time, things don't have to make sense right now. I hope things clear up with your husband or you move on smoothly to the rest of your life :)
    ... and the will to show I will always be better than before.
  • JOEJOEJOEJOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,609
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    yeah...my mind knows where things are headed...but my heart won't let go.

    my heart and my mind fight all the time.....they really have grudges against eachother!
    :)
  • stylo17stylo17 Posts: 1,001
    JOEJOEJOE wrote:
    my heart and my mind fight all the time.....they really have grudges against eachother!
    :)

    haha, yea you and CHANGE aren't the only ones :)
    6/11/08 WPB


    ♬♪♫ and I will not, grow tired of crayon stars and fire

    ♬♪♫ cause a soldier's death is so much better than defeat just hanging around
  • dark pinkdark pink Posts: 26
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    my husband told me he no longer loves me...then he tells me has has been addicted to drugs for over 4 years (he's a pharmacist so he was very good at hiding it). We've been married for 6 years and together for 10. this is all so shocking as it is. He moved out 2 months ago so we could work on the relationship...and he has been clean for 1 month and attending NA meetings. Last week he decided he wants a divorce and he's done trying (which is sad because I thought we hadn't begun to work on our relationship because dealing with his addiction was top priority). He decides this 4 days before he starts rehab!! He started out-patient rehab...and now he asks me to attend the family sessions with him. I'm just in a constant fog now. :(

    Hes an addict.
    Selfish is all they know....its a major symptom of the terrible disease that they and their families battle.

    Even if he gets sober, the disease only goes into remission, never away.

    Ask yourself if you are equipped for life with an addict, this may be your window to freedom.

    Peace, strenghth, clarity.... (:
    None of us operate from a singular motive.
    "A lie travels half-way around the world
    before the truth can even gets its boots on to get out the door."

    -Mark Twain
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    dark pink wrote:
    Hes an addict.
    Selfish is all they know....its a major symptom of the terrible disease that they and their families battle.

    Even if he gets sober, the disease only goes into remission, never away.

    Ask yourself if you are equipped for life with an addict, this may be your window to freedom.

    Peace, strenghth, clarity.... (:
    this is a good thing to remember. thanks :)
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • LONGRDLONGRD Posts: 6,036
    :( that terrible to hear. ten years is a long relationship, I hope you guys straighten things out. Best wishes.
    PJ- 04/29/2003.06/24,25,27,28,30/2008.10/27,28,30,31/2009
    EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
  • JASGMMEVJASGMMEV Posts: 19
    OMG! I'm so sorry. Think about yourself. I agree with others--addiction is a terribly selfish disease. Now, you need to focus on you. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, "What do I want/need?"

    Best of luck to you!
    "Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid," Goethe said that.
  • DOSWDOSW Posts: 2,014
    Yikes... I've never experienced anything close to that, so I can't really offer any real advice... I just hope everything works out for you in time. Hang in there.
    It's a town full of losers and I'm pulling out of here to win
  • dark pinkdark pink Posts: 26
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    this is a good thing to remember. thanks :)


    Youre welcome ;)

    As much as you love them, its a hard, painful life for the co-addict, make no mistake.

    I write about this topic occasionally.

    Remember, as the 'co-addict' you are just as ill as him right now,maybe more.
    Youve been dealing with the effects oh his addiction FULL FORCE.The innate lies, violence, shattered trust and faith, lost jobs, loneliness, etc. etc. At least the addict makes sure they are nice and numb through it all, ha.

    Scientific studies have shown that the brain chemistry of co-addicts are far from normal, that the years of daily assult on their lives actually creates striking abnormalities in brain function.

    Forget him for now girl, you need to heal yourself, empower yourself.
    Addicts simply arent able to help you when you need them the most.Not their fault? Fine, then their mates need to TCB on their own.
    None of us operate from a singular motive.
    "A lie travels half-way around the world
    before the truth can even gets its boots on to get out the door."

    -Mark Twain
  • MerkingBoyMerkingBoy Posts: 249
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    my husband told me he no longer loves me...then he tells me has has been addicted to drugs for over 4 years (he's a pharmacist so he was very good at hiding it). We've been married for 6 years and together for 10. this is all so shocking as it is. He moved out 2 months ago so we could work on the relationship...and he has been clean for 1 month and attending NA meetings. Last week he decided he wants a divorce and he's done trying (which is sad because I thought we hadn't begun to work on our relationship because dealing with his addiction was top priority). He decides this 4 days before he starts rehab!! He started out-patient rehab...and now he asks me to attend the family sessions with him. I'm just in a constant fog now. :(
    Hmmm, no mention of any kids. That would be the worst case scenario.

    Both of you are adults, so hopefully you two work things out.
    Best of luck!
  • Sian-of-the-deadSian-of-the-dead Posts: 8,963
    wow... i'm so sorry. :(
    Been to this many PJ shows: Reading 2006 London 2007 Manchester & London 2009 Dublin, Belfast, London, Nijmegen & Berlin 2010 Manchester 1 & Manchester 2 2012...

    ... and I still think Drive-By Truckers are better.
  • PJPixiePJPixie Posts: 3,026
    ALANON.


    It saved my life. (I went thru a divorce due to his "addiction".)


    Remember YOU come first.


    Good Luck.
    The best use of Life is Love.
    The best expression of Love is Time.
    The best time to Love is Now.


    I'm never as good as when you're there.........
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    PJPixie wrote:
    ALANON.


    It saved my life. (I went thru a divorce due to his "addiction".)


    Remember YOU come first.


    Good Luck.
    I attended one meeting so far....I have to get up the nerve to go back.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • spongersponger Posts: 3,159
    Pharmacists have such stressful jobs I hear. But they make such great money. And especially on the east coast where housing is still affordable compared to southern california, I would venture to guess that the two of you own property.
    reigning champion

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=272825
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    sponger wrote:
    Pharmacists have such stressful jobs I hear.
    he does 13 hr days. besides the 45 min drive to work and the same back.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    Good luck and I hope you find peace.
    You seem a strong person, you can and will get through this even if thats hard to believe today.
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
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