Friends with the Ex...

fanch75

Speaking from experience, we just don't think straight for a while (for me it took about a year of mourning/feeling like crap and then another year to balance out adn feel normal again). We're confused, the self esteem has taken a beating, and we don't always make the best decisions or treat people as we should. Our focus is pretty inward and "Well, I just went through a divorce, what do you expect" is the justification for everything, and it is genuine.

Allie

fanch75 wrote:

Speaking from experience, we just don't think straight for a while (for me it took about a year of mourning/feeling like crap and then another year to balance out adn feel normal again). We're confused, the self esteem has taken a beating, and we don't always make the best decisions or treat people as we should. Our focus is pretty inward and "Well, I just went through a divorce, what do you expect" is the justification for everything, and it is genuine.

wow,
I'm sorry you went through that
and that's really insightful. Thanks, Fanch.

Who Princess

I've known a lot of divorced people who were on amicable terms with their exes and that always seemed a real positive to me, since I've also met people who developed the most unbelievable hostility. I found some of the hostility and anger kind of scary--this is aimed at someone you once loved?

But the people who were on good terms didn't necessarily try to hang out together, they just had some kind of connection still from the marriage. I'm not talking about the people who have kids together. I think it's an absolute must that people with kids who divorce have to remain on good terms because they're still parents to those kids.

I've known a lot of people, believe it or not, who really cared about their former in-laws and wanted to stay in touch with them after a divorce. I knew a guy who helped his ex shop for a new car because she was uncomfortable doing it by herself and he'd just bought one. I know another guy who has 4 dogs and likes to travel. I asked him what he does with all his dogs whenever he goes out of town and he said that they go stay with their mom (his ex). I really don't think it's all that unusual for people to get past the break-up and be amicable. Maybe not best friends but they get along OK.

fanch75

Oh don't feel sorry; it was for the best in every way I can see it being. It's cool; I'm just saying, don't expect this guy to be thinking straight or in the interest of his supposed object of affection. It not intentional, it's just all over the place for a while.

Everyone is different but generally I think things rings true.

The Champ

fanch75 wrote:

Speaking from experience, we just don't think straight for a while (for me it took about a year of mourning/feeling like crap and then another year to balance out adn feel normal again). We're confused, the self esteem has taken a beating, and we don't always make the best decisions or treat people as we should. Our focus is pretty inward and "Well, I just went through a divorce, what do you expect" is the justification for everything, and it is genuine.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/02/15/68-divorce/

Stuff White People Like
#66 Divorce
February 15, 2008 by mylosh

Most studies on the topic of divorce, focus in on the obvious. For instance the median age of divorce for white men is 30.5 and 29 for women. This is usually around the time when white people further over analyze their lives and look for change, even if some of the stuff that they accomplished, like having good credit, a high paying job, or the ability to purchase a hybrid car are things that people from other ethnicities would love to have.

Another key factor of divorce is children. On average people who divorce, do so when their children are between the ages of 7-10. Before the birth of their first child, white people like to spend thousands of dollars on books that tell them how to raise children So instead of simply letting their child watch Hannah Montana or work on their jump-shot, they will take them on weird activities suggested by some over educated individual with a PhD or force them to read a book that is meant for a 9th grader. This often leads to white children hating their parents especially when they don’t live up to their expectations.

While all of these are 87% true very little is spoken of the positive reasons on why white people divorce. Look at the sets of jobs below

Job Set A
marriage counselor
family therapist
lawyer

Job Set B
wedding planner
caterer
80s DJ
photographer
videographer

There is basically a large sector of white workers with arts majors, that would otherwise be unemployed were it not for the high rate of divorce. So just like the love of lawyers, getting divorced is a way to give back to the community. Not getting divorced would have same effect as pulling Shell out of Nigeria or call centers out of India. People would be on the street and a civil war would break out.

The list in Job Set A deals with the actual act of divorce. Married couples like to go to lawyers, counselors and therapist before, during, and after a marriage. There really is no need to pay $300 an hour to talk to someone who has read a lot of eastern European authors, but Hollywood has done a great job of popularizing this profession, and as mentioned above, there is a charitable aspect to this as well.

The list in Job Set B deals with weddings. First of all white people love throwing weddings, and if the first wedding did not go according to plan or if a close friend’s wedding had clever invitations, better desert or a samba band, then the act of the divorce serves as gateway to give it another shot. Secondly many white people in their late teens / early 20s make the mistake of taking film or photography in college. Since Hollywood can not employ everyone, the wedding industry is the one field that allows all these poor arts majors to pay for their rent and their first divorce later.

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Happy it worked out for the best Fanch ..

fanch75

hahahaha, that's fing great!!!!

OffHeGoes29

We should really call this "On good terms with your ex" thread. Because nobody is really a "friend" with their ex.

The Champ

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

We should really call this "On good terms with your ex" thread. Because nobody is really a "friend" with their ex.

Good point..