Kramer

Anon

Jerry: Oh, come on, just tell me your code already. What is it?

George: I am not giving you my code.

Kramer: I'll bet I can guess it.

George: Pssh. Yeah. Right.

Kramer: Oh, alright. Yeah. Uh, let's see. Um, well, we can throw out birthdays immediately. That's too obvious. And no numbers for you, you're a word man. Alright, let's go deeper. Well, let's see. What kind of man are you? Eh, you're weak, spineless, a man of temptations. But what tempts you? You're a portly fellow, a little long in the waistband. So what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No no no no no. Your's is a sweetooth.

George: Get outta here...

Kramer: Oh, you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master - the cocoa bean!

George: I'm leaving.

Kramer No, and only the purest syrup nectar can satisfy you!

George: I gotta go.

Kramer: If you could you'd guzzle it by the gallon! Ovaltine! Hershey's!

George: Shut up!

Kramer: Nestlé's Quik!

mookie9999

NOCODE#1 wrote:

kramer never said that. You do understand the concept of a FICTIONAL CHARACTER. FICTIONAL CHARACTER

Please type slower. I'm confused.

mca47

One of the best characters of alltime on one of the best (if not the best) shows of alltime! .

Snake

"Someday your gona beg me to make your own pizza!"

HermanBloom

What about ketchup and mustard in the same bottle?

Best when Jerry and Kramer change places in the Kenny Roger Chicken Roasters episode:"that's a shame"

Now where's that stockroom?

restlesssoul

what about when he trying to get joe dimaggios attention in the doughnut shop?

civ_eng_girl

"I'm fried!"

"Technically, you're sautéed"

harrymanback

classic seinfeld exchange:

JERRY: Hey, guess what? Remember that woman you saw me with the other day? You know, she used to be an Olympic gymnast?
KRAMER: A gymnast!
JERRY: Yeah, she's Romanian, she won a silver at the '84 Olympics.
KRAMER: A gymnast, Jerry. Think of the flexibility. Mmm, that sex'll melt your face.
JERRY: Yeah, well, I think I'm bailing.
KRAMER: "Bailing"?
JERRY: Yeah, you know, Kramer, there's always a price to pay for just a sexual dalliance.
KRAMER: Jerry, you should pay that price.
JERRY: She's Romanian. What am I gonna talk to her about, Ceausescu?
KRAMER: Ch- oo-... what?
GEORGE: (emerging from bathroom, buttoning his shirt) A gymnast! I can't believe it, you didn't tell me she was a gymnast.
JERRY: (watching George buttoning his shirt) What is this?
GEORGE: What, I'm puttin' my shirt back on.
JERRY: (stares at George, incredulous) "Back on"? What was it doing off?
GEORGE: I take it off when I go to the, uh, y'know, to the "office".
JERRY: (laughing) What for?
GEORGE: Well, it frees me up. No encumbrances.
JERRY: Unbuttoned, or all the way off?
GEORGE: ALL the way, baby!
JERRY: Of course.

?ing my education

Kramer: "It's a write off Jerry, they just write it off."
Jerry: "You don't even know what a right off is, do you?"
Kramer: "But they do, and they're the one's writing it off"
Jerry: "I wish I had the last 20 seconds of my life back"

"I'm Kramer! You know who I am, dammit!"

"NEVER, your jealous because little Jerry is doing more with your name than you ever will......YEA YEA."

I have the body of a taut pre-teen swedish boy

Hey Sylvio, look at Jerry prancin' around in his fur coat and his purse. Yup, he's a dandy--he's a real fancy boy


Just a few of my favorite Kramer lines.

myhook

Your a raving anti Dentite!!!

myhook

And I love when Kramer yips at Joe DiMaggio.

Kramer: Hey, I saw DiMaggio in the donut shop again.

Jerry: Uh huh.

Elaine: Joe DiMaggio?

Kramer: Joe DiMaggio, you know this time I went in and sat down across from him
and I really watched him. I studied his every move. For example, he dunks.

Elaine: Joe DiMaggio dunks his donut?

Kramer: That's right.

Jerry: See, now I know it's not him. Joe DiMaggio could not be a dunker.

Kramer: Oh, he's a dunker.

Elaine: Why couldn't he be a dunker?

Kramer: And nothing diverts his attention. Like, I'm uh, you know, like I'm
sitting in there, you know. And I start banging on the table, you know, to uh,
look up, you know, Like I'm sitting there you know and uh, *bang* (slams the
table) You know, *bang* He wouldn't move. So then I start doing these yelping
noises. Like, *yip* (high pitched yelping noises) *yip*. No reaction because
the guy is so focused, you see, he can just block out anything that's going on
around him. See, that's how he played baseball. He dunks like he hits.

restlesssoul

myhook wrote:

Your a raving anti Dentite!!!

next thing you'll be saying they should have their own schools!!!

they do!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

restlesssoul

here is another one i REALLY love:



JERRY: (To Kramer and Morty) What is this about?

KRAMER: I'm completely changing the configuration of the apartment. You're not gonna believe it when you see it. A whole new lifestyle.

JERRY: What are you doing?

KRAMER: Levels.

JERRY: Levels?

KRAMER: Yeah, I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I'm going to build these different levels, with steps, and it'll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You

know, like ancient Egypt.

JERRY: You drew up plans for this?

KRAMER: No, no. It's all in my head.

MORTY: I don't know how you're going to be comfortable like that.

KRAMER: Oh, I'll be comfortable.

JERRY: When do you intend to do this?

KRAMER: Ohh.. should be done by the end of the month.

JERRY: You're doing this yourself?

KRAMER: It's a simple job. Why, you don't think I can?

JERRY: Oh, no. It's not that I don't think you can. I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't.

KRAMER: Well, I got the tools. I got the pillows. All I need is the lumber.

MORTY: Hey, that's some big job.

JERRY: I don't see it happening.

KRAMER: Well, this time, this time you're wrong. C'mon. I'll even bet you.

JERRY: Seriously?

HELEN: I dont' want you betting. Morty, don't let him bet.

KRAMER: A big dinner with dessert. But I've got till the end of the month.

JERRY: I'll give you a year.

KRAMER: No, no, no. End of the month.

JERRY: It's a bet. (They both "pinkie swear" to lock the deal)


a few scenes later


(Jerry opens his door, Kramer's standing in the hallway)

KRAMER: Oh, hi. I just came to say goodbye. (Gestures to the bags) ..Need any help with those?

MORTY: It's nothing. I got it. So, how are your levels coming along?

KRAMER: Oh, well.. I decided I'm not gonna do it.

JERRY: (Sarcastically) Really? What a shock.

HELEN: Goodbye, Jerry.

JERRY: Take care.

HELEN: We'll call you. (Leaves)

MORTY: Bye, Jer.

JERRY: Bye, Dad. Take it easy.

MORTY: Bye, Mr. Kramer.

KRAMER: Yeah. So long, Morty. (Morty leaves)

JERRY: So, when do I get my dinner?

KRAMER: There's no dinner. The bet's off. I'm not gonna do it.

JERRY: Yes. I know you're not gonna do it. That's why I bet.

KRAMER: There's not bet if I' not doing it.

JERRY: That's the bet! That you're not doing it!

KRAMER: Yeah, well, I could do it. I don't want to do it.

JERRY: We didn't bet on if you wanted to. We bet on if it would be done.

KRAMER: And it could be done.

JERRY: Well, of course it could be done! Anything could be done! But it only is done if it's done. Show me the levels! The bet is the levels.

KRAMER: But I don't want the levels!

JERRY: That's the bet!

chadwick

Flagg wrote:

THE classic Kramer moment right there.

and the big huge steering wheel motions he does with his hands/arms flying all over the place

myhook

When George left the busboys door open and the cat ran away.


You know, cats run away all the time. You know, my aunt, she had a cat. Ran away. Showed up three years later.. you never know. They got things in their brains where they remember where they're from. Unless, of course, somebody else starts feeding him. See, that's what you gotta worry about.

civ_eng_girl

KRAMER: Listen. Heads up, Elaine. I'm gonna have to stop by later and pick up a fax.

ELAINE: At work?

KRAMER: No. At your apartment.

ELAINE: I don't have a fax machine.

JERRY: Here we go.

KRAMER: Well, now what are we gonna do? (to Jerry) See? This is why you should get a fax and a Xerox.

JERRY: And a dead bolt.

KRAMER (to Elaine) Are ya sure you don't have one? Because there's a lot of stuff in my apartment I've never seen.

ELAINE: Then maybe you have a fax machine.

KRAMER: You just blew my mind.

Ledbetterman10

"Listen to the bell Grossbard. It tolls for thee."

gnr+pj=2bestever

restlesssoul wrote:

here is another one i REALLY love:



JERRY: (To Kramer and Morty) What is this about?

KRAMER: I'm completely changing the configuration of the apartment. You're not gonna believe it when you see it. A whole new lifestyle.

JERRY: What are you doing?

KRAMER: Levels.

JERRY: Levels?

KRAMER: Yeah, I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I'm going to build these different levels, with steps, and it'll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You

know, like ancient Egypt.

JERRY: You drew up plans for this?

KRAMER: No, no. It's all in my head.

MORTY: I don't know how you're going to be comfortable like that.

KRAMER: Oh, I'll be comfortable.

JERRY: When do you intend to do this?

KRAMER: Ohh.. should be done by the end of the month.

JERRY: You're doing this yourself?

KRAMER: It's a simple job. Why, you don't think I can?

JERRY: Oh, no. It's not that I don't think you can. I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't.

KRAMER: Well, I got the tools. I got the pillows. All I need is the lumber.

MORTY: Hey, that's some big job.

JERRY: I don't see it happening.

KRAMER: Well, this time, this time you're wrong. C'mon. I'll even bet you.

JERRY: Seriously?

HELEN: I dont' want you betting. Morty, don't let him bet.

KRAMER: A big dinner with dessert. But I've got till the end of the month.

JERRY: I'll give you a year.

KRAMER: No, no, no. End of the month.

JERRY: It's a bet. (They both "pinkie swear" to lock the deal)


a few scenes later


(Jerry opens his door, Kramer's standing in the hallway)

KRAMER: Oh, hi. I just came to say goodbye. (Gestures to the bags) ..Need any help with those?

MORTY: It's nothing. I got it. So, how are your levels coming along?

KRAMER: Oh, well.. I decided I'm not gonna do it.

JERRY: (Sarcastically) Really? What a shock.

HELEN: Goodbye, Jerry.

JERRY: Take care.

HELEN: We'll call you. (Leaves)

MORTY: Bye, Jer.

JERRY: Bye, Dad. Take it easy.

MORTY: Bye, Mr. Kramer.

KRAMER: Yeah. So long, Morty. (Morty leaves)

JERRY: So, when do I get my dinner?

KRAMER: There's no dinner. The bet's off. I'm not gonna do it.

JERRY: Yes. I know you're not gonna do it. That's why I bet.

KRAMER: There's not bet if I' not doing it.

JERRY: That's the bet! That you're not doing it!

KRAMER: Yeah, well, I could do it. I don't want to do it.

JERRY: We didn't bet on if you wanted to. We bet on if it would be done.

KRAMER: And it could be done.

JERRY: Well, of course it could be done! Anything could be done! But it only is done if it's done. Show me the levels! The bet is the levels.

KRAMER: But I don't want the levels!

JERRY: That's the bet!

hahah, i love the second part of that dialogue.

Audrey (george's gf): "It's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York. I actually find it kind of intimidating."

Kramer: "Well your as pretty as any of them...just need a nose job."

restlesssoul

gnr+pj=2bestever wrote:

hahah, i love the second part of that dialogue.

Audrey (george's gf): "It's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York. I actually find it kind of intimidating."

Kramer: "Well your as pretty as any of them...just need a nose job."

i remember the crowd, just blows up with laughter after he says that....they have to wait a while to get the lines going again....funny.

xavier mcdaniel

last night when kramer is dating a girl on the lower east side, he gets lost at the intersection of first avenue and east first street, he calls jerry and says "I'm at the nexus of the universe.