Kramer

2

Comments

  • restlesssoulrestlesssoul Posts: 6,951
    Kramer: what are you thinking about Jerry? Marriage? Family?

    Jerry: well…..

    Kramer: They’re Prisons! Man Made prisons! You’re doing time. You get up in the morning, shes there. You go to sleep at night, shes there. Its like you gotta ask permission to, to use the bathroom; “Is it alright if I use the bathroom now?”

    Jerry: Really?....

    Kramer: Yeah, Yeah and you can forget about watching TV while your eating. Because its dinnertime. You know what you do at dinner?

    Jerry: What?

    Kramer: You talk about your day. “How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well what kind of day was it? Well I don’t know, how bout you how was your day today?”

    Jerry: Im glad we had this talk.

    Kramer: Oh you have no idea.
    Van '98, Sea I+II '00, Sea '01, Sea II '02, Van '03, Gorge, Van, Cal, Edm '05, Bos I+II, Phi I+II, DC, SF II+III, Port, Gorge I+II '06, DC, NY I+II '08, Sea I+II, Van, Ridge , LA III+IV' 09, Indy '10, Cal, Van '11, Lond, Van, Sea '13, Memphis '14, RRHOF '17, Sea I+II '18, Van I+II, Vegas I+II '24
  • restlesssoulrestlesssoul Posts: 6,951
    kramer planning his millennium party:



    do you think we will still be using napkins in the year 2000 or is this whole mouth vacuum thing for real?
    Van '98, Sea I+II '00, Sea '01, Sea II '02, Van '03, Gorge, Van, Cal, Edm '05, Bos I+II, Phi I+II, DC, SF II+III, Port, Gorge I+II '06, DC, NY I+II '08, Sea I+II, Van, Ridge , LA III+IV' 09, Indy '10, Cal, Van '11, Lond, Van, Sea '13, Memphis '14, RRHOF '17, Sea I+II '18, Van I+II, Vegas I+II '24
  • gobrowns19gobrowns19 Posts: 1,447
    kramer planning his millennium party:



    do you think we will still be using napkins in the year 2000 or is this whole mouth vacuum thing for real?

    Lol, that's a great one too.

    The post before is all in Kramer's delivery while he's talking all high pitched, haha.
    Happiness is only real when shared
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    "that bird was weak and stupid, he should never have eaten that key."
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Barry: Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.

    Kramer: I'm hip.

    Barry: Hip to the what?

    Kramer: To the whole scene. *sniff*

    Barry: What scene?

    Kramer: The bathroom scene. *sniff, sniff*
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    kramer planning his millennium party:



    do you think we will still be using napkins in the year 2000 or is this whole mouth vacuum thing for real?

    these are my everyday balloons.
  • restlesssoulrestlesssoul Posts: 6,951
    "that bird was weak and stupid, he should never have eaten that key."


    such a great episode....love when jerry is at the end,he gets caught digging his neighbours bird up, all he says is : " Hey Neighbour"
    hahahahah
    fuck seinfeld rules.
    Van '98, Sea I+II '00, Sea '01, Sea II '02, Van '03, Gorge, Van, Cal, Edm '05, Bos I+II, Phi I+II, DC, SF II+III, Port, Gorge I+II '06, DC, NY I+II '08, Sea I+II, Van, Ridge , LA III+IV' 09, Indy '10, Cal, Van '11, Lond, Van, Sea '13, Memphis '14, RRHOF '17, Sea I+II '18, Van I+II, Vegas I+II '24
  • "it hurts when he drinks orange juice..i mean dog food..juice"
    Whats got the whole world faking?
  • hahah man i love kramer


    "Quone! To Quone something"
    Whats got the whole world faking?
  • xavier mcdanielxavier mcdaniel Somewhere in NYC Posts: 9,305
    i forgot what he said exactly, but i love the episode when newman is trying to pick up jerry's girlfriend at the bookstore and kramer is feeding him the lines from behind one of the bookcases.
    Reading 2004
    Albany 2006 Camden 2006 E. Rutherford 2, 2006 Inglewood 2006,
    Chicago 2007
    Camden 2008 MSG 2008 MSG 2008 Hartford 2008.
    Seattle 2009 Seattle 2009 Philadelphia 2009,Philadelphia 2009 Philadelphia 2009
    Hartford 2010 MSG 2010 MSG 2010
    Toronto 2011,Toronto 2011
    Wrigley Field 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Philadelphia 2, 2013
    Philadelphia 1, 2016 Philadelphia 2 2016 New York 2016 New York 2016 Fenway 1, 2016
    Fenway 2, 2018
    MSG 2022
    St. Paul, 1, St. Paul 2 2023
    MSG 2024, MSG 2024
    Philadelphia 2024
    "I play good, hard-nosed basketball.
    Things happen in the game. Nothing you
    can do. I don't go and say,
    "I'm gonna beat this guy up."
  • AnonAnon Posts: 11,175
    Jerry: Oh, come on, just tell me your code already. What is it?

    George: I am not giving you my code.

    Kramer: I'll bet I can guess it.

    George: Pssh. Yeah. Right.

    Kramer: Oh, alright. Yeah. Uh, let's see. Um, well, we can throw out birthdays immediately. That's too obvious. And no numbers for you, you're a word man. Alright, let's go deeper. Well, let's see. What kind of man are you? Eh, you're weak, spineless, a man of temptations. But what tempts you? You're a portly fellow, a little long in the waistband. So what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No no no no no. Your's is a sweetooth.

    George: Get outta here...

    Kramer: Oh, you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master - the cocoa bean!

    George: I'm leaving.

    Kramer No, and only the purest syrup nectar can satisfy you!

    George: I gotta go.

    Kramer: If you could you'd guzzle it by the gallon! Ovaltine! Hershey's!

    George: Shut up!

    Kramer: Nestlé's Quik!
  • mookie9999mookie9999 Posts: 4,677
    NOCODE#1 wrote:
    kramer never said that. You do understand the concept of a FICTIONAL CHARACTER. FICTIONAL CHARACTER

    Please type slower. I'm confused.
    "The leads are weak!"

    "The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"

    "What's your name?"

    "FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
  • mca47mca47 Posts: 13,297
    One of the best characters of alltime on one of the best (if not the best) shows of alltime! .
  • SnakeSnake Posts: 2,605
    "Someday your gona beg me to make your own pizza!"
    Pirates had democracy too.

    "Its a secret to everybody."
  • HermanBloomHermanBloom Posts: 1,764
    What about ketchup and mustard in the same bottle?

    Best when Jerry and Kramer change places in the Kenny Roger Chicken Roasters episode:"that's a shame"

    Now where's that stockroom?
    SLC 11/2/95, Park City 6/21/98, Boise 11/3/00, Seattle 12/9/02, Vancouver 5/30/03, Gorge 9/1/05, Vancouver 9/2/05, Gorge 7/22/06, Gorge 7/23/06, Camden I 6/19/08, MSG I 6/24/08, MSG II 6/25/08, Hartford 6/27/08, Mansfield II 6/30/08; Eddie Albany 6/8/09, 6/9/09; Philly 10/30/09, 10/31/09; Boston 5/17/10
    I thought the world...Turns out the world thought me
  • restlesssoulrestlesssoul Posts: 6,951
    what about when he trying to get joe dimaggios attention in the doughnut shop?
    Van '98, Sea I+II '00, Sea '01, Sea II '02, Van '03, Gorge, Van, Cal, Edm '05, Bos I+II, Phi I+II, DC, SF II+III, Port, Gorge I+II '06, DC, NY I+II '08, Sea I+II, Van, Ridge , LA III+IV' 09, Indy '10, Cal, Van '11, Lond, Van, Sea '13, Memphis '14, RRHOF '17, Sea I+II '18, Van I+II, Vegas I+II '24
  • civ_eng_girlciv_eng_girl Posts: 2,001
    "I'm fried!"

    "Technically, you're sautéed"
    ~~*~~ ...i surfaced and all of my being was enlightend... ~~*~~
  • harrymanbackharrymanback Posts: 435
    classic seinfeld exchange:

    JERRY: Hey, guess what? Remember that woman you saw me with the other day? You know, she used to be an Olympic gymnast?
    KRAMER: A gymnast!
    JERRY: Yeah, she's Romanian, she won a silver at the '84 Olympics.
    KRAMER: A gymnast, Jerry. Think of the flexibility. Mmm, that sex'll melt your face.
    JERRY: Yeah, well, I think I'm bailing.
    KRAMER: "Bailing"?
    JERRY: Yeah, you know, Kramer, there's always a price to pay for just a sexual dalliance.
    KRAMER: Jerry, you should pay that price.
    JERRY: She's Romanian. What am I gonna talk to her about, Ceausescu?
    KRAMER: Ch- oo-... what?
    GEORGE: (emerging from bathroom, buttoning his shirt) A gymnast! I can't believe it, you didn't tell me she was a gymnast.
    JERRY: (watching George buttoning his shirt) What is this?
    GEORGE: What, I'm puttin' my shirt back on.
    JERRY: (stares at George, incredulous) "Back on"? What was it doing off?
    GEORGE: I take it off when I go to the, uh, y'know, to the "office".
    JERRY: (laughing) What for?
    GEORGE: Well, it frees me up. No encumbrances.
    JERRY: Unbuttoned, or all the way off?
    GEORGE: ALL the way, baby!
    JERRY: Of course.
    I don't want to be hostile. I don't want to be dismal. But I don't want to rot in an apathetic existance either.
  • Kramer: "It's a write off Jerry, they just write it off."
    Jerry: "You don't even know what a right off is, do you?"
    Kramer: "But they do, and they're the one's writing it off"
    Jerry: "I wish I had the last 20 seconds of my life back"

    "I'm Kramer! You know who I am, dammit!"

    "NEVER, your jealous because little Jerry is doing more with your name than you ever will......YEA YEA."

    I have the body of a taut pre-teen swedish boy

    Hey Sylvio, look at Jerry prancin' around in his fur coat and his purse. Yup, he's a dandy--he's a real fancy boy


    Just a few of my favorite Kramer lines.
    Driving in my car, smoking a cigar. The only time I'm happy is when I play my guitar.

    -from "n.s.u." by Cream
  • myhookmyhook Posts: 284
    Your a raving anti Dentite!!!
    Hey, you wouldn't hire a clown to fix a leak in the jon so why do you let these hooligans tear down the biz? YEEAAHHH. I don't care if he is Mr. Notorious BIG, can he croon?
  • myhookmyhook Posts: 284
    And I love when Kramer yips at Joe DiMaggio.

    Kramer: Hey, I saw DiMaggio in the donut shop again.

    Jerry: Uh huh.

    Elaine: Joe DiMaggio?

    Kramer: Joe DiMaggio, you know this time I went in and sat down across from him
    and I really watched him. I studied his every move. For example, he dunks.

    Elaine: Joe DiMaggio dunks his donut?

    Kramer: That's right.

    Jerry: See, now I know it's not him. Joe DiMaggio could not be a dunker.

    Kramer: Oh, he's a dunker.

    Elaine: Why couldn't he be a dunker?

    Kramer: And nothing diverts his attention. Like, I'm uh, you know, like I'm
    sitting in there, you know. And I start banging on the table, you know, to uh,
    look up, you know, Like I'm sitting there you know and uh, *bang* (slams the
    table) You know, *bang* He wouldn't move. So then I start doing these yelping
    noises. Like, *yip* (high pitched yelping noises) *yip*. No reaction because
    the guy is so focused, you see, he can just block out anything that's going on
    around him. See, that's how he played baseball. He dunks like he hits.
    Hey, you wouldn't hire a clown to fix a leak in the jon so why do you let these hooligans tear down the biz? YEEAAHHH. I don't care if he is Mr. Notorious BIG, can he croon?
  • restlesssoulrestlesssoul Posts: 6,951
    myhook wrote:
    Your a raving anti Dentite!!!


    next thing you'll be saying they should have their own schools!!!

    they do!

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
    Van '98, Sea I+II '00, Sea '01, Sea II '02, Van '03, Gorge, Van, Cal, Edm '05, Bos I+II, Phi I+II, DC, SF II+III, Port, Gorge I+II '06, DC, NY I+II '08, Sea I+II, Van, Ridge , LA III+IV' 09, Indy '10, Cal, Van '11, Lond, Van, Sea '13, Memphis '14, RRHOF '17, Sea I+II '18, Van I+II, Vegas I+II '24
  • restlesssoulrestlesssoul Posts: 6,951
    here is another one i REALLY love:



    JERRY: (To Kramer and Morty) What is this about?

    KRAMER: I'm completely changing the configuration of the apartment. You're not gonna believe it when you see it. A whole new lifestyle.

    JERRY: What are you doing?

    KRAMER: Levels.

    JERRY: Levels?

    KRAMER: Yeah, I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I'm going to build these different levels, with steps, and it'll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You

    know, like ancient Egypt.

    JERRY: You drew up plans for this?

    KRAMER: No, no. It's all in my head.

    MORTY: I don't know how you're going to be comfortable like that.

    KRAMER: Oh, I'll be comfortable.

    JERRY: When do you intend to do this?

    KRAMER: Ohh.. should be done by the end of the month.

    JERRY: You're doing this yourself?

    KRAMER: It's a simple job. Why, you don't think I can?

    JERRY: Oh, no. It's not that I don't think you can. I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't.

    KRAMER: Well, I got the tools. I got the pillows. All I need is the lumber.

    MORTY: Hey, that's some big job.

    JERRY: I don't see it happening.

    KRAMER: Well, this time, this time you're wrong. C'mon. I'll even bet you.

    JERRY: Seriously?

    HELEN: I dont' want you betting. Morty, don't let him bet.

    KRAMER: A big dinner with dessert. But I've got till the end of the month.

    JERRY: I'll give you a year.

    KRAMER: No, no, no. End of the month.

    JERRY: It's a bet. (They both "pinkie swear" to lock the deal)


    a few scenes later


    (Jerry opens his door, Kramer's standing in the hallway)

    KRAMER: Oh, hi. I just came to say goodbye. (Gestures to the bags) ..Need any help with those?

    MORTY: It's nothing. I got it. So, how are your levels coming along?

    KRAMER: Oh, well.. I decided I'm not gonna do it.

    JERRY: (Sarcastically) Really? What a shock.

    HELEN: Goodbye, Jerry.

    JERRY: Take care.

    HELEN: We'll call you. (Leaves)

    MORTY: Bye, Jer.

    JERRY: Bye, Dad. Take it easy.

    MORTY: Bye, Mr. Kramer.

    KRAMER: Yeah. So long, Morty. (Morty leaves)

    JERRY: So, when do I get my dinner?

    KRAMER: There's no dinner. The bet's off. I'm not gonna do it.

    JERRY: Yes. I know you're not gonna do it. That's why I bet.

    KRAMER: There's not bet if I' not doing it.

    JERRY: That's the bet! That you're not doing it!

    KRAMER: Yeah, well, I could do it. I don't want to do it.

    JERRY: We didn't bet on if you wanted to. We bet on if it would be done.

    KRAMER: And it could be done.

    JERRY: Well, of course it could be done! Anything could be done! But it only is done if it's done. Show me the levels! The bet is the levels.

    KRAMER: But I don't want the levels!

    JERRY: That's the bet!
    Van '98, Sea I+II '00, Sea '01, Sea II '02, Van '03, Gorge, Van, Cal, Edm '05, Bos I+II, Phi I+II, DC, SF II+III, Port, Gorge I+II '06, DC, NY I+II '08, Sea I+II, Van, Ridge , LA III+IV' 09, Indy '10, Cal, Van '11, Lond, Van, Sea '13, Memphis '14, RRHOF '17, Sea I+II '18, Van I+II, Vegas I+II '24
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    Flagg wrote:
    THE classic Kramer moment right there.

    and the big huge steering wheel motions he does with his hands/arms flying all over the place
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • myhookmyhook Posts: 284
    When George left the busboys door open and the cat ran away.


    You know, cats run away all the time. You know, my aunt, she had a cat. Ran away. Showed up three years later.. you never know. They got things in their brains where they remember where they're from. Unless, of course, somebody else starts feeding him. See, that's what you gotta worry about.
    Hey, you wouldn't hire a clown to fix a leak in the jon so why do you let these hooligans tear down the biz? YEEAAHHH. I don't care if he is Mr. Notorious BIG, can he croon?
  • civ_eng_girlciv_eng_girl Posts: 2,001
    KRAMER: Listen. Heads up, Elaine. I'm gonna have to stop by later and pick up a fax.

    ELAINE: At work?

    KRAMER: No. At your apartment.

    ELAINE: I don't have a fax machine.

    JERRY: Here we go.

    KRAMER: Well, now what are we gonna do? (to Jerry) See? This is why you should get a fax and a Xerox.

    JERRY: And a dead bolt.

    KRAMER (to Elaine) Are ya sure you don't have one? Because there's a lot of stuff in my apartment I've never seen.

    ELAINE: Then maybe you have a fax machine.

    KRAMER: You just blew my mind.
    ~~*~~ ...i surfaced and all of my being was enlightend... ~~*~~
  • Ledbetterman10Ledbetterman10 Posts: 16,929
    "Listen to the bell Grossbard. It tolls for thee."
    2000: Camden 1, 2003: Philly, State College, Camden 1, MSG 2, Hershey, 2004: Reading, 2005: Philly, 2006: Camden 1, 2, East Rutherford 1, 2007: Lollapalooza, 2008: Camden 1, Washington D.C., MSG 1, 2, 2009: Philly 1, 2, 3, 4, 2010: Bristol, MSG 2, 2011: PJ20 1, 2, 2012: Made In America, 2013: Brooklyn 2, Philly 2, 2014: Denver, 2015: Global Citizen Festival, 2016: Philly 2, Fenway 1, 2018: Fenway 1, 2, 2021: Sea. Hear. Now. 2022: Camden, 2024Philly 2

    Pearl Jam bootlegs:
    http://wegotshit.blogspot.com
  • here is another one i REALLY love:



    JERRY: (To Kramer and Morty) What is this about?

    KRAMER: I'm completely changing the configuration of the apartment. You're not gonna believe it when you see it. A whole new lifestyle.

    JERRY: What are you doing?

    KRAMER: Levels.

    JERRY: Levels?

    KRAMER: Yeah, I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I'm going to build these different levels, with steps, and it'll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You

    know, like ancient Egypt.

    JERRY: You drew up plans for this?

    KRAMER: No, no. It's all in my head.

    MORTY: I don't know how you're going to be comfortable like that.

    KRAMER: Oh, I'll be comfortable.

    JERRY: When do you intend to do this?

    KRAMER: Ohh.. should be done by the end of the month.

    JERRY: You're doing this yourself?

    KRAMER: It's a simple job. Why, you don't think I can?

    JERRY: Oh, no. It's not that I don't think you can. I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't.

    KRAMER: Well, I got the tools. I got the pillows. All I need is the lumber.

    MORTY: Hey, that's some big job.

    JERRY: I don't see it happening.

    KRAMER: Well, this time, this time you're wrong. C'mon. I'll even bet you.

    JERRY: Seriously?

    HELEN: I dont' want you betting. Morty, don't let him bet.

    KRAMER: A big dinner with dessert. But I've got till the end of the month.

    JERRY: I'll give you a year.

    KRAMER: No, no, no. End of the month.

    JERRY: It's a bet. (They both "pinkie swear" to lock the deal)


    a few scenes later


    (Jerry opens his door, Kramer's standing in the hallway)

    KRAMER: Oh, hi. I just came to say goodbye. (Gestures to the bags) ..Need any help with those?

    MORTY: It's nothing. I got it. So, how are your levels coming along?

    KRAMER: Oh, well.. I decided I'm not gonna do it.

    JERRY: (Sarcastically) Really? What a shock.

    HELEN: Goodbye, Jerry.

    JERRY: Take care.

    HELEN: We'll call you. (Leaves)

    MORTY: Bye, Jer.

    JERRY: Bye, Dad. Take it easy.

    MORTY: Bye, Mr. Kramer.

    KRAMER: Yeah. So long, Morty. (Morty leaves)

    JERRY: So, when do I get my dinner?

    KRAMER: There's no dinner. The bet's off. I'm not gonna do it.

    JERRY: Yes. I know you're not gonna do it. That's why I bet.

    KRAMER: There's not bet if I' not doing it.

    JERRY: That's the bet! That you're not doing it!

    KRAMER: Yeah, well, I could do it. I don't want to do it.

    JERRY: We didn't bet on if you wanted to. We bet on if it would be done.

    KRAMER: And it could be done.

    JERRY: Well, of course it could be done! Anything could be done! But it only is done if it's done. Show me the levels! The bet is the levels.

    KRAMER: But I don't want the levels!

    JERRY: That's the bet!


    hahah, i love the second part of that dialogue.

    Audrey (george's gf): "It's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York. I actually find it kind of intimidating."

    Kramer: "Well your as pretty as any of them...just need a nose job."
    Whats got the whole world faking?
  • restlesssoulrestlesssoul Posts: 6,951
    hahah, i love the second part of that dialogue.

    Audrey (george's gf): "It's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York. I actually find it kind of intimidating."

    Kramer: "Well your as pretty as any of them...just need a nose job."

    i remember the crowd, just blows up with laughter after he says that....they have to wait a while to get the lines going again....funny.
    Van '98, Sea I+II '00, Sea '01, Sea II '02, Van '03, Gorge, Van, Cal, Edm '05, Bos I+II, Phi I+II, DC, SF II+III, Port, Gorge I+II '06, DC, NY I+II '08, Sea I+II, Van, Ridge , LA III+IV' 09, Indy '10, Cal, Van '11, Lond, Van, Sea '13, Memphis '14, RRHOF '17, Sea I+II '18, Van I+II, Vegas I+II '24
  • xavier mcdanielxavier mcdaniel Somewhere in NYC Posts: 9,305
    last night when kramer is dating a girl on the lower east side, he gets lost at the intersection of first avenue and east first street, he calls jerry and says "I'm at the nexus of the universe.
    Reading 2004
    Albany 2006 Camden 2006 E. Rutherford 2, 2006 Inglewood 2006,
    Chicago 2007
    Camden 2008 MSG 2008 MSG 2008 Hartford 2008.
    Seattle 2009 Seattle 2009 Philadelphia 2009,Philadelphia 2009 Philadelphia 2009
    Hartford 2010 MSG 2010 MSG 2010
    Toronto 2011,Toronto 2011
    Wrigley Field 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Philadelphia 2, 2013
    Philadelphia 1, 2016 Philadelphia 2 2016 New York 2016 New York 2016 Fenway 1, 2016
    Fenway 2, 2018
    MSG 2022
    St. Paul, 1, St. Paul 2 2023
    MSG 2024, MSG 2024
    Philadelphia 2024
    "I play good, hard-nosed basketball.
    Things happen in the game. Nothing you
    can do. I don't go and say,
    "I'm gonna beat this guy up."
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