My dad has really hurt me

audiodave

When I saw the title of this thread, I was expecting something horific. This obviously is hurting you, but as others have said...I think perhaps you may be blowing this out of proportion. I don't know that...as I don't know you, or your dad, or your history. This is just how it appears upon first inspection.

As others have said...your dad is helping you out by letting you live with him. It isn't something he had to do, so if he needs to let his new girlfriend's daughter stay in your room, I don't see that as unreasonable. Maybe it's something he wants to talk to you about and hasn't got round to it? I don't think it's right of you to assume to the worst immediately. You could try talking to him about it, in a non aggressive manner, as others have suggested. Just say something like "Oh I walked past your room the other night and overheard that *insert name here* is coming to stay. That's nice, when is that? What are you guys doing?" etc. Have you shown any interest in this "new family"? If not, that's probably why he isn't telling you, as he most likely thinks you don't want to know. I don't see why it should be up to him to make all the effort just because he is the parent.

I think he is perfectly entitled to his secrets if he wants them. And I really don't see how any of this hurts you. Annoys, perhaps. Why not ask him to be more honest and upfront about these things with you? If you've been upset by things like this in the past, he might be trying to protect you. If you've been uninterested in the past, he might think you don't care. Like I said...I don't know, i'm just going on the information provided.

You said something along the lines of "he's seriously not inviting us". I see no reason why he should. In the situation someone else mentioned about having younger children who get ignored in favour of the new family, I completely agree that they should be included and made the priority...but you are an adult. If you didn't live with him, would he invite you? And if you've shown no interest, then he might think you don't want to go. Maybe he is saving the introduction until further down the line. Maybe you'll get your invitation then.

I'm a child of divorce. My parents split when I was ten, and thankfully they both always put me first. My dad had a "new family" not long after the split, and my sisters were the ones who told me about it, so they clearly knew before me. Was I upset? No, because I was ten, and I was the youngest, and they were all just trying to protect me as best they could. My mum split up with her partner of seven years at the end of 2006. I live away at university, and she didn't tell me for about four months. I knew the whole time, as my sister told me the day she found out, but my mum obviously didn't want to worry me. I didn't mention it to her, as I didn't want to upset her, or for her to think that it was worrying me. I let her tell me in her own time because I knew she had my best interests at heart, even if I would have handled the situation differently myself. These may or may not be relevant to your situation, but my point is, give your dad the benefit of the doubt, and talk to him.

I think you should also ask yourself why you chose to come and post about this on here instead of going and talking to him about it in the first place. How can he know he is upsetting you if you don't tell him? Communication is the key to most relationships.

Sorry that went on for so long, just some thoughts that were in my head.

Heineken Helen

genie wrote:

I'm sure Malcom was ok about his dad going to the ballet with those other people, what he wasn't ok about is that his dad made it out into a secret, why? why shouldn't his own dad be open to him?

possibly cos he knew what the reaction would be? :cool:

Come on, there's a 24 old MAN here getting upset and hurt cos his dad's bringing his young 'stepdaughter' (for want of longer term) to the ballet and hasn't invited him. He did mention the word 'monetary' so I think the issue here is actually that he feels his dad is spending more money on the girl than he is on the OP. Some people really do get angry and upset about that. I'll never understand why but I've seen families split up over smaller... sad!

genie

Saturnal wrote:

This is another thing I forgot to mention. Basically, you're saying it's ok to keep secrets from dad, but not ok for him to do the same in reverse. I don't think that's fair. I'm sure the OP has kept things from his dad as we all have at some point or another.

Water is wet, the sky is blue, and people have secrets.

it seems like you have really tried to catch me out :rolleyes: ...not. the only secrets i keep from my dad are related to my sexual experiences.......and i won't even bother explaining how it is different to other trivial things like going to the ballet.

lalalalaaaaaaaa

genie wrote:

trivial things like going to the ballet.

EXACTLY

Derrick

24-year olds are not meant to be living with their parents. End of story.

Heineken Helen

Derrick wrote:

24-year olds are not meant to be living with their parents. End of story.

you don't live in dublin do ya? Here that's when they start experimenting with cigarettes, wearing tracksuits and throwing stones at cats

moxie

genie wrote:

it seems like you have really tried to catch me out :rolleyes: ...not. the only secrets i keep from my dad are related to my sexual experiences.......and i won't even bother explaining how it is different to other trivial things like going to the ballet.

Well maybe his dad is keeping the ballet a secret because he's working on a threesome with the mother and stepdaughter.

genie

Saturnal wrote:

EXACTLY

same thing can be said to you without using those caps, exactly why keep a ballet a secret if its so trivial?

genie

moxie wrote:

Well maybe his dad is keeping the ballet a secret because he's working on a threesome with the mother and stepdaughter.

haha, i will say no more

JOEJOEJOE

Derrick wrote:

24-year olds are not meant to be living with their parents. End of story.

If a 24 year old is still in school, or perhaps is saving money for a house, its a smart idea to live with his/her parents.

genie

Derrick wrote:

24-year olds are not meant to be living with their parents. End of story.

i'm not 24 yet, but if by that time i ain't in serious relationship, then damn right i'll be living with my dad! i like his company..

WildChildRose

Derrick wrote:

24-year olds are not meant to be living with their parents. End of story.

Sadly the way this ecomony is, a lot of people have to do that. A lot of young people can't afford to live on their own. We fall on hard times and thank god for parents who will help us.

moxie

WildChildRose wrote:

thank god for parents who will help us.

I will say that is so true. I couldn't have moved to Charleston if my parents weren't so wonderful.