My ex was taking his girlfriend on trips to Aruba, Antigua,and other places - he has yet to take my son on one vacation in the 4 years we've been divorced. It's his only child.
I'm really sorry!
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
dude
I dont know your dad.
But, perhaps he simply doesnt want to share some of his private life with you.
It might feel wierd bringing a girlfriend and her daughter around when the 24 yr old kid is still living at home.
I guess what Im saying is dont create too much negativity about it. Whats the big deal? Are you starving while he is buying bikinis for the daughter?
I'm saying when a kid grows up, he should not complain about things like his dad taking someone to the ballet instead of him. If I was him, I'd just be thankful that his dad is letting him live there since he can't support himself right now.
And no, he's not entitled to get support. That's part of what being an adult means. I'm not saying his dad is a great guy, I just think that's besides the point.
ok, i just think family means being there for each other in the times of trouble, spending time together, communicating with each other no matter what age they both are.
I'm sure Malcom was ok about his dad going to the ballet with those other people, what he wasn't ok about is that his dad made it out into a secret, why? why shouldn't his own dad be open to him?
i live with my dad, and i'm glad i live with him, i don't really keep secrets from him, i mean if they are really bad then i would but usually i don't, my dad even knows i smoked pot.
and you, are out of order and sarcastic. it's not his dad's new relationship that bothers OP but his dad's secrecy. I don't know about you but for me honesty and openess and trust is what family should all be about.
Nothing like this ever happened to me, but i can put myself into OP's place, and i can understand what he means by being betrayed.
I don't know who the hell OP is, but I can assume you mean Malcom.
If he were 13 and his dad was being secretive then he might have a leg to stand on, but he's 24 years old. I'm 24 and if my parents were doing things they kept from me, I wouldn't care because I'M AN ADULT. And they are adults and are no longer responsible for me.
Out of order? I don't think so. I'm telling the truth. He needs to stop acting like a coddled baby and man up a little.
I have dogs instead of children... I'd rather ruin my carpet than my life.
I'm saying when a kid grows up, he should not complain about things like his dad taking someone to the ballet instead of him. If I was him, I'd just be thankful that his dad is letting him live there since he can't support himself right now.
I'd tend to agree. I don't think the OP should be upset at the secrecy because I'm not sure it's any of the OP's business or if he's "owed" an explanation. He's a 24 year old man, not a little kid.
i don't really keep secrets from him, i mean if they are really bad then i would but usually i don't
This is another thing I forgot to mention. Basically, you're saying it's ok to keep secrets from dad, but not ok for him to do the same in reverse. I don't think that's fair. I'm sure the OP has kept things from his dad as we all have at some point or another.
Water is wet, the sky is blue, and people have secrets.
Malcolm just remember that parents get old and they need help usually in their old age, depending on how well your father bothers to participate in his relationship with you right now, you can choose to bugger off and leave him to his new family to look after when that time comes.
You being a grown man and all, and well yeah, now that I think about it, your father being a grown man too, yeah, you don't need to know all his secrets and he doesn't need to know all yours either but he sure as hell don't need to be off whispering like a teenage prom queen down the phone to his "new family" just on account he's stuffed up with you and he's now being led by his dick to a new life.
He's your Dad, do what you can to maintain the relationship but don't be killing yourself for it if he's not making any effort himself. You are just as entitled to his respect as he is to yours. Make him earn it.
I don't want to explain Your father, but for a while look at this problem from this side... Your father used to live alone for few years (i guess - U said U came back home) and tried to live his own life, because he knows that U have Your own lifes too. He found woman (with a child...15th girl) and probably he really doesn't realize that he makes U feel upset and that U are jealous.
Maybe it means that U all never been close each other...
Anyway... Don't U think this version can take pace?
Not 10c member? Have sth to say? write to me - I'll put it on the forum
halszka123@op.pl
When I saw the title of this thread, I was expecting something horific. This obviously is hurting you, but as others have said...I think perhaps you may be blowing this out of proportion. I don't know that...as I don't know you, or your dad, or your history. This is just how it appears upon first inspection.
As others have said...your dad is helping you out by letting you live with him. It isn't something he had to do, so if he needs to let his new girlfriend's daughter stay in your room, I don't see that as unreasonable. Maybe it's something he wants to talk to you about and hasn't got round to it? I don't think it's right of you to assume to the worst immediately. You could try talking to him about it, in a non aggressive manner, as others have suggested. Just say something like "Oh I walked past your room the other night and overheard that *insert name here* is coming to stay. That's nice, when is that? What are you guys doing?" etc. Have you shown any interest in this "new family"? If not, that's probably why he isn't telling you, as he most likely thinks you don't want to know. I don't see why it should be up to him to make all the effort just because he is the parent.
I think he is perfectly entitled to his secrets if he wants them. And I really don't see how any of this hurts you. Annoys, perhaps. Why not ask him to be more honest and upfront about these things with you? If you've been upset by things like this in the past, he might be trying to protect you. If you've been uninterested in the past, he might think you don't care. Like I said...I don't know, i'm just going on the information provided.
You said something along the lines of "he's seriously not inviting us". I see no reason why he should. In the situation someone else mentioned about having younger children who get ignored in favour of the new family, I completely agree that they should be included and made the priority...but you are an adult. If you didn't live with him, would he invite you? And if you've shown no interest, then he might think you don't want to go. Maybe he is saving the introduction until further down the line. Maybe you'll get your invitation then.
I'm a child of divorce. My parents split when I was ten, and thankfully they both always put me first. My dad had a "new family" not long after the split, and my sisters were the ones who told me about it, so they clearly knew before me. Was I upset? No, because I was ten, and I was the youngest, and they were all just trying to protect me as best they could. My mum split up with her partner of seven years at the end of 2006. I live away at university, and she didn't tell me for about four months. I knew the whole time, as my sister told me the day she found out, but my mum obviously didn't want to worry me. I didn't mention it to her, as I didn't want to upset her, or for her to think that it was worrying me. I let her tell me in her own time because I knew she had my best interests at heart, even if I would have handled the situation differently myself. These may or may not be relevant to your situation, but my point is, give your dad the benefit of the doubt, and talk to him.
I think you should also ask yourself why you chose to come and post about this on here instead of going and talking to him about it in the first place. How can he know he is upsetting you if you don't tell him? Communication is the key to most relationships.
Sorry that went on for so long, just some thoughts that were in my head.
~AKA Dave-of-the-dead~
I don't wanna think, I wanna feel
Dublin 23/08/06 Lisbon I 04/09/06 Lisbon II 05/09/06 Paris 11/09/06 Verona 16/09/06
London 18/06/07 Dusseldorf 21/06/07 Copenhagen 26/06/07 Nijmegen 28/06/07
I'm sure Malcom was ok about his dad going to the ballet with those other people, what he wasn't ok about is that his dad made it out into a secret, why? why shouldn't his own dad be open to him?
possibly cos he knew what the reaction would be? :cool:
Come on, there's a 24 old MAN here getting upset and hurt cos his dad's bringing his young 'stepdaughter' (for want of longer term) to the ballet and hasn't invited him. He did mention the word 'monetary' so I think the issue here is actually that he feels his dad is spending more money on the girl than he is on the OP. Some people really do get angry and upset about that. I'll never understand why but I've seen families split up over smaller... sad!
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
This is another thing I forgot to mention. Basically, you're saying it's ok to keep secrets from dad, but not ok for him to do the same in reverse. I don't think that's fair. I'm sure the OP has kept things from his dad as we all have at some point or another.
Water is wet, the sky is blue, and people have secrets.
it seems like you have really tried to catch me out :rolleyes: ...not. the only secrets i keep from my dad are related to my sexual experiences.......and i won't even bother explaining how it is different to other trivial things like going to the ballet.
24-year olds are not meant to be living with their parents. End of story.
you don't live in dublin do ya? Here that's when they start experimenting with cigarettes, wearing tracksuits and throwing stones at cats
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
it seems like you have really tried to catch me out :rolleyes: ...not. the only secrets i keep from my dad are related to my sexual experiences.......and i won't even bother explaining how it is different to other trivial things like going to the ballet.
Well maybe his dad is keeping the ballet a secret because he's working on a threesome with the mother and stepdaughter.
I have dogs instead of children... I'd rather ruin my carpet than my life.
24-year olds are not meant to be living with their parents. End of story.
Sadly the way this ecomony is, a lot of people have to do that. A lot of young people can't afford to live on their own. We fall on hard times and thank god for parents who will help us.
Comments
I'm really sorry!
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
I dont know your dad.
But, perhaps he simply doesnt want to share some of his private life with you.
It might feel wierd bringing a girlfriend and her daughter around when the 24 yr old kid is still living at home.
I guess what Im saying is dont create too much negativity about it. Whats the big deal? Are you starving while he is buying bikinis for the daughter?
Otherwise, I dont quite get what the issue is.
ok, i just think family means being there for each other in the times of trouble, spending time together, communicating with each other no matter what age they both are.
I'm sure Malcom was ok about his dad going to the ballet with those other people, what he wasn't ok about is that his dad made it out into a secret, why? why shouldn't his own dad be open to him?
i live with my dad, and i'm glad i live with him, i don't really keep secrets from him, i mean if they are really bad then i would but usually i don't, my dad even knows i smoked pot.
I don't know who the hell OP is, but I can assume you mean Malcom.
If he were 13 and his dad was being secretive then he might have a leg to stand on, but he's 24 years old. I'm 24 and if my parents were doing things they kept from me, I wouldn't care because I'M AN ADULT. And they are adults and are no longer responsible for me.
Out of order? I don't think so. I'm telling the truth. He needs to stop acting like a coddled baby and man up a little.
I'd tend to agree. I don't think the OP should be upset at the secrecy because I'm not sure it's any of the OP's business or if he's "owed" an explanation. He's a 24 year old man, not a little kid.
Water is wet, the sky is blue, and people have secrets.
You being a grown man and all, and well yeah, now that I think about it, your father being a grown man too, yeah, you don't need to know all his secrets and he doesn't need to know all yours either but he sure as hell don't need to be off whispering like a teenage prom queen down the phone to his "new family" just on account he's stuffed up with you and he's now being led by his dick to a new life.
He's your Dad, do what you can to maintain the relationship but don't be killing yourself for it if he's not making any effort himself. You are just as entitled to his respect as he is to yours. Make him earn it.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
The fucking ballet?
LOL.
Maybe it means that U all never been close each other...
Anyway... Don't U think this version can take pace?
halszka123@op.pl
As others have said...your dad is helping you out by letting you live with him. It isn't something he had to do, so if he needs to let his new girlfriend's daughter stay in your room, I don't see that as unreasonable. Maybe it's something he wants to talk to you about and hasn't got round to it? I don't think it's right of you to assume to the worst immediately. You could try talking to him about it, in a non aggressive manner, as others have suggested. Just say something like "Oh I walked past your room the other night and overheard that *insert name here* is coming to stay. That's nice, when is that? What are you guys doing?" etc. Have you shown any interest in this "new family"? If not, that's probably why he isn't telling you, as he most likely thinks you don't want to know. I don't see why it should be up to him to make all the effort just because he is the parent.
I think he is perfectly entitled to his secrets if he wants them. And I really don't see how any of this hurts you. Annoys, perhaps. Why not ask him to be more honest and upfront about these things with you? If you've been upset by things like this in the past, he might be trying to protect you. If you've been uninterested in the past, he might think you don't care. Like I said...I don't know, i'm just going on the information provided.
You said something along the lines of "he's seriously not inviting us". I see no reason why he should. In the situation someone else mentioned about having younger children who get ignored in favour of the new family, I completely agree that they should be included and made the priority...but you are an adult. If you didn't live with him, would he invite you? And if you've shown no interest, then he might think you don't want to go. Maybe he is saving the introduction until further down the line. Maybe you'll get your invitation then.
I'm a child of divorce. My parents split when I was ten, and thankfully they both always put me first. My dad had a "new family" not long after the split, and my sisters were the ones who told me about it, so they clearly knew before me. Was I upset? No, because I was ten, and I was the youngest, and they were all just trying to protect me as best they could. My mum split up with her partner of seven years at the end of 2006. I live away at university, and she didn't tell me for about four months. I knew the whole time, as my sister told me the day she found out, but my mum obviously didn't want to worry me. I didn't mention it to her, as I didn't want to upset her, or for her to think that it was worrying me. I let her tell me in her own time because I knew she had my best interests at heart, even if I would have handled the situation differently myself. These may or may not be relevant to your situation, but my point is, give your dad the benefit of the doubt, and talk to him.
I think you should also ask yourself why you chose to come and post about this on here instead of going and talking to him about it in the first place. How can he know he is upsetting you if you don't tell him? Communication is the key to most relationships.
Sorry that went on for so long, just some thoughts that were in my head.
I don't wanna think, I wanna feel
Dublin 23/08/06 Lisbon I 04/09/06 Lisbon II 05/09/06 Paris 11/09/06 Verona 16/09/06
London 18/06/07 Dusseldorf 21/06/07 Copenhagen 26/06/07 Nijmegen 28/06/07
Come on, there's a 24 old MAN here getting upset and hurt cos his dad's bringing his young 'stepdaughter' (for want of longer term) to the ballet and hasn't invited him. He did mention the word 'monetary' so I think the issue here is actually that he feels his dad is spending more money on the girl than he is on the OP. Some people really do get angry and upset about that. I'll never understand why but I've seen families split up over smaller... sad!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
it seems like you have really tried to catch me out :rolleyes: ...not. the only secrets i keep from my dad are related to my sexual experiences.......and i won't even bother explaining how it is different to other trivial things like going to the ballet.
EXACTLY
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Well maybe his dad is keeping the ballet a secret because he's working on a threesome with the mother and stepdaughter.
same thing can be said to you without using those caps, exactly why keep a ballet a secret if its so trivial?
If a 24 year old is still in school, or perhaps is saving money for a house, its a smart idea to live with his/her parents.
i'm not 24 yet, but if by that time i ain't in serious relationship, then damn right i'll be living with my dad! i like his company..
Sadly the way this ecomony is, a lot of people have to do that. A lot of young people can't afford to live on their own. We fall on hard times and thank god for parents who will help us.
I will say that is so true. I couldn't have moved to Charleston if my parents weren't so wonderful.