Relationships

Flannel Shirt

IwasBittin wrote:

I agree completely and it can really confuses me also as to why people live like that. One of my best friends has been in a "complicated" relationship for almost 2 years now and it bothers the hell outta me. It basically started as a drunken hook-up. He didn't care for her any more than the sex, but she kept coming back to him and he never said no. He liked having her as girlfriend for like the first couple months, but never broke it off once he stopped liking her. Now, it's to the point where she is completely obssessed with him, I mean to the point of marriage(and we're only 22, 23) and he avoids her. Both are in denial, she knows he doesn't feel the same way she does, and both have some issues with self-confidence. I talk to him about it all the time and he needs/wants to break-up with her for the betterment of both of them. But I think both, and as many are in this situation, have a fear of being alone(he also realizes how much he's used her but doesn't want to admit it for his conscience sake). I think that's why a lot of people put up with these "complicated" relationships, they don't want to be alone or are afraid they won't find another person to even be "complicated" with.

If you werent from Chicago/Wisc, I would swear you know someone I know.
Its unbelieveable. The similarity in the stories is mind boggling. I know somenoe who did (still doing) the exact thing, and the girl he is with is always threatening to kill herself or some other fucked up shit if he leaves her and he sticks around. There have been scenes in bars, at family homes, at parties, at picinics, holidays, etc....

you talk about drama, this shit should be on TNT. NOBODY likes this girl...nobody.

the killer is he is one of the nicest people I know with a kind heart, but he is very confused as to what exactly is the right thing. I think he knows, but you said, the conscience fucks with him over what he has done.

fanch75

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/02/18/70-difficult-breakups/

Prior to engaging in divorce, most white people train for it by engaging in a series of long term relationships that end very poorly. At some point, you will likely encounter a white person who is in the middle of a difficult breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

The suffering of heartbreak is universal, but it is important to be aware that white people thrive during these trying times. If you play your cards right, you can parlay these moments into future favors and valuable trust.

The majority of white person art is created after a difficult breakup; films, indie music, and poetry are all kicked into high production during the end of a relationship. This helps train white people to prepare for the pain that is coming.

Once breakup proceedings have been initiated, a white person is immediately thrust into the center of attention in their circle of friends. During this time, they are permitted to talk at great lengths about themselves, listen to The Smiths, and get free dinners from friends who think “they shouldn’t be alone right now.”

It is imperative that you do not attempt to kick them out of their misery by saying things like “get over it,” “there are other people out there,” or “I don’t want to read your poem.” Implying that there things in the world more important to you than their breakup is considered one of the rudest actions possible.

If you are lucky enough to speak a second language, the best thing you can do for a white person in this situation is to give them an expression in that language that relates to breaking up. This will make them feel better since they are comforted by the gesture and happy to be learning a new sentence that they can reuse to with their friends.

IwasBit10

Flannel Shirt wrote:

If you werent from Chicago/Wisc, I would swear you know someone I know.
Its unbelieveable. The similarity in the stories is mind boggling. I know somenoe who did (still doing) the exact thing, and the girl he is with is always threatening to kill herself or some other fucked up shit if he leaves her and he sticks around. There have been scenes in bars, at family homes, at parties, at picinics, holidays, etc....

you talk about drama, this shit should be on TNT. NOBODY likes this girl...nobody.

the killer is he is one of the nicest people I know with a kind heart, but he is very confused as to what exactly is the right thing. I think he knows, but you said, the conscience fucks with him over what he has done.

Wow, that is crazy. It's the exact same situation here too. It's can be so frustrating when I'm around the two of them together. It's so uncomfortable. Escpecially when she makes a comment about them that is just complete bullshit. I just want to scream in her face, OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES already. Or when I'm just chillin with him and he'll tell me a story like on New Years he ran into a girl from high school and he wanted to get with her so bad and the only reason he didn't is b/c she knew had a girlfriend, not him. Just makes me wonder why and makes me pissed at him, but he's always been a great friend to me, so I can't hold it against him to much.

And yeah, it's definitely the consience thing. It's inevitable that people are going to be hurt in there situations, so they just turn their backs to it and hope it doesn't happen. Ususally it just makes it worse.

IwasBit10

Heineken Helen wrote:

it's such a waste of time spent being miserable... wondering why he's not answering your call, why some woman called claiming to be his girlfriend, why he didn't come home last night. TBH, I think there are also some people who like having the drama in their lives cos it makes them the centre of attention with their friends cos its THEIR life we must discuss.

that's definitely the case in this particular situation with my friend. The girl just loves drama, gossip and everything like that. She knows that other people talk about her and she likes it. Two weeks ago, she got into a fight at a party with one of my other friend's girlfriend. Some nasty things were said, unfortunately most of them were true, about how she's in denial and her boyfriend doesn't like her and on and on. The next day, shes over at my friends(her "boyfriend") place acting like it didn't bother her, that it was all just drunk bullshitting, and she's even laughing about it. Left me speechless.

fanch75

IwasBittin wrote:

that's definitely the case in this particular situation with my friend. The girl just loves drama, gossip and everything like that. She knows that other people talk about her and she likes it. Two weeks ago, she got into a fight at a party with one of my other friend's girlfriend. Some nasty things were said, unfortunately most of them were true, about how she's in denial and her boyfriend doesn't like her and on and on. The next day, shes over at my friends(her "boyfriend") place acting like it didn't bother her, that it was all just drunk bullshitting, and she's even laughing about it. Left me speechless.

See post #43

chromiam

fanch75 wrote:

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/02/18/70-difficult-breakups/

Prior to engaging in divorce, most white people train for it by engaging in a series of long term relationships that end very poorly. At some point, you will likely encounter a white person who is in the middle of a difficult breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

The suffering of heartbreak is universal, but it is important to be aware that white people thrive during these trying times. If you play your cards right, you can parlay these moments into future favors and valuable trust.

The majority of white person art is created after a difficult breakup; films, indie music, and poetry are all kicked into high production during the end of a relationship. This helps train white people to prepare for the pain that is coming.

Once breakup proceedings have been initiated, a white person is immediately thrust into the center of attention in their circle of friends. During this time, they are permitted to talk at great lengths about themselves, listen to The Smiths, and get free dinners from friends who think “they shouldn’t be alone right now.”

It is imperative that you do not attempt to kick them out of their misery by saying things like “get over it,” “there are other people out there,” or “I don’t want to read your poem.” Implying that there things in the world more important to you than their breakup is considered one of the rudest actions possible.

If you are lucky enough to speak a second language, the best thing you can do for a white person in this situation is to give them an expression in that language that relates to breaking up. This will make them feel better since they are comforted by the gesture and happy to be learning a new sentence that they can reuse to with their friends.

Damn I must not be white then... cause all I did was work, drink, sleep, repeat. And my friends rarely offered to go to dinner, although we'd hit the bar often. And the poems were never mentioned

IwasBit10

fanch75 wrote:

See post #43

haha, yeah. except they're not in break-up mode, she still thinks they're good.

white people training for divorce made me laugh though.

Flannel Shirt

IwasBittin wrote:

Wow, that is crazy. It's the exact same situation here too. It's can be so frustrating when I'm around the two of them together. It's so uncomfortable. Escpecially when she makes a comment about them that is just complete bullshit. I just want to scream in her face, OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES already. Or when I'm just chillin with him and he'll tell me a story like on New Years he ran into a girl from high school and he wanted to get with her so bad and the only reason he didn't is b/c she knew had a girlfriend, not him. Just makes me wonder why and makes me pissed at him, but he's always been a great friend to me, so I can't hold it against him to much.

And yeah, it's definitely the consience thing. It's inevitable that people are going to be hurt in there situations, so they just turn their backs to it and hope it doesn't happen. Ususally it just makes it worse.

its gotten to the point now where she doesnt even show her face around the rest of us, but he is definately still "seeing" her....and he lies about it or makes excuses or doesnt answer his phone when hes with her.

i almost called the cops on her one night when she wouldnt leave a party. then she sat in front of the house for like 3 hours. i told my friend to speed away in the opposite direction her car was facing and goto a bar that you never in your wildest dreams would hang out in for a few hours...and park in the back.

talk about drama...this is the exact shit I hate, because indirectly, I have to deal with it too....then I try to defend the guy to the other women that we know who think hes fucking nuts, or a scumbag, etc, and I really have no defense....its just a fucked up DRAMATIC situation.

Jeanie

justam wrote:

Relationships are as complicated as the people involved. Simple is a nice goal but people also have to be themselves...

I'd agree with this, but also add that circumstances can also complicate relationships. Illness, finances, death, LIFE, all kinds of things. And there are stages to relationships as well.