Relationships

Heineken Helen

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

oh you're very trying Helen... ; )

Seriously though, what is the point in being in a 'complicated' relationship? Are the people involved getting anything out of it but heartache? Maybe. I've been there and it wasn't pleasant. I wasn't anywhere near as happy as I thought I was or as I am now. However, sometimes it takes complication to learn and to see things for what they are... I certainly won't go there again. I thought I was in love and I wasn't, but it's made really feeling it now, ten times better. I really appreciate what and who I have now, I was just lucky enough to have the chance to discover how good it could feel. Some people end up trapped in complicated relationships all their lives and never get that opportunity : (

Awwww you two!

and yep, I've never understood... I've known people who go from one stupid complicated relationship to the next and I just don't get it. Only thing I can think of is the make up sex must be seriously multiple orgasmic!

Sian-of-the-dead

Heineken Helen wrote:

Awwww you two!

and yep, I've never understood... I've known people who go from one stupid complicated relationship to the next and I just don't get it. Only thing I can think of is the make up sex must be seriously multiple orgasmic!

lol must be... if it is, I didn't ever notice! :rolleyes:

I think it's generally a self esteem/fear thing. Not thinking life could get any better for someone like you, scared of starting again, admitting it's over etc... well, thats what it was for me anyway but as I say, luckily, I got out of it.

Heineken Helen

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

lol must be... if it is, I didn't ever notice! :rolleyes:

I think it's generally a self esteem/fear thing. Not thinking life could get any better for someone like you, scared of starting again, admitting it's over etc... well, thats what it was for me anyway but as I say, luckily, I got out of it.

well the people I knew in these relationships had self esteem issues alright... like they don't deserve any better and they're lucky they've found somebody... anybody.

QuarterToTen

Heineken Helen wrote:

EXACTLY! I've always been quite a simple person... if something's too complicated fuck it. Which is one of the reasons I've spent most of my life single... but when relationships DO come along to someone like me, they're fucking fantastic. I'm in a long distance relationship at the moment, which would seem complicated to some but it's not at all... and everything's so uncomplicated when we're together that it makes turning the airport into my third home worthwhile.

If something's good, I'm going to make it work, if it's not, well there's no point wasting time on something that's doomed.

any sustained, long term relationship can be so hard to maintain.

and i can't imagine having to maintain one on a long distance basis.

just curious....how often do you see each other??

Heineken Helen

QuarterToTen wrote:

any sustained, long term relationship can be so hard to maintain.

and i can't imagine having to maintain one on a long distance basis.

just curious....how often do you see each other??

the longest it's been was 3 weeks... generally every second weekend although this month it's gonna be every weekend bar one and a full week.

It's been worth every flight though

On paper it's tough and some times are tougher than others but it really is worth it

Sian-of-the-dead

Heineken Helen wrote:

well the people I knew in these relationships had self esteem issues alright... like they don't deserve any better and they're lucky they've found somebody... anybody.

*nods* Yeah thats sometimes what happens but that shouldn't be the basis for ANY relationship.
I do agree with QuarterToTen though, long term relationships ARE difficult to maintain but any problems should be faced together and should try everything in their power to prevent it becoming complicated.

Heineken Helen

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

*nods* Yeah thats sometimes what happens but that shouldn't be the basis for ANY relationship.
I do agree with QuarterToTen though, long term relationships ARE difficult to maintain but any problems should be faced together and should try everything in their power to prevent it becoming complicated.

yip. But then if you're both two laid back people anyway it should be that much easier.

justam

In My Dreams wrote:

Why do some have to be "complicated"? Why can't we all just live and let live? I see too much BS and drama. Too many "fear of commitments". Too much confusion. Why can't we just have love and acceptance?

Relationships are as complicated as the people involved. Simple is a nice goal but people also have to be themselves...

Heineken Helen

justam wrote:

Relationships are as complicated as the people involved. Simple is a nice goal but people also have to be themselves...

but you have to recognise that. I mean as much as you become a partnership, you're still two people and you have to accept that you can't own or control the other and to do so may be destroying what you fell in love with in the first place.

I mean there were several things that happened or were said over the weekend which I've seen couples break up over... but we both actually found it funny. It's silly how people get worked up over little things.

justam

Heineken Helen wrote:

but you have to recognise that. I mean as much as you become a partnership, you're still two people and you have to accept that you can't own or control the other and to do so may be destroying what you fell in love with in the first place.

I mean there were several things that happened or were said over the weekend which I've seen couples break up over... but we both actually found it funny. It's silly how people get worked up over little things.

I think if you talk and listen too, anything can be worked out if both people have that goal.

Heineken Helen

justam wrote:

I think if you talk and listen too, anything can be worked out if both people have that goal.

absolutely... you both have to be open with eachother. AND NO JEALOUSY!!!! Jealousy has been the ruin of most relationships I've seen. If you don't trust the other person, they're not the person for you.

Sian-of-the-dead

Heineken Helen wrote:

If you don't trust the other person, they're not the person for you.

Absolutely

Heineken Helen

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Absolutely

I think that might be the main part of it... if trust is lacking what have you got? How can you love a person if you don't trust them? If you're wondering who that girl was that he just said hello to... or if he was REALLY out with the lads last night. it's ridiculous!

Flannel Shirt

In My Dreams wrote:

Why do some have to be "complicated"? Why can't we all just live and let live? I see too much BS and drama. Too many "fear of commitments". Too much confusion. Why can't we just have love and acceptance?

I agree. Its like the whole word has gone Dawsons Creek. Way too much fucking drama over the most trivial shit.

Fear of commitment translated is "I still want to have sex with strangers".

Its when you dwell on the drama rather than the solutions to it that cause things to get waaaaaaay outta hand.

Sian-of-the-dead

Heineken Helen wrote:

I think that might be the main part of it... if trust is lacking what have you got? How can you love a person if you don't trust them? If you're wondering who that girl was that he just said hello to... or if he was REALLY out with the lads last night. it's ridiculous!

Trust is the core to any romantic relationship. That was the issue with my past 'complicated relationship'. My relationship went beyond thinking he was lying to me, He was. I used to come home and hope to see him with her (he'd already cheated on me), so that it gave me a way out. I started thinking like that 3 years before the relationship ended. There was no trust there at all, thats why I appreciate what I have now, I trust him 100%

Heineken Helen

Flannel Shirt wrote:

I agree. Its like the whole word has gone Dawsons Creek. Way too much fucking drama over the most trivial shit.

Fear of commitment translated is "I still want to have sex with strangers".

Its when you dwell on the drama rather than the solutions to it that cause things to get waaaaaaay outta hand.

gone dawsons creek I love it.

I love analysing stuff... but only when it's fucked up and to see how I can make it better. When something's good though, I just enjoy it

Flannel Shirt

Heineken Helen wrote:

gone dawsons creek I love it.

I love analysing stuff... but only when it's fucked up and to see how I can make it better. When something's good though, I just enjoy it

I like analyzing fucked up stuff too, but others fucked up stuff. ha ha.

IwasBit10

In My Dreams wrote:

I agree, but the sad thing is not everyone will move on. Instead they go on agonizing over it for a long time. I just don't get why? Better to be alone than in bad company.

I agree completely and it can really confuses me also as to why people live like that. One of my best friends has been in a "complicated" relationship for almost 2 years now and it bothers the hell outta me. It basically started as a drunken hook-up. He didn't care for her any more than the sex, but she kept coming back to him and he never said no. He liked having her as girlfriend for like the first couple months, but never broke it off once he stopped liking her. Now, it's to the point where she is completely obssessed with him, I mean to the point of marriage(and we're only 22, 23) and he avoids her. Both are in denial, she knows he doesn't feel the same way she does, and both have some issues with self-confidence. I talk to him about it all the time and he needs/wants to break-up with her for the betterment of both of them. But I think both, and as many are in this situation, have a fear of being alone(he also realizes how much he's used her but doesn't want to admit it for his conscience sake). I think that's why a lot of people put up with these "complicated" relationships, they don't want to be alone or are afraid they won't find another person to even be "complicated" with.

Heineken Helen

IwasBittin wrote:

I think that's why a lot of people put up with these "complicated" relationships, they don't want to be alone or are afraid they won't find another person to even be "complicated" with.

it's such a waste of time spent being miserable... wondering why he's not answering your call, why some woman called claiming to be his girlfriend, why he didn't come home last night. TBH, I think there are also some people who like having the drama in their lives cos it makes them the centre of attention with their friends cos its THEIR life we must discuss.

fanch75

In My Dreams wrote:

Why do some have to be "complicated"? Why can't we all just live and let live? I see too much BS and drama. Too many "fear of commitments". Too much confusion. Why can't we just have love and acceptance?

Because most bytchez are crazy as hell. Dayum.