"I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
Also just another thought on the matter....she wants a break to see what life is like without me but she phones me everyday.....a total of four calls today to try to get a hold of me (which I believe was to see what I did last night as I had a party) and talks to me using "our" and "us"....then texting me randomly through the day....just do not get it....then when I do answer we talk about general things then she states to me that she is thinking and does not know about us.....man so frustrating it is laughable.
It's called a "safety net". She wants to see what life is like without you but will keep you on the outskirts just in case she finds the grass isn't always greener on the other side. If it's good, she'll break it off completely with you; if it's not, she'll come scurrying back all apologetic and ready to tie the knot.
Someone said it on the first page (self admittedly, that's the only page I read) - breaks do not solve the problem, they only push them aside for a short time. Confront it and if it goes poorly, take back the ring and be on your way.
believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
Hmmm....4am calls threatening suicide because she can't accept responsibility for her behaviour and it's everyone else's fault....yeah...personailty disorder problems right there. I WAS going to ask in my first post whether or not she's made suicidal threats...
If she manipulates you into having sex with her again, wear a condom!! Otherwise, deciding whether you want to stay with her or not will be the worst of your concerns. This has happened to a few friends of mine...the break-up, but still live in the same house, a brief reconcilliation, followed by the final break-up, and ultimately the announcement that she's knocked up and you're involved with her for the rest of your life...My friend did that to her boyfriend ("but it was the safe time of the month!") and I had to stop being her friend. As for her boyfriend, he didn't get a whole lot of sympathy from me and my hubby either when he moaned about how he didn't want to be a father...Did you wear a condom? No. Then you wanted to be a father.
My brother has had a similar hell in his life (only the kid turned out to not be his)...and for reasons nobody can figure out, he married the woman and now he's miserable and has another kid. Obviously not the kids' fault...but that home is not a happy one.
Please, even though I don't know you, please do not end up like my friends or my brother. It's sad and unhealthy for everyone...
Thanks for more advice....I really do appreciate it all....as of right now I actually do not feel that bad....I realize where things are going and I am preparing myself right now for the fallout (ie. ensuring I do not get taken to the cleaners).
Including this forum, my friends and some family I feel that I am getting great positive support that is lessening my fear of the whole thing. Funny thing is some of biggest support comes from her family who really believes that I am not in the wrong. Do not get me wrong they are obviously there to support her as well, but over the time together we have all bonded that I am essentially a family member and they are also too upset that I maybe leaving their family...something that really makes the whole situation even more difficult to deal with.
But right now I am thinking on what I need to do...I want to make the right decision for me as I am the only one that will feel the reprecussions of it. There is nothing telling me to be hasty, like I said I am preparing for the worst so that the let-down can somewhat easier to handle. More or less I am treating this as being broken up
As to the previous poster I will try my best not to be your brother....really apprecitate your insight into all of this.
Thanks again to everyone who has shared a story/thought (hope there is more) it really makes me feel that life will be okay no matter the outcome. It seems in life things happen for a reason.
Well been with my girlfriend (fiance actually) for just over five years and now she is telling me she wants a break as she is confused about our relationship.
Do you guys really believe in breaks, I am frustrated because I am worried that I am going to be sitting here for who knows how long wondering just to get dumped in the near future.
On the otherhand I do not know whether to force the issue and just ask for a clean break-up so that the healing process can begin now only to lose someone that really does want to be with me (however considering the request that does seem like a hypcritical comment).
She states she wants sometime to determine if she wants/needs me in her life or that she is better off without me. Our relationship is not a bad one we have the odd scrap but they get heated at times and she is sick of fights that get out of hand.
Just so confused and upset right now that I wouldn't mind some advice from my fellow 'pit' friends.
From my observation this means that she already has someone else in mind that she wants to take for a test drive. Break it off clean.
The only people we should try to get even with...
...are those who've helped us.
Right 'round the corner could be bigger than ourselves.
anyone who suggests a break is too much of a pussy to admit they want to break up and just in case the new relationship doesn't work out, would like to know there's someone in waiting.
or, in my case, too much of a pussy to handle the guilt of hurting someone's feelings
"You've never been out of college, you don't know what it's like out there. I've worked in the private sector... they expect results." -Ray
Well just wanted update my previous thread on the subject....anyway this break went on for a couple weeks then "Jill" returned home to try to make things work out with me. Things seemed alright at best, then she dropped a bombshell on me after seh decided that she thought things could work out between us.
I guess that day I spoke about before where she started blaming everything on me and wanted this break...well the night before she admitted to kissing a guy at the bar and it was not just a simple peck but make out action all night until her best friend saw (she was doing this behind her back) her and smacked her upside the head and give her some serious shit.
Anyway I asked her why would she do that and she said she has no excuse other than that she was very drunk and very mad at me....but she does say that is no excuse. Pretty devestating because now I wonder back to last time she did this to me and what may have been going on....although she swears nothing happened (I asked her straight up and she said nothing else had ever happened....she said all this with her eyes closed....take it for it is I will let you read into that).
I am so in the dumps lately, we have since decided that we need to go into opposite directions, or in her words for a little while. So that means I am single man again after over five years and now I am 26 and it seems there are so little options. I am having a tough time right now because you know what makes me the most mad, not the cheating aspect of everything, but the fact she rolled over me for two weeks blaming pretty much all the problems on me and yet this was in your knowledge....it hurts.
Well I thought since I started this thread that I should give everyone (and many were correct in analyzing the situation) an idea what has gone on with me for the last few weeks.
I really do hate being single because I am not a one night stand guy (did it couple times and it just isn't me I guess) and it's hard to me good quality women nowadays it seems. Just concerned I guess......anyway...
hey ric i'm sorry what happened....i wish i had pearls of wisdom to help right now but basically life will suck for a while....:(
Yeah it been really filled with up's and down's...the one thing that I am proud of myself is that I know I will not have trouble trusting future women...this is one girl who betrayed my trust, not all women are like that.
Yeah everything does suck right now, but at least it is not affecting my job and other personal relationships, I will meet someone new someday or who knows maybe I already know them....I guess now being single it opens up your eyes to those possibilities that are already around....who knows though...but still I just wish she would have told me the next day at least do that instead of making me fret and blame shit on myself when she is going out and hooking up with dudes....pisses me off because so many people on here said that they believed that scenerio was unfolding and yet me being naive didn't expect it........
Yeah it been really filled with up's and down's...the one thing that I am proud of myself is that I know I will not have trouble trusting future women...this is one girl who betrayed my trust, not all women are like that.
Yeah everything does suck right now, but at least it is not affecting my job and other personal relationships, I will meet someone new someday or who knows maybe I already know them....I guess now being single it opens up your eyes to those possibilities that are already around....who knows though...but still I just wish she would have told me the next day at least do that instead of making me fret and blame shit on myself when she is going out and hooking up with dudes....pisses me off because so many people on here said that they believed that scenerio was unfolding and yet me being naive didn't expect it........
hey you.....
You at least have it right....she was wrong to blame you for her own actions. Chalk that up to her flaws and not yours. You gave her every opportunity to come forth and she didn't. Having to admit that to you took her admitting it to herself, looking at herself....and guess what? she didn't like who she saw and what she was doing to you. I'd give her a little credit for at least admitting it.
You're young, you have your entire life ahead of you. Just because you're single doesn't mean you have to go the "one night stand" route. And just because you're single doesn't mean you're pathetic. It's just different than being with someone. You do get to live your life for you and how you want to. So live for you...go out with friends, work on your career, pick up a new hobby....I'm not going to lay the lame cliche` on you "you'll find someone when you least expect it" because...well, it's lame and your wound is too fresh. Just.....look the guy in the mirror in the eye, accept him for who he is and live for him right now.
believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
You at least have it right....she was wrong to blame you for her own actions. Chalk that up to her flaws and not yours. You gave her every opportunity to come forth and she didn't. Having to admit that to you took her admitting it to herself, looking at herself....and guess what? she didn't like who she saw and what she was doing to you. I'd give her a little credit for at least admitting it.
You're young, you have your entire life ahead of you. Just because you're single doesn't mean you have to go the "one night stand" route. And just because you're single doesn't mean you're pathetic. It's just different than being with someone. You do get to live your life for you and how you want to. So live for you...go out with friends, work on your career, pick up a new hobby....I'm not going to lay the lame cliche` on you "you'll find someone when you least expect it" because...well, it's lame and your wound is too fresh. Just.....look the guy in the mirror in the eye, accept him for who he is and live for him right now.
You at least have it right....she was wrong to blame you for her own actions. Chalk that up to her flaws and not yours. You gave her every opportunity to come forth and she didn't. Having to admit that to you took her admitting it to herself, looking at herself....and guess what? she didn't like who she saw and what she was doing to you. I'd give her a little credit for at least admitting it.
You're young, you have your entire life ahead of you. Just because you're single doesn't mean you have to go the "one night stand" route. And just because you're single doesn't mean you're pathetic. It's just different than being with someone. You do get to live your life for you and how you want to. So live for you...go out with friends, work on your career, pick up a new hobby....I'm not going to lay the lame cliche` on you "you'll find someone when you least expect it" because...well, it's lame and your wound is too fresh. Just.....look the guy in the mirror in the eye, accept him for who he is and live for him right now.
Thanks for that Whizbang....I do give her credit for admitting although it was well after the fact....but at least it give me some sort of closure on the issue...and she does feel awful about it...I can trust her about that....
I should clarify the one night stand route comment I made it because it seems a lot of my good friends are looking for that....however I have other friends who are not like that...I am excited to do my own thing and I guess only be accountable to myself....just sucks at this moment but I have been through these moments before and guess what....you do get over them....just have to deal with the moments of lonliness that will be very previlant right now but will eventually fade with time.....
Thanks for that Whizbang....I do give her credit for admitting although it was well after the fact....but at least it give me some sort of closure on the issue...and she does feel awful about it...I can trust her about that....
I should clarify the one night stand route comment I made it because it seems a lot of my good friends are looking for that....however I have other friends who are not like that...I am excited to do my own thing and I guess only be accountable to myself....just sucks at this moment but I have been through these moments before and guess what....you do get over them....just have to deal with the moments of lonliness that will be very previlant right now but will eventually fade with time.....
you are most welcome!
One night stands have their place in time, no need to explain. Mine was years ago and being single, older and wiser now, I don't have much interest. Perhaps living alone and not wanting to end up buried in my backyard in a trash bag plays a role? Yeah, that's probably it.
There are lonely times, definitely. And yup, they suck. But for me, I think they sucked the most because I was afraid of being ALONE forever. Can't even tell you what changed it? Just started putting more time in with my dogs, taking care of my horse/riding, going to shows alone or with friends if they were around....I re-started studying for my insurance designation (subsequently finished it) and that ended up having the added bonus of keeping a weekly date with my mom. I think I'm busier now than when I was with a boyfriend or when I was married! And yes, I've met new and dated new people....but I relish the quiet times (like now....got back from a beach vacation today, doing some laundry, my dogs are with my ex-husband, need to mow my lawn but it poured earlier....so I'm on-line).....
believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
Comments
your soul that is
LOL!
[size=-2](I love the deadpan way you said this.)[/size]
It's called a "safety net". She wants to see what life is like without you but will keep you on the outskirts just in case she finds the grass isn't always greener on the other side. If it's good, she'll break it off completely with you; if it's not, she'll come scurrying back all apologetic and ready to tie the knot.
Someone said it on the first page (self admittedly, that's the only page I read) - breaks do not solve the problem, they only push them aside for a short time. Confront it and if it goes poorly, take back the ring and be on your way.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
If she manipulates you into having sex with her again, wear a condom!! Otherwise, deciding whether you want to stay with her or not will be the worst of your concerns. This has happened to a few friends of mine...the break-up, but still live in the same house, a brief reconcilliation, followed by the final break-up, and ultimately the announcement that she's knocked up and you're involved with her for the rest of your life...My friend did that to her boyfriend ("but it was the safe time of the month!") and I had to stop being her friend. As for her boyfriend, he didn't get a whole lot of sympathy from me and my hubby either when he moaned about how he didn't want to be a father...Did you wear a condom? No. Then you wanted to be a father.
My brother has had a similar hell in his life (only the kid turned out to not be his)...and for reasons nobody can figure out, he married the woman and now he's miserable and has another kid. Obviously not the kids' fault...but that home is not a happy one.
Please, even though I don't know you, please do not end up like my friends or my brother. It's sad and unhealthy for everyone...
Including this forum, my friends and some family I feel that I am getting great positive support that is lessening my fear of the whole thing. Funny thing is some of biggest support comes from her family who really believes that I am not in the wrong. Do not get me wrong they are obviously there to support her as well, but over the time together we have all bonded that I am essentially a family member and they are also too upset that I maybe leaving their family...something that really makes the whole situation even more difficult to deal with.
But right now I am thinking on what I need to do...I want to make the right decision for me as I am the only one that will feel the reprecussions of it. There is nothing telling me to be hasty, like I said I am preparing for the worst so that the let-down can somewhat easier to handle. More or less I am treating this as being broken up
As to the previous poster I will try my best not to be your brother....really apprecitate your insight into all of this.
Thanks again to everyone who has shared a story/thought (hope there is more) it really makes me feel that life will be okay no matter the outcome. It seems in life things happen for a reason.
From my observation this means that she already has someone else in mind that she wants to take for a test drive. Break it off clean.
...are those who've helped us.
Right 'round the corner could be bigger than ourselves.
or, in my case, too much of a pussy to handle the guilt of hurting someone's feelings
Denny Crane!
Sorry for what your going threw.
I guess that day I spoke about before where she started blaming everything on me and wanted this break...well the night before she admitted to kissing a guy at the bar and it was not just a simple peck but make out action all night until her best friend saw (she was doing this behind her back) her and smacked her upside the head and give her some serious shit.
Anyway I asked her why would she do that and she said she has no excuse other than that she was very drunk and very mad at me....but she does say that is no excuse. Pretty devestating because now I wonder back to last time she did this to me and what may have been going on....although she swears nothing happened (I asked her straight up and she said nothing else had ever happened....she said all this with her eyes closed....take it for it is I will let you read into that).
I am so in the dumps lately, we have since decided that we need to go into opposite directions, or in her words for a little while. So that means I am single man again after over five years and now I am 26 and it seems there are so little options. I am having a tough time right now because you know what makes me the most mad, not the cheating aspect of everything, but the fact she rolled over me for two weeks blaming pretty much all the problems on me and yet this was in your knowledge....it hurts.
Well I thought since I started this thread that I should give everyone (and many were correct in analyzing the situation) an idea what has gone on with me for the last few weeks.
I really do hate being single because I am not a one night stand guy (did it couple times and it just isn't me I guess) and it's hard to me good quality women nowadays it seems. Just concerned I guess......anyway...
Yeah it been really filled with up's and down's...the one thing that I am proud of myself is that I know I will not have trouble trusting future women...this is one girl who betrayed my trust, not all women are like that.
Yeah everything does suck right now, but at least it is not affecting my job and other personal relationships, I will meet someone new someday or who knows maybe I already know them....I guess now being single it opens up your eyes to those possibilities that are already around....who knows though...but still I just wish she would have told me the next day at least do that instead of making me fret and blame shit on myself when she is going out and hooking up with dudes....pisses me off because so many people on here said that they believed that scenerio was unfolding and yet me being naive didn't expect it........
hey you.....
You at least have it right....she was wrong to blame you for her own actions. Chalk that up to her flaws and not yours. You gave her every opportunity to come forth and she didn't. Having to admit that to you took her admitting it to herself, looking at herself....and guess what? she didn't like who she saw and what she was doing to you. I'd give her a little credit for at least admitting it.
You're young, you have your entire life ahead of you. Just because you're single doesn't mean you have to go the "one night stand" route. And just because you're single doesn't mean you're pathetic. It's just different than being with someone. You do get to live your life for you and how you want to. So live for you...go out with friends, work on your career, pick up a new hobby....I'm not going to lay the lame cliche` on you "you'll find someone when you least expect it" because...well, it's lame and your wound is too fresh. Just.....look the guy in the mirror in the eye, accept him for who he is and live for him right now.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
pay heed ric....words of wisdom right there....:)
Thanks for that Whizbang....I do give her credit for admitting although it was well after the fact....but at least it give me some sort of closure on the issue...and she does feel awful about it...I can trust her about that....
I should clarify the one night stand route comment I made it because it seems a lot of my good friends are looking for that....however I have other friends who are not like that...I am excited to do my own thing and I guess only be accountable to myself....just sucks at this moment but I have been through these moments before and guess what....you do get over them....just have to deal with the moments of lonliness that will be very previlant right now but will eventually fade with time.....
you are most welcome!
One night stands have their place in time, no need to explain. Mine was years ago and being single, older and wiser now, I don't have much interest. Perhaps living alone and not wanting to end up buried in my backyard in a trash bag plays a role? Yeah, that's probably it.
There are lonely times, definitely. And yup, they suck. But for me, I think they sucked the most because I was afraid of being ALONE forever. Can't even tell you what changed it? Just started putting more time in with my dogs, taking care of my horse/riding, going to shows alone or with friends if they were around....I re-started studying for my insurance designation (subsequently finished it) and that ended up having the added bonus of keeping a weekly date with my mom. I think I'm busier now than when I was with a boyfriend or when I was married! And yes, I've met new and dated new people....but I relish the quiet times (like now....got back from a beach vacation today, doing some laundry, my dogs are with my ex-husband, need to mow my lawn but it poured earlier....so I'm on-line).....
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!