help me decipher this e-mail

Byrnzie

sponger wrote:

I went a friend's wedding a couple of years ago and it compelled me to e-mail my ex-g/f from my high school days and ask her to marry me. I had not seen or talked to her in years.

I did not respond to her response because I figured she was politely telling me to get lost. Also, she's devoutly catholic and I told her that I was still an atheist -hence her PS response.




A polite "get lost", right?

Are teenage dreams so hard to beat
Everytime she walks down the street
Another girl in the neighbourhood
Wish she was mine, she looks so good

I wanna hold her wanna hold her tight
Get teenage kicks right through the night

I'm gonna call her on the telephone
Have her over cos i'm all alone
I need exitement oh i need it bad
And its the best, i've ever had

I wanna hold her wanna hold her tight
Get teenage kicks right through the night

I wanna hold her wanna hold her tight
Get teenage kicks right through the night

Allie

sponger wrote:

She was not married at the time I wrote her.

And...privacy? Without knowing her name, e-mail address, or anything about her at all for that matter, I don't see what the problem is.

Do I still lover her? To put it plainly, I have not been able to stop thinking about her since I dumped her. I was really pissed off one night and I dumped her.

Since then, every woman I've been with over the last 13 years has been compared to her in my mind. I've been confronted twice by two separate women about my feelings about a lifetime commitment, and I had to say no because I still can't get this girl out of my mind.

even though you took out the identifying info
I find it a bit unsettling that's someone's words taken and posted on a msg board w/o their knowledge. I'm sure she didn't think that's where her words were going when she wrote you back.



and
whoa :eek:
Man that's deep
No offense to you but why has it taken that long to get back in touch with her then, what happened

and is she now married? I'm confused by all that, I thought people were saying she's married


Edit: I re-read
You sent her that e-mail 2 yrs ago before she got married and now she is married?
What happened, you never wrote her back 2 yrs ago and then yada yada and she got married?

norm

sponger wrote:

I appreciate your honesty.

cool....didn't want to come off as a dick....seeing your recent responses it seems you're not really over her....which sucks....best to just let her go....probably hurt but you gotta move on at some point, no?

LONGRD

sponger wrote:

She was not married at the time I wrote her.

And...privacy? Without knowing her name, e-mail address, or anything about her at all for that matter, I don't see what the problem is.

Do I still lover her? To put it plainly, I have not been able to stop thinking about her since I dumped her. I was really pissed off one night and I dumped her.

Since then, every woman I've been with over the last 13 years has been compared to her in my mind. I've been confronted twice by two separate women about my feelings about a lifetime commitment, and I had to say no because I still can't get this girl out of my mind.

From what she said in the email, saying that she did a lot of stupid things during her teen years and a totally different person now. Which you shouldn't take as your to blame neither, most of us do things we look back and think it's was stupid or weird [I got plenty of those. ]

How would it work if you had a chance to get back with her anyways, because her personally has chanced. It'll be like dating someone new, sort of.

It's another one of those "I let that one get away" stories again. I hate hearing those. :( but i hope you will be able to move on...or at least reconnect with her as a friendship to soften the pain a bit. I don't know what the answer is for you because she's married.

Allie

LongRd. wrote:

she's married.

what he said

sponger

At some point in this thread there came about the misconception that I was interested in intervening in this woman's marriage.

At no point did I say that I was interested in doing that.

All I'm saying is that after hearing about her marriage, I remembered this e-mail, gave it a second glance, and just pondered its meaning.

Thank you everyone for your responses.

pjfan31

When she said "My teen years a bit of an embarassment" is she referring to you? I think she just cut you down brother.

She aint worth it anyway....

sponger

pjfan31 wrote:

When she said "My teen years a bit of an embarassment" is she referring to you? I think she just cut you down brother.

That's what I'm saying.

pjfan31

sponger wrote:

That's what I'm saying.

What a bitch. I hope you have some naughty photos to spread to all your mates. and of course all AET posters...

Wobbie

Sorry, but this is some hilarious s**t

We all make mistakes, have regrets, etc. I say "move on."

GreenTeaDisease

sponger wrote:

\

Yes but would you have responded in the way that she responded? Would you have mentioned stuff about being embarrassed by the period of time during which you were seeing said guy?

this is a narcissistic view. you are assuming that you defined that period of her life. she's saying that she was embarrassed of the way SHE behaved as a teenager. she happened to be dating you at the time. you're giving yourself too much credit.

honestly, I can't believe after years of never talking to someone you dated IN HIGH SCHOOL, you emailed her and PROPOSED. Like GraySaturday, I would have either thought it was a joke, or I would have been a wee bit sketched out. and now, 2 years later, you're reading so far into the response. You sent her an awkward email and she sent you an awkward email back. it wasn't some criptic message, she was just trying to figure out how on earth to respond to such a weird email.

vedderfan10

sponger wrote:

She called it her "teen years." That sounds like minimalization to me.

Over-analyzation alert!!!

sponger

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

this is a narcissistic view.

Not necessarily when considering the context.

Back in those days, I was a psychopathic drug-addict, getting into fights and in-and-out of rehab.

My dad was a phsyically and emotionally abusive jack-ass.

So, anyway, I was nuts.

I saw lots of girls back then. Most of them were fucked up just like I was, if not worse.

She was the first girl who was not my partner in crime. She was what you would call a "good girl."

And she always told me that I would one day turn it around and defy the statistics. She would always say that I was smart, that I was a victim of my circumstances, and that she was going to be there for me when I decided to make a change in my life.

Well eventually that happened. I cleaned up, got a business degree from calstate, and now I make OK money at a firm. It's not great money, but I suppose it could be a lot worse.

From what my friends told me over the years, she dated pretty "normal" guys after she and I had our falling out. One was a firefighter, another was a graduate student at UCSD.

So, in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder if she looked upon me as a black mark on her list of former acquaintances. And that's why I got jumpy at the first sign of it.

Of course, my choice in women improved somewhat after my choice of lifestyle changed. But, over the years I always remembered that she was able to figure out who I was before I knew who I was.

And, to me, that makes her an extraordinary person on top of her looks and brains. I think if any of my current peer group knew of my past, they would cast a judgmental eye upon me. Whereas she had the ability to see beyond it.

I don't think I've met anyone else like that, and I think what keeps me hanging on is the fear that I never will.

vedderfan10

move on and stop obsessing...The negative energy you spend dwelling on this would be better channelled into positive energy finding yourself a new special someone - possibly someone even better. You seem to be in love with the teenage version of her, and believe you me, nobody is the same as they were when they were a teenager. And if you were as wrecked and stoned all the time as you imply you were, your memory of her might not be accurate. Just saying. It is hard to compare everyone to the standard you have set based on a possibly foggy memory rather than someone reality based.

I dwelled in the past and obsessed over stupid things and lost sleep and I should have said this and and I should have done that...turns out that was part of my clinical depression, and it took massive amounts of counselling to get over that way of thinking. And actually, meds stopped the ruminating thoughts almost instantly...

I realize that I don't know you or anything about you, but you seemed to want some opinions, so that's mine. Take it or leave it...

sponger

Vedderfan10 wrote:

move on and stop obsessing...The negative energy you spend dwelling on this would be better channelled into positive energy finding yourself a new special someone - possibly someone even better. You seem to be in love with the teenage version of her, and believe you me, nobody is the same as they were when they were a teenager. And if you were as wrecked and stoned all the time as you imply you were, your memory of her might not be accurate. Just saying. It is hard to compare everyone to the standard you have set based on a possibly foggy memory rather than someone reality based.

I dwelled in the past and obsessed over stupid things and lost sleep and I should have said this and and I should have done that...turns out that was part of my clinical depression, and it took massive amounts of counselling to get over that way of thinking. And actually, meds stopped the ruminating thoughts almost instantly...

I realize that I don't know you or anything about you, but you seemed to want some opinions, so that's mine. Take it or leave it...

Opinions are great. Honestly....no one including yourself has said anything that I haven't thought before.

pjhabit

sponger wrote:

Back in those days, I was a psychopathic drug-addict, getting into fights and in-and-out of rehab.
So, anyway, I was nuts.

Asking an ex you haven't seen in years to marry you...via e-mail, is just nuts.

Did you relapse?

sponger

PJ Habit wrote:

Asking an ex you haven't seen in years to marry you...via e-mail, is just nuts.

Did you relapse?

So you're saying that I was right about her response? That she was telling me to go climb up a tree?

There are some people who think otherwise. In which case, it's not as "nuts" as you make it sound.

El_Kabong

sponger wrote:

Yes I know marriage proposals should be done face to face. It's just that she lives 2 hrs away and whenever I dropped her an e-mail over the years she was always in a relationship.

I had no doubt in my mind that I wanted to her marry, so I thought I'd just throw it out there so I could get it over and done with.

2hrs away isn't really that far for a girl you want to marry

SENROCK

sponger wrote:

At some point in this thread there came about the misconception that I was interested in intervening in this woman's marriage.

At no point did I say that I was interested in doing that.

All I'm saying is that after hearing about her marriage, I remembered this e-mail, gave it a second glance, and just pondered its meaning.

Thank you everyone for your responses.

does that mean u want to put this thread to bed?!

Anon

Hi sponger,

I'm not really sure what to say, i guess the girl is the only one who knows the answer to your question. The only thing i would maybe like to contribute is, that i think some people rely too much on computers and text messages and things like that for communication. I mean they are great in some instances, for staying in touch with people you don't see on a regular basis and things like that.

Anything of a personal nature, like asking someone out on a date, or breaking up with your partner, (i can't believe people do this via a cell phone text message), or asking them to marry you, should never be done electronically. It just becomes so impersonal and almost cold.

If it was me, i'd much rather hear it face to face.

Best wishes though, there will be someone else out there for you one day.