How can people be so evil?

catefrances

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

The closest I've been to this situation is that I had the most manipulative, arrogant, bullying boss-from-hell and for a long while, everyone sang her praises until they saw what it was doing to me - in short, making me ill. You feel trapped and lifeless, until you get someone on your side.

she will be trapped so long as she retains the status quo. she has to make a definite move out of this woman's orbit. i know it might hurt cause this woman is her mother but being a mother does not give you the privilege to make your child's life a living hell. of course i may not be the best person to offer advice in this situ. or any situ that involves actually real people.

remember cateeto it is YOUR life. no one can live it but you and you need to do what it right FOR YOU.

Heineken Helen

catefrances wrote:

she will be trapped so long as she retains the status quo. she has to make a definite move out of this woman's orbit. i know it might hurt cause this woman is her mother but being a mother does not give you the privilege to make your child's life a living hell. of course i may not be the best person to offer advice in this situ. or any situ that involves actually real people.

remember cateeto it is YOUR life. no one can live it but you and you need to do what it right FOR YOU.

I know what you mean but it really isn't so easy when loved ones are still involved with that person. Like I said, I've been able to cut away no problem but until my sister was able to do the same it was a problem. I'd be staying at my sisters house and she'd call unannounced... since it's my sisters house and she'd accept her being there, I have to respect that. Once or twice I hid in another room so as not to even have to bother... other times I'd have to be civil and it was very very painful. But now she's cut her off too so it's much easier... and the couple of times she's called unannounced and unwelcome I've been the one to tell her to leave now. She would call simply to upset my sister and she'd say very very upsetting things about my niece or my sister (in front of her in laws)... she'd say stuff about me too but I'm well able to be answer her back now.

pooch

Heineken Helen wrote:

Yeh, you'd imagine, wouldn't you? You can never trust on that... cateeto has already said how she has everyone eating on her every word... why would a judge be any different?

And I speak from experience :(

You know you’re probably right nothing that would happen theses days would surprise me at all. And as you say ‘speaking from experience’.

Sorry to hear what you have been through.

Heineken Helen

pooch wrote:

You know you’re probably right nothing that would happen theses days would surprise me at all. And as you say ‘speaking from experience’.

Sorry to hear what you have been through.

thank you I just hate to see somebody else going through something similar. A lot of people complain about their parents or say 'my mothers a nut' and I tell them the short of my story and they're like 'fucking hell'. I'd have loved to have had an ordinary nutcase of a mother

We got lucky though that she went a little bit too far with her stories so those who mattered saw through it all before it got too serious.

Blanche

First the pets, now the kids.

Cateeto, your mother needs help. But it won't happen unless she's willing to see she has a problem. Or until things go to far.
People can have a mean streak, but her behavior is downright dangerous. The fact that she is able to manipulate the rest of your family into believing she's innocent in all the doings makes her even more dangerous to everyone's well-being.

The wheel goes round. I've seen it happen.
In the meantime, try to stay above all this.
Courage.

Cateeto

Wow, I walk away for a couple of day and come back to all these supportive/informative/helpful responses! Thank you guys so very much for keeping this thread alive and caring enough to respond/read. I would like to quote every damn one of you, but unfortunately that would take forever, so let me just address you all as a whole and make it easier on myself.

It is a very known fact that my mother is a type of cancer, one that spreads not upon her own body and soul, but one that spreads to other people, aka my family. She spreads her lies that bury themselves deep within each member and I become the plague of the family that no one believes. I'm too "dramatic" to them and because of this, anyone who takes my side or is associated with me, is also not to be trusted. Because my mother is held in such high regards, I'm often overlooked and it is an unfortunate thing, as my ability to ditch my mother entirely and see my other family members on separate occasions, is pretty much impossible.

"Oh Kate, grow up. Deal with mom. She's not as bad as you make her..." is what I'll hear... Or from good ol' dad, "God damn it, I don't need to hear/deal with this! Just fucking get along!" They're stubborn and set in their ways, too lazy to make an effort and too ignorant to put much thought into it.

It makes my insides suffer, thinking of my only family this way, but it's the truth. They're all a pattern of repeats, ignorant and stuck in a town that seems to suck any horrible aspect of life in. I guess all I can do is hope to never be them.

Or my mother.

I was told to stay my distance from her, but as said above, I won't see my other family without her present. I so badly crave to see my little niece and nephew (and soon to be another nephew) grow up... But what is even more heartbreaking is the fact that if I don't call the rest of my family doesn't seem to notice nor care. I went months without seeing my sibling and I just live about an hour away... It killed me. She didn't notice.

I have thought a lot about this situation for a couple of days and numbed out the whole fact that another pet has gone missing. This in its self is hard for me to do, as I love animals dearly and hate for anything bad to happen... But I just have to. After getting over this fact and realizing that it does not make me a bad person to not care, I have also come to more realizations that run into yet more obstacles I have to face.

I'm going to have to slowly leave my family behind.

The process has already started. When I was a young child, they never understood me and my wants and desires to be curious. I figured when I would become a teenager they'd understand more, like they did with my older sister. I became a teenager and spoke in a more adult tongue, one I was positive they'd comprehend. They made fun of me and called me weird, those days, for the things I loved and was passionate about. I was more doubtful then, but figured that maybe once I turned into an adult, they'd really have a chance to connect with me then... Such a thing never happened and I remained saddened and detached. If people, especially my family members will not take the time to know me for me, it should be no different than anyone else who treats me as such garbage in life. I dispose of all garbage. And as hard as it may be, I will make it a lifelong goal to stop trying to fix them as I always do, but walk away silently. They can watch me from a distance, but my life is my own. They'll be but familiar strangers.

I talk to Mr. Cateeto about this every night. Sometimes I think it affects me too much, but I guess it's part of the learning process of life. I don't waste tears on them.

So I guess the solution for now is to continue seeing my family when necessary, but only when necessary. I usually go months without talking to them and have the occasional get together, but when they ask of my life (if they ask of my life) I won't tell them anything really... And I won't ask of theirs.

I will never let myself be alone with my mother again. Mr. Cateeto won't allow it. She'll only pain me.

But I'm a big girl now... Everything bounces off of me.

Heineken Helen

Cateeto wrote:

I'm too "dramatic" to them and because of this, anyone who takes my side or is associated with me, is also not to be trusted. Because my mother is held in such high regards, I'm often overlooked and it is an unfortunate thing, as my ability to ditch my mother entirely and see my other family members on separate occasions, is pretty much impossible. .

I'm sorry I only met you so briefly... but have to say one thing you did NOT come across as was dramatic! In that brief time you offered to put my friend up who you'd never even met... I really think it's your familys loss. I know it hurts though. I'm lucky I never had that problem with my family... my sister and brother put up with her for a certain amount of time but both knew and respected my reasons for cutting her out of my life. I wish your family could do the same :( perhaps in time.

Cateeto wrote:

I'm going to have to slowly leave my family behind. .

I'm sorry :( but it does seem to be the only thing you can do. I've learned that if people don't listen, sometimes the only thing is to let them learn for themselves... hard as that can be, it will eventually happen!

Cateeto wrote:

I talk to Mr. Cateeto about this every night. Sometimes I think it affects me too much, but I guess it's part of the learning process of life. I don't waste tears on them. .

Ever think about talking to somebody? Just see how it goes? I often wonder too how this will effect me... which is why I've already thought of things like 'I WILL go to her funeral... cos I don't want THAT to be something that might fuck me up later'. Anything I do in regards to her is for purely selfish reasons but I have to do what I have to do.

Cateeto wrote:

I will never let myself be alone with my mother again. Mr. Cateeto won't allow it. She'll only pain me.

But I'm a big girl now... Everything bounces off of me.

It's good to be strong and it's good you've got Mr. C to understand and support you... but don't take on more than you think you can... that won't work out well. Do what's good for you (and mr. c of course) and this is the only way you'll get through it. But good luck, it isn't easy!

Cateeto

Heineken Helen wrote:

I'm sorry I only met you so briefly... but have to say one thing you did NOT come across as was dramatic! In that brief time you offered to put my friend up who you'd never even met... I really think it's your familys loss. I know it hurts though. I'm lucky I never had that problem with my family... my sister and brother put up with her for a certain amount of time but both knew and respected my reasons for cutting her out of my life. I wish your family could do the same :( perhaps in time.






Ever think about talking to somebody? Just see how it goes?

Thank you, your words are quite nice to hear. It's always really nice to know when someone knows I'm not overly dramatic. I wish it could be as easy as just walking away abruptly, but with littles ones involved, I just can't do that. While I slowly walk away, I wish my family would gather and comprehend the reasons why I have to do this, but none of them will care much. Such is the way of the world... But at least my life will be fulfilled.

The way I see it... Mr. Cateeto and I have a rare opportunity in life. The two of us get to start fresh and start our own generation of family. He is the last in his family and I have dropped all connection to mine, it seems, emotional wise. Our children will learn the ways we have brought ourselves up in and be more powerful than the both of our current families combined. This idea excites me greatly...

And we will have lots of pets... To make up for all the pets "lost" and killed in my lifetime.

As for talking to someone... It seems as though I've always been a type of counceler for my friends and strangers. If I can give good enough advice to them, I don't see why I can't tackle this myself. If any of that makes sense... I've just never really been too good with speaking to others about my own feelings, as they are something buried deep that only my mind can truly comprehend and decipher.

I'll get through this... I conquer all. And soon it will be with ease.

GraySaturday

This is kinda like when I dated his total jerk off in college who used to pull my by my hair, and smack me, and one time he threw me into my closet doors and I broke them. But he acted like the nicest guy in front of anyone else. So when I would tell people and ask for help no one believed me and I got pinned as the crazy psycho girlfriend who made things up for attention.

He couldn't hide it forever, he finally lost it in front of people. People's true colors eventually come out, no matter how hard they try to hide it.

Heineken Helen

Cateeto wrote:

Thank you, your words are quite nice to hear. It's always really nice to know when someone knows I'm not overly dramatic. I wish it could be as easy as just walking away abruptly, but with littles ones involved, I just can't do that. While I slowly walk away, I wish my family would gather and comprehend the reasons why I have to do this, but none of them will care much. Such is the way of the world... But at least my life will be fulfilled.

The way I see it... Mr. Cateeto and I have a rare opportunity in life. The two of us get to start fresh and start our own generation of family. He is the last in his family and I have dropped all connection to mine, it seems, emotional wise. Our children will learn the ways we have brought ourselves up in and be more powerful than the both of our current families combined. This idea excites me greatly...

And we will have lots of pets... To make up for all the pets "lost" and killed in my lifetime.

As for talking to someone... It seems as though I've always been a type of counceler for my friends and strangers. If I can give good enough advice to them, I don't see why I can't tackle this myself. If any of that makes sense... I've just never really been too good with speaking to others about my own feelings, as they are something buried deep that only my mind can truly comprehend and decipher.

I'll get through this... I conquer all. And soon it will be with ease.

You make very good points... and yep, it IS very exciting. And it's actually a great feeling when you finally don't have to 'answer' (not being the right word) to that person anymore or be a part of their life... it's pretty close to freedom . And I certainly understand how the ties make it more difficult. But it sounds like you've certainly tried... it's definitely worrying for the sake of the kids though . That was when my sister finally dropped her... when she knew she could no longer get to either of us and started making threats towards my 12 year old niece :eek: . It's like grey said... they usually get too comfortable with their getting away with it so they keep going further and further... until one day they go too far and everybody else finally sees. Just you do what you have to do for now... and perhaps the situation will evolve as time goes on.

And I know what ya mean about sorting through your own problems... but it's not healthy to keep them locked up and not talk about your feelings. If you ever don't feel like opening up to the board and it's getting heavy... feel free to drop me a pm. 99% of the time I'm perfectly fine with how it's ended up and know I've made the right choices... but the odd time I get quite angry about what I was put through. One of these days, I told my sister I'll write a book with fictional names and change the location and call it a work of fiction and use a pseudonym... but it will be word for word what happened. And I'll drop a copy on her doorstep

And while I'm really sorry to see somebody else go through similar :( it's comforting to know there are others out there... where it goes far beyond the usual 'my mom's a bitch'.

pjtaper

take them to Arby's for a roast beef sandwich!

Heineken Helen

GraySaturday wrote:

This is kinda like when I dated his total jerk off in college who used to pull my by my hair, and smack me, and one time he threw me into my closet doors and I broke them. But he acted like the nicest guy in front of anyone else. So when I would tell people and ask for help no one believed me and I got pinned as the crazy psycho girlfriend who made things up for attention.

He couldn't hide it forever, he finally lost it in front of people. People's true colors eventually come out, no matter how hard they try to hide it.

I'm sorry :(

Cateeto

Heineken Helen wrote:

And I know what ya mean about sorting through your own problems... but it's not healthy to keep them locked up and not talk about your feelings. If you ever don't feel like opening up to the board and it's getting heavy... feel free to drop me a pm. 99% of the time I'm perfectly fine with how it's ended up and know I've made the right choices... but the odd time I get quite angry about what I was put through. One of these days, I told my sister I'll write a book with fictional names and change the location and call it a work of fiction and use a pseudonym... but it will be word for word what happened. And I'll drop a copy on her doorstep

And while I'm really sorry to see somebody else go through similar :( it's comforting to know there are others out there... where it goes far beyond the usual 'my mom's a bitch'.

Wow Helen! You and I are very similar in many ways! You know, I'm big into writing and Mr. Cateeto has urged me time and time again to write a book the exact same way with fictional names and places. He believes I should write about the town I'm from and what it does to people.... That is quite a story right there, but perhaps I should leave that for another thread!

It is quite comforting to know there are others out there who can relate. This is what is great about the world. We experience things together without knowing one another and one day, as beauty sometimes comes to be, we meet one another, cry, laugh, and have empathy. This is how true humans are meant to live.

Heineken Helen

Cateeto wrote:

Wow Helen! You and I are very similar in many ways! You know, I'm big into writing and Mr. Cateeto has urged me time and time again to write a book the exact same way with fictional names and places. He believes I should write about the town I'm from and what it does to people.... That is quite a story right there, but perhaps I should leave that for another thread! : p

It is quite comforting to know there are others out there who can relate. This is what is great about the world. We experience things together without knowing one another and one day, as beauty sometimes comes to be, we meet one another, cry, laugh, and have empathy. This is how true humans are meant to live.

: )

It could well be a form of therapy. I wouldn't even care about getting it published or anything... just to get one printed up properly for myself and a few for those involved... and maybe I'll send you one too . And, lol, I think I may well be from one of those towns you speak of. Hmm... maybe we should both write and swap and I'm willing to bet the similarities won't even end there. And yep, I wish I knew about this when I met you... we could have had a right old bitch