How can people be so evil?

Heineken Helen

Oh cateeto... I'm sooooo sorry :( I know EXACTLY what you mean. My mother has constantly tried to ruin my sister and my life in one of the worst possible ways. It's easy for me to get through it cos I don't live nearby... several times I've tried to be civil to her for the sake of family occasions and sometimes I can manage... also the main reason I did is because when she dies I don't want to feel guilt or to think I didn't try. I've tried and each time, give her an inch she takes a fucking mile. The worst for me was when she told me on the phone that my niece was turning out exactly like me and my sister (meaning this gives her a green light to try and destroy her life too)

chadwick

Cateeto wrote:

And get away with it?

What do you do when you see someone clearly out to do wrong.... But yet, no one believes you. What do you do when someone clearly has no conscience but has the ability to persuade others into adoring their every move and be fascinated with the fake life that they live?

This is the world we live in... I guess. But has justice/karma disappeared entirely?

Ever known of someone with evil intentions and felt that horrible feeling in your stomach because they get away with all they do? How did you deal?

And what do you do when this person is related to you?

Sorry guys... My rambling mind is venting.... :(

i avoid ppl i don't accept in my life
if they wanna fuck around
we can fuck around
communication is the greatest tool we have
the piece of shit you speak of needs an ass whoopin

on justice/karma.
i am fully in support of the two

Collin

That's fucked up.

There's nothing much you can do besides what you're already doing, ignoring her and not giving her the satisfaction she seeks. Eventually, people will see who she really is.

Heineken Helen

paige_peach wrote:

I don't think people are born evil. Some are raise evil (treated evil and only know evil), and some carry so much pain that turn off their emotions and lack the care of any other human being. I work with small children and get a chance to watch them grow. I am always amazed at the children who beat the odds and don't become evil.

I agree... My mothers entire family are like that... and it's obvious it came from their mother. We don't speak to any of them... the only time they speak to eachother is when there's some kinda conflict and they back eachother up... they're like dirty little rats!

Heineken Helen

pooch wrote:

I hear what your'e saying but there are a lot of people out there who have had very bad upbringings and been through some bad experiences and got on with their lives, so if they turned around and stabbed someone or mugged someone do we put it down to lack of emotion?

It is amazing how some children get over some of the things they have been put through but i guess that is down to people like yourslef and your collegues who put their time and energy into helping them. keep it up, it must be a long road at times but a rewording one.

You can either choose to follow the only way that you know... or you can accept there are other ways to live your life and break the mould. I can only hope that's what I'm doing. My worst nightmare is that I end up like her. I didn't have a chance to finish the other post and I'm not sure I should either.

Heineken Helen

Cateeto wrote:

Thank you so much for your words... The way I see it, I got out of this in okay condition and am growing more stable each day. I can't wait to be a mom and be the mom my mom should have been... But I tell you, it horrifies me sometimes with great fear that my mom would somehow TRY to get to my children like she obviously has done to my sister...

I'll be over-protective as fuck!

sometimes you're better just cutting your losses. I live by the idea that if somebody does something to bring me down, I cut them out of my life. Just cos one happens to be my mother doesn't make her any different... as she's tried many times more than those other people. After what my mother said about my niece, I finally convinced my sister that we may have been little bitches but we did not deserve what happened and that was all down to her. My sister had been living with guilt and a kinda obligation... but now she knows she's nothing to feel guilty about and that my niece and my new nephew will live a much better life with no contact whatsoever. I've never had any doubt in my mind that I had nothing to feel guilty about. When I explain to people that I don't talk to my mother, I've heard several times 'but she's your mother, blah blah blah' so I should just give her the go ahead to destroy my life? Nah, that argument means nothing to me... SHE means nothing to me and it's been a relief to finally cut her off for good.

catefrances

Cateeto wrote:

Okay... But bear with me... It's a long tale.

I posted awhile back of how I had just found happiness in a mate and had moved away from the town I grew up in... My mom ended up killing my cat. The thing with her though is that she can easily cover her trail and make it all seem "natural". The cat was old, she said he had illnesses and problems (my husband and I checked him over and found nothing) and she had my father take him in and put him down. Vets don't always ask questions when it comes to older animals. But that is in the past and if you want the whole story, just dig up the post.

Now... I went months without talking to my mother. I feel it unnecessary to have her in my life, as my whole life has been a series of circumstances bred from pure evil. The sad thing with her is that she is so manipulative and good at lying that everyone who hears my tales (other than a couple close friends and my husband) thinks I am an over-exaggerator and a liar. I am not.

I ended up having to talk to her again in order to see the rest of my family. I still care for my father, my sister, niece and nephew. I have a brother that got out long ago, who won't have contact with the family due to these circumstances surrounding my mom (not these in particular but some of his own experiences), but I see that his life is kind of unsatisfying and don't want to be him... So I still remain in contact with the woman strictly based on the fact that I can't see any of my other family without seeing her.

Anyway... Every time I come home for a visit with my dad, she tries to fuck with my head. She continually tries to take things I am attached to and make them disappear or do horrible things. I usually block her out.

My grandfather, who was the most important person in my life, left her with ownership of his dog once he died. The dog is a direct attachment to my grandfather and one filled with memories that I enjoy. Last time I was over for a visit, she began telling me of how she is putting the dog to sleep due to old age... I ignored this. What can I do? React and give her satisfaction? She of course was testing me and probably won't put the dog down, as she is quite attached, but if I would have shown any bit of sadness, you can beat your sweet ass she would do it in a heartbeat.

She brought out old photographs of my prior cat, searching my face for bits of emotion. I have to remain still and show no pain, or else she will be happy.

She tries to make me angry with throwing away all of my childhood stuff, to see if I will cringe.

The woman tries every angle to fuck with me, I swear.

But then today I give her a call and tell her I won't be around for Mother's Day due to strep throat (I don't want to get anyone sick). She interrupts me and tells me that one of my other childhood cats has "run off" and "vanished". The story seemed very familiar... In fact, it was the same story told years ago when I was 12 and my other cat had vanished.... So we're talking two cats that mysteriously vanish, the same story told, same detials and all.... Most would believe it because how could a mother do this? But I'm telling you... The way these cats acted, they would never just up and disappear.

I guess things could happen, but it's very coincidental that she tried every angle to fuck with my mind a couple weeks ago and many times before and got no satisfaction out of it.... She won't quit until she gets what she wants, and that is pure misery.

Now here's another fucked up tale...

I am beyond outraged with my sister's naive attitude. She acts like our mother could never do any harm, but it's quite opposite and brings a deep fear inside of me to the point of sometimes not wanting to breed.

I have a niece who is nearly 2. We just found out she is severely allergic to peanuts. The deadly type of allergy. My sister asked my parents to watch the young child while she went to the doctor. When my sister returned to pick her up, my mom walked through the doorway with a large bag of peanut M&Ms for my nephew and niece to share. Luckily, my sister was there to catch it...

Sure, mistakes could happen, right? Well, there are a few things wrong with this.

1. My sister told my mom the night before about the peanut allergy and my mom made a huge deal out it, "fearful" of the results of what would happen if the little one got a hold of a peanut.

2. My nephew has hated peanut M&M's since day one and makes a huge mess spitting out peanuts if he ever consumes them. No one in the family has bought him anything with peanuts since and it's just a known fact in my family.

3. It's not like she just had candy lying around. My parents hate candy. She went out of her way to buy this item.


When my sister explained this tale to me, I tried to get her to see my mom for who she truly is and she agreed it was a purposely done act... But in the end she took back her words and spoke of how "accidental" it must have been.

I'm tired of people being so oblivious and in denial over this woman... It saddens me when no truth can be seen.

Thanks for listening, if you read all this.

you need to distance yourself from this woman. she is toxic.
if you need to see your sister, nephew, niece and father make arrangements with them that DO NOT include your mother. if you plan it right there is no reason in the world why you should have to have anything to do with her again. it is clear that she cares nothing for your feelings and so she should be treated in kind.

Heineken Helen

pooch wrote:

And don't you worry one bit when you have your baby he or she cannot be taken from you because of the words of a mad woman, sorry to call your mum mad but that is how a court would see it.

Yeh, you'd imagine, wouldn't you? You can never trust on that... cateeto has already said how she has everyone eating on her every word... why would a judge be any different?

And I speak from experience :(

harmless_little_f***

The closest I've been to this situation is that I had the most manipulative, arrogant, bullying boss-from-hell and for a long while, everyone sang her praises until they saw what it was doing to me - in short, making me ill. You feel trapped and lifeless, until you get someone on your side.

Heineken Helen

Mr. Cateeto wrote:

The point is that we've told people about her, and they have the NERVE to tell us things like "Oh, she doesn't seem that bad." or "I thought she was nice." Honestly, next time someone says something like that to me, I'm going to give them an ear full.

You sound brilliant

When I tell people what my mother did I always feel like they're gonna think I'm lying... cos it is very far fetched and unbelieveable... you've no idea what a relief it is for me when people say they believe me . I don't know why it's so important but when people take my word straight away without asking questions, I know they're a real friend.

Cateeto... I've already told my boyfriend he will NEVER meet her and that's that. He understands completely. I wouldn't even be able to leave the two of them alone for a minute and she'd jump at the opportunity to tell him a load of lies that she has even come to believe. I know he wouldn't believe her but I wouldn't put anyone through that.

catefrances

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

The closest I've been to this situation is that I had the most manipulative, arrogant, bullying boss-from-hell and for a long while, everyone sang her praises until they saw what it was doing to me - in short, making me ill. You feel trapped and lifeless, until you get someone on your side.

she will be trapped so long as she retains the status quo. she has to make a definite move out of this woman's orbit. i know it might hurt cause this woman is her mother but being a mother does not give you the privilege to make your child's life a living hell. of course i may not be the best person to offer advice in this situ. or any situ that involves actually real people.

remember cateeto it is YOUR life. no one can live it but you and you need to do what it right FOR YOU.

Heineken Helen

catefrances wrote:

she will be trapped so long as she retains the status quo. she has to make a definite move out of this woman's orbit. i know it might hurt cause this woman is her mother but being a mother does not give you the privilege to make your child's life a living hell. of course i may not be the best person to offer advice in this situ. or any situ that involves actually real people.

remember cateeto it is YOUR life. no one can live it but you and you need to do what it right FOR YOU.

I know what you mean but it really isn't so easy when loved ones are still involved with that person. Like I said, I've been able to cut away no problem but until my sister was able to do the same it was a problem. I'd be staying at my sisters house and she'd call unannounced... since it's my sisters house and she'd accept her being there, I have to respect that. Once or twice I hid in another room so as not to even have to bother... other times I'd have to be civil and it was very very painful. But now she's cut her off too so it's much easier... and the couple of times she's called unannounced and unwelcome I've been the one to tell her to leave now. She would call simply to upset my sister and she'd say very very upsetting things about my niece or my sister (in front of her in laws)... she'd say stuff about me too but I'm well able to be answer her back now.

pooch

Heineken Helen wrote:

Yeh, you'd imagine, wouldn't you? You can never trust on that... cateeto has already said how she has everyone eating on her every word... why would a judge be any different?

And I speak from experience :(

You know you’re probably right nothing that would happen theses days would surprise me at all. And as you say ‘speaking from experience’.

Sorry to hear what you have been through.

Heineken Helen

pooch wrote:

You know you’re probably right nothing that would happen theses days would surprise me at all. And as you say ‘speaking from experience’.

Sorry to hear what you have been through.

thank you I just hate to see somebody else going through something similar. A lot of people complain about their parents or say 'my mothers a nut' and I tell them the short of my story and they're like 'fucking hell'. I'd have loved to have had an ordinary nutcase of a mother

We got lucky though that she went a little bit too far with her stories so those who mattered saw through it all before it got too serious.

Blanche

First the pets, now the kids.

Cateeto, your mother needs help. But it won't happen unless she's willing to see she has a problem. Or until things go to far.
People can have a mean streak, but her behavior is downright dangerous. The fact that she is able to manipulate the rest of your family into believing she's innocent in all the doings makes her even more dangerous to everyone's well-being.

The wheel goes round. I've seen it happen.
In the meantime, try to stay above all this.
Courage.

Cateeto

Wow, I walk away for a couple of day and come back to all these supportive/informative/helpful responses! Thank you guys so very much for keeping this thread alive and caring enough to respond/read. I would like to quote every damn one of you, but unfortunately that would take forever, so let me just address you all as a whole and make it easier on myself.

It is a very known fact that my mother is a type of cancer, one that spreads not upon her own body and soul, but one that spreads to other people, aka my family. She spreads her lies that bury themselves deep within each member and I become the plague of the family that no one believes. I'm too "dramatic" to them and because of this, anyone who takes my side or is associated with me, is also not to be trusted. Because my mother is held in such high regards, I'm often overlooked and it is an unfortunate thing, as my ability to ditch my mother entirely and see my other family members on separate occasions, is pretty much impossible.

"Oh Kate, grow up. Deal with mom. She's not as bad as you make her..." is what I'll hear... Or from good ol' dad, "God damn it, I don't need to hear/deal with this! Just fucking get along!" They're stubborn and set in their ways, too lazy to make an effort and too ignorant to put much thought into it.

It makes my insides suffer, thinking of my only family this way, but it's the truth. They're all a pattern of repeats, ignorant and stuck in a town that seems to suck any horrible aspect of life in. I guess all I can do is hope to never be them.

Or my mother.

I was told to stay my distance from her, but as said above, I won't see my other family without her present. I so badly crave to see my little niece and nephew (and soon to be another nephew) grow up... But what is even more heartbreaking is the fact that if I don't call the rest of my family doesn't seem to notice nor care. I went months without seeing my sibling and I just live about an hour away... It killed me. She didn't notice.

I have thought a lot about this situation for a couple of days and numbed out the whole fact that another pet has gone missing. This in its self is hard for me to do, as I love animals dearly and hate for anything bad to happen... But I just have to. After getting over this fact and realizing that it does not make me a bad person to not care, I have also come to more realizations that run into yet more obstacles I have to face.

I'm going to have to slowly leave my family behind.

The process has already started. When I was a young child, they never understood me and my wants and desires to be curious. I figured when I would become a teenager they'd understand more, like they did with my older sister. I became a teenager and spoke in a more adult tongue, one I was positive they'd comprehend. They made fun of me and called me weird, those days, for the things I loved and was passionate about. I was more doubtful then, but figured that maybe once I turned into an adult, they'd really have a chance to connect with me then... Such a thing never happened and I remained saddened and detached. If people, especially my family members will not take the time to know me for me, it should be no different than anyone else who treats me as such garbage in life. I dispose of all garbage. And as hard as it may be, I will make it a lifelong goal to stop trying to fix them as I always do, but walk away silently. They can watch me from a distance, but my life is my own. They'll be but familiar strangers.

I talk to Mr. Cateeto about this every night. Sometimes I think it affects me too much, but I guess it's part of the learning process of life. I don't waste tears on them.

So I guess the solution for now is to continue seeing my family when necessary, but only when necessary. I usually go months without talking to them and have the occasional get together, but when they ask of my life (if they ask of my life) I won't tell them anything really... And I won't ask of theirs.

I will never let myself be alone with my mother again. Mr. Cateeto won't allow it. She'll only pain me.

But I'm a big girl now... Everything bounces off of me.

Heineken Helen

Cateeto wrote:

I'm too "dramatic" to them and because of this, anyone who takes my side or is associated with me, is also not to be trusted. Because my mother is held in such high regards, I'm often overlooked and it is an unfortunate thing, as my ability to ditch my mother entirely and see my other family members on separate occasions, is pretty much impossible. .

I'm sorry I only met you so briefly... but have to say one thing you did NOT come across as was dramatic! In that brief time you offered to put my friend up who you'd never even met... I really think it's your familys loss. I know it hurts though. I'm lucky I never had that problem with my family... my sister and brother put up with her for a certain amount of time but both knew and respected my reasons for cutting her out of my life. I wish your family could do the same :( perhaps in time.

Cateeto wrote:

I'm going to have to slowly leave my family behind. .

I'm sorry :( but it does seem to be the only thing you can do. I've learned that if people don't listen, sometimes the only thing is to let them learn for themselves... hard as that can be, it will eventually happen!

Cateeto wrote:

I talk to Mr. Cateeto about this every night. Sometimes I think it affects me too much, but I guess it's part of the learning process of life. I don't waste tears on them. .

Ever think about talking to somebody? Just see how it goes? I often wonder too how this will effect me... which is why I've already thought of things like 'I WILL go to her funeral... cos I don't want THAT to be something that might fuck me up later'. Anything I do in regards to her is for purely selfish reasons but I have to do what I have to do.

Cateeto wrote:

I will never let myself be alone with my mother again. Mr. Cateeto won't allow it. She'll only pain me.

But I'm a big girl now... Everything bounces off of me.

It's good to be strong and it's good you've got Mr. C to understand and support you... but don't take on more than you think you can... that won't work out well. Do what's good for you (and mr. c of course) and this is the only way you'll get through it. But good luck, it isn't easy!

Cateeto

Heineken Helen wrote:

I'm sorry I only met you so briefly... but have to say one thing you did NOT come across as was dramatic! In that brief time you offered to put my friend up who you'd never even met... I really think it's your familys loss. I know it hurts though. I'm lucky I never had that problem with my family... my sister and brother put up with her for a certain amount of time but both knew and respected my reasons for cutting her out of my life. I wish your family could do the same :( perhaps in time.






Ever think about talking to somebody? Just see how it goes?

Thank you, your words are quite nice to hear. It's always really nice to know when someone knows I'm not overly dramatic. I wish it could be as easy as just walking away abruptly, but with littles ones involved, I just can't do that. While I slowly walk away, I wish my family would gather and comprehend the reasons why I have to do this, but none of them will care much. Such is the way of the world... But at least my life will be fulfilled.

The way I see it... Mr. Cateeto and I have a rare opportunity in life. The two of us get to start fresh and start our own generation of family. He is the last in his family and I have dropped all connection to mine, it seems, emotional wise. Our children will learn the ways we have brought ourselves up in and be more powerful than the both of our current families combined. This idea excites me greatly...

And we will have lots of pets... To make up for all the pets "lost" and killed in my lifetime.

As for talking to someone... It seems as though I've always been a type of counceler for my friends and strangers. If I can give good enough advice to them, I don't see why I can't tackle this myself. If any of that makes sense... I've just never really been too good with speaking to others about my own feelings, as they are something buried deep that only my mind can truly comprehend and decipher.

I'll get through this... I conquer all. And soon it will be with ease.

GraySaturday

This is kinda like when I dated his total jerk off in college who used to pull my by my hair, and smack me, and one time he threw me into my closet doors and I broke them. But he acted like the nicest guy in front of anyone else. So when I would tell people and ask for help no one believed me and I got pinned as the crazy psycho girlfriend who made things up for attention.

He couldn't hide it forever, he finally lost it in front of people. People's true colors eventually come out, no matter how hard they try to hide it.

Heineken Helen

Cateeto wrote:

Thank you, your words are quite nice to hear. It's always really nice to know when someone knows I'm not overly dramatic. I wish it could be as easy as just walking away abruptly, but with littles ones involved, I just can't do that. While I slowly walk away, I wish my family would gather and comprehend the reasons why I have to do this, but none of them will care much. Such is the way of the world... But at least my life will be fulfilled.

The way I see it... Mr. Cateeto and I have a rare opportunity in life. The two of us get to start fresh and start our own generation of family. He is the last in his family and I have dropped all connection to mine, it seems, emotional wise. Our children will learn the ways we have brought ourselves up in and be more powerful than the both of our current families combined. This idea excites me greatly...

And we will have lots of pets... To make up for all the pets "lost" and killed in my lifetime.

As for talking to someone... It seems as though I've always been a type of counceler for my friends and strangers. If I can give good enough advice to them, I don't see why I can't tackle this myself. If any of that makes sense... I've just never really been too good with speaking to others about my own feelings, as they are something buried deep that only my mind can truly comprehend and decipher.

I'll get through this... I conquer all. And soon it will be with ease.

You make very good points... and yep, it IS very exciting. And it's actually a great feeling when you finally don't have to 'answer' (not being the right word) to that person anymore or be a part of their life... it's pretty close to freedom . And I certainly understand how the ties make it more difficult. But it sounds like you've certainly tried... it's definitely worrying for the sake of the kids though . That was when my sister finally dropped her... when she knew she could no longer get to either of us and started making threats towards my 12 year old niece :eek: . It's like grey said... they usually get too comfortable with their getting away with it so they keep going further and further... until one day they go too far and everybody else finally sees. Just you do what you have to do for now... and perhaps the situation will evolve as time goes on.

And I know what ya mean about sorting through your own problems... but it's not healthy to keep them locked up and not talk about your feelings. If you ever don't feel like opening up to the board and it's getting heavy... feel free to drop me a pm. 99% of the time I'm perfectly fine with how it's ended up and know I've made the right choices... but the odd time I get quite angry about what I was put through. One of these days, I told my sister I'll write a book with fictional names and change the location and call it a work of fiction and use a pseudonym... but it will be word for word what happened. And I'll drop a copy on her doorstep

And while I'm really sorry to see somebody else go through similar :( it's comforting to know there are others out there... where it goes far beyond the usual 'my mom's a bitch'.

pjtaper

take them to Arby's for a roast beef sandwich!

Heineken Helen

GraySaturday wrote:

This is kinda like when I dated his total jerk off in college who used to pull my by my hair, and smack me, and one time he threw me into my closet doors and I broke them. But he acted like the nicest guy in front of anyone else. So when I would tell people and ask for help no one believed me and I got pinned as the crazy psycho girlfriend who made things up for attention.

He couldn't hide it forever, he finally lost it in front of people. People's true colors eventually come out, no matter how hard they try to hide it.

I'm sorry :(

Cateeto

Heineken Helen wrote:

And I know what ya mean about sorting through your own problems... but it's not healthy to keep them locked up and not talk about your feelings. If you ever don't feel like opening up to the board and it's getting heavy... feel free to drop me a pm. 99% of the time I'm perfectly fine with how it's ended up and know I've made the right choices... but the odd time I get quite angry about what I was put through. One of these days, I told my sister I'll write a book with fictional names and change the location and call it a work of fiction and use a pseudonym... but it will be word for word what happened. And I'll drop a copy on her doorstep

And while I'm really sorry to see somebody else go through similar :( it's comforting to know there are others out there... where it goes far beyond the usual 'my mom's a bitch'.

Wow Helen! You and I are very similar in many ways! You know, I'm big into writing and Mr. Cateeto has urged me time and time again to write a book the exact same way with fictional names and places. He believes I should write about the town I'm from and what it does to people.... That is quite a story right there, but perhaps I should leave that for another thread!

It is quite comforting to know there are others out there who can relate. This is what is great about the world. We experience things together without knowing one another and one day, as beauty sometimes comes to be, we meet one another, cry, laugh, and have empathy. This is how true humans are meant to live.

Heineken Helen

Cateeto wrote:

Wow Helen! You and I are very similar in many ways! You know, I'm big into writing and Mr. Cateeto has urged me time and time again to write a book the exact same way with fictional names and places. He believes I should write about the town I'm from and what it does to people.... That is quite a story right there, but perhaps I should leave that for another thread! : p

It is quite comforting to know there are others out there who can relate. This is what is great about the world. We experience things together without knowing one another and one day, as beauty sometimes comes to be, we meet one another, cry, laugh, and have empathy. This is how true humans are meant to live.

: )

It could well be a form of therapy. I wouldn't even care about getting it published or anything... just to get one printed up properly for myself and a few for those involved... and maybe I'll send you one too . And, lol, I think I may well be from one of those towns you speak of. Hmm... maybe we should both write and swap and I'm willing to bet the similarities won't even end there. And yep, I wish I knew about this when I met you... we could have had a right old bitch