How can people be so evil?

pooch

paige_peach wrote:

I don't think people are born evil. Some are raise evil (treated evil and only know evil), and some carry so much pain that turn off their emotions and lack the care of any other human being. I work with small children and get a chance to watch them grow. I am always amazed at the children who beat the odds and don't become evil.

I hear what your'e saying but there are a lot of people out there who have had very bad upbringings and been through some bad experiences and got on with their lives, so if they turned around and stabbed someone or mugged someone do we put it down to lack of emotion?

It is amazing how some children get over some of the things they have been put through but i guess that is down to people like yourslef and your collegues who put their time and energy into helping them. keep it up, it must be a long road at times but a rewording one.

Cateeto

meme wrote:

Is there any way you could take your pets with you? And if you stopped contacting your mom, wouldn't your dad and siblings keep contact with you?

I tried to take my one cat before, but unfortunately it stirred up a huge argument with my family... It was then determined that they would wait until after our wedding and contact us when they were to put the cat down. Our plan was to sneak by the house and take the cat beforehand... We never got the chance. The cat was killed, without notification, on our honeymoon, when we were out of state.

As for my family... No. They would not keep in contact with me. They would think I was being overly dramatic. Unfortunately with this family, if you move out of town, you're not even considered as much of anything.

Cateeto

pooch wrote:

I've come across people like your mother in the past, it's like before the game they are given the rules and know how to play but they play dirty, i've had people turn on me and want to beat me up because of people like your mother, i'm lucky hun god blessed me with an angel of a mother 'who people 'in laws' play for a fool because of her sweetness and loving nature, i take it in my stride to protect her as i know how lucky i am and if i can be half the mother she has been to me to my son i'm doing ok.

I feel so sorry for you, the woman brought you into the world it's like she is punishing you for it, you are better than her and high five for keeping your head up.

karma is a bitch what comes around goes around

Thank you so much for your words... The way I see it, I got out of this in okay condition and am growing more stable each day. I can't wait to be a mom and be the mom my mom should have been... But I tell you, it horrifies me sometimes with great fear that my mom would somehow TRY to get to my children like she obviously has done to my sister...

I'll be over-protective as fuck!

Cateeto

paige_peach wrote:

I don't think people are born evil. Some are raise evil (treated evil and only know evil), and some carry so much pain that turn off their emotions and lack the care of any other human being. I work with small children and get a chance to watch them grow. I am always amazed at the children who beat the odds and don't become evil.

See, this is where confusion lies with my mother... She definitely was not raised in an evil environment.

My grandfather, her father, was an amazing kind soul and through him I got a very stable upbringing when I was not around my mother. If it weren't for him and his clear eyes through this world we live in, I may not have turned out the way I am today... There was not an evil bone in his body... But yet... How did she come to be?

pooch

Cateeto wrote:

Thank you so much for your words... The way I see it, I got out of this in okay condition and am growing more stable each day. I can't wait to be a mom and be the mom my mom should have been... But I tell you, it horrifies me sometimes with great fear that my mom would somehow TRY to get to my children like she obviously has done to my sister...

I'll be over-protective as fuck!

At least she done one thing right and that was bringing you into the world, i think as much as she has hurt you you're still a good person and you're not gonna practice what she has preached, so that is good. And don't you worry one bit when you have your baby he or she cannot be taken from you because of the words of a mad woman, sorry to call your mum mad but that is how a court would see it.

blood is thicker than water but when it comes to a child you have carried hell nor high water will hold you back.

tony vi

AS GOD FORGIVE EVERYTHING YOU CAN DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT ... . open your eyes and look with it , are you satisfy in the world you leave it ( Remember BOB Marley , it always give you hope .....

Jeanie

Cateeto, I'm so sorry. The woman sounds deranged and highly manipulative.

My only suggestion is to limit contact with her to a bare minimum, only be around her when other people are present. Accept nothing from her and leave nothing of yours with her. Tell her nothing and don't be drawn into the game.

If you have to see her, both you and Mr Cateeto need to have a plan about how the day is going to go. Don't be alone with her, don't give her any information and don't give her any opportunity to get you. When you visit limit your time and make it clear that you're only going to be there for a while. Spend time with the rest of your family and say nothing to her or keep it impersonal. I find asking questions, a lot of questions about the person, that tends to keep them occupied and stops them focusing on you. You have to "stick fat" as my Dad would say. Be strong and don't give her any opportunities. Unite with Mr Cateeto and don't be apart when you are around the family.

AND remember, YOU haven't done anything. You do deserve better but it sounds highly unlikely you're gonna get it so protect yourself as best you can by limiting time and information with your family and NEVER allowing her an "in".

Maybe in time, if you say nothing, keep good counsel and just try to be dutiful but detached others may come to see how things are.

I really hope that things improve for you and I'm really sorry you have to go through that. It's horrid.

Cateeto

Jeanie wrote:

Cateeto, I'm so sorry. The woman sounds deranged and highly manipulative.

My only suggestion is to limit contact with her to a bare minimum, only be around her when other people are present. Accept nothing from her and leave nothing of yours with her. Tell her nothing and don't be drawn into the game.

If you have to see her, both you and Mr Cateeto need to have a plan about how the day is going to go. Don't be alone with her, don't give her any information and don't give her any opportunity to get you. When you visit limit your time and make it clear that you're only going to be there for a while. Spend time with the rest of your family and say nothing to her or keep it impersonal. I find asking questions, a lot of questions about the person, that tends to keep them occupied and stops them focusing on you. You have to "stick fat" as my Dad would say. Be strong and don't give her any opportunities. Unite with Mr Cateeto and don't be apart when you are around the family.

AND remember, YOU haven't done anything. You do deserve better but it sounds highly unlikely you're gonna get it so protect yourself as best you can by limiting time and information with your family and NEVER allowing her an "in".

Maybe in time, if you say nothing, keep good counsel and just try to be dutiful but detached others may come to see how things are.

I really hope that things improve for you and I'm really sorry you have to go through that. It's horrid.

Thanks for the suggestion. I pretty much do it this way already... Ever since I originally moved out, I stayed my distance and especially when she put my first cat down, I had nothing more to do with her for months.... But family keeps me near. Now things have been on a bare minimum for contact and I try my hardest to never be alone with her. I guess I have to try harder.

I don't open up at all though. She just finds things from my past and uses them to her advantage. It's very unfortunate. I will get through it all though and soon she will be alone forever. Unless my family is oblivious forever... That I fear more than anything.

Mr. Cateeto

paige_peach wrote:

I don't think people are born evil. Some are raise evil (treated evil and only know evil), and some carry so much pain that turn off their emotions and lack the care of any other human being. I work with small children and get a chance to watch them grow. I am always amazed at the children who beat the odds and don't become evil.

Well see, as Cateeto said, I don't believe that she was raised in an evil environment. It's a shit-tastic fact of life, but some people are just born bad, and just some times, it's almost impossible to tell those who are the most evil.

The type of behavior that this woman exhibits is definitely sociopatic. She compulsively lies, has no respect for anything living, and appears to have no conscience. Her wanton disregard for the well-being of others has enraged me time and time again on countless occasions. For example:

1. She's a dispatcher for a trucking company, and tips drivers off when they're about to do random drug screenings. If someone wants to use drugs on their own time, whatever, but when you're purposefully circumventing rules and laws meant to keep people under the influence from getting behind the wheel of an 18 wheeler, you have no conscience.

2. Of course, the peanut M&M incident.

3. She let her nephew play on a rusted swing set, which ended up breaking and the kid hurt himself. Not badly, mind you, but he could've gotten seriously injured, or a tetanus infection.

4. She would not provide her own kids with medical care in life-threatening situations. This happened too many times to tell.

There are tons of examples like this, large and small, that have happened over the years that are too numerous to bring up here.

The rest of Cateeto's family catches this woman making bold-faced lies all the time, but do they ever confront her or call her on it? Of course not. They just act like it's normal. For them, everyone is expected to lie about everything, which is the main reason that the rest of the family members never believe Cateeto about these things.

The point is that we've told people about her, and they have the NERVE to tell us things like "Oh, she doesn't seem that bad." or "I thought she was nice." Honestly, next time someone says something like that to me, I'm going to give them an ear full.

Jeanie

Cateeto wrote:

Thanks for the suggestion. I pretty much do it this way already... Ever since I originally moved out, I stayed my distance and especially when she put my first cat down, I had nothing more to do with her for months.... But family keeps me near. Now things have been on a bare minimum for contact and I try my hardest to never be alone with her. I guess I have to try harder.

I don't open up at all though. She just finds things from my past and uses them to her advantage. It's very unfortunate. I will get through it all though and soon she will be alone forever. Unless my family is oblivious forever... That I fear more than anything.

It sounded as though you already had a plan, I just thought it might help. You must be so tired of it. I really feel for you. It must be so hurtful and distressing. I wouldn't like it at all. I guess you can only stick to your guns and protect yourself as best you can. You said that you were trying not to show a reaction to some of the stuff she does, maybe that spurs her on more? I don't suppose you could turn the tables a little bit? I mean that might give you some satisfaction and feel more in control of the situation. You know turn up with gifts for her and be so sugary sweet and kind to her in front of others they'd never have reason to question? But make it on your terms? You know play her at her own game. I dunno, I guess that takes a fair bit of energy that you'd probably prefer to use elsewhere.

Not the same thing but I've had a running thing with a cousin for a lot of years. He's an arse and it got so I couldn't stand to be in the same room as him which made it terribly difficult at family gatherings. I got a lot of pressure put on me to get along with him and his wife. Both of them would be incredibly rude and behave appallingly if I brought friends along to family functions. In the end it sorta seperated our family into camps. My grandmother always hoped that I'd find a way to spend time with him and that side of the family for her sake but as I pointed out to her why should I always come along and make the effort only to give them the satisfaction of being hideous? And believe me they took great satisfaction in being hideous at my expense.
It was so bad that I almost didn't go to my grandmother's funeral because I knew they'd be there and I just didn't want to deal with them. But I went out of respect for her and I made sure to march up to him and shake his hand and kiss his wife on the cheek and hug his children and tell them I was sorry for their loss right in front of everyone and then I walked away and I have no intention of ever bothering with them again.

I guess I'm lucky in that now that my grandmother is dead the strings that bind us are loosening somewhat and of course this is extended family and not my mother, so I can only imagine how upsetting you must find it Cateeto. I really hope that you find a way to not let it grind you down. I wish for you that you are able to find a way to live well with the situation, mostly I wish for you that it wasn't happening at all.

Heineken Helen

Oh cateeto... I'm sooooo sorry :( I know EXACTLY what you mean. My mother has constantly tried to ruin my sister and my life in one of the worst possible ways. It's easy for me to get through it cos I don't live nearby... several times I've tried to be civil to her for the sake of family occasions and sometimes I can manage... also the main reason I did is because when she dies I don't want to feel guilt or to think I didn't try. I've tried and each time, give her an inch she takes a fucking mile. The worst for me was when she told me on the phone that my niece was turning out exactly like me and my sister (meaning this gives her a green light to try and destroy her life too)

chadwick

Cateeto wrote:

And get away with it?

What do you do when you see someone clearly out to do wrong.... But yet, no one believes you. What do you do when someone clearly has no conscience but has the ability to persuade others into adoring their every move and be fascinated with the fake life that they live?

This is the world we live in... I guess. But has justice/karma disappeared entirely?

Ever known of someone with evil intentions and felt that horrible feeling in your stomach because they get away with all they do? How did you deal?

And what do you do when this person is related to you?

Sorry guys... My rambling mind is venting.... :(

i avoid ppl i don't accept in my life
if they wanna fuck around
we can fuck around
communication is the greatest tool we have
the piece of shit you speak of needs an ass whoopin

on justice/karma.
i am fully in support of the two

Collin

That's fucked up.

There's nothing much you can do besides what you're already doing, ignoring her and not giving her the satisfaction she seeks. Eventually, people will see who she really is.

Heineken Helen

paige_peach wrote:

I don't think people are born evil. Some are raise evil (treated evil and only know evil), and some carry so much pain that turn off their emotions and lack the care of any other human being. I work with small children and get a chance to watch them grow. I am always amazed at the children who beat the odds and don't become evil.

I agree... My mothers entire family are like that... and it's obvious it came from their mother. We don't speak to any of them... the only time they speak to eachother is when there's some kinda conflict and they back eachother up... they're like dirty little rats!

Heineken Helen

pooch wrote:

I hear what your'e saying but there are a lot of people out there who have had very bad upbringings and been through some bad experiences and got on with their lives, so if they turned around and stabbed someone or mugged someone do we put it down to lack of emotion?

It is amazing how some children get over some of the things they have been put through but i guess that is down to people like yourslef and your collegues who put their time and energy into helping them. keep it up, it must be a long road at times but a rewording one.

You can either choose to follow the only way that you know... or you can accept there are other ways to live your life and break the mould. I can only hope that's what I'm doing. My worst nightmare is that I end up like her. I didn't have a chance to finish the other post and I'm not sure I should either.

Heineken Helen

Cateeto wrote:

Thank you so much for your words... The way I see it, I got out of this in okay condition and am growing more stable each day. I can't wait to be a mom and be the mom my mom should have been... But I tell you, it horrifies me sometimes with great fear that my mom would somehow TRY to get to my children like she obviously has done to my sister...

I'll be over-protective as fuck!

sometimes you're better just cutting your losses. I live by the idea that if somebody does something to bring me down, I cut them out of my life. Just cos one happens to be my mother doesn't make her any different... as she's tried many times more than those other people. After what my mother said about my niece, I finally convinced my sister that we may have been little bitches but we did not deserve what happened and that was all down to her. My sister had been living with guilt and a kinda obligation... but now she knows she's nothing to feel guilty about and that my niece and my new nephew will live a much better life with no contact whatsoever. I've never had any doubt in my mind that I had nothing to feel guilty about. When I explain to people that I don't talk to my mother, I've heard several times 'but she's your mother, blah blah blah' so I should just give her the go ahead to destroy my life? Nah, that argument means nothing to me... SHE means nothing to me and it's been a relief to finally cut her off for good.

catefrances

Cateeto wrote:

Okay... But bear with me... It's a long tale.

I posted awhile back of how I had just found happiness in a mate and had moved away from the town I grew up in... My mom ended up killing my cat. The thing with her though is that she can easily cover her trail and make it all seem "natural". The cat was old, she said he had illnesses and problems (my husband and I checked him over and found nothing) and she had my father take him in and put him down. Vets don't always ask questions when it comes to older animals. But that is in the past and if you want the whole story, just dig up the post.

Now... I went months without talking to my mother. I feel it unnecessary to have her in my life, as my whole life has been a series of circumstances bred from pure evil. The sad thing with her is that she is so manipulative and good at lying that everyone who hears my tales (other than a couple close friends and my husband) thinks I am an over-exaggerator and a liar. I am not.

I ended up having to talk to her again in order to see the rest of my family. I still care for my father, my sister, niece and nephew. I have a brother that got out long ago, who won't have contact with the family due to these circumstances surrounding my mom (not these in particular but some of his own experiences), but I see that his life is kind of unsatisfying and don't want to be him... So I still remain in contact with the woman strictly based on the fact that I can't see any of my other family without seeing her.

Anyway... Every time I come home for a visit with my dad, she tries to fuck with my head. She continually tries to take things I am attached to and make them disappear or do horrible things. I usually block her out.

My grandfather, who was the most important person in my life, left her with ownership of his dog once he died. The dog is a direct attachment to my grandfather and one filled with memories that I enjoy. Last time I was over for a visit, she began telling me of how she is putting the dog to sleep due to old age... I ignored this. What can I do? React and give her satisfaction? She of course was testing me and probably won't put the dog down, as she is quite attached, but if I would have shown any bit of sadness, you can beat your sweet ass she would do it in a heartbeat.

She brought out old photographs of my prior cat, searching my face for bits of emotion. I have to remain still and show no pain, or else she will be happy.

She tries to make me angry with throwing away all of my childhood stuff, to see if I will cringe.

The woman tries every angle to fuck with me, I swear.

But then today I give her a call and tell her I won't be around for Mother's Day due to strep throat (I don't want to get anyone sick). She interrupts me and tells me that one of my other childhood cats has "run off" and "vanished". The story seemed very familiar... In fact, it was the same story told years ago when I was 12 and my other cat had vanished.... So we're talking two cats that mysteriously vanish, the same story told, same detials and all.... Most would believe it because how could a mother do this? But I'm telling you... The way these cats acted, they would never just up and disappear.

I guess things could happen, but it's very coincidental that she tried every angle to fuck with my mind a couple weeks ago and many times before and got no satisfaction out of it.... She won't quit until she gets what she wants, and that is pure misery.

Now here's another fucked up tale...

I am beyond outraged with my sister's naive attitude. She acts like our mother could never do any harm, but it's quite opposite and brings a deep fear inside of me to the point of sometimes not wanting to breed.

I have a niece who is nearly 2. We just found out she is severely allergic to peanuts. The deadly type of allergy. My sister asked my parents to watch the young child while she went to the doctor. When my sister returned to pick her up, my mom walked through the doorway with a large bag of peanut M&Ms for my nephew and niece to share. Luckily, my sister was there to catch it...

Sure, mistakes could happen, right? Well, there are a few things wrong with this.

1. My sister told my mom the night before about the peanut allergy and my mom made a huge deal out it, "fearful" of the results of what would happen if the little one got a hold of a peanut.

2. My nephew has hated peanut M&M's since day one and makes a huge mess spitting out peanuts if he ever consumes them. No one in the family has bought him anything with peanuts since and it's just a known fact in my family.

3. It's not like she just had candy lying around. My parents hate candy. She went out of her way to buy this item.


When my sister explained this tale to me, I tried to get her to see my mom for who she truly is and she agreed it was a purposely done act... But in the end she took back her words and spoke of how "accidental" it must have been.

I'm tired of people being so oblivious and in denial over this woman... It saddens me when no truth can be seen.

Thanks for listening, if you read all this.

you need to distance yourself from this woman. she is toxic.
if you need to see your sister, nephew, niece and father make arrangements with them that DO NOT include your mother. if you plan it right there is no reason in the world why you should have to have anything to do with her again. it is clear that she cares nothing for your feelings and so she should be treated in kind.

Heineken Helen

pooch wrote:

And don't you worry one bit when you have your baby he or she cannot be taken from you because of the words of a mad woman, sorry to call your mum mad but that is how a court would see it.

Yeh, you'd imagine, wouldn't you? You can never trust on that... cateeto has already said how she has everyone eating on her every word... why would a judge be any different?

And I speak from experience :(

harmless_little_f***

The closest I've been to this situation is that I had the most manipulative, arrogant, bullying boss-from-hell and for a long while, everyone sang her praises until they saw what it was doing to me - in short, making me ill. You feel trapped and lifeless, until you get someone on your side.

Heineken Helen

Mr. Cateeto wrote:

The point is that we've told people about her, and they have the NERVE to tell us things like "Oh, she doesn't seem that bad." or "I thought she was nice." Honestly, next time someone says something like that to me, I'm going to give them an ear full.

You sound brilliant

When I tell people what my mother did I always feel like they're gonna think I'm lying... cos it is very far fetched and unbelieveable... you've no idea what a relief it is for me when people say they believe me . I don't know why it's so important but when people take my word straight away without asking questions, I know they're a real friend.

Cateeto... I've already told my boyfriend he will NEVER meet her and that's that. He understands completely. I wouldn't even be able to leave the two of them alone for a minute and she'd jump at the opportunity to tell him a load of lies that she has even come to believe. I know he wouldn't believe her but I wouldn't put anyone through that.