How can people be so evil?

CateetoCateeto Posts: 377
edited May 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
And get away with it?

What do you do when you see someone clearly out to do wrong.... But yet, no one believes you. What do you do when someone clearly has no conscience but has the ability to persuade others into adoring their every move and be fascinated with the fake life that they live?

This is the world we live in... I guess. But has justice/karma disappeared entirely?

Ever known of someone with evil intentions and felt that horrible feeling in your stomach because they get away with all they do? How did you deal?

And what do you do when this person is related to you?

Sorry guys... My rambling mind is venting.... :(
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Comments

  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    don't worry bush will be out of office soon...;)



    seriously, i remember you talking about your family in the past....and i feel for you.....in my family, we cutoff the sleazy people....but they always seem to rear themselves from time to time....usually when someone has died ($$$)....


    care to elaborate on what happened or are you just venting cuz either way it's ok :)
  • I dunno. I remember a while back some dude shot his friend in the face while they were hunting and when it was all said and done, the friend ended up apologizing to the shooter. You def got to be evil for that shit to happen.
  • yellowled24yellowled24 Posts: 3,118
    Aw Kate :(
    Sorry you are going through this crappola situation, is it the same thing that we talked about a few months ago??

    I am a HUGE, MASSIVE, GARGANTUON believer in Karma....and I guess all you can do is go with your own direction and wait for the shit to hit the fan??

    I wish I wasnt on the other side of the world...I feel like im not much help :(

    Chin up hun :o
    "....and was very surprised to see that he didnt actually have a recipe for anus-ankle soup." - Big Ed
  • CateetoCateeto Posts: 377
    cutback wrote:
    don't worry bush will be out of office soon...;)



    seriously, i remember you talking about your family in the past....and i feel for you.....in my family, we cutoff the sleazy people....but they always seem to rear themselves from time to time....usually when someone has died ($$$)....


    care to elaborate on what happened or are you just venting cuz either way it's ok :)
    Okay... But bear with me... It's a long tale.

    I posted awhile back of how I had just found happiness in a mate and had moved away from the town I grew up in... My mom ended up killing my cat. The thing with her though is that she can easily cover her trail and make it all seem "natural". The cat was old, she said he had illnesses and problems (my husband and I checked him over and found nothing) and she had my father take him in and put him down. Vets don't always ask questions when it comes to older animals. But that is in the past and if you want the whole story, just dig up the post.

    Now... I went months without talking to my mother. I feel it unnecessary to have her in my life, as my whole life has been a series of circumstances bred from pure evil. The sad thing with her is that she is so manipulative and good at lying that everyone who hears my tales (other than a couple close friends and my husband) thinks I am an over-exaggerator and a liar. I am not.

    I ended up having to talk to her again in order to see the rest of my family. I still care for my father, my sister, niece and nephew. I have a brother that got out long ago, who won't have contact with the family due to these circumstances surrounding my mom (not these in particular but some of his own experiences), but I see that his life is kind of unsatisfying and don't want to be him... So I still remain in contact with the woman strictly based on the fact that I can't see any of my other family without seeing her.

    Anyway... Every time I come home for a visit with my dad, she tries to fuck with my head. She continually tries to take things I am attached to and make them disappear or do horrible things. I usually block her out.

    My grandfather, who was the most important person in my life, left her with ownership of his dog once he died. The dog is a direct attachment to my grandfather and one filled with memories that I enjoy. Last time I was over for a visit, she began telling me of how she is putting the dog to sleep due to old age... I ignored this. What can I do? React and give her satisfaction? She of course was testing me and probably won't put the dog down, as she is quite attached, but if I would have shown any bit of sadness, you can beat your sweet ass she would do it in a heartbeat.

    She brought out old photographs of my prior cat, searching my face for bits of emotion. I have to remain still and show no pain, or else she will be happy.

    She tries to make me angry with throwing away all of my childhood stuff, to see if I will cringe.

    The woman tries every angle to fuck with me, I swear.

    But then today I give her a call and tell her I won't be around for Mother's Day due to strep throat (I don't want to get anyone sick). She interrupts me and tells me that one of my other childhood cats has "run off" and "vanished". The story seemed very familiar... In fact, it was the same story told years ago when I was 12 and my other cat had vanished.... So we're talking two cats that mysteriously vanish, the same story told, same detials and all.... Most would believe it because how could a mother do this? But I'm telling you... The way these cats acted, they would never just up and disappear.

    I guess things could happen, but it's very coincidental that she tried every angle to fuck with my mind a couple weeks ago and many times before and got no satisfaction out of it.... She won't quit until she gets what she wants, and that is pure misery.

    Now here's another fucked up tale...

    I am beyond outraged with my sister's naive attitude. She acts like our mother could never do any harm, but it's quite opposite and brings a deep fear inside of me to the point of sometimes not wanting to breed.

    I have a niece who is nearly 2. We just found out she is severely allergic to peanuts. The deadly type of allergy. My sister asked my parents to watch the young child while she went to the doctor. When my sister returned to pick her up, my mom walked through the doorway with a large bag of peanut M&Ms for my nephew and niece to share. Luckily, my sister was there to catch it...

    Sure, mistakes could happen, right? Well, there are a few things wrong with this.

    1. My sister told my mom the night before about the peanut allergy and my mom made a huge deal out it, "fearful" of the results of what would happen if the little one got a hold of a peanut.

    2. My nephew has hated peanut M&M's since day one and makes a huge mess spitting out peanuts if he ever consumes them. No one in the family has bought him anything with peanuts since and it's just a known fact in my family.

    3. It's not like she just had candy lying around. My parents hate candy. She went out of her way to buy this item.


    When my sister explained this tale to me, I tried to get her to see my mom for who she truly is and she agreed it was a purposely done act... But in the end she took back her words and spoke of how "accidental" it must have been.

    I'm tired of people being so oblivious and in denial over this woman... It saddens me when no truth can be seen.

    Thanks for listening, if you read all this.
  • CateetoCateeto Posts: 377
    Aw Kate :(
    Sorry you are going through this crappola situation, is it the same thing that we talked about a few months ago??

    I am a HUGE, MASSIVE, GARGANTUON believer in Karma....and I guess all you can do is go with your own direction and wait for the shit to hit the fan??

    I wish I wasnt on the other side of the world...I feel like im not much help :(

    Chin up hun :o
    Thanks.... I'm trying to just block it all out.... But I just get so angry when I have to wait for the good of situations to arise. Someday, I suppose.... Someday....
  • yellowled24yellowled24 Posts: 3,118
    Cateeto wrote:
    Thanks.... I'm trying to just block it all out.... But I just get so angry when I have to wait for the good of situations to arise. Someday, I suppose.... Someday....
    I know, it seems so unfair when youre not the one making the mess, but you have to deal with the shit that comes with it :(

    Believe me, their time will come :mad:
    Is it too early to drink??
    "....and was very surprised to see that he didnt actually have a recipe for anus-ankle soup." - Big Ed
  • CateetoCateeto Posts: 377
    I know, it seems so unfair when youre not the one making the mess, but you have to deal with the shit that comes with it :(

    Believe me, their time will come :mad:
    Is it too early to drink??
    Ha, not over here!

    And trust me... It's a beer night for Kate!
  • poochpooch Posts: 15
    I think some people are just born with evil in them, there is nothing you or i can say or do to change the way they are, these people have a great way of turning things around that makes you wonder where they got it from, it's like a work of art, i've seen some tricks pulled in my time that has always made me wonder just how the peson pulled it off.. amazing alright, maybe i'm just jealous that i don't have that pull over people, if i did maybe i wouldn't have got caught out so much.
    Children are born with wings, teachers help them to fly
  • yellowled24yellowled24 Posts: 3,118
    :eek: OH......MY.......GOD

    I just read through your story.........

    Is there ANY way that you can manipulate her back? I guess like you say, by not showing youre upset is a good thing...
    but surely you would think she would stop being such an awful person eventually??????

    Im so sorry :(
    "....and was very surprised to see that he didnt actually have a recipe for anus-ankle soup." - Big Ed
  • CateetoCateeto Posts: 377
    :eek: OH......MY.......GOD

    I just read through your story.........

    Is there ANY way that you can manipulate her back? I guess like you say, by not showing youre upset is a good thing...
    but surely you would think she would stop being such an awful person eventually??????

    Im so sorry :(
    I just act like some sort of machine and program myself to not react... It's draining on me though and I want so badly to just run away from them all, but there's that obligation to stay for my other family... I don't know. I just can't understand how others can be so easily tricked by her.

    She comes after me because I'm the only one in the family who is not a sheep, who got out, aside from my brother. She used to try to attack my brother too, but he left us all behind. Even I can't have contact with him.

    I don't know if I want that life though...

    I just wish karma would catch up already.
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    Cateeto wrote:
    Thanks for listening, if you read all this.


    read it all and now i remember.....your mother need psychiatric help....it's one thing to look for attention it's another to kill cats and nearly kill grandkids for it.....i feel for you....if the whole family could get together and confront her to get some help that would be great.....but it sounds like that won't be happening anytime soon...i can't believe your sister doesn't see what's happening even after the m&m incident :(

    i wish i could give you pearls of wisdom to help but this is definitely one fucked up situation....
  • yellowled24yellowled24 Posts: 3,118
    cutback wrote:
    read it all and now i remember.....your mother need psychiatric help....it's one thing to look for attention it's another to kill cats and nearly kill grandkids for it.....i feel for you....if the whole family could get together and confront her to get some help that would be great.....but it sounds like that won't be happening anytime soon...i can't believe your sister doesn't see what's happening even after the m&m incident :(

    i wish i could give you pearls of wisdom to help but this is definitely one fucked up situation....
    This could be an idea...

    Could you get enough people to back you up Kate? Or are they all brainwashed by your mum??

    Thats serious business bout the peanut thing...what about Child Welfare?? I 'spose they need concrete evidence....
    "....and was very surprised to see that he didnt actually have a recipe for anus-ankle soup." - Big Ed
  • CateetoCateeto Posts: 377
    cutback wrote:
    read it all and now i remember.....your mother need psychiatric help....it's one thing to look for attention it's another to kill cats and nearly kill grandkids for it.....i feel for you....if the whole family could get together and confront her to get some help that would be great.....but it sounds like that won't be happening anytime soon...i can't believe your sister doesn't see what's happening even after the m&m incident :(

    i wish i could give you pearls of wisdom to help but this is definitely one fucked up situation....
    You know, it is sad. The more and more I try to convince family members of her evil ways, the more they turn on me. She sometimes even gets to them before I do, telling them that I will say something similar to what I actually say... So because of that, they feel I am over-exaggerating and making shit up (if any of that makes sense, I know I'm kind of typing a lot and it soudns okay in my head).

    Even my brother, who got away, is partially messed up by her past actions and sometiems refuses to deal IF by chance he ever comes back to see my dad. I feel so alone out here sometimes...

    I'm just lucky i have a handful of people who believe me, and that to me, is the best comfort I can get.
  • CateetoCateeto Posts: 377
    This could be an idea...

    Could you get enough people to back you up Kate? Or are they all brainwashed by your mum??

    Thats serious business bout the peanut thing...what about Child Welfare?? I 'spose they need concrete evidence....
    That and my sister, the child's mother, would be saying I was full of shit.

    I could never get enough credible people to back me up... No one who deals with her firsthand.

    She's a compulsive liar. An example of how persuasive she is towards people is this.

    She called us up one time when we were looking for a record player. She said she had one we could have. The only record players at my house that I knew of were broken so I questioned her of it. She assured me that this one worked fine and to come out immediately.

    We had our friend with us and drove the 120 mile trip that way to pick it up, him with us. On our long drive out there, we explained my mother to him and how manipulative she was. We told him to look out for it and expect her lies.

    When we got there, sure enough, she had lied about the record player and being so angry, my husband and I refused to stay to visit and went back in the car with our friend to travel our long way back home.

    "See what I mean about this woman?" we both stated to him, frustrated as all hell. His response? "I don't know guys... You're kind of full of it. She seemed pretty nice to me."

    Horrifying.... It's horrifying when she even gets to your closest of friends.
  • memememe Posts: 4,695
    Is there any way you could take your pets with you? And if you stopped contacting your mom, wouldn't your dad and siblings keep contact with you?
    ... and the will to show I will always be better than before.
  • yellowled24yellowled24 Posts: 3,118
    Cateeto wrote:
    You know, it is sad. The more and more I try to convince family members of her evil ways, the more they turn on me. She sometimes even gets to them before I do, telling them that I will say something similar to what I actually say... So because of that, they feel I am over-exaggerating and making shit up (if any of that makes sense, I know I'm kind of typing a lot and it soudns okay in my head).

    Even my brother, who got away, is partially messed up by her past actions and sometiems refuses to deal IF by chance he ever comes back to see my dad. I feel so alone out here sometimes...

    I'm just lucky i have a handful of people who believe me, and that to me, is the best comfort I can get.
    I believe you :o

    Have faith, the world works in mysterious ways my friend...
    Is their anyway you can get the dog? Even steal it?? I know its not the RIGHT thing to do....but its not as if your Mum is doing the right thing either
    "....and was very surprised to see that he didnt actually have a recipe for anus-ankle soup." - Big Ed
  • paige_peachpaige_peach Posts: 35
    pooch wrote:
    I think some people are just born with evil in them, there is nothing you or i can say or do to change the way they are, these people have a great way of turning things around that makes you wonder where they got it from, it's like a work of art, i've seen some tricks pulled in my time that has always made me wonder just how the peson pulled it off.. amazing alright, maybe i'm just jealous that i don't have that pull over people, if i did maybe i wouldn't have got caught out so much.

    I don't think people are born evil. Some are raise evil (treated evil and only know evil), and some carry so much pain that turn off their emotions and lack the care of any other human being. I work with small children and get a chance to watch them grow. I am always amazed at the children who beat the odds and don't become evil.
  • yellowled24yellowled24 Posts: 3,118
    Cateeto wrote:

    "See what I mean about this woman?" we both stated to him, frustrated as all hell. His response? "I don't know guys... You're kind of full of it. She seemed pretty nice to me."

    Horrifying.... It's horrifying when she even gets to your closest of friends.
    :eek: Holy shit
    I woulda made him walk :eek:
    "....and was very surprised to see that he didnt actually have a recipe for anus-ankle soup." - Big Ed
  • memememe Posts: 4,695
    I think it's key that you stop to try and convince others that she is evil. It looks like you have made your point. Now they are on their own...
    ... and the will to show I will always be better than before.
  • poochpooch Posts: 15
    I've come across people like your mother in the past, it's like before the game they are given the rules and know how to play but they play dirty, i've had people turn on me and want to beat me up because of people like your mother, i'm lucky hun god blessed me with an angel of a mother 'who people 'in laws' play for a fool because of her sweetness and loving nature, i take it in my stride to protect her as i know how lucky i am and if i can be half the mother she has been to me to my son i'm doing ok.

    I feel so sorry for you, the woman brought you into the world it's like she is punishing you for it, you are better than her and high five for keeping your head up.

    karma is a bitch what comes around goes around
    Children are born with wings, teachers help them to fly
  • poochpooch Posts: 15
    I don't think people are born evil. Some are raise evil (treated evil and only know evil), and some carry so much pain that turn off their emotions and lack the care of any other human being. I work with small children and get a chance to watch them grow. I am always amazed at the children who beat the odds and don't become evil.

    I hear what your'e saying but there are a lot of people out there who have had very bad upbringings and been through some bad experiences and got on with their lives, so if they turned around and stabbed someone or mugged someone do we put it down to lack of emotion?

    It is amazing how some children get over some of the things they have been put through but i guess that is down to people like yourslef and your collegues who put their time and energy into helping them. keep it up, it must be a long road at times but a rewording one.
    Children are born with wings, teachers help them to fly
  • CateetoCateeto Posts: 377
    meme wrote:
    Is there any way you could take your pets with you? And if you stopped contacting your mom, wouldn't your dad and siblings keep contact with you?
    I tried to take my one cat before, but unfortunately it stirred up a huge argument with my family... It was then determined that they would wait until after our wedding and contact us when they were to put the cat down. Our plan was to sneak by the house and take the cat beforehand... We never got the chance. The cat was killed, without notification, on our honeymoon, when we were out of state.

    As for my family... No. They would not keep in contact with me. They would think I was being overly dramatic. Unfortunately with this family, if you move out of town, you're not even considered as much of anything.
  • CateetoCateeto Posts: 377
    pooch wrote:
    I've come across people like your mother in the past, it's like before the game they are given the rules and know how to play but they play dirty, i've had people turn on me and want to beat me up because of people like your mother, i'm lucky hun god blessed me with an angel of a mother 'who people 'in laws' play for a fool because of her sweetness and loving nature, i take it in my stride to protect her as i know how lucky i am and if i can be half the mother she has been to me to my son i'm doing ok.

    I feel so sorry for you, the woman brought you into the world it's like she is punishing you for it, you are better than her and high five for keeping your head up.

    karma is a bitch what comes around goes around
    Thank you so much for your words... The way I see it, I got out of this in okay condition and am growing more stable each day. I can't wait to be a mom and be the mom my mom should have been... But I tell you, it horrifies me sometimes with great fear that my mom would somehow TRY to get to my children like she obviously has done to my sister...

    I'll be over-protective as fuck!
  • CateetoCateeto Posts: 377
    I don't think people are born evil. Some are raise evil (treated evil and only know evil), and some carry so much pain that turn off their emotions and lack the care of any other human being. I work with small children and get a chance to watch them grow. I am always amazed at the children who beat the odds and don't become evil.
    See, this is where confusion lies with my mother... She definitely was not raised in an evil environment.

    My grandfather, her father, was an amazing kind soul and through him I got a very stable upbringing when I was not around my mother. If it weren't for him and his clear eyes through this world we live in, I may not have turned out the way I am today... There was not an evil bone in his body... But yet... How did she come to be?
  • poochpooch Posts: 15
    Cateeto wrote:
    Thank you so much for your words... The way I see it, I got out of this in okay condition and am growing more stable each day. I can't wait to be a mom and be the mom my mom should have been... But I tell you, it horrifies me sometimes with great fear that my mom would somehow TRY to get to my children like she obviously has done to my sister...

    I'll be over-protective as fuck!

    At least she done one thing right and that was bringing you into the world, i think as much as she has hurt you you're still a good person and you're not gonna practice what she has preached, so that is good. And don't you worry one bit when you have your baby he or she cannot be taken from you because of the words of a mad woman, sorry to call your mum mad but that is how a court would see it.

    blood is thicker than water but when it comes to a child you have carried hell nor high water will hold you back.
    Children are born with wings, teachers help them to fly
  • tony vitony vi Posts: 72
    AS GOD FORGIVE EVERYTHING YOU CAN DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT ... . open your eyes and look with it , are you satisfy in the world you leave it ( Remember BOB Marley , it always give you hope .....
    once understand life is not fair
    everything become more clear and simple
    wish to all of you freedom
  • JeanieJeanie Posts: 9,446
    Cateeto, I'm so sorry. The woman sounds deranged and highly manipulative.

    My only suggestion is to limit contact with her to a bare minimum, only be around her when other people are present. Accept nothing from her and leave nothing of yours with her. Tell her nothing and don't be drawn into the game.

    If you have to see her, both you and Mr Cateeto need to have a plan about how the day is going to go. Don't be alone with her, don't give her any information and don't give her any opportunity to get you. When you visit limit your time and make it clear that you're only going to be there for a while. Spend time with the rest of your family and say nothing to her or keep it impersonal. I find asking questions, a lot of questions about the person, that tends to keep them occupied and stops them focusing on you. You have to "stick fat" as my Dad would say. Be strong and don't give her any opportunities. Unite with Mr Cateeto and don't be apart when you are around the family.

    AND remember, YOU haven't done anything. You do deserve better but it sounds highly unlikely you're gonna get it so protect yourself as best you can by limiting time and information with your family and NEVER allowing her an "in".

    Maybe in time, if you say nothing, keep good counsel and just try to be dutiful but detached others may come to see how things are.

    I really hope that things improve for you and I'm really sorry you have to go through that. It's horrid.
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • CateetoCateeto Posts: 377
    Jeanie wrote:
    Cateeto, I'm so sorry. The woman sounds deranged and highly manipulative.

    My only suggestion is to limit contact with her to a bare minimum, only be around her when other people are present. Accept nothing from her and leave nothing of yours with her. Tell her nothing and don't be drawn into the game.

    If you have to see her, both you and Mr Cateeto need to have a plan about how the day is going to go. Don't be alone with her, don't give her any information and don't give her any opportunity to get you. When you visit limit your time and make it clear that you're only going to be there for a while. Spend time with the rest of your family and say nothing to her or keep it impersonal. I find asking questions, a lot of questions about the person, that tends to keep them occupied and stops them focusing on you. You have to "stick fat" as my Dad would say. Be strong and don't give her any opportunities. Unite with Mr Cateeto and don't be apart when you are around the family.

    AND remember, YOU haven't done anything. You do deserve better but it sounds highly unlikely you're gonna get it so protect yourself as best you can by limiting time and information with your family and NEVER allowing her an "in".

    Maybe in time, if you say nothing, keep good counsel and just try to be dutiful but detached others may come to see how things are.

    I really hope that things improve for you and I'm really sorry you have to go through that. It's horrid.
    Thanks for the suggestion. I pretty much do it this way already... Ever since I originally moved out, I stayed my distance and especially when she put my first cat down, I had nothing more to do with her for months.... But family keeps me near. Now things have been on a bare minimum for contact and I try my hardest to never be alone with her. I guess I have to try harder.

    I don't open up at all though. She just finds things from my past and uses them to her advantage. It's very unfortunate. I will get through it all though and soon she will be alone forever. Unless my family is oblivious forever... That I fear more than anything.
  • Mr. CateetoMr. Cateeto Posts: 31
    I don't think people are born evil. Some are raise evil (treated evil and only know evil), and some carry so much pain that turn off their emotions and lack the care of any other human being. I work with small children and get a chance to watch them grow. I am always amazed at the children who beat the odds and don't become evil.

    Well see, as Cateeto said, I don't believe that she was raised in an evil environment. It's a shit-tastic fact of life, but some people are just born bad, and just some times, it's almost impossible to tell those who are the most evil.

    The type of behavior that this woman exhibits is definitely sociopatic. She compulsively lies, has no respect for anything living, and appears to have no conscience. Her wanton disregard for the well-being of others has enraged me time and time again on countless occasions. For example:

    1. She's a dispatcher for a trucking company, and tips drivers off when they're about to do random drug screenings. If someone wants to use drugs on their own time, whatever, but when you're purposefully circumventing rules and laws meant to keep people under the influence from getting behind the wheel of an 18 wheeler, you have no conscience.

    2. Of course, the peanut M&M incident.

    3. She let her nephew play on a rusted swing set, which ended up breaking and the kid hurt himself. Not badly, mind you, but he could've gotten seriously injured, or a tetanus infection.

    4. She would not provide her own kids with medical care in life-threatening situations. This happened too many times to tell.

    There are tons of examples like this, large and small, that have happened over the years that are too numerous to bring up here.

    The rest of Cateeto's family catches this woman making bold-faced lies all the time, but do they ever confront her or call her on it? Of course not. They just act like it's normal. For them, everyone is expected to lie about everything, which is the main reason that the rest of the family members never believe Cateeto about these things.

    The point is that we've told people about her, and they have the NERVE to tell us things like "Oh, she doesn't seem that bad." or "I thought she was nice." Honestly, next time someone says something like that to me, I'm going to give them an ear full.
    "But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government..."

    http://www.myspace.com/jonjenkins
    http://thelandofoz.us
  • JeanieJeanie Posts: 9,446
    Cateeto wrote:
    Thanks for the suggestion. I pretty much do it this way already... Ever since I originally moved out, I stayed my distance and especially when she put my first cat down, I had nothing more to do with her for months.... But family keeps me near. Now things have been on a bare minimum for contact and I try my hardest to never be alone with her. I guess I have to try harder.

    I don't open up at all though. She just finds things from my past and uses them to her advantage. It's very unfortunate. I will get through it all though and soon she will be alone forever. Unless my family is oblivious forever... That I fear more than anything.

    It sounded as though you already had a plan, I just thought it might help. You must be so tired of it. I really feel for you. It must be so hurtful and distressing. I wouldn't like it at all. I guess you can only stick to your guns and protect yourself as best you can. You said that you were trying not to show a reaction to some of the stuff she does, maybe that spurs her on more? I don't suppose you could turn the tables a little bit? I mean that might give you some satisfaction and feel more in control of the situation. You know turn up with gifts for her and be so sugary sweet and kind to her in front of others they'd never have reason to question? But make it on your terms? You know play her at her own game. I dunno, I guess that takes a fair bit of energy that you'd probably prefer to use elsewhere.

    Not the same thing but I've had a running thing with a cousin for a lot of years. He's an arse and it got so I couldn't stand to be in the same room as him which made it terribly difficult at family gatherings. I got a lot of pressure put on me to get along with him and his wife. Both of them would be incredibly rude and behave appallingly if I brought friends along to family functions. In the end it sorta seperated our family into camps. My grandmother always hoped that I'd find a way to spend time with him and that side of the family for her sake but as I pointed out to her why should I always come along and make the effort only to give them the satisfaction of being hideous? And believe me they took great satisfaction in being hideous at my expense.
    It was so bad that I almost didn't go to my grandmother's funeral because I knew they'd be there and I just didn't want to deal with them. But I went out of respect for her and I made sure to march up to him and shake his hand and kiss his wife on the cheek and hug his children and tell them I was sorry for their loss right in front of everyone and then I walked away and I have no intention of ever bothering with them again.

    I guess I'm lucky in that now that my grandmother is dead the strings that bind us are loosening somewhat and of course this is extended family and not my mother, so I can only imagine how upsetting you must find it Cateeto. I really hope that you find a way to not let it grind you down. I wish for you that you are able to find a way to live well with the situation, mostly I wish for you that it wasn't happening at all.
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
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