i think the above terms demonstrating your robotic approach to feelings in general pretty much explains why it is easy to let go of flames.
Having knowledge does not make one Robotic?
What is meant by Robotic anyway?
My guess is this term is stereotypical, its characteristic of a simple robot, one of pulleys and levers that performs preprogrammed functions alone. Though modern and future robots are not so simple, nor is the human machine. Brain Based Devices (BBDs) like Darwin II are "robots" modelled after the principle of the human brain, and for their design operate indistinguishably from human behaviour. Darwin VII has 450,000 synaptic connections, while the human brain has 100,000,000,000,000 or 100 trillion. The difference in the number of synaptic connections alone does not explain the differences in human and "robot" behaviour, but the specific way in which they are organized also plays an important role. Our brains are trained from the prenatal environment onward, with the most influential periods being the first 3 years of life and again in adolescence. It is a matter of necessity that humans brains require several years of training, as opposed to that of a crow which only requires a few weeks. Our behavior, our social interactions and so on are far more complex. Complexity and Unpredictability arises from complex "robotics".
Certainly, I take a "robotic" approach, but not in the simplified manner that is implicated in your statements. Nor do I deny the value of emotions and feelings to human cognition. However, recognizing phenomena for what it is, reducing it to it's parts and reconstructing it as a comprehensive model, allows me to better deal with my own cognition aswell as others. Perhaps that is why I succeed at retaining friendships with exes. Typical with western culture, most of my exes are highly emotional beings and reconciling our friendship post-relationship is no easy task, it requires a lot of emotional understanding on the part of both individuals.
I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
i think we are for nothingman. and for some guys, that never passes, esp if he still has feelings and never distanced himself enough to get over them, as seems to be the case with esther and the ex who is also father to her kid and thus never had a chance to step back. you've got to flat out cut things off and make a clean break until you get your head straight. then, maybe, after a few months, you can rebuild a friendship. but if that apart time never happens, neither does the detaching and you have guys who seem hung up on a girl for years. this is why you hear advice like "don't date coworkers." when things go sour, you are forced to spend time with them. i made that mistake. a girl ripped my heart out and i had to spend a whole summer working with her and having her flat out ask me to cover shifts for her so she could go visit the dude she left me for. i don't care who you say you are, that fucks with your head. maybe if we'd gone a 6 months without speaking to or seeing each other, we could be civil now. who knows? but bottom line is, no guy can shift right from dating into platonic friendship while staying in touch with the girl throughout. if he ever was serious about her, the second she starts seeing the next guy, he's going to start wondering "what does he have that i dont that makes him a lover and me just a friend?" if that doesn't happen, you're not working right.
Again I disagree. I just ended a relationship with a girl, and within 2 days she was seeing someone else. The entire time we've maintained our friendship. Upon hearing of her new lover, I replied "I'm glad to hear you are making progress in your pursuit of happiness. Maybe you'll bring him along for one of our dinner dates and introduce me to him." we still have dinner "dates" as friends, he knows this and is welcome to come along as well, but we tend to talk sciency stuff, so he might not enjoy that. Either way, I had some initial feelings when she told me, but I conquered them all the same. Maybe somone who has little experience with the emotions or is not very emotionally intelligent would behave differently. But not all of us are as you say.
I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
i think we are for nothingman. and for some guys, that never passes, esp if he still has feelings and never distanced himself enough to get over them. you've got to flat out cut things off and make a clean break until you get your head straight. then, maybe, after a few months, you can rebuild a friendship. but if that apart time never happens, neither does the detaching and you have guys who seem hung up on a girl for years. this is why you hear advice like "don't date coworkers." when things go sour, you are forced to spend time with them. i made that mistake. a girl ripped my heart out and i had to spend a whole summer working with her and having her flat out ask me to cover shifts for her so she could go visit him. i don't care who you say you are, that fucks with your head. maybe if we'd gone a 6 months without speaking to or seeing each other, we could be civil now. who knows? but bottom line is, no guy can shift right from dating into platonic friendship while staying in touch with the girl throughout.
All I'm saying is that ex's can be friends and that it is something worth working for because they obviously had something that attracted them in the first place and have some history. If one or the other can't deal with it then move on. Period.
"I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
Again I disagree. I just ended a relationship with a girl, and within 2 days she was seeing someone else. The entire time we've maintained our friendship. Upon hearing of her new lover, I replied "I'm glad to hear you are making progress in your pursuit of happiness. Maybe you'll bring him along for one of our dinner dates and introduce me to him." we still have dinner "dates" as friends, he knows this and is welcome to come along as well, but we tend to talk sciency stuff, so he might not enjoy that. Either way, I had some initial feelings when she told me, but I conquered them all the same. Maybe somone who has little experience with the emotions or is not very emotionally intelligent would behave differently. But not all of us are as you say.
i have my own theories about that. suffice to say, i think your experience is rather extraordinary. i also note you say you ended it. that makes a huge difference. had you invited her to meet your new lover, i'd love to know how she reacted. had she dumped you and said you're only good enough to be her friend, not her lover, i imagine your reaction to meeting the guy who was good enough to be both would be different. rather, it would for most. maybe not for you.
All I'm saying is that ex's can be friends and that it is something worth working for because they obviously had something that attracted them in the first place and have some history. If one or the other can't deal with it then move on. Period.
i have my own theories about that. suffice to say, i think your experience is rather extraordinary. i also note you say you ended it. that makes a huge difference. had you invited her to meet your new lover, i'd love to know how she reacted. had she dumped you and said you're only good enough to be her friend, not her lover, i imagine your reaction to meeting the guy who was good enough to be both would be different. rather, it would for most. maybe not for you.
Theories that reflect your own personality traits, no doubt.
I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
Well, you're obviously one that can't move on lol.
"I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
i have my own theories about that. suffice to say, i think your experience is rather extraordinary. i also note you say you ended it. that makes a huge difference. had you invited her to meet your new lover, i'd love to know how she reacted. had she dumped you and said you're only good enough to be her friend, not her lover, i imagine your reaction to meeting the guy who was good enough to be both would be different. rather, it would for most. maybe not for you.
We had a rather unique relationship, in that we are both scientifically minded people and both fully aware of the biological mechanisms of love and attraction. We discussed both of our presumed biological positions and expressed our phenomenological interpretations and that settled it. There was a brief period of emotional turbulance, but we pulled through it. The fact of the matter is, I haven't seen anyone else and I likely won't for a while. One of my main reasons for breaking it off was looking out for her future, and another was that I didn't feel the same passion about the relationship that she had, probably due to a huge age gap, which goes back to me considering her future again. Once we had finally worked everything out, she was relieved that we had acheived understanding and could remain as friends, it also opened up the door for her to date this other guy, which I'm find with. I won't give you all the details as they are quite personal. You just assume that you have the insight to know something about it, and you don't.
I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
We had a rather unique relationship, in that we are both scientifically minded people and both fully aware of the biological mechanisms of love and attraction. We discussed both of our presumed biological positions and expressed our phenomenological interpretations and that settled it. There was a brief period of emotional turbulance, but we pulled through it. The fact of the matter is, I haven't seen anyone else and I likely won't for a while. One of my main reasons for breaking it off was looking out for her future, and another was that I didn't feel the same passion about the relationship that she had, probably due to a huge age gap, which goes back to me considering her future again. Once we had finally worked everything out, she was relieved that we had acheived understanding and could remain as friends, it also opened up the door for her to date this other guy, which I'm find with. I won't give you all the details as they are quite personal. You just assume that you have the insight to know something about it, and you don't.
actually, you just verified all of my assumptions. you weren't all that passionate about her to begin with and she was the one who would have trouble battling jealousy had she not found someone else first (due to her being the more passionate about the relationship). get back to me when you start dating someone else.
i've moved on. i've just never forgotten or forgiven
Ouch and sorry. I'm glad I'm not you. Best wishes to you though.
"I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
Ouch and sorry. I'm glad I'm not you. Best wishes to you though.
no need to be sorry. i learned valuable lessons which have enabled me to share my wisdom with all the other poor folk out there wondering why they got left and how someone could have done them so wrong and what they can do to get them back: you wanted more than you were worth to them, they didnt care as much as you, and not a damn thing
actually, you just verified all of my assumptions. you weren't all that passionate about her to begin with and she was the one who would have trouble battling jealousy had she not found someone else first (due to her being the more passionate about the relationship). get back to me when you start dating someone else.
I think you misunderstood. She wanted to make out all the time and I couldn't do it. I'm beyond that, I have no desire to make out with people. I love her in many ways, she has a great mind, she is a great person. But I don't have what she needs and it was starting to build up. She is in a physically experimental phase and I just want to fuck and go back to my science. I do have a passion for her, I was afraid we'd grow apart afterwards, but thankfully we've persevered. But perhaps my passion is intellectual and not physical.
I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
no need to be sorry. i learned valuable lessons which have enabled me to share my wisdom with all the other poor folk out there wondering why they got left and how someone could have done them so wrong and what they can do to get them back: you wanted more than you were worth to them, they didnt care as much as you, and not a damn thing
I'm sorry, but I don't quite get this? You want to share your misery with other people? I quite frankly would rather share positive experiences. To each his own I guess. Again, I do feel sorry for you and can commiserate somewhat, but I feel that you should enjoy your life and the people in it.
"I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
Where am I gonna find another woman that knows human physiology and neuroanatomy and shares my views of reality? Probably at a university I guess. Not likely though. She had actually agreed to plotting our relationship out on a multidimensional state space to track our progress. How could I not be passionate about that?
I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
I think you misunderstood. She wanted to make out all the time and I couldn't do it. I'm beyond that, I have no desire to make out with people. I love her in many ways, she has a great mind, she is a great person. But I don't have what she needs and it was starting to build up. She is in a physically experimental phase and I just want to fuck and go back to my science. I do have a passion for her, I was afraid we'd grow apart afterwards, but thankfully we've persevered. But perhaps my passion is intellectual and not physical.
i dont think so, this only reinforces what i've said. you didn't care if she stayed or went anyway... you had a vagina to use and then back to your science. you didn't love her or want to be with her, by your own admission. so why would you give a shit if she wanted to be with someone else? you lose nothing. it's easy for you to be friends with her becos you never wanted more than a friendship anyway. you took the fuck while it was offered, but you admit you didn't want to be with her. piece of cake. it's how i've left a half dozen girls without any problem in the past... i never wanted more than the sex and so i didn't care when they were gone. friendship would have been easy for me if i'd cared enough to pursue it. but it was impossible for them.
Where am I gonna find another woman that knows human physiology and neuroanatomy and shares my views of reality? Probably at a university I guess. Not likely though. She had actually agreed to plotting our relationship out on a multidimensional state space to track our progress. How could I not be passionate about that?
I'm sorry, but I don't quite get this? You want to share your misery with other people? I quite frankly would rather share positive experiences. To each his own I guess. Again, I do feel sorry for you and can commiserate somewhat, but I feel that you should enjoy your life and the people in it.
i wanted to share reality with other people. you got dumped becos they didn't want to be with you. they could do it becos the relationship was over for them long before you knew about it so it's easy for them to try the friends thing but impossible for you cos you still want them and don't understand what went wrong. and there is nothing you can do to bring them back so don't bother trying. which is why friendship won't work until said person has time to regroup and get back on their feet... trying to switch right to friendship means said person will constantly have in the back of their head the hopes that they can somehow rekindle things. and it won't happen. and this frustrated them no matter how they try to repress it.
i dont think so, this only reinforces what i've said. you didn't care if she stayed or went anyway... you had a vagina to use and then back to your science. you didn't love her or want to be with her, by your own admission. so why would you give a shit if she wanted to be with someone else? you lose nothing. it's easy for you to be friends with her becos you never wanted more than a friendship anyway. you took the fuck while it was offered, but you admit you didn't want to be with her. piece of cake. it's how i've left a half dozen girls without any problem in the past... i never wanted more than the sex and so i didn't care when they were gone. friendship would have been easy for me if i'd cared enough to pursue it. but it was impossible for them.
I think you are oversimplifying human relationships. You are also making a lot of assumptions about my motives based on your own experiences. It doesn't necessarily follow from your personality and experiences that all men are the same.
I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
i wanted to share reality with other people. you got dumped becos they didn't want to be with you. they could do it becos the relationship was over for them long before you knew about it so it's easy for them to try the friends thing but impossible for you cos you still want them and don't understand what went wrong. and there is nothing you can do to bring them back so don't bother trying. which is why friendship won't work until said person has time to regroup and get back on their feet... trying to switch right to friendship means said person will constantly have in the back of their head the hopes that they can somehow rekindle things. and it won't happen. and this frustrated them no matter how they try to repress it.
That might be a prototypical case, but again, I think you are oversimplifying human relationships.
I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
"I know the pussy's mine, I'ma fuck a couple more times
And then I'm through with it, there's nothing else to do with it
Pass it to the homie, now you hit it
Cause she ain't nuthin but a bitch to me
And y'all know, that bitches ain't shit to me"
i wanted to share reality with other people. you got dumped becos they didn't want to be with you. they could do it becos the relationship was over for them long before you knew about it so it's easy for them to try the friends thing but impossible for you cos you still want them and don't understand what went wrong. and there is nothing you can do to bring them back so don't bother trying. which is why friendship won't work until said person has time to regroup and get back on their feet... trying to switch right to friendship means said person will constantly have in the back of their head the hopes that they can somehow rekindle things. and it won't happen. and this frustrated them no matter how they try to repress it.
#1 - you got dumped becos they didn't want to be with you.
How about that you just didn’t get along?
#2 -"it's easy for them to try the friends thing but impossible for you cos you still want them and don't understand what went wrong. and there is nothing you can do to bring them back so don't bother trying"
In this case, it won’t work. Both have to agree to just be friends. It can be done. You just have to know that you are just friends and the other relationship is over.
#3- "trying to switch right to friendship means said person will constantly have in the back of their head the hopes that they can somehow rekindle things. and it won't happen. and this frustrated them no matter how they try to repress it."
This is where we disagree the most I think. I know that it can happen. If you value the person as a person and value the friendship that’s all that matters.
"I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
Comments
Having knowledge does not make one Robotic?
What is meant by Robotic anyway?
My guess is this term is stereotypical, its characteristic of a simple robot, one of pulleys and levers that performs preprogrammed functions alone. Though modern and future robots are not so simple, nor is the human machine. Brain Based Devices (BBDs) like Darwin II are "robots" modelled after the principle of the human brain, and for their design operate indistinguishably from human behaviour. Darwin VII has 450,000 synaptic connections, while the human brain has 100,000,000,000,000 or 100 trillion. The difference in the number of synaptic connections alone does not explain the differences in human and "robot" behaviour, but the specific way in which they are organized also plays an important role. Our brains are trained from the prenatal environment onward, with the most influential periods being the first 3 years of life and again in adolescence. It is a matter of necessity that humans brains require several years of training, as opposed to that of a crow which only requires a few weeks. Our behavior, our social interactions and so on are far more complex. Complexity and Unpredictability arises from complex "robotics".
Certainly, I take a "robotic" approach, but not in the simplified manner that is implicated in your statements. Nor do I deny the value of emotions and feelings to human cognition. However, recognizing phenomena for what it is, reducing it to it's parts and reconstructing it as a comprehensive model, allows me to better deal with my own cognition aswell as others. Perhaps that is why I succeed at retaining friendships with exes. Typical with western culture, most of my exes are highly emotional beings and reconciling our friendship post-relationship is no easy task, it requires a lot of emotional understanding on the part of both individuals.
Again I disagree. I just ended a relationship with a girl, and within 2 days she was seeing someone else. The entire time we've maintained our friendship. Upon hearing of her new lover, I replied "I'm glad to hear you are making progress in your pursuit of happiness. Maybe you'll bring him along for one of our dinner dates and introduce me to him." we still have dinner "dates" as friends, he knows this and is welcome to come along as well, but we tend to talk sciency stuff, so he might not enjoy that. Either way, I had some initial feelings when she told me, but I conquered them all the same. Maybe somone who has little experience with the emotions or is not very emotionally intelligent would behave differently. But not all of us are as you say.
i have my own theories about that. suffice to say, i think your experience is rather extraordinary. i also note you say you ended it. that makes a huge difference. had you invited her to meet your new lover, i'd love to know how she reacted. had she dumped you and said you're only good enough to be her friend, not her lover, i imagine your reaction to meeting the guy who was good enough to be both would be different. rather, it would for most. maybe not for you.
not while one party still has feelings.
Theories that reflect your own personality traits, no doubt.
We had a rather unique relationship, in that we are both scientifically minded people and both fully aware of the biological mechanisms of love and attraction. We discussed both of our presumed biological positions and expressed our phenomenological interpretations and that settled it. There was a brief period of emotional turbulance, but we pulled through it. The fact of the matter is, I haven't seen anyone else and I likely won't for a while. One of my main reasons for breaking it off was looking out for her future, and another was that I didn't feel the same passion about the relationship that she had, probably due to a huge age gap, which goes back to me considering her future again. Once we had finally worked everything out, she was relieved that we had acheived understanding and could remain as friends, it also opened up the door for her to date this other guy, which I'm find with. I won't give you all the details as they are quite personal. You just assume that you have the insight to know something about it, and you don't.
i've moved on. i've just never forgotten or forgiven
actually, you just verified all of my assumptions. you weren't all that passionate about her to begin with and she was the one who would have trouble battling jealousy had she not found someone else first (due to her being the more passionate about the relationship). get back to me when you start dating someone else.
no need to be sorry. i learned valuable lessons which have enabled me to share my wisdom with all the other poor folk out there wondering why they got left and how someone could have done them so wrong and what they can do to get them back: you wanted more than you were worth to them, they didnt care as much as you, and not a damn thing
I think you misunderstood. She wanted to make out all the time and I couldn't do it. I'm beyond that, I have no desire to make out with people. I love her in many ways, she has a great mind, she is a great person. But I don't have what she needs and it was starting to build up. She is in a physically experimental phase and I just want to fuck and go back to my science. I do have a passion for her, I was afraid we'd grow apart afterwards, but thankfully we've persevered. But perhaps my passion is intellectual and not physical.
i dont think so, this only reinforces what i've said. you didn't care if she stayed or went anyway... you had a vagina to use and then back to your science. you didn't love her or want to be with her, by your own admission. so why would you give a shit if she wanted to be with someone else? you lose nothing. it's easy for you to be friends with her becos you never wanted more than a friendship anyway. you took the fuck while it was offered, but you admit you didn't want to be with her. piece of cake. it's how i've left a half dozen girls without any problem in the past... i never wanted more than the sex and so i didn't care when they were gone. friendship would have been easy for me if i'd cared enough to pursue it. but it was impossible for them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lo5Csopw0MU
i wanted to share reality with other people. you got dumped becos they didn't want to be with you. they could do it becos the relationship was over for them long before you knew about it so it's easy for them to try the friends thing but impossible for you cos you still want them and don't understand what went wrong. and there is nothing you can do to bring them back so don't bother trying. which is why friendship won't work until said person has time to regroup and get back on their feet... trying to switch right to friendship means said person will constantly have in the back of their head the hopes that they can somehow rekindle things. and it won't happen. and this frustrated them no matter how they try to repress it.
I think you are oversimplifying human relationships. You are also making a lot of assumptions about my motives based on your own experiences. It doesn't necessarily follow from your personality and experiences that all men are the same.
That might be a prototypical case, but again, I think you are oversimplifying human relationships.
what kind of human are you?
How about that you just didn’t get along?
#2 -"it's easy for them to try the friends thing but impossible for you cos you still want them and don't understand what went wrong. and there is nothing you can do to bring them back so don't bother trying"
In this case, it won’t work. Both have to agree to just be friends. It can be done. You just have to know that you are just friends and the other relationship is over.
#3- "trying to switch right to friendship means said person will constantly have in the back of their head the hopes that they can somehow rekindle things. and it won't happen. and this frustrated them no matter how they try to repress it."
This is where we disagree the most I think. I know that it can happen. If you value the person as a person and value the friendship that’s all that matters.
hey, thank you for bringing some laughter to this rather sad and pathetic thread
the kind that learns from experience
never an ex-boyfriend
before.
EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009