2nd date advice needed..

Heineken Helen

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

guys who do this are like the same guys who wear work khakis out on a date

i dunno, as I said, you should always have ideas, but one person planning where two people are going is just bizarre. It's almost akin to a guy ordering for you in a restaurant. And actually, I don't really adhere to all this "oh my god it's DATE!!! It's so much different than hanging out with my friend!" because whatever, it shouldn't be. You're just out having a good time and getting to know someone, it's not a job interview.

see I feel like guys think that girls want all these formal fancy dates and have all these rules, when really we just to chill, low stress.

:eek: seriously get over it. It's not like he's making life decisions for me.. usually the guy has a couple of ideas and runs them past me, it's not like he's saying 'right this is what we're doing... and when that's finished 5 minutes later we're going to go here... whether you like it or not... now SIT'. It's usually like 'so what do you fancy doing?', 'I really don't mind, you?', 'well I know this nice little bar around the corner we could go for a drink if you like?', 'nah, I think I've had enough to drink', 'want to just go for a walk then?', 'yeh, that sounds good'

All my dates have been very relaxed, no stress but ya can't just wander around for hours looking for something to do or somewhere to go... that doesn't sound relaxing to me... have an IDEA, not necessarily a plan... sometimes the idea will come into fruition, other times you just wander off and do something else... it's not set in stone. You're making issues that aren't there.

Heineken Helen

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I don't know whatelse to tell you beyond what I already said. I'm just telling you want I think. I just don't think everything has to be so formal and imo it's much better if it isn't.

There's NOTHING formal about any date I've been on... but they've ALL had some kinda plan around them... ya have to! If a guy picked me up and I said 'so where are we going?' and he replied 'I thought we could just sit on this park bench for a couple of hours and get to know eachother' I'd be like 'well ok, that's nice honey but I'm starving!'

Sian-of-the-dead

Although she's scaring me at the min in this thread (:p), I agree with Helen. no dates i've been on have been formal... infact one involved an impromptu drink after everything that was losely planned had happened cuz it was just too early.
If two people like each other it's normally a case of one won't and the other daredn't at risk of coming on too strong, at the end of the day, you're attracted to the person, you don't wanna scare them off! Normally the best dates are relaxed and very informal.

LONGRD

What's the update
on the OP, did he had sexy time?

KosmicJelli

yeah gotta know what happened..... UPDATE...

inmyrvm

ya hopefully u didn't fuck it up and end up a miserable prick like me

LikeAnOcean

Err.. I took the advice of my best friends girlfriend and haven't called her this week. It's been almost 6 days since we talked. Before that I had been calling her every few days for a few weeks, planning the first few dates myself. I left the third date open letting her know I wanted to do something again real soon and that to call me when she's available..

I'm trying to keep the ball in her court now, if she's still even interested. :(

Is that the right move, or is she expecting me to keep calling? Am I off here ladies?

soulsinging

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I think you should have suggestions ready *on both sides*. It doesn't matter who asked whom out- that's all just old fashioned rules. It's not natural. You should just discuss it like you would with your friends while you're planning to go out.

except she's not his friend, so why should he treat her like that? with friends, you just wanna hang out. here's he's trying to get with the girl so he needs to impress her. ie. he should treat her different from any old friend. he should treat her special. otherwise, how can he expect her to be down with returning special favors his friends wont?

SPEEDY MCCREADY

LikeAnOcean wrote:

Err.. I took the advice of my best friends girlfriend and haven't called her this week. It's been almost 6 days since we talked. Before that I had been calling her every few days for a few weeks, planning the first few dates myself. I left the second date open letting her know I wanted to do something again real soon and that to call me when she's available..

I'm trying to keep the ball in her court now, if she's still even interested. :(

Is that the right move, or is she expecting me to keep calling? Am I off here ladies?

if i could go 6 days without having to talk to my girlfriend....

IT WOULD BE A DREAM COME TRUE!!!!! hehehehehe

soulsinging

LikeAnOcean wrote:

Err.. I took the advice of my best friends girlfriend and haven't called her this week. It's been almost 6 days since we talked. Before that I had been calling her every few days for a few weeks, planning the first few dates myself. I left the second date open letting her know I wanted to do something again real soon and that to call me when she's available..

I'm trying to keep the ball in her court now, if she's still even interested. :(

Is that the right move, or is she expecting me to keep calling? Am I off here ladies?

planning the first few dates but leaving the second up to her? im confused. if you havent had a second date, you should call her. and you shouldn't have waited a few weeks to do it. a few weeks putzing around on the phone tells her "this guy is too shy and insecure to go for it."

LikeAnOcean

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

if i could go 6 days without having to talk to my girlfriend....

IT WOULD BE A DREAM COME TRUE!!!!! hehehehehe

So then, her not calling me to see how I am, pretty much means this thing is doomed.. of course Speedy, we aren't in a relationship.

soulsinging

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

if i could go 6 days without having to talk to my girlfriend....

IT WOULD BE A DREAM COME TRUE!!!!! hehehehehe

so true man... my gf's going outta town this weekend and i am so happy. queue up the porn library and the cheetos!

LikeAnOcean

soulsinging wrote:

planning the first few dates but leaving the second up to her? im confused. if you havent had a second date, you should call her. and you shouldn't have waited a few weeks to do it. a few weeks putzing around on the phone tells her "this guy is too shy and insecure to go for it."

EDIT: OOPS, I meant third date..

lalalalaaaaaaaa

LikeAnOcean wrote:

Err.. I took the advice of my best friends girlfriend and haven't called her this week. It's been almost 6 days since we talked. Before that I had been calling her every few days for a few weeks, planning the first few dates myself. I left the second date open letting her know I wanted to do something again real soon and that to call me when she's available..

I'm trying to keep the ball in her court now, if she's still even interested. :(

Is that the right move, or is she expecting me to keep calling? Am I off here ladies?

As long as she knows the ball is in her court, then you're doing the right thing.

Brain of J.Lo

soulsinging wrote:

so true man... my gf's going outta town this weekend and i am so happy. queue up the porn library and the cheetos!

You have to wait until she leaves to enjoy those things? How sad! :( Porn and cheetos are the cornerstone of a happy relationship.

LikeAnOcean

Saturnal wrote:

As long as she knows the ball is in her court, then you're doing the right thing.

Yes, I sent her an email today saying I hoped her week was going well, and to give me a call if she was up for doing something later this week..

LikeAnOcean

Edited quote.. we've already been on two dates..

LikeAnOcean wrote:

Err.. I took the advice of my best friends girlfriend and haven't called her this week. It's been almost 6 days since we talked. Before that I had been calling her every few days for a few weeks, planning the first few dates myself. I left the third date open letting her know I wanted to do something again real soon and that to call me when she's available..

I'm trying to keep the ball in her court now, if she's still even interested. :(

Is that the right move, or is she expecting me to keep calling? Am I off here ladies?

soulsinging

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

guys who do this are like the same guys who wear work khakis out on a date

i dunno, as I said, you should always have ideas, but one person planning where two people are going is just bizarre. It's almost akin to a guy ordering for you in a restaurant. And actually, I don't really adhere to all this "oh my god it's DATE!!! It's so much different than hanging out with my friend!" because whatever, it shouldn't be. You're just out having a good time and getting to know someone, it's not a job interview.

speaking as someone who's in a relationship that is more like a friendship, you're way off here. it is and should be different from just hanging out with a friend. no, it's not a job interview. it's a "let's get to know each other and see if we get along well enough to put our private parts together" interview. you're looking for chemistry, not camaraderie. it doesn't have to be red wine, roses, and a rented limo. but it should be a bit more formal than "hey, let's sit on the couch and drink a beer."

for the record, this isn't gender biased. if a girl asked me out, i'd expect her to offer some sort of idea of what we'd be doing.

soulsinging

LikeAnOcean wrote:

EDIT: OOPS, I meant third date..

good, im NOT insane. imho, im not sure you made it clear you're leaving the third date decision up to her, and im not sure that's necessary. i say call her for date three. if she starts looking for excuses out, you've got your answer. i still think it's early enough that she might take your words as "im not that interested, so if you are, you can call me, but im not going to make the effort to set it up." it's putting the pressure onto her too, which is fair but may be uncomfortable for her.

i know gtd would disagree, but i think her views on sex and relationships are a bit outside the norm in america. she'd be better off in europe maybe.

LikeAnOcean

soulsinging wrote:

good, im NOT insane. imho, im not sure you made it clear you're leaving the third date decision up to her, and im not sure that's necessary. i say call her for date three. if she starts looking for excuses out, you've got your answer. i still think it's early enough that she might take your words as "im not that interested, so if you are, you can call me, but im not going to make the effort to set it up." it's putting the pressure onto her too, which is fair but may be uncomfortable for her.

i know gtd would disagree, but i think her views on sex and relationships are a bit outside the norm in america. she'd be better off in europe maybe.

She doesn't have to set the third date up. I will. I'm just looking for her to call me for a change to see how I'm doing. Then I'll say, hey lets do this on this day.. Between the end of the last date and an email I just sent, I'm telling her to call me when she gets a chance. If she doesn't happen to get a chance to even do that, well, its not going to work.

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

good, im NOT insane. imho, im not sure you made it clear you're leaving the third date decision up to her, and im not sure that's necessary. i say call her for date three. if she starts looking for excuses out, you've got your answer. i still think it's early enough that she might take your words as "im not that interested, so if you are, you can call me, but im not going to make the effort to set it up." it's putting the pressure onto her too, which is fair but may be uncomfortable for her.

i know gtd would disagree, but i think her views on sex and relationships are a bit outside the norm in america. she'd be better off in europe maybe.

:eek: I agree! I don't believe in following the 'rules' to relationships, if you wanna see this girl keep planning until either she makes those excuses that get you thinking or she stops answering your calls. There are often plenty of reasons people don't call when they should... sometimes it's a matter of not getting the nerve to do it. So fuck it, if you're actually IN a relationship with her then these things could be issues... but they don't need to be now.

Heineken Helen

LikeAnOcean wrote:

I'm just looking for her to call me for a change to see how I'm doing.

This doesn't sound very hopeful though in fairness .