Pregnant 13-year-old

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Who should have the final say in her pregnancy decision (parenthood, adoption, or abortion)? Her? Her parents? A doctor? A judge? The "father" of the "baby"? Does her gestational age change your answer? What if she were 15? 17? 11?

Eliot Rosewater

scb wrote:

Who should have the final say in her pregnancy decision (parenthood, adoption, or abortion)? Her? Her parents? A doctor? A judge? The "father" of the "baby"? Does her gestational age change your answer? What if she were 15? 17? 11?

I say age doesn't matter. It should be her decision but the father should also have a say in it. That's generally how I feel about this topic...age doesn't really change my answer.

godpt3

If she's 13 and pregnant, she needs to be removed from her home, IMMEDIATELY. And then the courts need to get involved.

blackredyellow

godpt3 wrote:

If she's 13 and pregnant, she needs to be removed from her home, IMMEDIATELY. And then the courts need to get involved.

Not sure how you can say that with knowing absolutely nothing about this situation...

Cosmo

scb wrote:

Who should have the final say in her pregnancy decision (parenthood, adoption, or abortion)? Her? Her parents? A doctor? A judge? The "father" of the "baby"? Does her gestational age change your answer? What if she were 15? 17? 11?

...
It all depends on the girl... and the father.
They *might* need guidence from the parents... although, the parents need to take on some of the responsibility for not talking to the kids about birth control.

godpt3

blackredyellow wrote:

Not sure how you can say that with knowing absolutely nothing about this situation...

I don't need to know anything about the situation. The fact that the child is only 13 is enough. Obviously, the parent(s) aren't capable of doing their jobs properly. Determine the father via a DNA test and then charge the bastard with rape/incest.

Cosmo

godpt3 wrote:

I don't need to know anything about the situation. The fact that the child is only 13 is enough. Obviously, the parent(s) aren't capable of doing their jobs properly. Determine the father via a DNA test and then charge the bastard with rape/incest.

...
That's a tough call. What if the father is also 13?
There are some kids that are 13 going on 24.

godpt3

Cosmo wrote:

...
That's a tough call. What if the father is also 13?
There are some kids that are 13 going on 24.

regardless of the age of the father, the child needs to be removed from the home and placed into protective custody.

Cosmo

godpt3 wrote:

regardless of the age of the father, the child needs to be removed from the home and placed into protective custody.

...
I don't know... from what I've seen, the 'State' is pretty inept at most things it does. I'm not confident that they would be a better parent than, albeit, parents with poor parenting skills.
And who knows? The gal could be one of those 'Knows It All At Age 13' type of kids you see running around. It may have nothing to do with the parents. For all we know, they were good parents with a kid that just didn't want to hear it.

blackredyellow

godpt3 wrote:

regardless of the age of the father, the child needs to be removed from the home and placed into protective custody.

Chances are there is more to it than bad parents... and from what I've seen, "protective custody" or a foster home or whatever, can be a lot worse than mediocre parents.

mammasan

Well the decision should be left in the hands of the pregnant girl, the father, and their parents. I definitely think the parents should be involved because chances are they will be the one's responsible for raising and providing for the baby.

DixieN

Cosmo wrote:

...
It all depends on the girl... and the father.
They *might* need guidence from the parents... although, the parents need to take on some of the responsibility for not talking to the kids about birth control.

What makes you think the parents didn't talk about birth control? Parents can talk to kids 'til they're blue in the face, but kids will do whatever they want to do. Hopefully they'll be sensible, but there are no guarantees. When a 13-year-old decides to have sex, that 13-year-old is very likely to end up pregnant for at least two reasons: no method is 100% AND 13-year-olds can't remember to brush their teeth correctly, no less use birth control correctly.

In my circle of immediate friends, I had several friends who decided to have sex at a young, young age. Every single one of them ended up having to have an abortion at some point. Every one of them. That says something about 13-year-olds and birth control. And even if it did not, my friends said it aloud themselves. They were wild, crazy and not very bright about birth control because pregnancy, at 13, is something that doesn't happen to you--it happens to "someone else."

Should the 13-year-old be taken from the home? Maybe. Was it an abusive home? The fact the kid decided to have sex has nothing to do with whether she has a good home or not.

Should the 13-year-old decide by herself what to do? If she's independently wealthy. Should a 13-year-old be free to saddle her parents with, essentially, another baby they never asked for? I'm not sure what the answer is to that. Not much in life is fair. Going strictly by fairness, no. But, I think that parents must realize when they decide to have a baby that that baby could end up saddling them with other babies--and in about 12 to 13 years--that they don't even have the pleasure of making themselves. Parenthood means that life makes choices for you that you have very little say in. It's why some people choose to remain childless. They want the control over their lives that having a child really does take from you.

angelica

Frankly I'm surprised to the degree that people want to impose "man-made" rules on this 13 year old. A 13 year old is biologically able to conceive and has done so quite naturally as humans do. I only hope the human "crazyness" doesn't create all kinds of chaos and confusion to add to her already challenging situation.

It's this person's life and decision. I hope she is able to take in the consideration of all those around her, from her parents to the father of the baby. Hopefully she can be connected within a system of comforting support. All decisions are absolutely hers, and ones she will live with for the rest of her life. Hopefully whomever advises her of options will present the options in an unbiased way, and allow this girl the best chance to make her own best choice, in the best interests of her own purposes.

mammasan

angelica wrote:

Frankly I'm surprised to the degree that people want to impose "man-made" rules on this 13 year old. A 13 year old is biologically able to conceive and has done so quite naturally as humans do. I only hope the human "crazyness" doesn't create all kinds of chaos and confusion to add to her already challenging situation.

It's this person's life and decision. I hope she is able to take in the consideration of all those around her, from her parents to the father of the baby. Hopefully she can be connected within a system of comforting support. All decisions are absolutely hers, and ones she will live with for the rest of her life. Hopefully whomever advises her of options will present the options in an unbiased way, and allow this girl the best chance to make her own best choice, in the best interests of her own purposes.

While the final say should be up to the girl, the father and the parents of both these kids should have a say in the decision making process. The 13 year old girl may be biological mature enough to have the child but she is in no way shape or form psychologically mature or even financially capable of raising the child without the help of the parents. In many cases like this it is usually the pregnant girl's parents who raise the child and who carry the financial burden. I know that if my 13 year old daughter came home and told me she was pregnant I would definitely have a say as to the outcome of the situation since I would be the one primarily responsible for raising and supporting the baby, not her.

godpt3

angelica wrote:

Frankly I'm surprised to the degree that people want to impose "man-made" rules on this 13 year old. A 13 year old is biologically able to conceive and has done so quite naturally as humans do. I only hope the human "crazyness" doesn't create all kinds of chaos and confusion to add to her already challenging situation.

It's this person's life and decision. I hope she is able to take in the consideration of all those around her, from her parents to the father of the baby. Hopefully she can be connected within a system of comforting support. All decisions are absolutely hers, and ones she will live with for the rest of her life. Hopefully whomever advises her of options will present the options in an unbiased way, and allow this girl the best chance to make her own best choice, in the best interests of her own purposes.

What amazes me is how far we have slipped as a moral society... to the point where some people would see a pregnant 13 year old as anything other than completely unacceptable.

angelica

mammasan wrote:

While the final say should be up to the girl, the father and the parents of both these kids should have a say in the decision making process. The 13 year old girl may be biological mature enough to have the child but she is in no way shape or form psychologically mature or even financially capable of raising the child without the help of the parents. In many cases like this it is usually the pregnant girl's parents who raise the child and who carry the financial burden. I know that if my 13 year old daughter came home and told me she was pregnant I would definitely have a say as to the outcome of the situation since I would be the one primarily responsible for raising and supporting the baby, not her.

Oh, as I said, hopefully she is provided support, unbiased information, etc.

What to you constitutes the 'say in the decision making process' that you think the parents of this girl should have?

In my view, I can see that the parents need to make it clear to the girl what they can and will offer in terms of financial and other support through the pregnancy and birth etc. And to also let her know what they will not/can not support. And that contributes to the decision the girl makes, just like as if I were making such a decision as a grown adult...I need to understand my choices and the outcome of my decisions.

Rhinocerous Surprise

godpt3 wrote:

What amazes me is how far we have slipped as a moral society... to the point where some people would see a pregnant 13 year old as anything other than completely unacceptable.

I'm sure there are plenty of "primitive" societies that wouldn't see it as immoral. And I'm equally sure that the baby, the mother, and everyone else involved, would live a happy, healthy life. It's the enforced immorality of it that makes the situation difficult for everyone.

angelica

godpt3 wrote:

What amazes me is how far we have slipped as a moral society... to the point where some people would see a pregnant 13 year old as anything other than completely unacceptable.

Nature is nature. To me, I accept what happens in life, because it's life.

I understand that you feel upset with this type of situation. And still it happens widespread and for natural reasons. We are where we are in our evolution.

godpt3

Rhinocerous Surprise wrote:

I'm sure there are plenty of "primitive" societies that wouldn't see it as immoral. And I'm equally sure that the baby, the mother, and everyone else involved, would live a happy, healthy life. It's the enforced immorality of it that makes the situation difficult for everyone.

Trying to pass off unacceptable behavior as cultural relativism is just another sign of weakness.

godpt3

angelica wrote:

Nature is nature. To me, I accept what happens in life, because it's life.

So does that make rape acceptable?

Rhinocerous Surprise

godpt3 wrote:

Trying to pass off unacceptable behavior as cultural relativism is just another sign of weakness.

Right. Our way is the good way. Gotcha.