Pregnant 13-year-old
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Posts: 6,651
Who should have the final say in her pregnancy decision (parenthood, adoption, or abortion)? Her? Her parents? A doctor? A judge? The "father" of the "baby"? Does her gestational age change your answer? What if she were 15? 17? 11?
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—Dorothy Parker
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Not sure how you can say that with knowing absolutely nothing about this situation...
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
It all depends on the girl... and the father.
They *might* need guidence from the parents... although, the parents need to take on some of the responsibility for not talking to the kids about birth control.
Hail, Hail!!!
I don't need to know anything about the situation. The fact that the child is only 13 is enough. Obviously, the parent(s) aren't capable of doing their jobs properly. Determine the father via a DNA test and then charge the bastard with rape/incest.
—Dorothy Parker
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That's a tough call. What if the father is also 13?
There are some kids that are 13 going on 24.
Hail, Hail!!!
regardless of the age of the father, the child needs to be removed from the home and placed into protective custody.
—Dorothy Parker
http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/6902/conspiracytheoriesxt6qt8.jpg
I don't know... from what I've seen, the 'State' is pretty inept at most things it does. I'm not confident that they would be a better parent than, albeit, parents with poor parenting skills.
And who knows? The gal could be one of those 'Knows It All At Age 13' type of kids you see running around. It may have nothing to do with the parents. For all we know, they were good parents with a kid that just didn't want to hear it.
Hail, Hail!!!
Chances are there is more to it than bad parents... and from what I've seen, "protective custody" or a foster home or whatever, can be a lot worse than mediocre parents.
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
What makes you think the parents didn't talk about birth control? Parents can talk to kids 'til they're blue in the face, but kids will do whatever they want to do. Hopefully they'll be sensible, but there are no guarantees. When a 13-year-old decides to have sex, that 13-year-old is very likely to end up pregnant for at least two reasons: no method is 100% AND 13-year-olds can't remember to brush their teeth correctly, no less use birth control correctly.
In my circle of immediate friends, I had several friends who decided to have sex at a young, young age. Every single one of them ended up having to have an abortion at some point. Every one of them. That says something about 13-year-olds and birth control. And even if it did not, my friends said it aloud themselves. They were wild, crazy and not very bright about birth control because pregnancy, at 13, is something that doesn't happen to you--it happens to "someone else."
Should the 13-year-old be taken from the home? Maybe. Was it an abusive home? The fact the kid decided to have sex has nothing to do with whether she has a good home or not.
Should the 13-year-old decide by herself what to do? If she's independently wealthy. Should a 13-year-old be free to saddle her parents with, essentially, another baby they never asked for? I'm not sure what the answer is to that. Not much in life is fair. Going strictly by fairness, no. But, I think that parents must realize when they decide to have a baby that that baby could end up saddling them with other babies--and in about 12 to 13 years--that they don't even have the pleasure of making themselves. Parenthood means that life makes choices for you that you have very little say in. It's why some people choose to remain childless. They want the control over their lives that having a child really does take from you.
It's this person's life and decision. I hope she is able to take in the consideration of all those around her, from her parents to the father of the baby. Hopefully she can be connected within a system of comforting support. All decisions are absolutely hers, and ones she will live with for the rest of her life. Hopefully whomever advises her of options will present the options in an unbiased way, and allow this girl the best chance to make her own best choice, in the best interests of her own purposes.
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
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While the final say should be up to the girl, the father and the parents of both these kids should have a say in the decision making process. The 13 year old girl may be biological mature enough to have the child but she is in no way shape or form psychologically mature or even financially capable of raising the child without the help of the parents. In many cases like this it is usually the pregnant girl's parents who raise the child and who carry the financial burden. I know that if my 13 year old daughter came home and told me she was pregnant I would definitely have a say as to the outcome of the situation since I would be the one primarily responsible for raising and supporting the baby, not her.
What amazes me is how far we have slipped as a moral society... to the point where some people would see a pregnant 13 year old as anything other than completely unacceptable.
—Dorothy Parker
http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/6902/conspiracytheoriesxt6qt8.jpg
What to you constitutes the 'say in the decision making process' that you think the parents of this girl should have?
In my view, I can see that the parents need to make it clear to the girl what they can and will offer in terms of financial and other support through the pregnancy and birth etc. And to also let her know what they will not/can not support. And that contributes to the decision the girl makes, just like as if I were making such a decision as a grown adult...I need to understand my choices and the outcome of my decisions.
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
I'm sure there are plenty of "primitive" societies that wouldn't see it as immoral. And I'm equally sure that the baby, the mother, and everyone else involved, would live a happy, healthy life. It's the enforced immorality of it that makes the situation difficult for everyone.
I understand that you feel upset with this type of situation. And still it happens widespread and for natural reasons. We are where we are in our evolution.
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
Trying to pass off unacceptable behavior as cultural relativism is just another sign of weakness.
—Dorothy Parker
http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/6902/conspiracytheoriesxt6qt8.jpg
So does that make rape acceptable?
—Dorothy Parker
http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/6902/conspiracytheoriesxt6qt8.jpg
Right.
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
Well the "say" that I am speaking of is advice and laying down some ground rules. If I have to raise and support my 13 year old daughters child she can bet her ass that she is not going to be living the carefree lifestyle that many 13 year olds live. Then again I really don't have to worry about this, I'm only speaking in hypothetical, since I don't have a daughter. If any of my boys came to me and told me that they got their girlfriend pregnant they would be doing some hard labor to repay any financial obligations I would have to cover until they where old enough.
I don't think anyone 'has to' support their 13 year old daughter's child. I think they have the option to do so, or not to do so. And I agree, if I were making such a decision, I would be clear what my contribution would be.
Ultimately, we don't need to "force" the parents of the 13 year old to be accountable, as they already are...they will live with the consequences of how they cope with the pregnancy, including how that affects the situation. Whether positively or negatively.
Ultimately, her decisions, given all the variables are always hers, and I would support that, and encourage her as best I could.
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
But someone does have to support a 13-year-old's child... a 13-year-old cannot, in our society, support a child. The vast majority of the time, the ones who support that child are the grand parents.
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
*Some* kids will do whatever they want to do. Others listen to their parents because their parents don't only tell them what they should and shouldn't do... they are examples of what they preach. Kids aren't stupid... they can detect bullshit when they see it spewing from the mouth of a bullshitter. Honesty from an honest parent will probably go a lot further with a young kid, than orders and rules. Kids shouldn't be told they can 'Be whatever they want to be when they grow up'. They need to know that whatever their plans are... they can all disappear if they make bad decisions along the way.
The parents cannot wash their hands of this. They did play some role in this. Someone has to talk to the kids about birth control... and it seems like the age to talk about it gets younger and younger. It doesn't do a 13 year old any good to tell her about birth control if she is already pregnant. The parents need to be honest here and give her all of the options open to her and support her, whatever she decides to do. If they are strict anti-abortionists, they need to explain the full consequences of adoption or parenthood. If she decides to abort the pregnancy... they need explain the consequences of that decision. Either way, they need to support her.
Honesty and truth are not always easy and are not always pretty. And Yes... it is possible that the parents warned the girl from age 11. But, you need to keep up on them. They are kids... the parent is supposed to be the adult in this situation. My guess, when this girl is 24... she is going to drill birth control into the head of her 11 year old. At least, I hope she does.
...
As for your friends... you said, "They were wild, crazy and not very bright about birth control because pregnancy". That sums it all up right there. They weren't very bright about birth control because the adults in their lives failed to be honest with them and explain the full consequences of unprotected sex.
Hail, Hail!!!
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
What does it mean "unacceptable"? Force an abortion? Kill the girl? Kill the parents? Surely there are better ways to face such an unfortunate situation. And no, taking the girl from her family without any knowledge of context is not one of them.
Their parents can be the greatest parents in the world, probably they talked to her about birth control and all that stuff , anyway the girl can do anything she wants to do.
Come on , we all had 13 years old ! At that age you just don't care about the world, and your parents are always wrong for you.
Welcome to my world in the South where it's the norm for low-income, middle school and junior high aged girls to have more than one baby. And then it's us, the American taxpayers, who have to foot the entire bill to take care of these unwanted children.
My mom was a school nurse in the mid-80's to early 90's and during the 1986/1987 school year, 34 (yes, that's not a typo) eighth and ninth grade girls at her school were pregnant that year, with several of the girls on their second or third child. And these are the type of people who get pregnant so that they have a government welfare check; they don't won't an abortion.
Gibson Amphitheatre (Los Angeles): 10/7/09
Dude, we've gotta stop meeting like this...
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!